Author Topic: Do you call people out on PA comments?  (Read 23189 times)

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Ms_Cellany

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Re: Do you call people out on PA comments?
« Reply #225 on: October 24, 2013, 07:09:18 PM »
Gift cards saved us just now.

My niece, in very short order:

Got a dog
Became pregnant
Bought a house
Got married
Had the baby

We got her a puppybabyhousewedding present: gift cards to Petsmart, Babies R Us, Lowe's, and Target, each wrapped in, respectively, pawprint wrapping paper, baby wrapping paper, duct tape, and wedding wrapping paper.
Using a chainsaw is as close as we come to having a lightsaber in this life.

gramma dishes

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Re: Do you call people out on PA comments?
« Reply #226 on: October 24, 2013, 07:58:58 PM »
Gift cards saved us just now.

My niece, in very short order:

Got a dog
Became pregnant
Bought a house
Got married
Had the baby

We got her a puppybabyhousewedding present: gift cards to Petsmart, Babies R Us, Lowe's, and Target, each wrapped in, respectively, pawprint wrapping paper, baby wrapping paper, duct tape, and wedding wrapping paper.

Well done, Ms_Cellany!    ;D

Venus193

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Re: Do you call people out on PA comments?
« Reply #227 on: October 24, 2013, 09:00:00 PM »
I like that!

Winterlight

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Re: Do you call people out on PA comments?
« Reply #228 on: October 25, 2013, 08:46:09 AM »
My parents live on the other side of the country. I can be as observent as I want, but short of asking I have no way of knowing what they already have.

And if someone got annoyed with me for needing to ask, that would be the last time I bought them something.

Even then, there are better ways to go about it than straight up asking them. 

It's kinda hurtful to be told that there "are better ways" when this is literally the only way that works for some of us. Sure, there are better ways for you, but please, please, please believe us that that isn't the case for everybody.

Twik put it perfectly.

Agreed. If I don't ask, then I may end up getting mom duplicate books or something she can't use. "Mom, can you give me some gift suggestions for you and dad?" is the best solution I've got.
If wisdom’s ways you wisely seek,
Five things observe with care,
To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
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Teenyweeny

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Re: Do you call people out on PA comments?
« Reply #229 on: October 25, 2013, 09:08:46 AM »
I think the disconnect is that there (broadly) seems to be two opinions on presents. Neither is wrong, but when two people from separate camps try to buy for one another, it can lead to problems.

Camp A): Presents should be something the person likes/wants/needs. Therefore, it is important to buy the right thing.

Camp 1) (see what I did there  ;) ) : Presents are an acknowledgement of our relationship. Therefore, a present should be chosen thoughtfully.


So, if a camp1 person buys something (thoughtfully chosen) that the camp A person already has or doesn't need, then the camp A person is disappointed that they didn't get a gift they can enjoy.

If a camp A person asks a camp 1 person what they would like to receive, the camp 1 person is disappointed that the camp A person isn't going to be putting any thought into selecting the gift.



Twik

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Re: Do you call people out on PA comments?
« Reply #230 on: October 25, 2013, 10:40:30 AM »
But the Camp A person thinks they *are* putting thought into it. In their plan, the first step is to do research to select an appropriate gift, and what better source for the type of gift their target wants, than the target themselves?
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Teenyweeny

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Re: Do you call people out on PA comments?
« Reply #231 on: October 25, 2013, 10:48:38 AM »
But the Camp A person thinks they *are* putting thought into it. In their plan, the first step is to do research to select an appropriate gift, and what better source for the type of gift their target wants, than the target themselves?


To me, that's the difference between getting the right answer to a maths problem because you sat and figured it out, and getting the right answer because you asked the teacher what the answer was.

If you are camp A, it's the gift that matters, for camp 1 it's the process of selecting the gift that matters.



TootsNYC

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Re: Do you call people out on PA comments?
« Reply #232 on: October 25, 2013, 11:21:15 AM »

Camp A): .

Camp 1) (see what I did there  ;) )

Ha, ha!

(just wanted you to feel appreciated)

Teenyweeny

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Re: Do you call people out on PA comments?
« Reply #233 on: October 25, 2013, 11:27:02 AM »

Camp A): .

Camp 1) (see what I did there  ;) )

Ha, ha!

(just wanted you to feel appreciated)

Thanks! Actually, as an aside, when I was involved in teaching labs at uni, we noticed that group F always seemd to fare worse than group A, even though groups were randomly assigned.

At one point, we toyed with the idea of naming all of the groups something that wouldn't imply a pecking order, but that felt too much like treating the undergrads like children ("What lab group are you in?" "The red group!").



Twik

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Re: Do you call people out on PA comments?
« Reply #234 on: October 25, 2013, 11:36:37 AM »
But the Camp A person thinks they *are* putting thought into it. In their plan, the first step is to do research to select an appropriate gift, and what better source for the type of gift their target wants, than the target themselves?


To me, that's the difference between getting the right answer to a maths problem because you sat and figured it out, and getting the right answer because you asked the teacher what the answer was.


