Author Topic: It's not that we don't like kids...it was your kids specifically.  (Read 7889 times)

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CocoCamm

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Re: It's not that we don't like kids...it was your kids specifically.
« Reply #15 on: October 01, 2013, 01:21:46 PM »
I see no rudeness by you, but the giggling/smiling after the moms walked outside might have *looked* bad from their perspective. I'm not saying it was, just how it probably looked to them. 

I'm not disagreeing with this statement, but I think it was good for the disgruntled moms to see a happy waiting room after they left. They should find it hard to hold the belief that they are 'normal' and one mean mom made them go away. They should have to see that they were in the minority and that the waiting room was full of people who were happier without their chaos.

Except the impression they likely got was more of a room full of a clique/mean girls group than, a realization that: oh all those people are grateful for the quiet.

If Noisy Mom immediately jumps to the conclusion that the other moms are mean that says a lot more about her then anyone else.

Zizi-K

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Re: It's not that we don't like kids...it was your kids specifically.
« Reply #16 on: October 01, 2013, 01:56:10 PM »
I'm surprised the instructor agreed to get involved. What does he plan to do once he has "your side of the story"? A better response from him to the angry moms would have been, "The waiting room is for everyone, and I hope that you call can work things out and get along." It sounds like the acoustics in that room are a bit of a nightmare, so perhaps a carpet or wall-hanging would also help.

sevenday

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Re: It's not that we don't like kids...it was your kids specifically.
« Reply #17 on: October 01, 2013, 02:03:14 PM »
My guess is the instructor needs to find out what exactly happened.  If he can't hear what was going on and the angry mother said "my children were behaving fine and THOSE PEOPLE told us to leave!" - yeah, I'd find out.  When he calls, simply tell the truth about what happened, and let the chips fall where they may.  I agree with other posters that Angry Mom was looking for an insult anywhere she could find it, and isn't conscious enough about others to care about things like social boundaries - i.e. keeping your children quiet and occupied in a communal space.   

There should not NEED to be signs telling people to keep quiet and to themselves - honestly!  I do get that kids can get out of control and not think about how loud they're being when left to their own devices - but that's why they should be supervised, to ensure that they DON'T get out of control.

Zilla

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Re: It's not that we don't like kids...it was your kids specifically.
« Reply #18 on: October 01, 2013, 02:19:48 PM »
I spoke to him just now and just pretty much read my OP to him.  He said he had a feeling it was like that but wanted to confirm.  He thanked me and that was that.  I was tempted to ask what did the other parents said but I didn't want to be any further in the drama. 


I myself was going to just go wait in the car or the benches outside in the courtyard and wouldn't have asked them to be quiet or leave.  But I am not confrontational.  So when I heard the message this morning, it got me thinking once again if it was a rude encounter or what because I did feel it was slightly off to ask them to leave albeit nicely or not.  But in hindsight, I could see it was more of a suggestion/request.

CocoCamm

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Re: It's not that we don't like kids...it was your kids specifically.
« Reply #19 on: October 01, 2013, 04:01:37 PM »
I spoke to him just now and just pretty much read my OP to him.  He said he had a feeling it was like that but wanted to confirm.  He thanked me and that was that.  I was tempted to ask what did the other parents said but I didn't want to be any further in the drama. 


I myself was going to just go wait in the car or the benches outside in the courtyard and wouldn't have asked them to be quiet or leave.  But I am not confrontational.  So when I heard the message this morning, it got me thinking once again if it was a rude encounter or what because I did feel it was slightly off to ask them to leave albeit nicely or not.  But in hindsight, I could see it was more of a suggestion/request.

I've been tossing this situation around in my head and after consideration I'm of the mindset that I think perhaps it was more polite to ask Noisy Mom to take the noise outside rather then asking her to keep her kids quiet. The reason being that asking her to quiet the kids means asking her to change her parenting style (allowing kids to be noisy in a public place) by asking her to remove the kids she isn't being asked to change her parenting style just to do it in a different environment. Not to mention that the noise isn't really the problem it's where the noise is taking place. Plenty of places are just fine for kids to be noisy and rambunctious and outside is one of them.

I think by asking Noisy Mom to take the kids outside Quiet Mom was acknowledging that the kids had the right to be rambunctious somewhere and at the same time wasn't bossy by telling Noisy Mom how she should parent.

*inviteseller

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Re: It's not that we don't like kids...it was your kids specifically.
« Reply #20 on: October 01, 2013, 05:59:08 PM »
Just because this place was an office where kids go for lessons doesn't make it ok for kids to act like screaming maniacs.  My pediatricians office had to put up signs asking parents to keep their children from running and climbing.  At the  Children's hospital my DD's specialists are at, there is a floor of just all the specialists offices.  It is a great welcoming place with many different hands on activities, cool fish tanks, ect, but it is still a dr's office and I have, more than once, seen an employee ask parents to please stop their child from running, screaming, climbing.  I also saw a parent take offense to this and SHOUT "This is a Children's place and they should be allowed to act like chiiiiiiiildreeeeeeeeennnnnnnn!!"  The nurse said it is a hospital and walked away.  I bet those mom's in the OP's story think everyone, just everyone is a child hater because they just don't understand how special their children are and how they neeeed to express themselves !

Mikayla

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Re: It's not that we don't like kids...it was your kids specifically.
« Reply #21 on: October 05, 2013, 01:50:34 PM »


I've been tossing this situation around in my head and after consideration I'm of the mindset that I think perhaps it was more polite to ask Noisy Mom to take the noise outside rather then asking her to keep her kids quiet. The reason being that asking her to quiet the kids means asking her to change her parenting style (allowing kids to be noisy in a public place) by asking her to remove the kids she isn't being asked to change her parenting style just to do it in a different environment. Not to mention that the noise isn't really the problem it's where the noise is taking place. Plenty of places are just fine for kids to be noisy and rambunctious and outside is one of them.

