Author Topic: Taking Food Reserved for Kids - FURTHER CLARIFICATIONS #10, #22  (Read 7617 times)

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Lynnv

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Re: Taking Food Reserved for Kids - FURTHER CLARIFICATIONS #10, #22
« Reply #60 on: October 02, 2013, 12:44:45 PM »
Since we don't know if he knew he was an uninvited guest (either he crashed the party and he was incredibly rude OR his girlfriend invited without asking in which case she was incredibly rude), I am going to ignore that piece.

I don't think he was at all rude to take food that was on a buffet.  The fact that it was on a separate table and was typically "kid friendly" food would not even register with me-and I am not anywhere near my twenties anymore.  I don't think a host can expect people to not take food that was put out.

The portion he took, on the other hand, was quite rude. 

This is something I have seen in many teenaged boys including, unfortunately, all three of my own nephews.  That certainly doesn't excuse the rudeness-but it does sound like something my 13, 14 and 16 year old nephews have each done (and will do again) because they are immature and the last 4 dozen times my sister/sister-in-law has told each one not to do that have not sunk in yet.
Lynn

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lowspark

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Re: Taking Food Reserved for Kids - FURTHER CLARIFICATIONS #10, #22
« Reply #61 on: October 02, 2013, 12:59:27 PM »
Yeah, that's what I was wondering. Was it a case of the hosts not even knowing he was coming until the minute he showed up at the door? (Rude of who ever brought him.) Or did the hosts know he was coming but just hadn't originally invited him. In other words, the guest who brought him did give advance notice.

So ok, if everyone at the party (other than Mr. Uninvited) knew that the hot dogs were for the kids because this group gets together all the time and that's how they operate, then you're right. Hosts didn't fail.

But really, if there is anyone at the party who wouldn't know that, then I do believe that the food that isn't for everyone should not be in the public area. It should be set aside and only those who are supposed to eat it should have access to it.

If the guy showed up unannounced, then really the rudest person there was the guest who brought him, not only for bringing him without checking with her hosts first, but also in not educating him as to the way things work, i.e., adults eat this food, hot dogs are for the kids only.

StuffedGrapeLeaves

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Re: Taking Food Reserved for Kids - FURTHER CLARIFICATIONS #10, #22
« Reply #62 on: October 02, 2013, 01:07:37 PM »
Yeah, that's what I was wondering. Was it a case of the hosts not even knowing he was coming until the minute he showed up at the door? (Rude of who ever brought him.) Or did the hosts know he was coming but just hadn't originally invited him. In other words, the guest who brought him did give advance notice.

So ok, if everyone at the party (other than Mr. Uninvited) knew that the hot dogs were for the kids because this group gets together all the time and that's how they operate, then you're right. Hosts didn't fail.

But really, if there is anyone at the party who wouldn't know that, then I do believe that the food that isn't for everyone should not be in the public area. It should be set aside and only those who are supposed to eat it should have access to it.

If the guy showed up unannounced, then really the rudest person there was the guest who brought him, not only for bringing him without checking with her hosts first, but also in not educating him as to the way things work, i.e., adults eat this food, hot dogs are for the kids only.

The hosts didn't know he was coming.  He showed up with his girlfriend, the hosts' niece.  I also don't think it would be a problem if he had taken a normal amount of food from the kid-friendly side, but the fact that he took so much was a problem. 

And you're right, in this particular circle and at this particular party, the hosts knew 90% of the guests would eat the "main" food, and the kid-friendly food was just set out for the younger kids.  No one else at the party would really eat the kid-friendly food.  But I can see how if you don't know your guests' eating preferences very well, it would be better to have enough of everything or to explictly set aside the "special" food. 

CakeEater

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Re: Taking Food Reserved for Kids - FURTHER CLARIFICATIONS #10, #22
« Reply #63 on: October 02, 2013, 04:35:31 PM »
IN my family, the way it would be done would be to have that food ready first and the host would either make a general a nnouncement, or wander around and say to the parents of the young kids, 'There's x, y and z food there for the little ones if you like to get it now.'

MommyPenguin

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Re: Taking Food Reserved for Kids - FURTHER CLARIFICATIONS #10, #22
« Reply #64 on: October 02, 2013, 08:28:00 PM »
I would probably only blame him for taking food from the kids' side if there were some sort of explicit labeling or announcement that said that that food is reserved for the kids.  So I don't think that that part was the issue.

But I agree with the others, the issue was that he took *far* more than a normal serving size of everything.  I know that some people are just that hungry (I've heard the stories from friends with teenage boys), but surely even a teenage boy can be taught that you take a reasonable amount, you get more as seconds once people have gone through, and if you're that perpetually hungry then you need to eat before you go, plan on stopping on the way home for food, etc.  I don't think it's a hosts' responsibility to plan enough food for one person to take 5-6 hotdogs, half a dish of mac & cheese, and 12 chicken fingers, and how would they know how many people were planning to eat that insane amount of food???  I think as a guest you need to be aware that your appetite is far greater than most people's and that you need to plan accordingly.  It wouldn't matter whether he was an adult or a child, or whether he ate from the adults' side or the children's side, that's too much food.

