Author Topic: polite way to express displeasure?  (Read 5289 times)

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LilacGirl1983

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polite way to express displeasure?
« on: September 29, 2013, 10:04:37 PM »
Hey ladies I am so upset. I try not to post to much since I know some of you are in worse spots or have more on your plate. We had to use a daycare for a couple of hours until my SIL could pick up baby boy since my hubby graduated from college today! When I got there the house was cluttered. There were two other babies there sitting in bouncy chairs..Some things she said (we never met) 1) he favors one side and recommended a chiropractor, 2) her cats like to chew the nipples off bottles ?!? 3) Asked me if he crawled yet? No he is 3 months then does he roll? No he is 3 months does he sit on his own? What part of he is only 3 months is confusing? (Didnt say that) I told her I just changed him but I think he is wet. And gave her his bottle 4) does he need it warmed up? I told her yes...but thats not what upset me a lot

My SIL picked him up 2 hours later..his diaper is soaked..she never changed him..his onsie around the armpits and neckline were soaked..she didnt change him into his spare clothes..there was another baby just left in a pack and play in the back room..she was originally in the bouncer..She had 9 other kids there. The fact she let my poor son sit in a soaking wet diaper for hours and clothes..makes me see red!

My SIL gave him a bath and comforted him..he was sleeping when she picked him up..I am thinking of reporting it to licensing? Am I being over dramatic? Should I contact her first or go straight to licensing? I need some help framing it politely about how upset I am to licensing since I know they tend to downplay things so I need polite but firm statements in letter format. Not sure how to even go about it?

kherbert05

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Re: polite way to express displeasure?
« Reply #1 on: September 29, 2013, 10:56:13 PM »
Was this a drop in situation. Honestly the cat comment would have cause me to flee with the child. I would file a report.
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sammycat

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Re: polite way to express displeasure?
« Reply #2 on: September 29, 2013, 10:59:15 PM »
Yikes! Yes, definitely file a report.

BarensMom

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Re: polite way to express displeasure?
« Reply #3 on: September 29, 2013, 11:05:32 PM »
There's no way that sitter should have been watching NINE kids by herself.  My mother ran a daycare back in the 60's and even back then, there limits on the number of children one sitter could watch at a time.  Definitely report her to the licensing board.

*inviteseller

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Re: polite way to express displeasure?
« Reply #4 on: September 29, 2013, 11:08:29 PM »
I would not have left my child personally.  But just make a bullet point list of your grievances for when you call so you have your thoughts together and can stay emotionally even.  Have you ever used this person before?  If not, may I suggest the next day care you use, you do a visit ahead of time and talk to them so you know what you are facing and there are no surprises. 

hyzenthlay

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Re: polite way to express displeasure?
« Reply #5 on: September 29, 2013, 11:08:40 PM »
I don't know what kind of diapers you use, my kids rarely wet one through in only 2 hours.

If your son was asleep when he was picked up how would the provider even realize his diaper had failed?  I certainly wasn't inclined to wake my kids if they were asleep just to check for wetness. How do you know he was left for hours and not minutes?

The cat nipple thing, and the unfamiliarity with young babies would cause me not to return to this person, but I can't see that the child being picked up asleep is indicative of that bad a care situation.


LeveeWoman

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Re: polite way to express displeasure?
« Reply #6 on: September 29, 2013, 11:13:28 PM »
Hey ladies I am so upset. I try not to post to much since I know some of you are in worse spots or have more on your plate. We had to use a daycare for a couple of hours until my SIL could pick up baby boy since my hubby graduated from college today! When I got there the house was cluttered. There were two other babies there sitting in bouncy chairs..Some things she said (we never met) 1) he favors one side and recommended a chiropractor, 2) her cats like to chew the nipples off bottles ?!? 3) Asked me if he crawled yet? No he is 3 months then does he roll? No he is 3 months does he sit on his own? What part of he is only 3 months is confusing? (Didnt say that) I told her I just changed him but I think he is wet. And gave her his bottle 4) does he need it warmed up? I told her yes...but thats not what upset me a lot

My SIL picked him up 2 hours later..his diaper is soaked..she never changed him..his onsie around the armpits and neckline were soaked..she didnt change him into his spare clothes..there was another baby just left in a pack and play in the back room..she was originally in the bouncer..She had 9 other kids there. The fact she let my poor son sit in a soaking wet diaper for hours and clothes..makes me see red!

