Author Topic: S/0 taking food for kids: taking food for vegetarians  (Read 18087 times)

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silvercelt

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Re: S/0 taking food for kids: taking food for vegetarians
« Reply #120 on: October 02, 2013, 04:03:02 PM »
We have a couple of vegetarians in my office.  When we ordered pizza, there would be one veggie and the rest would all have meat of some sort, some all meat, some meat and veggies.  Drove me nuts that people would take the veggie and if the two vegetarians weren't near the front of the line, they wouldn't get at any.

We solved the problem by ordering two veggie pizzas and reducing the meat options by one.

I don't think it is rude to take any food that is on the main table and not specifically designated for a particular group.  It is thoughtless to not let that group get their options first and then take something if there are leftovers.  And it is rude to load up (ie: take more than one serving) on anything before everyone has had a chance to get something.

If I were a vegetarian, I'd be making darn sure I was near the front of the line.  It does drive me a bit crazy that the two vegetarians in our office don't do this - and at that point, if they don't get enough food, it is kind of their own fault.

This. Totally this.

After a couple of times of buying pizza for my staff, I got wise to their tricks. :P
I'd poll the office, then order pizzas based on preferences.  We have 2 vegetarians in this office, and I can't eat pizza with meat on it.  Everyone one else would say "Oh, we want a meat lovers/pepperoni/random meat item pizza!" so I'd order one and 1/2 cheese or veggie pizzas and the rest with various kinds of meat....and every single meat eater would devour the vegetarian options and we'd have meat leftover.  Every. Time.

The last time I got pizza (couple weeks ago) when everyone was asking for pepperoni and meat lover's, I told them to speak up if they were really wanting veggies, because if I ordered a bunch of meat pizzas again, the veggie option was going to disappear into my office for the non-meat eaters who REQUESTED it.

Strangely, everyone decided they wanted cheese, or veggies.

HGolightly

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Re: S/0 taking food for kids: taking food for vegetarians
« Reply #121 on: October 02, 2013, 04:04:20 PM »
I think the issue is frustrating and disappointing on all sides. I have severe dietary restrictions and an extremely limited diet that is purely medical and no I am not being picky or spoiled! I just can't eat most foods. I am fortunate that when I am hosted friends and family they provide me with a dinner option I can actually eat. To be fair, I always offer to bring my own. This summer we had a BBQ where my BFF made me my own plain dish of shrimp, my nephew thought they looked good and helped himself.....off of my plate. When admonished by his dad, his response was "so what, I wanted them". I was disappointed and hungry but he is a kid (I don't think he will do that again given how mad his dad was). I will always share if asked but I find it more than a little embarrassing to have my "special food" or none while the others are eating all they like.

Allyson

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Re: S/0 taking food for kids: taking food for vegetarians
« Reply #122 on: October 02, 2013, 04:45:32 PM »
I think it's the host's responsibility to make sure that people with restrictions have enough to eat. Whether that means specifically serving gluten-free to the Celiac people, or just adding more veggie options overall, I suppose depends on a lot of things. But I don't think it should be up to the guests to figure out what is supposed to be restricted.

It sounds like the "veggie pizza is most popular" thing is a super common problem. I think the solution that is pretty easy--more veggie options overall! Lowest common denominator is a factor here, too. More food that everyone can eat is a good thing I'd say.

I eat meat but try to do Meatless Mondays, so if the dinner were on a Monday i'd go for the veggie option, even though I *could* eat the meaty option. Just for another perspective and reason people might not go for the meat!

AnnaJ

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Re: S/0 taking food for kids: taking food for vegetarians
« Reply #123 on: October 02, 2013, 04:57:12 PM »
I think the issue is frustrating and disappointing on all sides. I have severe dietary restrictions and an extremely limited diet that is purely medical and no I am not being picky or spoiled! I just can't eat most foods. I am fortunate that when I am hosted friends and family they provide me with a dinner option I can actually eat. To be fair, I always offer to bring my own. This summer we had a BBQ where my BFF made me my own plain dish of shrimp, my nephew thought they looked good and helped himself.....off of my plate. When admonished by his dad, his response was "so what, I wanted them". I was disappointed and hungry but he is a kid (I don't think he will do that again given how mad his dad was). I will always share if asked but I find it more than a little embarrassing to have my "special food" or none while the others are eating all they like.

OK, fitting jaw back into mouth. 

You didn't ask for an opinion about your nephew so I won't give one, but want to say that what he did to you is very different from the main question about people serving themselves from serving dishes/pizza boxes/buffet lines. 

It is the responsibility of the host to make sure there is sufficient food for their guests, and that doesn't mean telling some guests that they cannot have certain food that other guests are eating, with one exception: if a guest has severe restrictions like yours I think they need to give the food to you specifically, as they apparently did at this dinner.  People stealing food from your plate is covered in a whole different area of etiquette.

