Author Topic: Can anyone find how I messed up here, or am I OK?  (Read 4129 times)

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Lynn2000

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Re: Can anyone find how I messed up here, or am I OK?
« Reply #15 on: September 30, 2013, 10:37:43 AM »
POD to the others. I think she had a huge overreaction, jumping straight to maliciousness when there were so many more realistic causes--including the possibility that she herself messed up! If she finds this worth ending your friendship over, honestly, I might think I dodged a bullet there.

I never know what to do when this sort of thing happens. :P My first thought is always that I'm the one in the wrong place/time. I think I might have gone into the restaurant and started eating ('cause I have to eat on time), letting them know I was waiting for someone if they saw/heard an English woman wandering around. At least I would've gotten a meal out of it!

Sometimes there's a mix-up like this when I'm trying to get together with co-workers at a conference and at some point I'm usually just like, eh, they're adults. I'm not gonna stand there for an hour, starving, waiting for someone to show up, like we can't figure out how to eat at a restaurant by ourselves, you know? I'll get my meal, and try to make sure that I'm not doing anything dumb like waiting at the wrong place or missing my calls, and I'll assume they're self-reliant enough to get their own meal somewhere else, and we'll connect later. But, that situation is a little different, because we see each other all the time--the point of the meal is really to have a meal, not to connect with each other and catch up. And some of my co-workers are a little flaky or extremely laidback compared to me, so *I* would end up feeling like the silly one if they were like, "Yeah, we decided to do some shopping first. Oh, you didn't wait on us, did you?" ::) Not anymore, I don't...
~Lynn2000

rose red

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Re: Can anyone find how I messed up here, or am I OK?
« Reply #16 on: September 30, 2013, 11:04:55 AM »
Unless there's a history of you flaking out, I would have assumed something terrible happened to you and called, charges me darned (and make you can pay the charges if you did flake out ;)

If there is no history and this is her first response, I would be glad to lose her "friendship."  If you have a problem with me, talk to me in a civilized manner.  I don't take kindly to language that has to be bleeped out.

Zilla

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Re: Can anyone find how I messed up here, or am I OK?
« Reply #17 on: September 30, 2013, 11:07:30 AM »
I would have called the hotel front desk to see if she was at the fountain and/or room or gone myself around 12:15. 


But other than that, you didn't do anything wrong.

gen xer

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Re: Can anyone find how I messed up here, or am I OK?
« Reply #18 on: September 30, 2013, 11:22:27 AM »
 She was staggeringly rude and nasty.  You didn't deserve that at all. 

I have to ask though - why so hurt and angry that you couldn't check the fountain or the hotel?  Frankly that would have been the first thing I would have done - since it was so close and it was mentioned as a possible meeting place I would have wanted to make sure there wasn't a misunderstanding.

It turns out that this so-called friend isn't worth the time or effort if she is that volatile....but we are expecting the friend to give the benefit of the doubt here ( why didn't she check the restaurant etc and I agree she should have ) before getting hurt and agry but the OP stated she was feeling the same way and refused to check around as well.

Not trying to come down hard - maybe this person is a known flaker OP? 

At any rate the former friends behaviour was atrocious so good riddance.

shhh its me

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Re: Can anyone find how I messed up here, or am I OK?
« Reply #19 on: September 30, 2013, 12:07:15 PM »
   I don't think its completely fair to place all the blame for making bad assumptions on the friend here , OP also assumed her friend ditched her too not that's there may have been a misunderstanding or accident otherwise why be so mad and hurt you don't check the hotel.   Friends reaction was inappropriate but OP was thinking the same thing.

dharmaexpress

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Re: Can anyone find how I messed up here, or am I OK?
« Reply #20 on: September 30, 2013, 12:33:01 PM »
I guess you might have gone over to the fountain, but you didn't do anything wrong.  It's all academic with her hostile and nasty message - who'd want a friend who behaves that way?  Too volatile and aggressive for my taste - it's just a missed lunch date, not some giant betrayal.  Good riddance I think.