LifeOnPluto

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Re: Taking Food Reserved for Kids - FURTHER CLARIFICATIONS #10, #22
« Reply #65 on: October 02, 2013, 10:54:59 PM »
I'm wondering why the niece (as the girlfriend), or the hosts for that matter, didn't tell him "Oh no, the food on that table is for the kids. Come and get some steak (or whatever) from over here."

Unless the guy raced up to the kids' table, loaded his plate, and started chowing down, before anyone could stop him?

sammycat

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Re: Taking Food Reserved for Kids - FURTHER CLARIFICATIONS #10, #22
« Reply #66 on: October 03, 2013, 12:06:51 AM »
the food that isn't for everyone should not be in the public area. It should be set aside and only those who are supposed to eat it should have access to it.

Exactly.

Where I live, macaroni and cheese isn't something that is typically served at buffets/pot lucks, and it certainly isn't something I'd consider as a more child oriented dish, regardless of setting. Ditto with hot dogs being considered a child only dish, so if I saw either of these things on a buffet table I wouldn't in a million years think that they were aimed mainly at the younger guests.  My only real thoughts would probably be 'hot dogs - yum!', as I was taking one, and 'macaroni and cheese - yuck no' as I passed on by.

AnnaJ

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Re: Taking Food Reserved for Kids - FURTHER CLARIFICATIONS #10, #22
« Reply #67 on: October 03, 2013, 12:30:48 AM »
I remember reading some threads where people are adamant that children should be allowed to eat 'adult' food, so honestly why would it be OK to tell adults they they shouldn't eat the 'kid' food, assuming the adults even realized that the hot dogs and mac and cheese were there for the kids?  If a child wanted one of the steaks or other adult food, would the hosts have said no, children had to eat hot dogs?

And I agree with rude about the amount of food - no matter what the young man chose to eat, he shouldn't have gotten such a large quantity if everyone else hadn't had a chance to get a plate.


CakeEater

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Re: Taking Food Reserved for Kids - FURTHER CLARIFICATIONS #10, #22
« Reply #68 on: October 03, 2013, 01:12:42 AM »
I remember reading some threads where people are adamant that children should be allowed to eat 'adult' food, so honestly why would it be OK to tell adults they they shouldn't eat the 'kid' food, assuming the adults even realized that the hot dogs and mac and cheese were there for the kids?  If a child wanted one of the steaks or other adult food, would the hosts have said no, children had to eat hot dogs?

My view on this (which I know is unpopular) is that my kids eat pretty good diets at home. Sometimes it's a bit of effort to get the healthy diet into them. When I'm at a meal at someone else's house or out in public, the last thing our dining companions want to hear is us enforcing rules about eating 5 bites of vegetables before dessert. So we have different rules for eating out.

Eat food that fills your tummy so you're not grumpy and unpleasant, and we eat well the rest of the time.

Food that is easy to get into kids is often the kinds of foods described. So it makes sense to have those foods available for kids, even if the hosts really preferred their meal be a bit classier than hot dogs and mac and cheese.

To me it's less, 'adults can't eat these' and more, 'I've made this classy, more expensive, more delicious food for you adults and put out this food to be available for kids who won't eat the good stuff as a service to their parents, and thus making all our lives at this event more pleasant.'
« Last Edit: October 03, 2013, 01:18:42 AM by CakeEater »

greencat

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Re: Taking Food Reserved for Kids - FURTHER CLARIFICATIONS #10, #22
« Reply #69 on: October 03, 2013, 01:16:10 AM »
The hosts were not rude in providing food in appropriate quantities and types and displaying it in their typical fashion for their invited guests.  The boorish niece's boyfriend and his unusually large appetite weren't expected and therefore the food was not planned to accommodate his preferences for type and quantity.  No one probably would have noticed him taking a normal sized meal from the "kid food."

As far as it being the hosts' responsibility to separate the kids' food from the other food on the buffet, it seemed like it was in its own section, and I personally would not expect food meant to be served to a large percentage of the guests (a bit fuzzy on the total numbers, but I am guessing the littlest kids alone made up at least 10% of the party attendees) to be cordoned off to another room unless it was for allergen control purposes. 

hannahmollysmom

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Re: Taking Food Reserved for Kids - FURTHER CLARIFICATIONS #10, #22
« Reply #70 on: October 03, 2013, 02:20:28 AM »
Now I'm craving Hot Dogs and Mac and Cheese!  ;D

He wasn't rude to take the kids food since with was not indicated as such, but his quantity was rude. You take some, then wait for others to eat before taking more.

P.S. I didn't read all the posts, but this is my thought.

