Author Topic: Taking Food Reserved for Kids - FURTHER CLARIFICATIONS #10, #22  (Read 7618 times)

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Tabby Uprising

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Re: Taking Food Reserved for Kids - FURTHER CLARIFICATIONS #10, #22
« Reply #45 on: October 01, 2013, 10:04:08 PM »
In my world hot dogs, chicken fingers, and mac & cheese are not kids food, they are just food. If I was at a party and these items were being served it would not occur to me that they were intended for the kids. I don't believe in tiered hospitality so I would think it a bit rude for a host to declare that something was only for a specific age group.

As far as this guy goes the amount of food he took is what makes him rude.

I agree with all of this, especially the bolded.

See, in my world, those things sitting together at one end of a buffet just screams 'kid food'. Particularly if there were 8 hotdogs and about 8 kids. If they were spread among the other food and there were 30 hotdogs, then, yes, go for it, adults.

Mmmm... I love hotdogs, mac & cheese and chicken fingers!  I don't consider them "kid food", but maybe because I have a toddler and interact with other families with small kids I would probably see that set up as being intended for the children.  It's not uncommon to hear parents discuss how their kid is going through a food phase where all they eat is hotdogs or chicken fingers or yogurt or whatever so if I was at an all ages gathering and saw those items set to the side, I'd make the assumption it was done for the kids. 

Now that doesn't mean I think it's at all rude for adults to eat the hotdogs.  I agree it was the quantity of food the uninvited guest ate that was the issue, not so much what he ate.  My DH and I had a chili night at our house one night.  One friend we invited is a vegetarian and I made a veggie chili too so she'd have something to eat. (I loved it too!)  But everyone was welcome to eat it if they wanted to.  My intention was not to limit my other guests to a particular dish, but just insure my vegetarian friend would have something to eat as well! 

TootsNYC

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Re: Taking Food Reserved for Kids - FURTHER CLARIFICATIONS #10, #22
« Reply #46 on: October 01, 2013, 10:05:11 PM »
First, I think that if you want a certain food to be restricted to certain guests, you don't put it on the main table. Putting it at a buffet, even off to one side, says to me, "This is special, but not restricted -- if uncertain, ask!"
 

They did, if I recall correctly.

I understand that some people, especially those who haven't had close contact with very many families with little kids, might not realize "kids menu." But taking 5 hot dogs? Toss him in Etiquette Hell!!

LifeOnPluto

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Re: Taking Food Reserved for Kids - FURTHER CLARIFICATIONS #10, #22
« Reply #47 on: October 01, 2013, 11:02:49 PM »
Unless the food was clearly marked "Kids' Food Only", I don't think this guy was rude.

He was certainly a clod, however, to take so much food. That said, lots of guys in their late teens / early 20s are clods (and girls too, for that matter!) so I'm not inclined to come down too heavy on him. Hopefully he has matured, and learnt some social graces.

Oh - and I can easily picture a man that age putting away that much food. Some young adults are like vacuum cleaners when it comes to party food.

Venus193

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Re: Taking Food Reserved for Kids - FURTHER CLARIFICATIONS #10, #22
« Reply #48 on: October 01, 2013, 11:18:09 PM »
19 doesn't count as a kid with regard to the children's section of the menu in a restaurant.  Nor should it count with regard to manners.

Rude, rude, rude.

shhh its me

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Re: Taking Food Reserved for Kids - FURTHER CLARIFICATIONS #10, #22
« Reply #49 on: October 01, 2013, 11:37:26 PM »
   Taking that quantity  was rude.   Being first and asking 1/2 of something is always rude unless it was a dish made just for you.

I think eating the "kids food" may be clueless. I don't think its 2 tiers if the hosts know the children prefer those food or if those foods were the safety net foods for the kids.  I think if you see 40 adults and 6 kids and there are 8 hotdogs , 18 chicken fingers , 3-6 cups of mac and cheese on one table(possible with children themed plates) and   30 steaks   30 pieces of chicken plus various side of 45+ portions on a second table a little removed. many people would get this is kids food.  I have no idea is that example would have applied for this party but the clue would be that there were enough steaks and chicken for all 46 people and enough hot dogs and mac and cheese for 8ish.

