General Etiquette > Family and Children

Yes, I do mind...

<< < (2/7) > >>

LadyL:
A lot of times when people feel defensive about their own choices, they will lash out at others who do things differently to try to justify their method as better. Maybe SIL has a bit of a martyr complex about "serving" (literally and figuratively) her family being her #1 priority? And you struck a nerve accidentally by calmly and politely refusing to pursue similar martyrdom at your event at your home?

I mean, even if you had snapped at her, it was such a ridiculous request that I'd cut you a break. Unless the child was about to faint from low blood sugar, or needed to take medication with food on a very strict schedule, there is no reason they couldn't wait 10 minutes.

MommyPenguin:

--- Quote from: doodlemor on September 30, 2013, 03:48:00 PM ---Edited to add - The child was rather cheeky to try to get her grandma to make you bend to her will.  I hope that she is not any older than 4.

--- End quote ---

It's possible that the child thought more along the lines of, "<OP> says she can't make me a sandwich because she's serving dinner in 10 minutes... that must be because she's too busy.  I'll ask grandma if she can make me one."  Rather than thinking about it as going over her head.  Or she may not really understand that people get to make decisions in their own houses, and think that her grandmother is still in charge over her and so she should be able to get her a sandwich.  At least, we'll hope so!

I agree that you were totally fine, OP.  Your house, your rules.  And it doesn't even have to be that you object to the children grazing all the time, it could just be that it's your kitchen and you don't want to be tripping over somebody making a sandwich when you're 10 minutes to having everything done and probably have things cooking and finishing and the table to set, etc.  It drives me crazy when my kids are in the kitchen at that time, too, unless they have specific things they're doing like setting the table or starting the dishwasher.

And of course, asking for a sandwich when a meal is on the way would be pretty much considered rude anyway.  Can you imagine if the hostess is running around trying to get dinner on the table in 10 minutes, and an adult guest came in and asked for a sandwich?  We would definitely consider him rude, because he's implying that he doesn't want to eat what the hostess cooks, and (more implicitly) that the hostess's timing for her meal is not adequate because he wants to eat NOW.

Hmmmmm:
Agreeing you have nothing to apologize for. I'd ignore her coolness and just keep acting like nothings wrong.

As LadyL said, she's feeling defensive, especially since her DH is already nagging her about the habit. And the habit could have been born out of the need to be constantly busy. She may be one of those people who is uncomfortable sitting down and having a chat for 20 minutes. I'm like that sometimes with my family. I'd much rather be up piddling around the kitchen doing something mindless and chatting with you then just sitting at the table having a long conversation. But I know my SIL thinks the habit is disrespectful if I'm not giving her my complete attention so I try not to do it with her. My sisters on the other hand are completely content to try to carrying on an in depth conversation while I'm baking cookies or cleaning shrimp.

Roe:
Please don't apologize.  I know you'll want to but it will only make SIL try that approach again if she doesn't get her way. 

You didn't do anything wrong.  Your house/your rules.  Not only that, but it's HIGHLY rude for anyone to expect different food than what the host is serving. Granted, the child is young but your SIL shouldn't have asked you for sandwich fixins.  That's very rude! 

MommyPenguin:

--- Quote from: Hmmmmm on September 30, 2013, 04:45:50 PM ---Agreeing you have nothing to apologize for. I'd ignore her coolness and just keep acting like nothings wrong.

As LadyL said, she's feeling defensive, especially since her DH is already nagging her about the habit. And the habit could have been born out of the need to be constantly busy. She may be one of those people who is uncomfortable sitting down and having a chat for 20 minutes. I'm like that sometimes with my family. I'd much rather be up piddling around the kitchen doing something mindless and chatting with you then just sitting at the table having a long conversation. But I know my SIL thinks the habit is disrespectful if I'm not giving her my complete attention so I try not to do it with her. My sisters on the other hand are completely content to try to carrying on an in depth conversation while I'm baking cookies or cleaning shrimp.

--- End quote ---

That's a good point.

You know, I find that during dinner, I'm hopping up and down constantly anyway.  The kids need refills on their drinks, or ask for another serving.  I realize I forgot the napkins when the 3-year-old decides her sleeve will do.  The baby drops her sippy cup on the floor a million times, and often needs alternate food so that she doesn't eat every single item on the table, leaving none for anybody elsle (she gets served the same as everybody else, don't worry, she just has a big appetite paired with a propensity to drop stuff down her diaper or on the floor).  Sometimes I finish my drink and want another.  There have been many times in which I'm scooping out second servings for multiple kids before I get to even try my first bite of food.  (Yes, I could make them sit there and wait until everybody has finished their first plateful, but I think it's more productive to keep them eating.)

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page

[*] Previous page

Go to full version