Author Topic: Daycare dilemma - why did you remove your child from daycare?  (Read 7560 times)

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mime

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Re: Daycare dilemma - why did you remove your child from daycare?
« Reply #30 on: October 29, 2013, 12:55:27 PM »
For heaven's sake, if it were my child, I'd certainly want to be told.

You only have to say what you know, not anything you're speculating about. "Daycare Mom, this may be nothing to be concerned about but DD tells me she is worried about Child because she thinks Child is never let out of the seat except to be changed. I hope she's misinterpreting what she's been seeing, but I thought you deserved a chance to check it out for yourself."

This.

Absofreakinlutely!

Yes. Yes. Yes. In looking out for another child's welfare, you run the risk of being considered a busybody. That's a chance I'd take, and I'd appreciate another mom taking that chance for my kid.


Cluracan

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Re: Daycare dilemma - why did you remove your child from daycare?
« Reply #31 on: October 30, 2013, 03:49:43 PM »
Did you change daycares primarily because of the apparent treatment of the one-year old?  If this situation made you uncomfortable enough to switch, then I think the mother of the child who seems to be being abused should be given a heads up. 

If you changed daycares for some other reason, you could break down the different outcomes like this:

If you don't tell and there's really nothing wrong, no harm done.

If you don't tell and there is something wrong, the child's mistreatment will continue or at least be lengthened. 

If you do tell and there's really nothing wrong, the other mother will either look into it or brush it off.  Worst case scenario, she either thinks less of you for interfering or she pulls her child out of the daycare unnecessarily.  The latter might not be so bad in light of the fact that you took your own daughter out of the daycare.  The former might be a problem if you're invested in your relationship with the other mother.  If you're casual acquaintances, it might not matter so much.     

If you do tell and there is something wrong, you may be able to help save a child from a harmful environment.

It seems to me that the potential benefit of telling outweighs the drawbacks. 

*new*mommyagain36

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Re: Daycare dilemma - why did you remove your child from daycare?
« Reply #32 on: October 31, 2013, 12:26:49 PM »
I had already decided to change providers and had given my 30 days notice.  We found a nursery school with a nice daily routine that included a little computer time, some 'classroom' - educational activities time and just a well rounded program for toddlers that was lacking in the home daycare situation.  Also, DD gets to ride in a van with other kidlets to and from and she is LOVING that.   :)
So, all in all DH and I felt the new provider was a "better" situation.  And honestly, it was the last 3 times I picked up DD that I noticed Child in baby seat - it's a larger baby bucket type careseat.  Since DD wasn't there every day, just a few days a week I wasn't sure if I just never noticed it before but I suddenly realized that said Child had been in that seat 3 times AM/PM when dropping off/picking up DD.  Child's Mom and I are not "friends" - we really only see each other occasionally in passing but I do have her cell number and I am seriously considering calling her this weekend and just bringing up my concerns.  She hasn't yet called me to ask why I removed DD.  I think I feel a little gun shy due to a situation in the past where I suggested to someone who I thought was a friend that her child was developmentally delayed.  The backlash was not good and she cut me from her life post haste.  But I don't want that situation to color my every move and thought and I want to err on the side of safety rather then avoid prickly conversations I guess.
"Oh people can come up with statistics to prove anything.  14% of people know that" - Homer Simpson

Lady Snowdon

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Re: Daycare dilemma - why did you remove your child from daycare?
« Reply #33 on: October 31, 2013, 12:31:24 PM »
When I was about 11 or 12, my parents had me to go a home daycare during the summer, so that there would be someone who would watch me while they were at work.  One of the other kids at that home daycare was about 2 or 3, and was being treated horribly by the daycare lady.  The little girl was having trouble pottytraining, and every time she had an accident the daycare lady would send her to stand in the bathroom, in her wet clothes, for hours at a time.  She would berate the little girl for her accidents and make her cry multiple times per day.  Then, when it was time for pickup, she would change the little girl, and smother her with attention so mom wasn't aware of how her daughter was being treated.  I was really concerned about it and told my mom because I thought it wasn't right.  I was removed from that daycare shortly afterward (for other reasons, including how the daycare lady's bio kids treated me), and I remember my mom having a very *long* talk with the daycare lady when she came to pick me up for the last time.  Shortly after, daycare lady closed down her home daycare, and they moved to a different city.  I have no proof, but I think my mom was telling the daycare lady that others knew about her treatment of the little girl. 

cicero

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Re: Daycare dilemma - why did you remove your child from daycare?
« Reply #34 on: November 01, 2013, 12:57:21 AM »
Child's Mom and I are not "friends" - we really only see each other occasionally in passing but I do have her cell number and I am seriously considering calling her this weekend and just bringing up my concerns.  She hasn't yet called me to ask why I removed DD.  I think I feel a little gun shy due to a situation in the past where I suggested to someone who I thought was a friend that her child was developmentally delayed.  The backlash was not good and she cut me from her life post haste.  But I don't want that situation to color my every move and thought and I want to err on the side of safety rather then avoid prickly conversations I guess.
This is a little different, though. You aren't being negative about someone's child or parenting skills; you are giving them information about the day care provider. If the trables were turned, wouldn't you want this info? Wouldn't you think it strange that others knew and didn't' give you a head's up?

I'd personally rather have someone cut me out of their lives than risk having their child harmed because I kept my mouth shut.

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*new*mommyagain36

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Re: Daycare dilemma - why did you remove your child from daycare?
« Reply #35 on: November 06, 2013, 09:57:08 AM »
OP here.
Well, that went better than expected.  Daycare Mom actually called me last night because she asked about DD at daycare and provider told her DD no longer went there.  Daycare Mom (DM) asked why I removed DD and I told her about new daycare since she is 3 and it's more an educational program, etc.  We made some small talk and then I just took a deep breath and told her "DM I don't want to alarm you or overstep any bounds here but, I do want you to know that the last 3 times I picked up DD your Child was in their baby seat.  DD seemed confused too as it looked like Child spends a lot of time in that seat."  DM was fine with this.  She thanked me for the info and said she would "look into it"  Child does not talk so she will have to do something on her own to investigate (saying, she cannot ask her Child about it).  All in all I feel the conversation went well.  We chatted a bit more and then hung up.
Thank you to everyone for your advice.  I am glad now that I told her and I think she will follow up on her own and see for herself what is going on.   :)
"Oh people can come up with statistics to prove anything.  14% of people know that" - Homer Simpson

cicero

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Re: Daycare dilemma - why did you remove your child from daycare?
« Reply #36 on: November 06, 2013, 10:08:59 AM »
OP here.
Well, that went better than expected.  Daycare Mom actually called me last night because she asked about DD at daycare and provider told her DD no longer went there.  Daycare Mom (DM) asked why I removed DD and I told her about new daycare since she is 3 and it's more an educational program, etc.  We made some small talk and then I just took a deep breath and told her "DM I don't want to alarm you or overstep any bounds here but, I do want you to know that the last 3 times I picked up DD your Child was in their baby seat.  DD seemed confused too as it looked like Child spends a lot of time in that seat."  DM was fine with this.  She thanked me for the info and said she would "look into it"  Child does not talk so she will have to do something on her own to investigate (saying, she cannot ask her Child about it).  All in all I feel the conversation went well.  We chatted a bit more and then hung up.
Thank you to everyone for your advice.  I am glad now that I told her and I think she will follow up on her own and see for herself what is going on.   :)
Good!

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