Well, actually, I was recommending counseling for DH and FIL together. I'm sure that Mrs P has tried to present the facts without bias, but I don't believe that it's entirely possible to do that from one side of a very emotional divide such as they have. Since I assume bias, I am not really convinced that FIL is abusive (it seems like the other party is always negatively labeled in ways that I feel is really out of proportion), and would hope that he's as interested in maintaining a relationship and would participate. I do like the "political" wording suggested of attending family mediation rather than counseling, and addressing it as a breakdown in communications to be mended.
Regarding counseling and changing people, I have two thoughts:
1. I suggested it as a way to better understand one another. Perhaps with greater understanding, it could be, that although FIL doesn't change, the interactions and interpretations of those interactions could be improved.
2. Counseling for one person should not be mixed with counseling for more than one person. When we entered family counseling, we had different people for individuals and for the group.