It sounds to me like Camp 1 consists of the people who get moody and broody, and then when their SO asks what the matter is, complain, "You shouldn't have to ask!"
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

Teenyweeny

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Re: Do you call people out on PA comments?
« Reply #235 on: October 25, 2013, 11:44:34 AM »
But the Camp A person thinks they *are* putting thought into it. In their plan, the first step is to do research to select an appropriate gift, and what better source for the type of gift their target wants, than the target themselves?


To me, that's the difference between getting the right answer to a maths problem because you sat and figured it out, and getting the right answer because you asked the teacher what the answer was.


It sounds to me like Camp 1 consists of the people who get moody and broody, and then when their SO asks what the matter is, complain, "You shouldn't have to ask!"

I don't think that's quite the same thing. I'm very much a camp 1 person, and I never play those games.

In a spousal dispute, the goal is to resolve the dispute in a way that leaves both parties feeling respected and listened to. This can't be achieved if the issue can't even be properly discussed!

When a gift is given, the goal is to make the recipient feel loved and cherished. The method of achieving that depends (IMO) on the whether the recipient is in camp 1 or camp A. So it's different.



TootsNYC

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Re: Do you call people out on PA comments?
« Reply #236 on: October 25, 2013, 11:46:08 AM »

It sounds to me like Camp 1 consists of the people who get moody and broody, and then when their SO asks what the matter is, complain, "You shouldn't have to ask!"

Well, that's putting the worst possible spin on things.

It's also quite possible for people to be in Camp 1 and still be able to understand or appreciate a Camp A person.

MariaE

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Re: Do you call people out on PA comments?
« Reply #237 on: October 25, 2013, 11:53:35 AM »
But the Camp A person thinks they *are* putting thought into it. In their plan, the first step is to do research to select an appropriate gift, and what better source for the type of gift their target wants, than the target themselves?


To me, that's the difference between getting the right answer to a maths problem because you sat and figured it out, and getting the right answer because you asked the teacher what the answer was.

If you are camp A, it's the gift that matters, for camp 1 it's the process of selecting the gift that matters.

I'd rather liken it to the difference between sitting and figuring it out vs. asking the teacher which method to use. We're not asking for the answer, we're asking for directions.

If I asked somebody what they wanted for Christmas and they only told me one thing, I'd keep asking. Because I don't want them to know what I'm getting them, but want some ideas to play around with.
 
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Teenyweeny

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Re: Do you call people out on PA comments?
« Reply #238 on: October 25, 2013, 12:04:12 PM »
But the Camp A person thinks they *are* putting thought into it. In their plan, the first step is to do research to select an appropriate gift, and what better source for the type of gift their target wants, than the target themselves?


To me, that's the difference between getting the right answer to a maths problem because you sat and figured it out, and getting the right answer because you asked the teacher what the answer was.

If you are camp A, it's the gift that matters, for camp 1 it's the process of selecting the gift that matters.

I'd rather liken it to the difference between sitting and figuring it out vs. asking the teacher which method to use. We're not asking for the answer, we're asking for directions.

If I asked somebody what they wanted for Christmas and they only told me one thing, I'd keep asking. Because I don't want them to know what I'm getting them, but want some ideas to play around with.

Which I guess illustrates that there's a right way and a wrong way to ask for help. When I was a teacher, I'd always help students who wanted to know the basic method of a problem.  (Which in this analogy is 'give me some general gift ideas'.)

I was less forgiving of those who wanted me to basically do it for them.  (Which in this analogy is 'give me specifics'.)



Firecat

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Re: Do you call people out on PA comments?
« Reply #239 on: October 25, 2013, 12:04:53 PM »
But the Camp A person thinks they *are* putting thought into it. In their plan, the first step is to do research to select an appropriate gift, and what better source for the type of gift their target wants, than the target themselves?


To me, that's the difference between getting the right answer to a maths problem because you sat and figured it out, and getting the right answer because you asked the teacher what the answer was.

If you are camp A, it's the gift that matters, for camp 1 it's the process of selecting the gift that matters.

I'd rather liken it to the difference between sitting and figuring it out vs. asking the teacher which method to use. We're not asking for the answer, we're asking for directions.

If I asked somebody what they wanted for Christmas and they only told me one thing, I'd keep asking. Because I don't want them to know what I'm getting them, but want some ideas to play around with.

This! My DH and I have evolved an approach to gift-giving occasions that sometimes seems odd to others, but really works for us. Basically, what we tend to do when we know there's a gift-giving occasion coming up, is go to some of our favorite shops together. And while browsing, if one of us sees something we'd like, we point it out and say "HINT."

That gives us both a list of items we know for sure the other person wants and will enjoy. We're also both free to buy something that wasn't "hinted" for. So I guess it's kind of a combination of the two approaches, in a way.

For Christmas, we tend to do one practical gift each, and then one or two fun items. DH knows I love to cook and bake, but he doesn't always know which items I'd find the most useful. Conversely, DH has some hobbies I'm not really into. So the hinting process is really helpful for that.

Like I said, it may be kind of odd, but we find it fun, and it works for us.