Author Topic: People falling asleep during a visit  (Read 7274 times)

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esposita

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Re: People falling asleep during a visit
« Reply #45 on: October 17, 2013, 09:11:28 PM »
Did they plan on napping at the OPs house, or is it just what happened because Dad snoozed off and then everyone got quiet, so they snoozed off too?

I don't understand them planning a nap. But if there wasn't anything going on... well then I can completely understand dozing off.

MommyPenguin

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Re: People falling asleep during a visit
« Reply #46 on: October 18, 2013, 12:45:58 AM »
I don't remember who went to sleep first, my brother/girlfriend or my dad.  If I had to throw out a guess, I think it was my brother and girlfriend (they at least left the room where the rest of us were first, but I don't know when they decided to nap/fell asleep).

My expectations with my brother are not particularly high.  We get along okay, but have totally different worldviews, so we don't tend to have very meaningful conversations without getting into debates.  He's good with the kids and a fun guy, so I don't mind visiting with him, but I don't really expect to have a deep and meaningful relationship.  So I'm not really disappointed, exactly, about the visit, just surprised, and was wondering what others would think of it.  I'm not mad or upset with him about it. 

I suppose I was vaguely annoyed at the time because of Mom and I feeling at sort of a loss for what we were supposed to do, not knowing how long people would be sleeping, not wanting to start an activity or something.  But just mild annoyance, no more than that.

Perhaps it wasn't clear in my original post, but I do actually find my dad's naps kind of annoying.  I think part of it is just a personality thing, though.  Because if/when I nap, I do it in my bed.  Much more conducive to sleep, and then you aren't making other people uncomfortable by sleeping in a public area.  My aunt has taken naps at every gathering since I was a child, but she was diagnosed with MS when I was 12 and it's now pretty advanced, so I'd file that one under "medical reason."  I think mostly the reason I was surprised about my brother napping was the length and infrequency of their visit, and because I tend to think of my dad as being "old" and old people as being more likely to need naps, versus somebody my age, you know?  I guess that's ageism.  :)

Girly

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Re: People falling asleep during a visit
« Reply #47 on: October 18, 2013, 09:38:05 PM »
If you are on east coast and they live on the west coast, then I can understand why they are so tired.  They are getting up three hours earlier everyday b/c of the time difference!  Add to the travel, visting, driving, I can understand why they are tired. 


Traveling is tiring.  Three hour time difference is enough to put anyone out of whack.   It honestly doesn't sound like much of a vacation for them with all the running around they are doing.  They are not wrong for spending time with their friends. 

I agree with this, and also would like to say that we live quite a long distance from both of our families as well. When we go home to visit, we get so many requests to cram in visits to everyone, it's even more exhausting. Last time we were visiting my Husband's Grandfather, I totally fell asleep on the couch, in the middle of having a conversation with him!! I would have been more embarrassed than I was if he didn't take the opportunity to fall asleep as well, leaving my husband and two year old son to fend for themselves.


Surianne

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Re: People falling asleep during a visit
« Reply #48 on: October 18, 2013, 11:03:02 PM »
If you are on east coast and they live on the west coast, then I can understand why they are so tired.  They are getting up three hours earlier everyday b/c of the time difference!  Add to the travel, visting, driving, I can understand why they are tired. 

Traveling is tiring.  Three hour time difference is enough to put anyone out of whack.   It honestly doesn't sound like much of a vacation for them with all the running around they are doing.  They are not wrong for spending time with their friends.

I agree.  It sounds like they made time for you.  And as an introvert, my perspective on the length of visits is different.  To me, a 4.5 hour visit is a *long* visit, compared to the rest of their day, and if they spent 2.5 hours socializing with you (around a 2 hour nap), that's not brief in my mind, it's enough time to catch up and have good conversation.  I can easily see how they wouldn't have realized that you considered that not a worthwhile visit. 

