Author Topic: How to handle mother? Solution #49  (Read 10196 times)

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sevenday

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Re: How to handle mother?
« Reply #45 on: October 02, 2013, 10:20:55 PM »
Living in the US, after I graduated high school I began attending community college that fall. As I had no marketable skills and a severe disability that made it difficult to get jobs, my parents allowed me to live with them while attending.  I got a small stipend from social security due to my disability, and I paid about half of that to my parents.  The other half paid for the rest of my living expenses - gas, food (to a point, as my parents did share some things with me), pet food, et cetera.  It didn't really leave me a lot of "play money" but that was all right. I knew I had it pretty good.  I was expected to help with household chores and so forth even though I was out of the house for at least part of the day five days a week.  Three of us split the chores, so it wasn't that bad but it did get a bit tedious.  At least, at that time, it was all physical coursework so it's a bit different.  Much later after I had moved out my sister and I both attended the same online university where all our coursework, study material, etc was online.  My sister had a harder time explaining to her husband and sons that no, she was not goofing off on the computer all the time, she was working.   She was also working part time at a fast food place during this period to support the household and pay toward school. 

So my advice to you- sit down with your mother, explain that you're frustrated by your attempts to balance all your responsibilities and to manage her understanding of your timetable.   However, I don't think you should have to do ALL the chores.  Just because you live there doesn't mean you're free labor for your mother and she no longer has to do anything.  Work out with her a fair split of duties, hopefully so you're both spending approximately the same amount of time and effort to maintain the house. 

 I do agree with others that it doesn't take 8 hours a day, five days a week, to look for work online.  Break up your job search into blocks of time and work in other duties in between.  I realize that you say you have to bike everywhere so it takes you longer to look for work the way  your mother is suggesting.  Perhaps you can work out something with her there too - "Hey Mom, I want to apply to X Y and Z, they're all pretty close to the grocery store.  How about I go with you and drop them off while you're doing the grocery shopping?"  "Hey Friend, can you drop me off at Z so I can apply there and I'll make my way home from there?"  Even in this day and age there are not many online only jobs, as you no doubt have discovered.  Me, I'd love to work from home, but that's not likely - and many of THOSE jobs are perks of jobs you get AFTER you've been working at a physical location for a while.  I know you have experience in... underwater basket weaving, but you're not likely to start out with a job dealing with underwater basket weaving.  Most of those entry level jobs are still very much 'show up and hand in a paper application' these days.  That, and it's a good impression to present yourself well to those you may be working with. 

Hmmmmm

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Re: How to handle mother?
« Reply #46 on: October 02, 2013, 11:11:40 PM »
Sevenday, if this was a couple and the wife worked full time and the husband was taking ONE online course while looking for a job, would you still expect the wife to be doing 50% of the household chores?


JoieGirl7

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Re: How to handle mother?
« Reply #47 on: October 02, 2013, 11:54:17 PM »
Sevenday, if this was a couple and the wife worked full time and the husband was taking ONE online course while looking for a job, would you still expect the wife to be doing 50% of the household chores?

POD

"Just because you live there doesn't mean you're free labor for your mother and she no longer has to do anything."

Free labor?  How is it free to pay someone's way for them?  Utilities cost money.  Food costs money.

If the OP doesn't want her mother to bother her she should get a job and move out.

hannahmollysmom

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Re: How to handle mother?
« Reply #48 on: October 03, 2013, 01:54:29 AM »
I's siding with the mother.

My younger daughter is unemployed. (age 24) She doesn't live with me, but with her father and his fiancÚ. She complains often about things there, and I have told her she could move in here, but there are strings.

She would have to have at least a part time job to help out with finances as my utilities would go up with an extra person. I would not hand over money for gas, etc., like her father does. And, she would be required to help out around the house since I work full time, and live on a tight budget. Consequently, she has not jumped at the chance to move in with me.

I do help out in a way as she is on my insurance for at least 2 more years, and sometimes when my back isn't feeling great, I hire her to house clean. ($15.00 an hour under the table.)

She has an associates in business management but no experience. But, she doesn't listen to my suggestions either about how to get the experience.

Put it this way, in the very early 80's, I lost my job. (I had been away from home for 4 years.)  I asked to come home to live for a bit. My parents said we'll discuss it and get back to you. So, I panicked for a bit, they did say yes, but I was intent on finding a job, and doing my part. I realized it was not my home anymore, but my parents home, and I treated it as such. I told them it would be a year at the most, and it was, almost to the day.

Isilleke

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Re: How to handle mother?
« Reply #49 on: October 03, 2013, 07:30:15 AM »
Hi,

Thanks everyone for opening my eyes. I assure you I wasn't being picky (that was part of the reason, because I was applying to a lot of jobs at the same time) and it paid off!

I'm in Europe and am one of the lucky few who didn't have to wait a couple of months to get a job, so it worked itself out.

I do want to defend myself a little by saying that I was already doing some stuff (cleaning - laundry - ironing was my job even before all of this) but I have to admit I will have to do even more if I want to live on my own, so today I started to learn how to cook  :).

LeveeWoman

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Re: How to handle mother?
« Reply #50 on: October 03, 2013, 07:34:58 AM »
Hi,

Thanks everyone for opening my eyes. I assure you I wasn't being picky (that was part of the reason, because I was applying to a lot of jobs at the same time) and it paid off!

I'm in Europe and am one of the lucky few who didn't have to wait a couple of months to get a job, so it worked itself out.

I do want to defend myself a little by saying that I was already doing some stuff (cleaning - laundry - ironing was my job even before all of this) but I have to admit I will have to do even more if I want to live on my own, so today I started to learn how to cook  :).

