Author Topic: So, What's 8+ more people? No biggie, right? DECISION MADE #31 -- LOL #39  (Read 6373 times)

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jpcher

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Please help me de-stress about this.

A month ago I sent out invitations for a party that I'm hosting this coming Saturday. BIL & SIL immediately declined due to a pre-arrange dinner party that they had planned on that date. So that meant their 2 DDs +BFs would also not be attending (meaning 6 people.)

I told the DDs that they could go ahead and invite a couple of extra friends. The guest list (23 people) was set by Monday of last week.

My utmost (tight-fit) max for comfortable inside dining is 25 people. This includes the enclosed patio table, dining room table & extends to the living room couches w/coffee & end tables if necessary.

If weather cooperates, we also have seating on the deck and blankets on the lawn.

However. It's suppose to storm all weekend  :( so other than the grilling, I'm planning on an inside party.


BIL e-mailed me today and said "You know, I was thinking . . . the guests that we invited were Jack & Jill. What about if we all just came to your house? Would that be okay?"

BG: Jack was a HS friend of LDH. I met Jack & Jill maybe 3 times? When MIL last came up from out of state for BIL's DD's HS graduation, she brought up Jack & Jill. SIL chimed in and said "I remember Jack!" endBG

So, Having Jack & Jill here would be really nice for MIL and SIL. Plus! Jack & Jill have a couple of (college-age) kids . . . don't know if they'll be coming or not.

In addition, I only have 25 firm plates/flatware, so I'll have to serve everything on paper/plastic . . .


How would you handle this?
« Last Edit: October 03, 2013, 07:27:55 PM by jpcher »

NyaChan

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Re: So, What's 8+ more people? No biggie, right?
« Reply #1 on: September 30, 2013, 10:07:31 PM »
"I'm sorry, but I've already finalized my numbers and can't accommodate any more people."   - if it is too much trouble to rearrange for the extra people.  If you don't mind having more people, go for it - nothing wrong with paper plates and I'm sure people can find places to spread out to (if you genuinely don't have room though, I'd pass on this).

PastryGoddess

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Re: So, What's 8+ more people? No biggie, right?
« Reply #2 on: September 30, 2013, 10:12:30 PM »
Just say no.  You don't have the space, don't need the stress, and it's just not ok to do this at the last minute.  It would completely change the flavor of the event you were planning.  Lack of planning on their part does not constitute an emergency on yours.

It's not your job to facilitate Jack, Jill, MIL, SIL, etc.  They can make their own plans.

This is when you can deploy the old e-hell favorite "I'm afraid that won't be possible".  Send a very nice message back stating that unfortunately it won't be possible to accommodate any extra guests.  End with vague plans to get together at some other time.

Remember. It's Ok to say NO.

daen

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Re: So, What's 8+ more people? No biggie, right?
« Reply #3 on: September 30, 2013, 10:14:20 PM »
I would probably say "Okay," or something similar, and then stress out about it because it wouldn't be okay.
I do not recommend this approach.

I agree with NyaChan. I can't see that there would be a problem with saying "I'm sorry, I don't have room to add anyone else at this point," if you don't want the additional guests.

sammycat

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Re: So, What's 8+ more people? No biggie, right?
« Reply #4 on: September 30, 2013, 10:17:29 PM »
I think BIL's horribly rude for even asking this. (I don't subscribe to the 'it's not rude to ask' train of thought, as sometimes it is rude to ask and I think this is one of those times). I like NyaChan's wording.

It sounds to me like BIL and SIL can no longer be bothered going to the effort of hosting Jack and Jill and are trying to palm it off onto you instead. Having their cake and (possibly) quite literally eating it too.

If you'd like to see Jack and Jill, how about suggesting you meet up at another time, with BIL/SIL, maybe at a restaurant.

shhh its me

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Re: So, What's 8+ more people? No biggie, right?
« Reply #5 on: September 30, 2013, 10:25:53 PM »
I think you can say " sorry no more room now , when you declined other guests were added"  not only without being rude but without even offended/irritating/hurting the feelings of even the most sensitive person. 

But if you want to say yes, say yes eat on paper plates and scrounge up some folding chairs.

hannahmollysmom

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Re: So, What's 8+ more people? No biggie, right?
« Reply #6 on: October 01, 2013, 03:00:14 AM »
"I'm sorry, but I've already finalized my numbers and can't accommodate any more people."   - if it is too much trouble to rearrange for the extra people.  If you don't mind having more people, go for it - nothing wrong with paper plates and I'm sure people can find places to spread out to (if you genuinely don't have room though, I'd pass on this).