What you are really asking is if there's something you could have done to have prevented her from acting rather crazy.  Long term outlook: no, probably not.

TootsNYC

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Re: Can anyone find how I messed up here, or am I OK?
« Reply #21 on: September 30, 2013, 12:46:15 PM »
I'd have walked to the fountain before I went home. At about the 30-minute mark, maybe.


but yeah, her response was SO over the top! Wow.

However, like gen xer, I had this thought:

Quote
I have to ask though - why so hurt and angry that you couldn't check the fountain or the hotel?  Frankly that would have been the first thing I would have done - since it was so close and it was mentioned as a possible meeting place I would have wanted to make sure there wasn't a misunderstanding.

It turns out that this so-called friend isn't worth the time or effort if she is that volatile....but we are expecting the friend to give the benefit of the doubt here ( why didn't she check the restaurant etc and I agree she should have ) before getting hurt and agry but the OP stated she was feeling the same way and refused to check around as well.

Why was it YOUR assumption that this friend was being rude and hurtful and blowing you off?

BOTH of you--you and the friend--decided that the other person's no-show was a deliberate snub worthy of being hurt and angry over. She just beat you to the confrontation..

Surianne

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Re: Can anyone find how I messed up here, or am I OK?
« Reply #22 on: September 30, 2013, 02:50:28 PM »
It sounds like you were both quite unusually angry over a misunderstanding.  I'm not sure why you couldn't dial down the anger long enough to check the hotel, in case it was a misunderstanding.

I'd put you both at about even, since your anger each caused you to do something unreasonable -- in your case, not checking the hotel, and in her case, the nasty message.  It sounds like maybe there's some history here that causes you both to assume the worst of each other.

Sharnita

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Re: Can anyone find how I messed up here, or am I OK?
« Reply #23 on: September 30, 2013, 03:05:02 PM »
I disagree that it was unreasonable for OP to not check the hotel. Friend spe ified where she would be and that is where OP went. Had friend just been running late OP might have missed her by leaving to check the rejected location. Then OP took steps to make sure she wouldn't do or say anything she would regret due to hurt feelings. Friend cussed her out and berated her.

Outdoor Girl

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Re: Can anyone find how I messed up here, or am I OK?
« Reply #24 on: September 30, 2013, 03:10:10 PM »
I was in a neutral position that neither of them were rude and that it was just a misunderstanding up until the point that 'friend' sent the nastygram.  At that point, she moved right through rude to cut direct territory, for me.
I have CDO.  It is like OCD but with the letters in alphabetical order, as they should be.
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Re: Can anyone find how I messed up here, or am I OK?
« Reply #25 on: September 30, 2013, 03:10:30 PM »
I think, if they were nearby you should have checked the fountain (by say, 12:30), just in case she never got your last message agreeing to the restaurant as meeting place.

But other then that, I think you handled it well.

One question - is it possible there were two similarly named/themed restaurants in the area and she was waiting at the wrong one?
That has happened to me. A few weeks ago my husband went to a friend's house and asked me to pick him up later to drive him home. DH said "he lives near the White Castle, so just pick me up there." So at the agreed upon time I went to the White Castle my DH most often frequents without checking it against the friend's address. He wasn't there. I texted and he said he was. So I punched the friend's address in to the GPS and then searched for White Castle and saw there was one significantly closer to the friends house, so I went there. Still no DH! So I called and it turns out he had went to yet a third White Castle, one that was a bit farther then the closest, but closer then the one I'd first went to (and the one he was at was one I had once picked my DH up at when he had spent time with a totally different friend) and which was admittedly an easier walk then the closest one.

So is it possible that your friend, not being from the area, simply asked in her hotel for "the nearest Starbucks?" or the "coffee shop on Main St" and was sent to the wrong location by hotel staff? Maybe the staff have a shop they go to that is a bit farther, but is a more pleasant walk or has better service or whatever and they simply referred her to that one instead of the one you meant to meet her at.

