Author Topic: polite way to express displeasure?  (Read 6054 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

CaffeineKatie

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 375
Re: polite way to express displeasure?
« Reply #15 on: September 30, 2013, 10:12:23 AM »
Report, report, report!!!!  I know it is hard to find affordable daycare, but this is NOT a good situation at all, for anyone's kids.

And CONGRATS!!! to your DH for his graduation!

LilacGirl1983

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 607
Re: polite way to express displeasure?
« Reply #16 on: September 30, 2013, 10:13:42 AM »
Thank You for all the replies. Here is a bit more info.   We had a person we trusted but at the last minute she injured her back. I called a place that does referals for licensed daycare and she gave me a list of providers and she was one of the few who said they had a spot open. I dont plan on ever returning there ever. We use disposables with a wetness indicator. It had just turned blue when we got there hence my diaper change comment.  I did report it and found out that somehow looked up the wrong person in the license database. The provider has 3 complaints one SIDS related. So yes some of its my fault.


Thanks for the congrats. He worked hard and got perfect 4.0 for his college degree for 4 years.

doodlemor

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2281
Re: polite way to express displeasure?
« Reply #17 on: September 30, 2013, 11:16:40 AM »
This is a very serious matter.  You absolutely need to report this person ASAP, before a tragedy happens there. 

Knitterly

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1568
    • That other knitting blog
Re: polite way to express displeasure?
« Reply #18 on: September 30, 2013, 01:33:19 PM »
This is a very serious matter.  You absolutely need to report this person ASAP, before a tragedy happens there.

Parking my POD right here. 

They should never ever ever have been recommended.

Not only do you need to report the provider, you need to report the referral agency for such a serious error! 

This is a safety-trumps-etiquette situation.  Etiquette is about being mindful of the feelings and comfort of others.  You do not need to be mindful of the providors feelings.  They don't matter.  Those kids in her care matter, as do the parents who may not know what is going on.

MommyPenguin

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4631
    • My blog!
Re: polite way to express displeasure?
« Reply #19 on: September 30, 2013, 02:59:38 PM »
With the onesie being wet, my daughter's often is, mostly from her drinking bottles and also sometimes from drooling.  But she's 11 months old and drinking her own bottles and playing with them, which is how she gets so wet.  With a 3-month-old, I'd think you'd have an idea whether he usually gets wet when he drinks?  Propping hadn't occurred to me, but it's dangerous.

The cat thing would actually bother me less than it seems to have bothered some others.  I guess I'd need more context/body language.  I took it as, "I never leave bottles around, because the cats will chew on the nipples (probably because of the milk), so I'm careful to keep bottles out of reach in cabinets or the fridge, so I'll be putting yours there until your little guy is ready for it."  But maybe I'm reading too much into it.

As others have said, states vary on how many kids you can watch who aren't your own, and I'm pretty sure that goes for unlicensed babysitters as well as licensed care providers.  Usually you are limited to about 3 under 3, but I think you can have more if they're older.  9 sounds like a lot, but a babysitter in my neighborhood used to have a lot of kids like that when I was a kid.  I don't think *any* were babies, though.  9 is a lot of kids to handle if you have at least 3 babies (you mentioned at least 2 others) plus preschoolers.  I know several parents who have 8-9, but in those cases, several of them are always teens or tweens, which means that not only do they not really require looking after, but they can even be a second pair of hands/eyes in a pinch.

*Usually* mine don't wet through a diaper in two hours, so my guess is that you're right, the baby was never changed.  The diaper wasn't dirty as well as wet, though, was it?  I find that that kills the absorbency and if a baby poops and then pees, then they'll end up wet.  I wouldn't normally have considered it a big deal not to change a baby in a 2 hour period except that, if the diaper was so wet that it had leaked, I'd have noticed it was really full, and also that you specific said that the baby needed a change.  Yes, if the baby was sleeping, it was probably better not to wake him, but it would have been more responsible to change the baby first and *then* put him down to sleep.

I probably wouldn't blame a daycare provider for having SIDS in her record.  By definition, SIDS means that it was not expected and didn't have an obvious cause.  SIDS is also slightly more likely in a daycare situation than at home and often right when they start daycare (so it may be linked to a change of routine or something like that), and if the provider is still licensed, I would assume that that meant that they looked into what happened and determined that the provider wasn't negligent (or else she would have lost her license).

cwm

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2427
Re: polite way to express displeasure?
« Reply #20 on: September 30, 2013, 03:01:21 PM »
Thank You for all the replies. Here is a bit more info.   We had a person we trusted but at the last minute she injured her back. I called a place that does referals for licensed daycare and she gave me a list of providers and she was one of the few who said they had a spot open. I dont plan on ever returning there ever. We use disposables with a wetness indicator. It had just turned blue when we got there hence my diaper change comment.  I did report it and found out that somehow looked up the wrong person in the license database. The provider has 3 complaints one SIDS related. So yes some of its my fault.