Congratulations on both the job and your decision to learn how to cook!

Yvaine

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Re: How to handle mother?
« Reply #51 on: October 03, 2013, 08:51:19 AM »
Hi,

Thanks everyone for opening my eyes. I assure you I wasn't being picky (that was part of the reason, because I was applying to a lot of jobs at the same time) and it paid off!

I'm in Europe and am one of the lucky few who didn't have to wait a couple of months to get a job, so it worked itself out.

I do want to defend myself a little by saying that I was already doing some stuff (cleaning - laundry - ironing was my job even before all of this) but I have to admit I will have to do even more if I want to live on my own, so today I started to learn how to cook  :).

Woohoo! Congratulations.

Firecat

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Re: How to handle mother?
« Reply #52 on: October 03, 2013, 09:30:54 AM »
Hi,

Thanks everyone for opening my eyes. I assure you I wasn't being picky (that was part of the reason, because I was applying to a lot of jobs at the same time) and it paid off!

I'm in Europe and am one of the lucky few who didn't have to wait a couple of months to get a job, so it worked itself out.

I do want to defend myself a little by saying that I was already doing some stuff (cleaning - laundry - ironing was my job even before all of this) but I have to admit I will have to do even more if I want to live on my own, so today I started to learn how to cook  :).

Congratulations on both! I hope you end up finding cooking enjoyable, and even if you don't, it's still a good skill to have!

Hmmmmm

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Re: How to handle mother? Solution #49
« Reply #53 on: October 03, 2013, 11:21:43 AM »
Congratulations. I hope you enjoy your new job.

gramma dishes

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Re: How to handle mother? Solution #49
« Reply #54 on: October 03, 2013, 11:53:01 AM »
Glad your job search has ended and that you're on your way to becoming self-sufficient in the kitchen.  Now when the time comes when you do move out, you won't have to hire a personal chef.   ;)

Congratulations!

NyaChan

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Re: How to handle mother? Solution #49
« Reply #55 on: October 03, 2013, 12:26:07 PM »
Congrats on finding a new job and good luck to you with your cooking!

jaxsue

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Re: How to handle mother?
« Reply #56 on: October 03, 2013, 03:20:18 PM »
Most people won't find a job online. It's the face to face - giving your resume or asking to fill it out on the spot or going to the mall and applying on their in-store computer application.

IME it's the opposite. Where I live, the vast majority of places will direct you to their company's website. You fill out the forms online, then submit. At my favorite grocery store, Wegman's, you submit your resume online and there is 1 guy, who lives in PA, who makes the hiring decisions (this info from the store's manager)! Mom and pop places, yes, it's still face-to-face, but that's unusual. And with the economy and the changing healthcare standards, many of those are holding back on hiring.

*inviteseller

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Re: How to handle mother? Solution #49
« Reply #57 on: October 03, 2013, 04:31:42 PM »
Big congratulations!!!!  It took me a year to find something and I am considerably older than you wil an established skill set!  I am also glad you are learning to cook.  Even if it is simple things, it is cheaper to cook in than eat out.  You are still young and some things will come to you in time.  You sound like you are well on your way to successfully becoming a fine adult!

Phoebe

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Re: How to handle mother?
« Reply #58 on: October 05, 2013, 08:34:47 PM »
Most people won't find a job online. It's the face to face - giving your resume or asking to fill it out on the spot or going to the mall and applying on their in-store computer application.

IME it's the opposite. Where I live, the vast majority of places will direct you to their company's website. You fill out the forms online, then submit. At my favorite grocery store, Wegman's, you submit your resume online and there is 1 guy, who lives in PA, who makes the hiring decisions (this info from the store's manager)! Mom and pop places, yes, it's still face-to-face, but that's unusual. And with the economy and the changing healthcare standards, many of those are holding back on hiring.

Off-topic for a moment:  Jaxsue, that store manager isn't being honest with you for whatever reason.  I live in the Land of Wegman and have literally over two dozen relatives and friends who work for the chain in several cities/three states.  Their positions range from administration to cashier, some have been there for over 20 years and the young man across the street just started in April as a cashier.  Hiring is done on location, with paper applications, the old-fashioned way.  You *can* apply online, but it's not required by any means.

Library Dragon

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Re: How to handle mother?
« Reply #59 on: October 05, 2013, 11:36:09 PM »
Most people won't find a job online. It's the face to face - giving your resume or asking to fill it out on the spot or going to the mall and applying on their in-store computer application.

IME it's the opposite. Where I live, the vast majority of places will direct you to their company's website. You fill out the forms online, then submit. At my favorite grocery store, Wegman's, you submit your resume online and there is 1 guy, who lives in PA, who makes the hiring decisions (this info from the store's manager)! Mom and pop places, yes, it's still face-to-face, but that's unusual. And with the economy and the changing healthcare standards, many of those are holding back on hiring.

In many, many places when you walk in with a resume or ask to fill out an application it ends up in a file and never looked at when an opening is available.  The employer doesn't want to wade through a stack to find appropriate skills and experience then find the person isn't available.  It is much easier to require EVERYONE to submit a new application for each position.  Whether it's online or in person. 

Many online applications take more than an hour to complete.  There is one office supply store with an unexpected 30 min personality quiz.  We often have panicked patrons who's hour of time is almost up on the public computer and they haven't completed the application and it won't be saved. 

DS1 was asked to apply at one company by the department head and had the contact's name.  The HR person wasn't interested and put him in a room with 4 computer terminals to fill out the generic application.  He and the department head couldn't get him past the first hurdle of the electronic application.  DS1 decided to stay in restaurant world.

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OP, I'm glad you found a job. 

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