GrammarNerd

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Re: Taking Food Reserved for Kids - FURTHER CLARIFICATIONS #10, #22
« Reply #71 on: October 03, 2013, 08:56:01 AM »
At my son's old school, we had a 5th grade potluck for the 5th graders and their families.  All of the parents were asked to bring something (unfortunately, not all did, although they certainly brought people to eat stuff  :o ), and the class provided hot dogs.  I brought a BIG bowl of spaghetti.  Kids love spaghetti.  However, some of the first kids in line loaded their entire plates with spaghetti instead of trying some of the other things.  Definitely more than 'their share'.  I took to saying out loud, 'Hey, guys, you have to leave some for other people.  There's a lot of people who need to eat yet.'  I then alerted one of the teachers who had the best line: "Guys, take a LITTLE BIT of things.  This isn't Hometown Buffet." (HB is an AYCE buffet place around here.)  Then it finally settled down a bit.  And no, there was no leftover spaghetti.

Now, there were a lot of parents there, so one might have assumed better buffet etiquette, but it wasn't there.  So sometimes we just have to do some on-the-spot 'education'. 

I wonder about the circumstances of how the young man got that much food.  I also think the person that brought him should have said, 'Dude, leave some for other people.'

I think a really simple way for the hosts to make sure that the kids have enough of 'their' food (since the hosts obviously went to the trouble of providing a more stereotypically kid-friendly menu) would be for them to announce that the kids are going to get their food first so they can start eating.  Then the parents could help them get their plates if needed.  And when the kids are eating and presumably have taken their desired amount of whatever food they wanted, then the rest would be fair game for the adults....within reasonable portion sizes, of course.

gramma dishes

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Re: Taking Food Reserved for Kids - FURTHER CLARIFICATIONS #10, #22
« Reply #72 on: October 03, 2013, 12:04:30 PM »


...   I think a really simple way for the hosts to make sure that the kids have enough of 'their' food (since the hosts obviously went to the trouble of providing a more stereotypically kid-friendly menu) would be for them to announce that the kids are going to get their food first so they can start eating.  Then the parents could help them get their plates if needed.  And when the kids are eating and presumably have taken their desired amount of whatever food they wanted, then the rest would be fair game for the adults....within reasonable portion sizes, of course.

That's really an excellent idea -- for the future.  But it wouldn't normally be necessary because most people have a pretty good grasp of Basic Buffet Etiquette 101, so neither the hosts nor the children's parents could have predicted ahead of time that this would happen. 

Next time though ...   ;)

purplerainbow

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Re: Taking Food Reserved for Kids - FURTHER CLARIFICATIONS #10, #22
« Reply #73 on: October 05, 2013, 10:07:27 AM »
The adult and kid-friendly food sounds kind of like something my family often do

In my paternal extended family, there are a fair few adults aged 40+, plus about 6 people in the 16-early20's age range (dependent on who is there and if anyone's brought their partner), and a number of younger kids.

Whichever family member is hosting generally has kid-friendly options. Chicken nuggets, sausage rolls, ham, mini chocolate bars, etc.  If there is a potato salad in the "adult" section, say, then there are plain potatoes too. We're not restricted to ONLY eating from one part of the table - you're allowed to take some of whatever you like. It's just generally the case that the younger kids prefer the "kid" food, so you know if you do provide it, they'll eat.

Now, me and a couple of other people are known to like fairly bland food, so we do eat some of the "kid-friendly" food. I don't take so much notice of what my relatives eat, but I do generally encourage the kids to go before me, and i certainly don't take huge amounts at a time. I'm not going to bowl little kids out the way before they've even picked up a paper plate, just because i fancy eating chicken nuggets or whatever. There's always loads of bread, anyway.

As for the niece's boyfriend in this thread?
I don't think eating "kid food" was intrinsically wrong - I do it myself. In my family it's perfectly fine to take some of whatever you like from whichever part of the buffet. But I do agree with other posters, that it was the amount he took from the kid-friendly food, that didn't leave enough for the kids, that made his actions rude. 
At our family gatherings, "kid friendly" food like that is to ensure that the kids do eat. So you can say, "Look Billy, chicken nuggets/sausage rolls/sausages/smiley face potatoes! You like these." Rather than trying to persuade a four-year-old that they should be eating pasta salad or something.

flickan

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Re: Taking Food Reserved for Kids - FURTHER CLARIFICATIONS #10, #22
« Reply #74 on: October 05, 2013, 10:43:16 AM »
In childhood I hated being restricted to "kiddie" meals. I was the kid who would eat the eggplant casserole and the liver and onions if you'd let me have a bite.  I'd probably eat too much.  If anything I was a menace to the higher end adult food.  I had to learn not to take as much as I wanted.

I married someone who is just the opposite.  He will snub complicated dishes for chicken fingers and french fries.  To say his palate is unrefined is an understatement.  I've seen him make a meal out of plain cooked chicken and apple slices at a family party.

The fact that people like us exist is a reason to have "adult food" and "kids food" clearly displayed as such IF you do not have enough for everyone to try all of it.  Here's the stuff for the kids and here's the stuff for the adults.  Obviously you can't police what people take but polite people will refrain from grabbing multiple hot dogs if they were cooked because the kids have a hard time with steak.

« Last Edit: October 05, 2013, 10:45:22 AM by flickan »