The proper way to refuse a gift (update #19, 56)

[Twik]

Eeep!

I just recently went through some really rough times with my mother. Actually, sort of cold and uncomfortable real-life situations were how we started out, followed by stiff email communications - but we were both interested in maintaining/repairing a relationship. So, neither one of these things indicate to me that FIL is not interested in holding up his side.

The note was brilliant in its wording to convey "I have no warm feelings toward you at all." Heck, J.K. Rowling could have used it as a missive from the Dursleys. The fact it was typewritten was just the crowning touch.

I don't see this as FIL still "interested in holding up his side." Perhaps, deep down, he's crying out for reconciliation, but it's buried deeper than the Mohorovičić discontinuity. I don't think there is any option right now for setting up a rapprochement on equal terms, unless it surfaces a little more.

[Pen^2]

That's a really good update, OP. Thanks for posting it.

I'm glad your DH is feeling a little in control of things now, and that you've both decided to be a big old black hole. It's so easy to just do what your emotions tell you to, but generally that escalates things, especially with toxic people who have demonstrated that they are good at getting your blood heated up!

Black holes and bean dip. Yeah, christmas won't be fun to deal with, but if you keep supporting each other, then I'm sure you'll make it through. After that, it gets easier with time.

Your husband is very lucky to have a spouse as supportive as you've been. Good on you!

[Arila]

Eeep!

I just recently went through some really rough times with my mother. Actually, sort of cold and uncomfortable real-life situations were how we started out, followed by stiff email communications - but we were both interested in maintaining/repairing a relationship. So, neither one of these things indicate to me that FIL is not interested in holding up his side.

The note was brilliant in its wording to convey "I have no warm feelings toward you at all." Heck, J.K. Rowling could have used it as a missive from the Dursleys. The fact it was typewritten was just the crowning touch.

I don't see this as FIL still "interested in holding up his side." Perhaps, deep down, he's crying out for reconciliation, but it's buried deeper than the Mohorovičić discontinuity. I don't think there is any option right now for setting up a rapprochement on equal terms, unless it surfaces a little more.

I think we are just going to have to agree to disagree. I posted my thoughts, even more especially because I seemed to be the only one. I hope that now that DH has realized he does have some power over the relationship, that he can find some peace and healing.

[Precarious Armada]

The card was unsigned and the check was accompanied by a typed note that says the following:

"Please find enclosed your wedding gift.  We always present our children with a cash gift upon their marriage.  Changes at my job this year caused our having to delay this gift until now.  We apologize for the lateness.  Congratulations.

Dad and [SMIL]"

Send them a generic, unsigned 'thankyou" card, with a typed note enclosed saying the following
"Please find enclosed your 'thank you' note for the wedding gift. We are sending 'thank you' notes to everybody who gave us a gift on the occasion of our marriage. Thank you for the gift.
MsPallaton and Mr Pallaton.'

On second thoughts, though, Evil Armada is chortling over it. Is it possible to satisfy one's evil side AND be polite?