Twik

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Re: S/0 taking food for kids: taking food for vegetarians
« Reply #124 on: October 02, 2013, 05:09:02 PM »
Just how old is this nephew?
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*inviteseller

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Re: S/0 taking food for kids: taking food for vegetarians
« Reply #125 on: October 02, 2013, 06:54:05 PM »
We had a catered holiday lunch at my last job one year.  There was 7 employees, boss had a nice spread ordered (enough for 2 days), including a specific entree for me, the only vegetarian.  There were 2 meat entrees and 6 sides, 2 of those sides had ham or bacon in them.  I was last to go get my food as we, of course, got busy and when I went to get my plate, my entree was gone.  Yes, for all the food that was there, one employee decided to take all of mine (and there was enough for 2 decent servings).  His excuse? "Well I knew it was specifically for you, but you can have the sides or just eat the meat because this looked good and what I was hungry for"  >:( >:( >:(  So, my holiday luncheon meal was some mashed potatoes and some broccoli, while everyone else had sirloin tips and all the sides.  Needless to say for the next holiday luncheon, I told my boss not to order anything special for me and I brought my lunch that day.

I do not think it is rude or inconsiderate to choose to eat a meatless dish regardless of the reason. As long as you take a polite sized portion a guest should be able to try whatever dish they like at a party without fearing that another guest is going to call them out or silently judge them about what they eating.

I do think it is a bit entitlement minded to think that vegetarians have a greater right to a meatless dish then say someone who is on a diet, or has ethical issues with certain meats, or who just simply does not want to eat meat that particular day.

It is not entitlement minded if the hosts only put out a few servings of a meatless option for the known vegetarians and they actually hope to get some.  It is entitlement minded if the meat eaters, who are eating the meat also are scarfing the small amount of meatless food.  Would it be entitlement minded for someone with a medical dietary restriction having options that are made for them scarfed down by others just because they wanted it?  I do not whine, stomp my feet or cry.  I will eat around the meat dishes, if it means just sides, but if someone makes me a a specific dish to replace the carnivore entree and someone eats it because they just wanted it, that is rude.

Zilla

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Re: S/0 taking food for kids: taking food for vegetarians
« Reply #126 on: October 02, 2013, 07:02:20 PM »
We had a catered holiday lunch at my last job one year.  There was 7 employees, boss had a nice spread ordered (enough for 2 days), including a specific entree for me, the only vegetarian.  There were 2 meat entrees and 6 sides, 2 of those sides had ham or bacon in them.  I was last to go get my food as we, of course, got busy and when I went to get my plate, my entree was gone.  Yes, for all the food that was there, one employee decided to take all of mine (and there was enough for 2 decent servings).  His excuse? "Well I knew it was specifically for you, but you can have the sides or just eat the meat because this looked good and what I was hungry for"  >:( >:( >:(  So, my holiday luncheon meal was some mashed potatoes and some broccoli, while everyone else had sirloin tips and all the sides.  Needless to say for the next holiday luncheon, I told my boss not to order anything special for me and I brought my lunch that day.

I do not think it is rude or inconsiderate to choose to eat a meatless dish regardless of the reason. As long as you take a polite sized portion a guest should be able to try whatever dish they like at a party without fearing that another guest is going to call them out or silently judge them about what they eating.

I do think it is a bit entitlement minded to think that vegetarians have a greater right to a meatless dish then say someone who is on a diet, or has ethical issues with certain meats, or who just simply does not want to eat meat that particular day.

It is not entitlement minded if the hosts only put out a few servings of a meatless option for the known vegetarians and they actually hope to get some.  It is entitlement minded if the meat eaters, who are eating the meat also are scarfing the small amount of meatless food.  Would it be entitlement minded for someone with a medical dietary restriction having options that are made for them scarfed down by others just because they wanted it?  I do not whine, stomp my feet or cry.  I will eat around the meat dishes, if it means just sides, but if someone makes me a a specific dish to replace the carnivore entree and someone eats it because they just wanted it, that is rude.


Well of course in your situation you described, it was incredibly rude.  There was a "single" generous meal for you amid the tons of foods you described plus the person knew it was for you.  In all the scenarios described in this thread, it was part of a buffet, family style meal etc with several offerings.  Not a single offering.


I hope your boss said something to that jerk!

sunnygirl

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Re: S/0 taking food for kids: taking food for vegetarians
« Reply #127 on: October 02, 2013, 07:03:13 PM »
I agree that if omnivores eat the vegetarians' food without knowing, that is not rude at all - guests should not be expected to monitor everyone's food requirements. But if you're in a small group and you know for definite that one person cannot eat x food, and only one dish that doesn't contain x is present, it's rude to eat it imo. A buffet situation is generally very different from that though. Personally I believe the point of etiquette is to go the extra mile to be courteous and polite and treat people well even when you do not 'have' to.
« Last Edit: October 02, 2013, 07:05:21 PM by sunnygirl »

TootsNYC

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Re: S/0 taking food for kids: taking food for vegetarians
« Reply #128 on: October 02, 2013, 07:06:44 PM »
We have a couple of vegetarians in my office.  When we ordered pizza, there would be one veggie and the rest would all have meat of some sort, some all meat, some meat and veggies.  Drove me nuts that people would take the veggie and if the two vegetarians weren't near the front of the line, they wouldn't get at any.