Thanks for the congrats. He worked hard and got perfect 4.0 for his college degree for 4 years.

Complain. Loudly, and to anyone who will listen. Make sure that the agency you used will never use this person again, or will at least put notes in there indicating what you saw and will take further precautions. Spread the word far and wide what you've seen and heard. Report it to a licensing agency.

This, to me, goes beyond politeness and simple displeasure. This is a safety issue, and safety trumps etiquette. And to me it would be more than displeasure, it would be seething fury.

sammycat

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6214
Re: polite way to express displeasure?
« Reply #21 on: September 30, 2013, 08:31:30 PM »
I did report it and found out that somehow looked up the wrong person in the license database. The provider has 3 complaints one SIDS related. So yes some of its my fault.

I'm glad you reported it, but I'm a little confused by this bit.

Did the agency accidentally refer you to someone they knew already had complaints about them (and, as an aside, just how many complaints does it take before someone is closed down?!)?  Or did they send you a list of people, including this woman, and you chose her, unaware that she had complaints?

Mary Lennox

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 206
Re: polite way to express displeasure?
« Reply #22 on: September 30, 2013, 09:55:47 PM »
You said you first looked up the wrong provider, was this one even on the list you were given? If she is, how current was the list? The referral agency may not realise how bad this one is. It kind of makes me wonder how easy to would be for someone completely unsuitable to get a licence and set up a day care, if this lady is still allowed to operate with that kind of history. Either way, I would try to visit any day cares before you leave your child there.

kareng57

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 12338
Re: polite way to express displeasure?
« Reply #23 on: September 30, 2013, 11:40:50 PM »
I agree it doesn't sounds great, but I'm not sure what you actually KNOW.

You thought he was wet when you dropped him off.  He was very wet when he was collected.  Are you certain his nappy was never changed?  Are you certain his clothes had been soaked through for hours?

9 kids seems excessive, I agree.  Are you certain she was the sole carer on duty?

I don't think the questions about whether he can roll or sit to be that unusual.  Some kids are advanced.  Its fair that she should ask this.  Same about bottle warming.

If you can be certain of the other things, then I'd make a complaint.  If you're not certain, I'd enquire with the carer.


Re the sole caregiver - is it possible that one was away for a few minutes in order to drop off or pick up out-of-school-care kids?  (By that, I mean kids who attend public school either half days or full days, and someone has to ferry them to or from school).  Even then, I'll agree that 9 preschool kids seems to be too many, but there's so much that is not known in this situation.

I will agree with a PP that a SIDS situation that was thoroughly investigated should never be a black-mark on the record of a reputable daycare.  While very rare, it can happen just as easily at a daycare as it could in the family home.

Knitterly

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1568
    • That other knitting blog
Re: polite way to express displeasure?
« Reply #24 on: October 01, 2013, 09:04:54 AM »
I agree it doesn't sounds great, but I'm not sure what you actually KNOW.

You thought he was wet when you dropped him off.  He was very wet when he was collected.  Are you certain his nappy was never changed?  Are you certain his clothes had been soaked through for hours?

9 kids seems excessive, I agree.  Are you certain she was the sole carer on duty?

I don't think the questions about whether he can roll or sit to be that unusual.  Some kids are advanced.  Its fair that she should ask this.  Same about bottle warming.

If you can be certain of the other things, then I'd make a complaint.  If you're not certain, I'd enquire with the carer.


Re the sole caregiver - is it possible that one was away for a few minutes in order to drop off or pick up out-of-school-care kids?  (By that, I mean kids who attend public school either half days or full days, and someone has to ferry them to or from school).  Even then, I'll agree that 9 preschool kids seems to be too many, but there's so much that is not known in this situation.

I will agree with a PP that a SIDS situation that was thoroughly investigated should never be a black-mark on the record of a reputable daycare.  While very rare, it can happen just as easily at a daycare as it could in the family home.

The key phrase here is reputable

I am a competant, security cleared, first-aid-trained childcare provider.  I have a toddler of my own and care for one other toddler.  I could, conceivably, take a second or third child, depending on their ages.  However, I would find that one or two more children in addition to my own toddler would severely tax my ability to provide competant care.

Every place is different, but most states have rules governing unlicensed care, as well as licensed care. 

It is important to note whether any of the children belonged to the care provider, their ages, and the general state of the house. 

What the OP described would have set me on edge, too.  I had a sitter put LK to bed the other night without changing her diaper.  When I went in to get her in the morning, she was soaked through her diaper, through her pajamas, and through her sheets.  Mr K thought that the sitter had just put LK in the wrong diaper (she has specific nighttime diapers because she's a heavy wetter), but that bothered me, too, as I'd given specific instructions about needing to use the nighttime diapers, had put the daytime diapers away, and laid a nighttime diaper on top of LK's pajamas.  Mr K checked the nanny cam and discovered that the sitter had not, in fact, changed LK's diaper.  It's not a huge deal, but I suspect she didn't follow certain other instructions (LK's toothbrush was dry).  I simply won't be using that sitter again.