Tea Drinker

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Re: Taking Food Reserved for Kids - FURTHER CLARIFICATIONS #10, #22
« Reply #50 on: October 02, 2013, 01:15:48 AM »
In that situation, I might have assumed that the side table was set aside so most of the kids could find the things they liked without having to ask a lot of questions about "what's that thing?" and "Dad, would I like this?" (and a parent who knows their child would rather have something from the grownup side can serve it), rather than being intended as "kids only." As a host, I might do that if there were spicy things on the main buffet, for example. It's a bit like putting the bowl of plain fruit punch where everyone can reach it, and the alcoholic one out of reach of children. But if I wanted to give the kids priority, I would do so explicitly (and probably let everyone have a chance at the macaroni and cheese once all the children had taken a plate).
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lowspark

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Re: Taking Food Reserved for Kids - FURTHER CLARIFICATIONS #10, #22
« Reply #51 on: October 02, 2013, 09:10:44 AM »
In my world hot dogs, chicken fingers, and mac & cheese are not kids food, they are just food. If I was at a party and these items were being served it would not occur to me that they were intended for the kids. I don't believe in tiered hospitality so I would think it a bit rude for a host to declare that something was only for a specific age group.

As far as this guy goes the amount of food he took is what makes him rude.

I agree with all of this, especially the bolded.

See, in my world, those things sitting together at one end of a buffet just screams 'kid food'. Particularly if there were 8 hotdogs and about 8 kids. If they were spread among the other food and there were 30 hotdogs, then, yes, go for it, adults.

Yeah, I agree with this. But from my point of view, I don't like the idea of adults only/kids only sections of the buffet. I think there should be enough for everyone to take (a reasonable amount) from every dish. And that's where, in my opinion, the hosts failed.

That is not to say that the guy wasn't rude. He was. Had he done the exact same thing with any of the dishes meant for the adults instead of the hot dogs, etc., it would have constituted the same level of rudeness.

Zilla

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Re: Taking Food Reserved for Kids
« Reply #52 on: October 02, 2013, 10:30:16 AM »
I should've clarified in the OP that he took a lot.  I saw the plate and he took 5-6 hot dogs, about a dozen chicken fingers, and about half of the casserole dish holding the macaroni and cheese.

Wow!  That's incredibly rude.  I agree with the general trend of posts, that the rudeness here was in the portion size, not which food he chose.

Ditto.


Also agree.  It was the amount of foods he took no matter how much was on the platter.

StuffedGrapeLeaves

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Re: Taking Food Reserved for Kids - FURTHER CLARIFICATIONS #10, #22
« Reply #53 on: October 02, 2013, 11:00:03 AM »
Yeah, I agree with this. But from my point of view, I don't like the idea of adults only/kids only sections of the buffet. I think there should be enough for everyone to take (a reasonable amount) from every dish. And that's where, in my opinion, the hosts failed.


OP here.  In this case it's not so much that there is an adults only/kids only sections of the buffet.  It's more like there was the "main" section of the buffet, where 95% of the guests would eat from.  But these hosts knew their guests well, and they knew that some of the younger kids would probably not eat the "main" food, so they provided more typical kid-friendly food that the parents can feed the kids.  If I remember correctly, we're talking about 5-6 younger kids who would be more likely to eat the chicken fingers, hot dogs, and macaroni and cheese.   

I know I'm biased because these are friends of mine, but I honestly don't see the rudeness in providing "extra" food to make sure everyone there has something to eat, even if the "extra" food has smaller portions.   

Cz. Burrito

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Re: Taking Food Reserved for Kids - FURTHER CLARIFICATIONS #10, #22
« Reply #54 on: October 02, 2013, 11:22:43 AM »
I know I'm biased because these are friends of mine, but I honestly don't see the rudeness in providing "extra" food to make sure everyone there has something to eat, even if the "extra" food has smaller portions.   

If you're providing special food for designated guests, then I think it shouldn't be put out with the rest of the food.  That's asking for your guests to be mind readers.  If it's put out with the rest of the food, the quantity needs to be ample enough such that everybody could have a little.  Similar to the vegetarian food question in the other thread-- a larger quantity of vegetarian food should be offered if you're going to put it out for all of your guests. 

[Edit] of course, with the quantity of food that this individual put on his plate, there very well could have been enough mac and cheese for everybody to take a little bit. 

shhh its me

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Re: Taking Food Reserved for Kids - FURTHER CLARIFICATIONS #10, #22
« Reply #55 on: October 02, 2013, 11:36:36 AM »
In my world hot dogs, chicken fingers, and mac & cheese are not kids food, they are just food. If I was at a party and these items were being served it would not occur to me that they were intended for the kids. I don't believe in tiered hospitality so I would think it a bit rude for a host to declare that something was only for a specific age group.

As far as this guy goes the amount of food he took is what makes him rude.

I agree with all of this, especially the bolded.

See, in my world, those things sitting together at one end of a buffet just screams 'kid food'. Particularly if there were 8 hotdogs and about 8 kids. If they were spread among the other food and there were 30 hotdogs, then, yes, go for it, adults.

