Mean-spirited, devious, brother-in-law -- must I even respond to him?

[doodlemor]

BIL sounds like the BIL that there used to be some posts about- the robotics team one who would lie and say he was an advisor.  Sorry- I can't remember who used to post about him- but there were quite a few posts about him- a few years back.

I remember those stories.  The OP of those had the word "duck" in her SN, but I can't remember who it was.  But that BIL was more clueless and lacking social skills.  He overreached and thought he was more than he was because he seemingly had nothing else going on his his life and while was annoying, he wasn't mean or cruel.  This BIL sounds cruel or slightly unhinged. I agree with the others that the OP should distance herself and let her DH handle all things concerning his brother.

Her SN was Evil Duckie.  She removed a lot of her posts about the BIL and FIL, but the comments are still available.  She also had a link to her blog, and I think that she was an accomplished photographer.  The whole saga was very interesting, as I remember.  I think that she has been on this site in this calendar year.

[weeblewobble]

I wondered whether BIL or FIL or someone saw the posts about them and objected, and that's why she took them down.

[weeblewobble]

OP, any update to this situation?

[Mel the Redcap]

OP, any update to this situation?

OP apparently hasn't logged onto EHell since September 28 last year, so she hasn't even seen a lot of the comments that came after her blowup at NastyBIL. Hopefully things have worked out!

[m2kbug]

The problem with retaliation or "calling out" with people like this, is outsiders never see what HE did to cause YOUR "rude" behavior, so it's a pretty slippery slope to try to call him out because you'll end up looking like the fool or the witch or the emotional, unreasonable one, etc.  Apparently there are plenty of people (like DH) who don't really recognize the full scope of his abusive tendencies, so it's probably best just to avoid him as best as possible and avoid being alone with him.  This will take some coordination with DH on longer trips when it's a smaller group. 

I could say that you can either call him out on his behavior when he's alone with you or just pretend like you are clueless and don't take the bait.  Either say, "Why are you speaking to me in such a condescending tone?  I did enjoy this vacation, thank you for asking."  Or simply say, "Yes, I enjoyed myself."  "You seem upset.  Did you enjoy yourself?"  Quickly exit the kitchen.

I would not go on holidays with this person again.  Hubby, if you want to spend a week with your brother, have fun.  I'm not going.  Outside of family situations, I would refuse to spend any time with this person.  It's a little disheartening that he requires your presence when this person is clearly a bully.  I would not want to deny my husband time with is brother, but that doesn't mean I have to spend quality time with him as well.  Family gatherings and reunions, etc., where there are lots of other people would be doable.  I don't know if there's a way to coordinate where part of the vacation is you and DH while the rest includes brother or two holidays, or something.  You don't want to be stuck at home while hubby goes on vacation, so something needs to be arranged.   

[SoCalVal]

Since she knows he'll pull this behavior when alone, why not just ignore him when they're alone?  She already knows he's going to be abusive, and nothing has worked so why respond at all to the bad behavior?

Frankly, I wouldn't spend any more time with this guy either and definitely not a vacation.