(as an aside there are apparently WAY too many White Castles in the area, as I did in fact even go to another extra one that evening, as by the time we spoke on the phone after the second wrong restaurant DH clarified "the White castle on Myrtle!" and when I searched on GPS it took me to the wrong White Castle on Myrtle because apparently there are 2, about 3 miles apart from one another)

Zilla

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Re: Can anyone find how I messed up here, or am I OK?
« Reply #26 on: October 01, 2013, 08:08:16 AM »
I disagree that it was unreasonable for OP to not check the hotel. Friend spe ified where she would be and that is where OP went. Had friend just been running late OP might have missed her by leaving to check the rejected location. Then OP took steps to make sure she wouldn't do or say anything she would regret due to hurt feelings. Friend cussed her out and berated her.


The OP could have called the hotel and ask them to look over to the fountain or page friend at least. 

iridaceae

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Re: Can anyone find how I messed up here, or am I OK?
« Reply #27 on: October 01, 2013, 08:29:23 AM »
I just want to point out not all hotels have paging systems; I have yet to work in one that does. [And I do have to let people know this sometimes when they call and want me to page their friends. Sorry; physical impossibility.]

Zilla

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Re: Can anyone find how I messed up here, or am I OK?
« Reply #28 on: October 01, 2013, 08:33:39 AM »
I just want to point out not all hotels have paging systems; I have yet to work in one that does. [And I do have to let people know this sometimes when they call and want me to page their friends. Sorry; physical impossibility.]


Agree and which is why I also mentioned they could look over to see if anyone is there.  Most desk people if not busy can glance over or walk over.  I have had to do this with dh. lol Or even at the very least, if busy and can't page, leave a message for the friend saying, "I am at the restaurant waiting...hope all is okay."

Yvaine

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Re: Can anyone find how I messed up here, or am I OK?
« Reply #29 on: October 01, 2013, 09:17:43 AM »
I think, if they were nearby you should have checked the fountain (by say, 12:30), just in case she never got your last message agreeing to the restaurant as meeting place.

But other then that, I think you handled it well.

One question - is it possible there were two similarly named/themed restaurants in the area and she was waiting at the wrong one?
That has happened to me. A few weeks ago my husband went to a friend's house and asked me to pick him up later to drive him home. DH said "he lives near the White Castle, so just pick me up there." So at the agreed upon time I went to the White Castle my DH most often frequents without checking it against the friend's address. He wasn't there. I texted and he said he was. So I punched the friend's address in to the GPS and then searched for White Castle and saw there was one significantly closer to the friends house, so I went there. Still no DH! So I called and it turns out he had went to yet a third White Castle, one that was a bit farther then the closest, but closer then the one I'd first went to (and the one he was at was one I had once picked my DH up at when he had spent time with a totally different friend) and which was admittedly an easier walk then the closest one.

So is it possible that your friend, not being from the area, simply asked in her hotel for "the nearest Starbucks?" or the "coffee shop on Main St" and was sent to the wrong location by hotel staff? Maybe the staff have a shop they go to that is a bit farther, but is a more pleasant walk or has better service or whatever and they simply referred her to that one instead of the one you meant to meet her at.

(as an aside there are apparently WAY too many White Castles in the area, as I did in fact even go to another extra one that evening, as by the time we spoke on the phone after the second wrong restaurant DH clarified "the White castle on Myrtle!" and when I searched on GPS it took me to the wrong White Castle on Myrtle because apparently there are 2, about 3 miles apart from one another)

I can even beat that.  ;D When I was on vacation in Seattle, one day I was supposed to meet a friend at "the Tully's Coffee* at (Street) and (Street)," and after we each waited for the other for 30 minutes, realized that there were two of that same chain at the same intersection.



*I don't remember if it was actually Tully's. I know it was one of the major Seattle chains and that it wasn't Starbucks.