From their perspective, they were probably quite comfortable with you if they were able to nap at your place.  In a way, it's a compliment, not an insult.

mbbored

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Re: People falling asleep during a visit
« Reply #49 on: October 18, 2013, 11:09:50 PM »
If you are on east coast and they live on the west coast, then I can understand why they are so tired.  They are getting up three hours earlier everyday b/c of the time difference!  Add to the travel, visting, driving, I can understand why they are tired. 


Traveling is tiring.  Three hour time difference is enough to put anyone out of whack.   It honestly doesn't sound like much of a vacation for them with all the running around they are doing.  They are not wrong for spending time with their friends. 

I agree with this, and also would like to say that we live quite a long distance from both of our families as well. When we go home to visit, we get so many requests to cram in visits to everyone, it's even more exhausting. Last time we were visiting my Husband's Grandfather, I totally fell asleep on the couch, in the middle of having a conversation with him!! I would have been more embarrassed than I was if he didn't take the opportunity to fall asleep as well, leaving my husband and two year old son to fend for themselves.

I'm in the same boat as your brother. I live on the West Coast and my mother, most of my siblings and a good chunk of my childhood friends are still on the East Coast, all within an hour of each other.

When I go back to visit, I'm up very early by my clock (8 am still feels like 5 am) and my mother wants to start "visiting" the minute I get up. We're on the go all morning, in the afternoon I'll squeeze in a visit with a friend with a new baby, during dinner the neighbors pop by, afterwards I'll meet up with a few girls from high school for a drink and don't get back until 2 am. The next morning I'm up again by 8 (I'm not used to being with other people in a house and my mother isn't subtle about not liking that I "sleep in"), chat the morning away, I'll get lunch with my old mentor, drinks again after dinner with my friends from college. And I certainly can't forget to squeeze in as much time as possible with my siblings and their families. It goes on and on and on.

darkprincess

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Re: People falling asleep during a visit
« Reply #50 on: October 19, 2013, 12:49:26 PM »
I can understand that traveling is tiring. We visit my FIL on the other coast once a year so I know that this also can have a dramatic effect. When you are driving a lot and have a busy schedule that is also tiring. But none of this means that it ok to nap for half of a visit with someone.
When traveling the visitor has lots of things they can choose to do. They can choose not to visit as many people, they can plan for a nap during the day either in their car or at the place they are staying. They can also talk to one of the people that they are visiting and explain the situation and ask if it would be ok. Then the host would know that the 4 hour visit is really a two hour visit and a rest stop. We have had people request this of us and were fine with it.
The brother in question chose to not do any of this, they either purposely mislead the OP about what they thought the visit was, or they are bad planners and allowed the repercussions to fall on the OP.
Anyone who has travelled before knows how tiring it can be. They need to make a plan to deal with this. If they choose not to they run the risk of being rude to one of their hosts.

Snooks

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Re: People falling asleep during a visit
« Reply #51 on: October 20, 2013, 09:39:04 AM »
It doesn't sound like they excused themselves/asked you if they could go for a lie down and that to me is what's rude.

YummyMummy66

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Re: People falling asleep during a visit
« Reply #52 on: October 20, 2013, 11:14:49 AM »
I am a napper.   I usually need a good twenty minutes and then I am good to go. I am not a good night sleeper.  But, I don't do it every day either.

Also, I would never do it when visiting someone's home, (well, ok, I have had to do it at my MIL's a time or to), but that was it..  And I felt comfortabe enough to do so.   And, in a spare bedroom.  I would never think to tell someone else what they could do or not do in their own home.

I think if dad wants a nap, fine.  Either in a spare bedroom, or borrow your bed or a child's bed, but if you are in the livingroom, you are on your own. I would not curtail my activities around dad taking a nap. He could also either visit earlier or later if this would bother him that much.

