Doggie bags at dinner parties - today's Dear Abby

[Twik]

I think, in general, hosts will offer if they do have too much, so I wouldn't normally ask.

Among *very* good friends, one might ask if you could take a little bit extra home.

[Zilla]

If someone asked for a true doggy bag, though, for food still on their plate that they couldn't finish, I'd be OK with that.  If it was on someone's plate, I'd be pitching it anyway.

I wouldn't even ask for this in the scenario the letter described.  What if the hostess doesn't have any "doggie" bag stuff to pack it in?   I would wait for the hostess to offer, if not, then I wouldn't ask.

[Outdoor Girl]

I don't generally have 'classy' dinner parties, just casual get togethers so it wouldn't bother me but I can see how it would bother other people.  Plus, I always have containers I don't mind not getting back and I also always have ziplocks so it isn't an issue for me to pack stuff up.

[Thipu1]

In my experience, doggy bags are taken from restaurants where the diners have paid for the food but are unable to eat it all. 

It's perfectly fine to have a plate made for an invited guest who couldn't attend a home dinner party because of illness.  It's also fine to ask for a dessert to be taken home, especially if the dessert is something like a cake or pie that can easily be sliced up and wrapped. 

Of course, if the hosts offer to pack up food to go, guests can gratefully partake.  Otherwise, asking for a doggy bag because the food was 'expensive' just seems crass. 

[lowspark]

If someone asked for a true doggy bag, though, for food still on their plate that they couldn't finish, I'd be OK with that.  If it was on someone's plate, I'd be pitching it anyway.

Yeah, that thought occurred to me. But even at a "formal" dinner party type setting, I serve family style. That is, I put everything in serving dishes and allow people to serve themselves. So it's not like at a restaurant where they serve you a mountain of food that you can't possibly eat so why not take it home. If you have a little bit leftover on your plate after serving yourself, it ends up in the trash and it's no biggie. But if you have enough left on your plate after serving yourself that you want to take it home, then you (I think) rudely took too much in the first place.

Now, if you are serving everyone a pre-plated meal, then if there is a lot left over on people's plates, you might want to rethink how much you're serving. I guess in that case, though, I'd be ok with them taking it home as it would definitely end up in the trash otherwise.

[Hmmmmm]

I can see a guest asking for a doggie bag if they had been served an individual piece of something and they couldn't finish it and because it they had eaten off it, it couldn't be eaten by someone else. But I'd only do it at a close relatives or a really good friend. Like a have a friend who makes a killer 4 layer chocolate cake and she serves enourmous slices (she told me she likes the "drama" of the presentation). I always eat about a third of my slice and take the rest home for breakfast the next day. (Now I'm humming "dad is great, give us the chocolate cake) Or we'll serve ribeye steaks that are usually between 12 and 14 oz each. Everyone gets their own and my MIL and an aunt always take over half of theirs home with them.

But other than those examples, I can't remember ever asking for something to go or having someone ask for leftovers when they weren't offered.

[nayberry]

in the past, after a massive christmas dinner with my parents, i have said to my mum "what can we take"  but thats how we are as a family, we overcater (its genetic )and expect to have leftovers,  heck if there wasn't leftover food after christmas dinner we'd be wondering what we could have for boxing day lunch!!

the only time i've asked about taking something home is birthday cake from a childs party and thats when everyone was leaving and taking a slice as a goody bag item

[lurkerwisp]

I think it would depend on the source of the leftover food whether I'd think it odd (odd, not rude) or not.  If someone can't finish what's already on their plate and wants to take it home, that seems perfectly fine.  I'm not going to keep food that they've attacked with a fork already, so they're more than welcome to take home something I was going to have to throw away anyway.

If the left over food is still on the serving plate, then I'd take it as a compliment that they liked it enough to want more than they can eat, but also feel free to say no if I'd rather keep it for myself.

[that_one_girl]

If someone asked for a true doggy bag, though, for food still on their plate that they couldn't finish, I'd be OK with that.  If it was on someone's plate, I'd be pitching it anyway.

POD.  I wouldn't have a problem packing up anything the guest's germs have touched to send home with them.

[flickan]

I think it's almost always bad form to ask for leftovers.

Even at family dinners where leftovers are often freely given I never ask, only accept what I am offered.  The only exception to this is at my folks' house if they are hosting, they usually want to send me home with someone so I'll ask outright, "Do you mind if I take some of this?" because I want to make sure they don't have plans for it.  If they weren't my parents I wouldn't dare ask.

I really dislike the mentality that it never hurts to ask.  Asking puts people in an awkward situation.  In a perfect world we'd all have perfect spines and we'd never get our feathers ruffled over a question that's a bit out of line, but we don't live in that world.  I love to send people home with leftovers when I have small get-togethers.  But if someone asked it would make me feel put out-- as though they weren't going to give me a chance to be generous to them but wanted to make sure they got what they felt they were entitled to.  I wouldn't say no if asked but I wouldn't be happy about it.