I think by asking Noisy Mom to take the kids outside Quiet Mom was acknowledging that the kids had the right to be rambunctious somewhere and at the same time wasn't bossy by telling Noisy Mom how she should parent.

This is really well said and I agree.  I also think Zilla is not responsible for the thought process of parents when they see the reaction in the waiting room.  People either react to social cues or they don't, and when they don't, it's always best to gently ask the parents to change, not the kids.

EllenS

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Re: It's not that we don't like kids...it was your kids specifically.
« Reply #22 on: October 05, 2013, 06:03:17 PM »
I would guess the instructor got involved because the Noisy People pulled - or threatened to pull - their child out of the class.  If he is losing income because new families don't feel welcome, he is naturally going to be concerned.

However, no businessperson wants to deal with SS clients. I think he did the right thing by checking with his known clients to see if the complainer was being reasonable or not.

delabela

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Re: It's not that we don't like kids...it was your kids specifically.
« Reply #23 on: October 05, 2013, 07:06:53 PM »
I have a younger child who, shall we say, approaches life with a certain exuberance.  I would be mortified if I were the parents asked to take my children outside, but on the other hand, we work really hard on where it is and is not appropriate to be loud.  So I have a hard time with this.  I don't think you're necessarily entitled to quiet time in a public place where children are, but also screaming and craziness is not ok.  I guess I feel kind of bad for the new parents, as I can see where it probably felt like being ganged up on, but I also thing their reaction of accusing the room of being child-haters was not cool.  So maybe everyone could have done a little better? 

Man, I'm sounding super wishy-washy on this one! 

bopper

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Re: It's not that we don't like kids...it was your kids specifically.
« Reply #24 on: October 07, 2013, 09:01:43 AM »
I might have said to the kids "Hey guys, when you yell in here it really hurts my ears.  Can you be quieter? Thanks, buds!"

Hmmmmm

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Re: It's not that we don't like kids...it was your kids specifically.
« Reply #25 on: October 07, 2013, 10:12:19 AM »
If I'm counting this up correctly, there were 8 moms, a tween, and 3 little kids in a 10x10 space. That's a lot of people for a such small space.

I don't think anyone did anything wrong accept the moms complaining. I guess the person who raised the issue could have asked they request the kids be quieter instead of taking them outside.

oogyda

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Re: It's not that we don't like kids...it was your kids specifically.
« Reply #26 on: October 07, 2013, 01:41:48 PM »
I have a younger child who, shall we say, approaches life with a certain exuberance.  I would be mortified if I were the parents asked to take my children outside, but on the other hand, we work really hard on where it is and is not appropriate to be loud.  So I have a hard time with this.  I don't think you're necessarily entitled to quiet time in a public place where children are, but also screaming and craziness is not ok.  I guess I feel kind of bad for the new parents, as I can see where it probably felt like being ganged up on, but I also thing their reaction of accusing the room of being child-haters was not cool.  So maybe everyone could have done a little better? 

Man, I'm sounding super wishy-washy on this one!

I think the difference would be that others could see that you were working "really hard on where it is and is not appropriate to be loud".  Personally, I give a little more leeway to someone who is trying to quiet unruly or loud children appropriately than to those who allow it without correction or direction.
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Zilla

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Re: It's not that we don't like kids...it was your kids specifically.
« Reply #27 on: October 07, 2013, 03:29:50 PM »



As for a somewhat of an update, the other two moms just drops off their kids that go to the class and leaves.  The instructor never said another word about it and neither will I.


delabela

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Re: It's not that we don't like kids...it was your kids specifically.
« Reply #28 on: October 07, 2013, 10:56:47 PM »
I have a younger child who, shall we say, approaches life with a certain exuberance.  I would be mortified if I were the parents asked to take my children outside, but on the other hand, we work really hard on where it is and is not appropriate to be loud.  So I have a hard time with this.  I don't think you're necessarily entitled to quiet time in a public place where children are, but also screaming and craziness is not ok.  I guess I feel kind of bad for the new parents, as I can see where it probably felt like being ganged up on, but I also thing their reaction of accusing the room of being child-haters was not cool.  So maybe everyone could have done a little better? 

Man, I'm sounding super wishy-washy on this one!

I think the difference would be that others could see that you were working "really hard on where it is and is not appropriate to be loud".  Personally, I give a little more leeway to someone who is trying to quiet unruly or loud children appropriately than to those who allow it without correction or direction.

Fair point.

Pigeon

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Re: It's not that we don't like kids...it was your kids specifically.
« Reply #29 on: October 08, 2013, 08:32:00 AM »
I see no rudeness by you, but the giggling/smiling after the moms walked outside might have *looked* bad from their perspective. I'm not saying it was, just how it probably looked to them. 

I'm not disagreeing with this statement, but I think it was good for the disgruntled moms to see a happy waiting room after they left. They should find it hard to hold the belief that they are 'normal' and one mean mom made them go away. They should have to see that they were in the minority and that the waiting room was full of people who were happier without their chaos.

Except the impression they likely got was more of a room full of a clique/mean girls group than, a realization that: oh all those people are grateful for the quiet.

If Noisy Mom immediately jumps to the conclusion that the other moms are mean that says a lot more about her then anyone else.

I agree.  I also think that had Noisy Mom not subjected everyone to a flounce, it's likely there would have been no laughter/smiles.  Had she just acknowledged that the noise level was inappropriate and left, I'm betting everyone would have just gone on with their business.  Her choice to make a mini-scene led to the incredulous laughter.