My SIL gave him a bath and comforted him..he was sleeping when she picked him up..I am thinking of reporting it to licensing? Am I being over dramatic? Should I contact her first or go straight to licensing? I need some help framing it politely about how upset I am to licensing since I know they tend to downplay things so I need polite but firm statements in letter format. Not sure how to even go about it?

I'd draft an outline of what happened and report this to the state ASAP.

kareng57

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Re: polite way to express displeasure?
« Reply #7 on: September 29, 2013, 11:19:04 PM »
How did you find out about this daycare?

Is the owner giving the impression that she is licensed, when she is not?  (I hasten to add that non-licensed care can be perfectly okay in some instances - in my area, a caregiver can care for two kids without being licensed).

I do agree that no-diaper-change in two hours really is not alarm-provoking.  I never woke my own kids up from naps in order to do diaper changing and certainly wouldn't have expected a daycare to do so.

Whether or not to report it is your call, but you have to accept some responsibility here, yourself.  You are saying yourself that you never personally met the daycare provider?? (if I'm understanding correctly).  While your husband's graduation ceremony was a milestone, I would never have left my own kids with an unknown daycare in order to attend the ceremony.  Life deals us hard choices, sometimes.

ETA:  re your complaint #4 - not all bottle-feeding parents warm up the bottles.  I've known some who say that their babies take cold bottles just fine.
« Last Edit: September 29, 2013, 11:21:02 PM by kareng57 »

katycoo

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Re: polite way to express displeasure?
« Reply #8 on: September 29, 2013, 11:30:40 PM »
I agree it doesn't sounds great, but I'm not sure what you actually KNOW.

You thought he was wet when you dropped him off.  He was very wet when he was collected.  Are you certain his nappy was never changed?  Are you certain his clothes had been soaked through for hours?

9 kids seems excessive, I agree.  Are you certain she was the sole carer on duty?

I don't think the questions about whether he can roll or sit to be that unusual.  Some kids are advanced.  Its fair that she should ask this.  Same about bottle warming.

If you can be certain of the other things, then I'd make a complaint.  If you're not certain, I'd enquire with the carer.
« Last Edit: September 30, 2013, 01:14:37 AM by katycoo »

Deetee

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Re: polite way to express displeasure?
« Reply #9 on: September 30, 2013, 01:04:43 AM »
I agree a bit with the others. For example, my first was fine with cold milk and seemed to prefer it. My second likes it warm. My first was rolling at six weeks (fwiw, she actually crawled and walked late but she was an amazing roller at six weeks) That's important stuff to know. In general, I would not expect a care give to change a diaper during a two hour stint, and rely not if the baby was napping.

The only really dreadful thing is that Nine kids seems completely wrong. My daycare has a limit of four for under three years and eight for up to five years.

I would be unlikely to use that person ever again but side from the numbers, I don't see much reportable.

cicero

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Re: polite way to express displeasure?
« Reply #10 on: September 30, 2013, 05:05:54 AM »
Congratulations to hubby!

Personally, when a day care provider doesn't know that a three month doesn't sit or crawl yet, sounds to me like she knows zilcho about babies. (that, plus the nine kids AND the cats chewing the bottles --- i would've grabbed my kid and gone).

Yes, you should report. this sounds like an unsafe situation for whatever children she is watching. the not changing the diaper - yes she should have, but maybe the child was sleeping and she preferred not to wake him. (unless your child is overprone to rashes, it would be uncomfortable for him, but since you say he was sleeping I can assume that it wasn't *that* uncomfortable). The cold milk wouldn't have bothered me as much either. but the fact that she doesn't seem to know anything about baby development (i mean seriously - these are basics that I wouldn't expect *everyone* to know but I would expect a childcare giver to know!), the nine kids and the cats roaming around unsupervised, that would warrant a report to whomever.