Also, not just age.  I work with seniors in their home, and honestly, most of my seniors, ages 85 up to 96, hardly ever take naps.

sparksals

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Re: People falling asleep during a visit
« Reply #53 on: October 25, 2013, 11:12:14 AM »
I can understand that traveling is tiring. We visit my FIL on the other coast once a year so I know that this also can have a dramatic effect. When you are driving a lot and have a busy schedule that is also tiring. But none of this means that it ok to nap for half of a visit with someone.
When traveling the visitor has lots of things they can choose to do. They can choose not to visit as many people, they can plan for a nap during the day either in their car or at the place they are staying. They can also talk to one of the people that they are visiting and explain the situation and ask if it would be ok. Then the host would know that the 4 hour visit is really a two hour visit and a rest stop. We have had people request this of us and were fine with it.
The brother in question chose to not do any of this, they either purposely mislead the OP about what they thought the visit was, or they are bad planners and allowed the repercussions to fall on the OP.
Anyone who has travelled before knows how tiring it can be. They need to make a plan to deal with this. If they choose not to they run the risk of being rude to one of their hosts.


I just returned from a trip to London.  Time difference 6 hours.  Sometimes you can't control when you are going to sleep.  When one gets so overrun, they are trying to please everyone - as it sounds in from the OP - it is just a natural bodily reaction to finally succumb to the fatigue.  One can't always control their sleep, especially in these circumstances. 




siamesecat2965

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Re: People falling asleep during a visit
« Reply #54 on: October 25, 2013, 11:59:15 AM »
I have a general rule in regards to sleep. I don't care when you want to do it, and I don't care where you want to do it, but between the hours of seven am and eleven pm, life goes on. I'm not offended if someone wants to take a nap. I know I've been beyond exhausted during visiting trips. But you don't get to commandeer a common room and you don't get to expect quiet. By all means, go lie down on the guest bed or couch, but everyone else's plans will continue and you don't get to complain about it.

I tend to think this way as well. If there are extenuating circumstances, such as medication that makes your drowsy, and you have to drive home, or you didn't sleep well, or something like that, if you want to close your eyes, and take a quick snooze, I'm ok with that. But in the OP's scenario, i'd be a bit put out, esp since they napped for half the visit.

I had a relative come stay with my mom and I last Christmas. I was spending it with mom, and relative drove 3.5 hours to spend the night, and visit. I can't recall if she came for one or two nights, but during the afternoon, she simply curled up on the sofa, and took a nap for a couple of hours. not even an "i'm sorry but i'm really exhausted, do you mind if i doze off for a bit?" my mom's house is open, and only has 2 BRs, mine and hers, so relative slept on an air mattress in the main living space. I jsut went about my business,and while i didn't try and stay mouse-quiet, i didn't curtail all my noise; i still watched football!

cwm

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Re: People falling asleep during a visit
« Reply #55 on: October 25, 2013, 12:20:48 PM »
Also, not just age.  I work with seniors in their home, and honestly, most of my seniors, ages 85 up to 96, hardly ever take naps.

I think that's wildly variable. Every single elderly person I've known in that age range have taken naps, either voluntary or not. When my sister was working in a retirement home, she said it was split about evenly, those who napped and those who didn't.

Then again, when my allergies kick up, I'm a napper. I'll pass out for a few hours at a time in the late afternoon. My body is fighting so hard against the allergens and it's taking so much energy to just breathe and function that it needs a break. When I travel, I'm the opposite. I'm so energized by being away from my home and taking in all the things that are different that I'm wired. I'll pass out super hard at night, but during the day I can't stop moving.

barefoot_girl

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Re: People falling asleep during a visit
« Reply #56 on: October 25, 2013, 01:10:16 PM »
A couple of my friends used to fall asleep during dinner parties / evenings in all the time. This is because they were both at the start of their careers (in corporate law and management consulting) and were working 17/18 hour days for several days on the trot. We all still talk about the time my best friend drooled on another friend while she was asleep on him. That's why we're still friends -we know all each others' secrets, and no-one else would want to be friends with us!