[katycoo]

I think, with a really really close friend and a lot of leftover food, I might ask if they needed help with the leftovers or do they have it covered - which I think it much less awkward to reject.

[siamesecat2965]

I think it's almost always bad form to ask for leftovers.

Even at family dinners where leftovers are often freely given I never ask, only accept what I am offered.  The only exception to this is at my folks' house if they are hosting, they usually want to send me home with someone so I'll ask outright, "Do you mind if I take some of this?" because I want to make sure they don't have plans for it.  If they weren't my parents I wouldn't dare ask.

I really dislike the mentality that it never hurts to ask.  Asking puts people in an awkward situation.  In a perfect world we'd all have perfect spines and we'd never get our feathers ruffled over a question that's a bit out of line, but we don't live in that world.  I love to send people home with leftovers when I have small get-togethers.  But if someone asked it would make me feel put out-- as though they weren't going to give me a chance to be generous to them but wanted to make sure they got what they felt they were entitled to.  I wouldn't say no if asked but I wouldn't be happy about it.

I'm with you on this. Many times, people say "it never hurts to ask" but you are correct in that it puts the askee on the spot. You don't want to look like a boor by saying no, but you may also have had plans for leftovers or don't want to do whatever it is the asker wants, even if there is no real reason for not wanting to.

[doodlemor]

I think it's almost always bad form to ask for leftovers.

Even at family dinners where leftovers are often freely given I never ask, only accept what I am offered.  The only exception to this is at my folks' house if they are hosting, they usually want to send me home with someone so I'll ask outright, "Do you mind if I take some of this?" because I want to make sure they don't have plans for it.  If they weren't my parents I wouldn't dare ask.

I really dislike the mentality that it never hurts to ask.  Asking puts people in an awkward situation.  In a perfect world we'd all have perfect spines and we'd never get our feathers ruffled over a question that's a bit out of line, but we don't live in that world.  I love to send people home with leftovers when I have small get-togethers.  But if someone asked it would make me feel put out-- as though they weren't going to give me a chance to be generous to them but wanted to make sure they got what they felt they were entitled to.  I wouldn't say no if asked but I wouldn't be happy about it.

I'm with you on this. Many times, people say "it never hurts to ask" but you are correct in that it puts the askee on the spot. You don't want to look like a boor by saying no, but you may also have had plans for leftovers or don't want to do whatever it is the asker wants, even if there is no real reason for not wanting to.

I third this. 

Some people are intimidated by a request, and think that they have to say "yes" if asked. 

Miss Manners wrote about this somewhere recently, and I don't think that she would have had trouble telling the leftover beggars "no."  She said that one of the good things about having a dinner party was the wonderful leftovers and not having to cook the next day.

[darkprincess]

I hosted a meal for 20 people and I had plans for the leftovers. After dessert people were milling around and I went into the kitchen to bring out some more drinks. In the kitchen 4 different family members had searched by kitchen for ziplock bags. They could only find the gallon freezer bags and they had started to cut off pieces of turkey from the carcass and were putting it in the bags to take home. They were like locusts and had even used a spatula to get the last of the mashed potatoes from the pot we cooked them in. They had already cleared out all of the serving bowls.
One of the family members had even taken one of our plates from a matching set to make a take home plate for a family member who refused to come to our house because he was angy at us.

Now DH and I hide anything that could be used for doggy bags, disposable containers, ziplock bags, paper plates. We also quickly and discreetly put all leftovers in covered containers and put it in the fridge even before our "guests" leave. I was told by both my side and his side of the family that this is what Faaaaamily do. I never remember doing this as a child. However my grandmother did go to buffet restaurants and sneak fried chicken in her purse

[CakeEater]

I hosted a meal for 20 people and I had plans for the leftovers. After dessert people were milling around and I went into the kitchen to bring out some more drinks. In the kitchen 4 different family members had searched by kitchen for ziplock bags. They could only find the gallon freezer bags and they had started to cut off pieces of turkey from the carcass and were putting it in the bags to take home. They were like locusts and had even used a spatula to get the last of the mashed potatoes from the pot we cooked them in. They had already cleared out all of the serving bowls.
One of the family members had even taken one of our plates from a matching set to make a take home plate for a family member who refused to come to our house because he was angy at us.

Wow - that's some guts right there, isn't it?

I would never ask for leftovers and agree with all the people who don't like the idea that it never hurts to ask. Even at my mother's house, where I would feel perfectly comfortable helping myself to anything in the fridge or cupboard to eat while I was there, I would never ask for food to take home.