I think I would go with this response. It sounds reasonable to me.

camlan

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Re: So, What's 8+ more people? No biggie, right?
« Reply #7 on: October 01, 2013, 07:03:40 AM »
First, do you really want to add 8 people to the guest list? Buy food for 8 more people? Squish 8 more people into a house that, it seems, is already at capacity? Will those 8 extra people bring joy and gladness to the gathering, or a feeling of being crammed into too little space with too many people? You were planning on real plates and flatware. How will paper plates and plastic flatware affect the mood of the party? The food that you were planning to serve? (Not everything can be cut neatly on a collapsing paper plate with a plastic knife.)

IMO, if MIL and SIL and Jack and Jill really want to get together, they would have done so already. They do not need your party in order to re-connect. If MIL is coming from a distance, you could let her know right now that Jack and Jill are in town and tell her to get their contact info from BIL. Then MIL and Jack and Jill can make plans to get together outside of the both the dinner parties.

Note: BIL did not think to invite MIL to the dinner with Jack and Jill.

With all that, I'd tell BIL that, sadly, once he declined the invitation, you filled up the guest list with other guests and there is no room for him and his dinner party to attend your dinner party.

Just because he asked does not mean that you have to say yes. Just because BIL has suddenly realized that your party is going to be the happening party does not give him the right to gate-crash at the last minute.
Nothing is impossible, the word itself says, “I’m possible!” –Audrey Hepburn


lowspark

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Re: So, What's 8+ more people? No biggie, right?
« Reply #8 on: October 01, 2013, 09:10:45 AM »
I'm terribly sorry but when you declined my initial invitation, I invited some other people so I just won't have room for the additional eight.

Would it work for them to come for dessert only maybe? Or after dinner drinks? That way, Jack and Jill would still have a chance to see MIL and SIL.

I agree with PPs. You have a right to say No.

Zilla

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Re: So, What's 8+ more people? No biggie, right?
« Reply #9 on: October 01, 2013, 09:13:49 AM »
Two ways that I can think of:

I would offer to pay for a dinner out for your daughters and their friends.

If this doesn't work, offer regrets to bil.

Hmmmmm

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Re: So, What's 8+ more people? No biggie, right?
« Reply #10 on: October 01, 2013, 09:36:22 AM »
First, do you really want to add 8 people to the guest list? Buy food for 8 more people? Squish 8 more people into a house that, it seems, is already at capacity? Will those 8 extra people bring joy and gladness to the gathering, or a feeling of being crammed into too little space with too many people? You were planning on real plates and flatware. How will paper plates and plastic flatware affect the mood of the party? The food that you were planning to serve? (Not everything can be cut neatly on a collapsing paper plate with a plastic knife.)

IMO, if MIL and SIL and Jack and Jill really want to get together, they would have done so already. They do not need your party in order to re-connect. If MIL is coming from a distance, you could let her know right now that Jack and Jill are in town and tell her to get their contact info from BIL. Then MIL and Jack and Jill can make plans to get together outside of the both the dinner parties.

Note: BIL did not think to invite MIL to the dinner with Jack and Jill.

With all that, I'd tell BIL that, sadly, once he declined the invitation, you filled up the guest list with other guests and there is no room for him and his dinner party to attend your dinner party.

Just because he asked does not mean that you have to say yes. Just because BIL has suddenly realized that your party is going to be the happening party does not give him the right to gate-crash at the last minute.

I agree with all of this. Especially the part about the importance of MIL and SIL reconnecting with the friend.

Is this a party in honor of MIL or SIL or is it important for other guests if they attend your party? Would you mind terribly if they didn't attend yours and instead went to your BILs? If not, then I'd say "I'm sorry, I invited other guests once you declined and can't accommodate your group of 8. But I think MIL and SIL would enjoy seeing Jack so I'm ok with you inviting them to your dinner instead of them coming here."

Arila

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Re: So, What's 8+ more people? No biggie, right?
« Reply #11 on: October 01, 2013, 04:20:46 PM »
J, It's not clear to me what you want to do. Are you looking for how you could graciously host them on paper plates and not enough seating or are you looking for the polite way to say no?

*inviteseller

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Re: So, What's 8+ more people? No biggie, right?
« Reply #12 on: October 01, 2013, 04:47:38 PM »
I also agree with telling them that when they declined, you added other people and you can no longer accommodate them.  It is very rude to say no, then yes, then add more guests, especially if they are bringing guests who just want to visit with one or two of your other guests.  Don't let them try to weasel in (oh, we can just sit on the floor, oh no, paper plates will be fine).  It is nice that MIL & SIL wants to see this other couple, but they can do that without hijacking your party.

Promise

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Re: So, What's 8+ more people? No biggie, right?
« Reply #13 on: October 01, 2013, 05:09:40 PM »
I would say, "I made other arrangements by inviting others when you declined the invitation. I can't accommodate more people. I'm sure you will have a lovely time with them doing xyz."  If they try to plead and beg, stick to your guns. "It's not possible."

Sophia

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Re: So, What's 8+ more people? No biggie, right?
« Reply #14 on: October 01, 2013, 05:12:58 PM »
So, basically, they want to move their dinner party to your house?