That's a really good update, OP. Thanks for posting it.
I'm glad your DH is feeling a little in control of things now, and that you've both decided to be a big old black hole. It's so easy to just do what your emotions tell you to, but generally that escalates things, especially with toxic people who have demonstrated that they are good at getting your blood heated up!
Black holes and bean dip. Yeah, christmas won't be fun to deal with, but if you keep supporting each other, then I'm sure you'll make it through. After that, it gets easier with time.
Your husband is very lucky to have a spouse as supportive as you've been. Good on you!