Yeah, I agree with this. But from my point of view, I don't like the idea of adults only/kids only sections of the buffet. I think there should be enough for everyone to take (a reasonable amount) from every dish. And that's where, in my opinion, the hosts failed.

That is not to say that the guy wasn't rude. He was. Had he done the exact same thing with any of the dishes meant for the adults instead of the hot dogs, etc., it would have constituted the same level of rudeness.

I think "host fail" is too strong .  He wasn't even invited, this host knew about what her/his guests normally ate.  I wouldn't say they needed to provide hotdogs and mac & cheese for everyone if no one but 5 kids normally eats them.

SpikeMichigan

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Re: Taking Food Reserved for Kids - FURTHER CLARIFICATIONS #10, #22
« Reply #56 on: October 02, 2013, 11:51:13 AM »
Quote
If you're providing special food for designated guests, then I think it shouldn't be put out with the rest of the food.  That's asking for your guests to be mind readers.  If it's put out with the rest of the food, the quantity needs to be ample enough such that everybody could have a little.  Similar to the vegetarian food question in the other thread-- a larger quantity of vegetarian food should be offered if you're going to put it out for all of your guests.   

 Agreed. I know some of the people here have said they would have guessed, perhaps more so if they themselves were parents, I don't think its fair to presume all your guests will make that connection. If I'd been there, I'd have definitely taken a (fair) portion of hot dogs, mac and cheese and chicken fingers.

 Now I'm hungry. Might have to make some mac and cheese.

Allyson

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Re: Taking Food Reserved for Kids - FURTHER CLARIFICATIONS #10, #22
« Reply #57 on: October 02, 2013, 11:59:49 AM »
It's not that the hosts were rude to do it, I don't think it's rude at all. It just assumes that everyone would make the right leap, and know that those food were meant for kids. I'm sure many guests would've, but it isn't necessarily inherently obvious, especially for those who don't spend much time around kids.

GreenHall

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Re: Taking Food Reserved for Kids - FURTHER CLARIFICATIONS #10, #22
« Reply #58 on: October 02, 2013, 12:15:57 PM »
Not the general standard, but I have known young-adult people (more guys than girls) who (still) only ate things like hot dogs, chicken fingers and mac and cheese.  That may have been the only thing on the table that appealed to this guest (of a guest). 
At that age, the food may be the quantity he normally consumes, and depending on other history, he may have no idea's on looking around at who else is there, and taking a quantity proportionate. 

I'd still be less than impressed if I were the host, but looking on it from a disassociated point of view- the guy may just need someone to give him a clue. 

shhh its me

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Re: Taking Food Reserved for Kids - FURTHER CLARIFICATIONS #10, #22
« Reply #59 on: October 02, 2013, 12:16:58 PM »
I know I'm biased because these are friends of mine, but I honestly don't see the rudeness in providing "extra" food to make sure everyone there has something to eat, even if the "extra" food has smaller portions.   

If you're providing special food for designated guests, then I think it shouldn't be put out with the rest of the food.  That's asking for your guests to be mind readers.  If it's put out with the rest of the food, the quantity needs to be ample enough such that everybody could have a little.  Similar to the vegetarian food question in the other thread-- a larger quantity of vegetarian food should be offered if you're going to put it out for all of your guests. 

[Edit] of course, with the quantity of food that this individual put on his plate, there very well could have been enough mac and cheese for everybody to take a little bit.

I still can't work out how to quote 2 threads in one answer.

I think if you know your guests you don't have to put out enough for everyone if you know only a few people eat something.   I do the something similar at thanksgiving my aunt likes sweet potatoes she is the only person who will eat them I make 2 for her(one then the other to take home) and 1 extra.  I know everyone else coming hates sweet potatoes why on earth would I make 12 more sweet potatoes.   So I don't think the host was rude even if there was not enough mac & cheese for every person to have a serving hosts can tailor the offerings based previous experience with the guests. I think you can replace the etiquette guidelines with actual information.

Now, if I was serving 20 people I have never hosted before then there would be enough hot dogs and mac and cheese for everyone to have some(I'd be adding to the grill as needed and just plane to freeze the leftovers) 

I do think though that you don't need to communicate everything with a sign or explicitly stating it .  There can be some debate as to when something implied should be obvious to everyone but there is a point when adults should just be able to figure it out. I don't mean read minds but we should be able to read situations.  I don't think a table a few feet away from the main table with 2.5 servings + per child  is a most people should see this was meant for the kids situation. There were probably a few other clues though , like all the adults (including his date) went to get their food from the other table and all the kids were behind him.  I still don't think an adult having a hot dog is rude in this example but clueless ,yes.