Failure to follow simple instructions is not a sign of a competant or reputable caregiver.

The OP left her child with instructions that he was wet and needed to be changed, and a change of clothes in case the ones he had on were soiled.
The child was given back with an even wetter diaper and soaking wet clothes.
Based on the wetness of the diaper and the state of the clothes, the OP determined that he had not been changed as instructed.  This is a reasonable assumption.  She further assessed that it's likely her child wasn't changed because the caregiver was overtaxexd.  Again, this is a pretty reasonable assessment.

Unfortunately, after re-reading this and re-reading the OP's actual question, I doubt anything would come of a complaint.  I think the OP should file one anyway, just to have it on record.  It's possible that it may help someone else in the future.

LilacGirl, stick to the facts - what you and your sister in law directly observed (ie 9 children under the care of a single provider, that your child was left in a soiled diaper for presumably for the entire duration, whether there was any rash or redness from being left in wet clothes - this is an indicator of how long he was left wet).  It would probably also be helpful for your sister in law to write a note on what she directly observed to include with your complaint.

A helpful tip for the future:  Get a different kind of diaper for any new caregiver to use.  I use a different kind of diaper with LK when I send her off to her Sunday School class, and will be doing the same with babysitters inthe future.  This was I can see at a glance whether she has been changed.

Zilla

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6506
    • Cooking
Re: polite way to express displeasure?
« Reply #25 on: October 01, 2013, 09:09:16 AM »
Did you not see any of this when you toured the daycare?  I would simply write a letter listing your complaints and tell her you will no longer be using her services.  Find another provider.

fountainof

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 668
Re: polite way to express displeasure?
« Reply #26 on: October 01, 2013, 11:57:28 AM »
Obviously, this daycare person does have some issues.  However, I will say on the diaper thing at daycares here your child needs to start with a dry diaper.  So if you show up and your child's diaper is wet/dirty the parent is to change that first one.  So when you noticed the diaper was wet you should probably have changed the baby in the car before your went in.  Here they change diapers every 2 hours regardless of if they are wet or not so diapers do get wasted as they are required to change the diaper even if dry.  They do change dirty ones as they happen though.

On the crawling, rolling, sitting questions, I don't see the big deal.  Some babies do things early and 3 months old could mean just turned 3 months yesterday or turning 4 months right away which is a whole world of difference at that age.  My DD did roll at 3 months and could sit up assisted in thing like the saucer and shopping cart partly because I pushed those things as she hated lying down or sitting in her car seat.

I think a complaint is in order about the provider and also about the referral but also take this as lesson to more thoroughly judge where you leave your child.  If it feels off, just leave, it doesn't matter if someone referred the person or licensed them, if you aren't comfortable leaving your baby there then you shouldn't.   You could have packed the baby up and just left and skipped the graduation.  While it would be nice to be at the graduation, a baby's safety is way more important.

LilacGirl1983

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 607
Re: polite way to express displeasure?
« Reply #27 on: October 01, 2013, 01:15:08 PM »
Sorry to clarify the sids incident was not a death but her not following sids reduction protocol. I didn't have time unfortunately to tour before dropping off due to the last minuteness. I dropped off at 4:15pm so it was well after school was out. There is a licensing data base you can look up the providers licensing status. That is different then the referal list. She was on the listed for "licensed" providers. I wasn't aware she was on a conditional license..and when I talked to the licensor and she asked if I was aware of that and if it was posted she had correctional notices and no she didn't.

Zilla

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6506
    • Cooking
Re: polite way to express displeasure?
« Reply #28 on: October 01, 2013, 01:37:00 PM »
Sorry to clarify the sids incident was not a death but her not following sids reduction protocol. I didn't have time unfortunately to tour before dropping off due to the last minuteness. I dropped off at 4:15pm so it was well after school was out. There is a licensing data base you can look up the providers licensing status. That is different then the referal list. She was on the listed for "licensed" providers. I wasn't aware she was on a conditional license..and when I talked to the licensor and she asked if I was aware of that and if it was posted she had correctional notices and no she didn't.


Yikes!!  Now you know to tour and ask questions first next time!  They have really handy questionnaires online you can print and bring with you if this is the first time in dealing with a daycare.  And it's perfect you work evenings so you can go during the day.  Good luck.
« Last Edit: October 01, 2013, 01:39:09 PM by Zilla »

Goosey

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1213
Re: polite way to express displeasure?
« Reply #29 on: October 01, 2013, 01:40:34 PM »
Did they ask for vaccination records, etc when you dropped him off?

I would research how to determine if a place is safe enough to leave your kid there. NO place is safe enough to drop your kid off with strangers sight-unseen. None.