Author Topic: It's not that we don't like kids...it was your kids specifically.  (Read 8521 times)

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Zilla

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I take dd to a weekly class.  There is a small waiting room (10 x 10ish)  that is all tiled and 3 out of 4 walls floor to ceiling glass windows, in other words, an echoing nightmare. Most parents come and drop their kids off and quietly sit reading or on their phones.  Last week two new moms came and dropped off their oldest and stayed with their youngest. (3 kids between 4 and 6ish) and they were LOUD.  Running, giggling, happy shrieks etc.  I was about to leave and wait in my car when a mom next to me quietly ask them if they could please take their kids outside as it was a bit noisy.  About 5 other moms nodded their heads with a sympathetic look on their face.  The two new moms looked really angry and said to their kids, "Let's go outside.  These ladies think you are too loud.  Come on, let's go."  One new mom said loudly while glaring at us through the glass door as it closed shut, "People that hates kids shouldn't go to kid places!"


 ???


My oldest (tween) looked at me and giggled.  Which made all the other moms there chuckle/smile at the absurdity of her statement.  The moms outside could see us (remember those lovely ceiling to floor windows). 


I also saw them angrily talking to the instructor after class pointing at all of us.  The instructor called me today and left a message for me to call back so he could get "my" side of the story.


I will tell him exactly what happened but now I am thinking about it.  Were we rude?


ETA  There are no employees at this place other than the single instructor.  The waiting room is just us people waiting.
« Last Edit: October 01, 2013, 12:15:06 PM by Zilla »

mbbored

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Re: It's not that we don't like kids...it was your kids specifically.
« Reply #1 on: October 01, 2013, 12:09:14 PM »
Not rude at all. Haven't these women ever heard of inside vs outside voices and inside vs outside playing?

lowspark

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Re: It's not that we don't like kids...it was your kids specifically.
« Reply #2 on: October 01, 2013, 12:10:18 PM »
No you weren't rude. I'll bring up the term "inside voices". I always used to tell my kids "this is not a playground" when we were indoors in this kind of situation.

In point of fact, that is exactly what playgrounds are for: "Running, giggling, happy shrieks etc." When kids are in an enclosed space, I don't think there's anything rude about asking them to sit quietly, or at least to use their "indoor voices".

Judah

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Re: It's not that we don't like kids...it was your kids specifically.
« Reply #3 on: October 01, 2013, 12:10:25 PM »
I see no rudeness by you, but the giggling/smiling after the moms walked outside might have *looked* bad from their perspective. I'm not saying it was, just how it probably looked to them. 

I think you were fine. Next time, though, it might be better to approach an employee to ask the moms to quiet the little kids down instead of asking them directly.
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siamesecat2965

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Re: It's not that we don't like kids...it was your kids specifically.
« Reply #4 on: October 01, 2013, 12:13:35 PM »
No, you were not wrong. Not in the least. And if they thought you were all laughing at them, well, so be it. It's not like any of you were rude, nasty, or insulting. Someone politely asked them to go outside as they were making too much noise. it's their problem if they got insulted.

When you call back, I'd keep it short and sweet, no JADEing, and just state the facts.

Zilla

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Re: It's not that we don't like kids...it was your kids specifically.
« Reply #5 on: October 01, 2013, 12:14:12 PM »
I see no rudeness by you, but the giggling/smiling after the moms walked outside might have *looked* bad from their perspective. I'm not saying it was, just how it probably looked to them. 

I think you were fine. Next time, though, it might be better to approach an employee to ask the moms to quiet the little kids down instead of asking them directly.


While I normally hate to add details afterwards, there are no other employees other than the instructor.  It's literally a two room establishment.  The waiting room and the "class" room which the instructor is in.  (we can see through the glass wall to the room but they can't hear us or us them)

Judah

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Re: It's not that we don't like kids...it was your kids specifically.
« Reply #6 on: October 01, 2013, 12:18:02 PM »
I see no rudeness by you, but the giggling/smiling after the moms walked outside might have *looked* bad from their perspective. I'm not saying it was, just how it probably looked to them. 

I think you were fine. Next time, though, it might be better to approach an employee to ask the moms to quiet the little kids down instead of asking them directly.


While I normally hate to add details afterwards, there are no other employees other than the instructor.  It's literally a two room establishment.  The waiting room and the "class" room which the instructor is in.  (we can see through the glass wall to the room but they can't hear us or us them)

In that case, strike my suggestion. You were fine. The person who asked them to go outside was fine.
Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one:
Subtle hints don't work.
Strong hints don't work.
Really obvious hints don't work.
Just say it!