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momtomany

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Re: polite way to express displeasure?
« Reply #11 on: September 30, 2013, 06:30:51 AM »
I almost never post here but as a daycare provider, I felt the need to respond.  Licensing varies from state to state but I am allowed to have six preschool children alone.  There could be many reasons the babies were in bouncers...if I had a new baby coming in I'd do it so I could spend a bit of time with that child without chasing the other baby.  But I can only have two infants at a time.

Wet diapers happen.  She probably propped him with a bottle (not a practice that I support and is a violation here) and that's how his top got wet.  I would ask if baby was rolling because some of them do at three months and I don't want to find that out the hard way. 

You can report her, but the licensor needs proof and she isn't going to admit she was out of ratio.  And the out of ratio was the big deal.  The cat thing is just gross.  I wouldn't use this woman again.  I would also council you to check your states office of children and families or its equivalent.  They will be able to tell you if a provider has violations and what they are.  There's a big difference between not having a lid on your garbage can and a lack of supervision.

flickan

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Re: polite way to express displeasure?
« Reply #12 on: September 30, 2013, 06:52:56 AM »
2) her cats like to chew the nipples off bottles ?!?

This is the part that bothers me the most.

We have cats and for the moment we cannot have any young children in our home because both cats are diagnosed carriers for bartonella henselae, the bacteria that causes Cat Scratch Disease.  They have been given a full course of antibiotics and await retesting.  In the meantime we avoid exposing other people as much as possible.  Cats get this from fleas and each other.  Outdoor cats are much more likely to be infected as are any cats who are rescued as strays.  It is estimated that 40% of cats carry this at some point in their lives and it's spread through saliva.

Young children should never under any circumstances come into contact with cat saliva.  EVER.  For people with normal immune systems CSD isn't usually an issue, more like getting the flu.  For young children and those with weaker immune systems CSD can be dangerous.

I love my cats-- I'm a cat person, not a kid person, so believe me when I say that I have no agenda here about contact between children and animals in general.  But all parents should know about this.  Even if a cat is a carrier for bartonella then the odds of contact are minimal for well behaved cats because one isn't likely to be bitten or scratched.  But a cat chewing on a baby bottle is huge red flag for me.  Do not go back to this person.  This is a health hazard.

YummyMummy66

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Re: polite way to express displeasure?
« Reply #13 on: September 30, 2013, 06:53:28 AM »
Are you sure she is even licensed?  If she is, then I would report it to whoever takes care of her license.

I would not even bother going to her about this.  I would never go to her again.

If you knew you needed care for your child, I would have checked around and found someone reputable.  You could have porbably gotten a college aged kid or teenager to come to your home and provide better care for your child.  AFter seeing all that you did when you dropped your child off, personally, I would never have left my child with this person.  My child's welfare is more important than my husband's graduation.  Baby would have been coming with me. 

bopper

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Re: polite way to express displeasure?
« Reply #14 on: September 30, 2013, 08:53:14 AM »
I don't know where you live and what the regulations are, but it seems as though from what you have said that this person has too many kids to take care of. If they are supposed to be licensed and there are regulations about the caregiver to kid ratio and they are not meeting them, I would report them.  Is this a home daycare?  Was there another adult at home (even if they weren't doing anything?)

If you were to report the daycare you could say:

"I needed a drop in daycare for a couple of hours so I searched <however you found it> and found <daycare>.  I am writing you because I am concerned with three things;
1) There were 2 other infants plus mine being watched. In addition there were 9 other children there.  I did not see another adult besides <daycare person> so I am concerned about the caregiver to child ration.
2) The caregiver stated " her cats like to chew the nipples off bottles".  I am concerned about the health implications of that.
3) I told the caregiver that my child was 3 months old and she asked me if he sat up or could crawl. I am concerned that she is not aware of age appropriate development which could impact her care.