-The Car Talk Guys

Luci

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Re: It's not that we don't like kids...it was your kids specifically.
« Reply #7 on: October 01, 2013, 12:26:30 PM »
Our kids were 2 1/2 years apart, so often I had to keep the younger in the mom's area while the older took her lesson. I always had coloring for him, or books to read quietly. Sometimes I even would get a couple of other kids sitting on the floor listening politely to me read. Too bad those rude ladies weren't prepared! Their poor little ones must have been bored to tears and had no other way to release the pent up energy and emotions!

You all quiet ones did nothing wrong, as validated by the other ladies and the 'tween. It's kind of rude to laugh behind people's backs, but it was somewhat unavoidable, and I think kind of cool in this case.

(Once I had the whole waiting room enthralled - including senior citizens - while I read "Stand Back," Said the Elephant, "I'm Going to Sneeze!" One of my favorite memories!)

NyaChan

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Re: It's not that we don't like kids...it was your kids specifically.
« Reply #8 on: October 01, 2013, 12:31:26 PM »
Did anyone ask them to please keep the noise levels down before asking them to leave?  That's the only thing I can think of that would be a bit off in the situation.  That said - you - didn't do anything at all, so I wouldn't worry.

mime

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Re: It's not that we don't like kids...it was your kids specifically.
« Reply #9 on: October 01, 2013, 12:35:20 PM »
I see no rudeness by you, but the giggling/smiling after the moms walked outside might have *looked* bad from their perspective. I'm not saying it was, just how it probably looked to them. 

I'm not disagreeing with this statement, but I think it was good for the disgruntled moms to see a happy waiting room after they left. They should find it hard to hold the belief that they are 'normal' and one mean mom made them go away. They should have to see that they were in the minority and that the waiting room was full of people who were happier without their chaos.


NyaChan

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Re: It's not that we don't like kids...it was your kids specifically.
« Reply #10 on: October 01, 2013, 12:37:04 PM »
I see no rudeness by you, but the giggling/smiling after the moms walked outside might have *looked* bad from their perspective. I'm not saying it was, just how it probably looked to them. 

I'm not disagreeing with this statement, but I think it was good for the disgruntled moms to see a happy waiting room after they left. They should find it hard to hold the belief that they are 'normal' and one mean mom made them go away. They should have to see that they were in the minority and that the waiting room was full of people who were happier without their chaos.

Except the impression they likely got was more of a room full of a clique/mean girls group than, a realization that: oh all those people are grateful for the quiet.

fountainof

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Re: It's not that we don't like kids...it was your kids specifically.
« Reply #11 on: October 01, 2013, 12:45:31 PM »
I think asking the women and children to go outside rather than asking for no shrieking/loud play was a bit rude.  I think it would have been politer to allow them the chance to modify their behaviour first.  I also am not a fan of happy shrieking or yelling in in play areas but other people I know, like a close friend, think that if it is happy behaviour it is fine.  My friend got dirty looks at an ice cream shop when her daughter was excitedly shrieking about the ice cream and couldn't figure out why, she said "what did they expect me to do"?  I said "leave" and then I got "but she was just happy and not crying" so I dropped it.

BeagleMommy

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Re: It's not that we don't like kids...it was your kids specifically.
« Reply #12 on: October 01, 2013, 12:47:23 PM »
Zilla, I see nothing wrong in asking someone to keep their voices low while in a confined space.  The woman who asked wasn't yelling or telling them their kids were little monsters.  It's simple manners, if you can't keep small children quiet while inside you take them outside.

I don't think the giggling was planned.  It seemed like the teenager in the room probably got tickled by the absolutely elementary school response by the other moms.  Then once the giggling started, it infected everyone.  Probably not polite, but not done maliciously.

WillyNilly

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Re: It's not that we don't like kids...it was your kids specifically.
« Reply #13 on: October 01, 2013, 12:52:44 PM »
Like others, I think you were all fine. I'm glad the instructor is following up (I presume with everyone who was waiting) to get the complete story... and maybe to also get the hint how echo-y the waiting area is. An area rug and some drapes (even light colored ones left pulled open/pulled to the corners) would help damped the sound in a small tile and glass room.

MyFamily

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Re: It's not that we don't like kids...it was your kids specifically.
« Reply #14 on: October 01, 2013, 01:11:15 PM »
I just went through something similar last year - only there was no where else to go with the other kids while our kids who were there for a class were in the class.  Even going to a store down the street wasn't an option because there were none that were kid-friendly that we could get to, in and out of and back to the class in time.

We bought a ton of those Crayola coloring sets where the marker only works on their paper - I don't really like them but they were perfect for this situation; another mom bribed her kid with letting them play games on her i-pad (with the volume turned off) (part of the reason we ended up buying smart phones was in case we are ever in that situation again).  As a group, all of us parents realized we had to keep our kids quiet and worked at it to make it happen.  I didn't realize how grateful I should be that we were all naturally polite until this post.


"The test of good manners is to be patient with bad ones" - Solomon ibn Gabirol