We solved the problem by ordering two veggie pizzas and reducing the meat options by one.


See, I am not a vegetarian, but I do not like meat on pizza. Never have. Why should I have to take the pizza with meat that I do want? Am I being rude by taking what I like?

No, I don't think you are rude to take what you like.  But in my work's case, there are two known vegetarians (out of 17 people).  Everybody knows; if they don't, they've been living under a rock for the last 5 years.  I just think it is pretty thoughtless of them to take the only pizza these two folks can eat, without considering whether or not they've had a chance to get any yet.

But people at a hypothetical workplace may not know. And the problem w/ the pizzas occurred the first 3 or so times--The first few times, I would expect there to be plenty of plain, etc., and THEN I would expect the organizers to wise up and order less meat, and more of what people were actually eating.

HGolightly

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Re: S/0 taking food for kids: taking food for vegetarians
« Reply #129 on: October 02, 2013, 07:37:33 PM »
My nephew is definitely old enough to know better. Let's just say he can be a few flakes short of a blizzard.  He has also learned not to mess with auntie or there WILL be an etiquette lesson. I am glad his dad is taking a stand on his son's manners.......finally.

baglady

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Re: S/0 taking food for kids: taking food for vegetarians
« Reply #130 on: October 02, 2013, 07:38:08 PM »
I'm a meat eater. At work pizza parties, my experience has been I take one or two slices from the meat pizza, then if I go back for seconds and discover that there are two slices of the meat pizza left, but eight slices of the veggie/plain, I take my seconds from the latter, because obviously the demand is higher for the meat. If it were vice versa, I'd leave the non-meat slices for those who didn't want meat -- whether they were vegetarians or just not eating meat that day. But most of the time it is the plain or veggie pie that has the most left over.

If I were throwing a grill-centric party/barbecue with a veggie protein option, I'd include in the invitation that "there will be veggie burgers and tofu dogs available for vegetarians." My omnivore friends tend to respect that and leave the "fake meat" for the vegetarians until invited to have some.

Vegetarian sides -- e.g., bean salad, green salad, mac and cheese -- would be fair game for everyone.

My go-to dinner party dish is two pots of chili, one with meat and no beans, the other with beans and no meat. Guests are invited to mix and match. I'm on Atkins, so I go for the straight meat-no-beans option.

Is it rude for a non-vegetarian to take the veggie food? Only if it has been spelled out clearly that such-and-such is reserved for vegetarians. In practice that "reserved" status is only for the veggie burgers/dogs, not the sides.

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blarg314

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Re: S/0 taking food for kids: taking food for vegetarians
« Reply #131 on: October 02, 2013, 08:16:21 PM »

Buffets are generally everyone for themselves - putting out a vegetarian (or gluten free, or fat free) option on a buffet table and hoping that only the people who cannot eat the other dishes will take it is a pretty risky way of doing it, for all the reasons mentioned upthread. I think the best way to do it is to either make the veggie version by request, or to have a separate table, separate from the main one, clearly labelled "for vegetarians/gluten free/fat free/nut free only".

I'm an extremely non-picky omnivore, but American ground beef is one of the few things I try to avoid eating for safety reasons, so I might be tempted by the veggie burgers even though normally I'd prefer a good beef burger to a substitute.

I've also been to BBQ buffets where the veggie option was far superior to the meat options. In one case, it was the annual grad student picnic. The budget was tight, so it was the cheapest pre-prepared burgers you could get at No Frills, and the cheapest buns. The person getting the vegetarian option was a bit of a food snob and didn't like veggie substitutes, so the vegetarian option was things like grilled portabellos and red peppers, which were way more pricy that what everyone else was eating.

Things like side salads, bean salads, mac and cheese, veggie pizza etc are even trickier, because to many people these are just plain food that is there to be eaten. Pizza in particular - I know lots of people who just plain like veggie pizza, and more who avoid meat on pizza for other reasons (avoid salt, for example).



MommyPenguin

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Re: S/0 taking food for kids: taking food for vegetarians
« Reply #132 on: October 02, 2013, 08:18:55 PM »
The pizza thing absolutely drives me crazy.  I really like cheese pizza.  I like sausage pizza, or sometimes ham and pineapple if I'm in the mood, and that's absolutely it.

Whenever people order pizza for an event, they seem to order pepperoni, cheese, and maybe one other options.  They'll order 90% pepperoni and 10% or less cheese.  Then all of the first people go through the line, get cheese, and it's picking off the pepperoni for everybody else.  Why do people not get that cheese is an easy default, and that it always goes first?  I don't think I've been to a single event in which there was leftover cheese pizza, even when there are lots of meat pizzas leftover.  I think enough people are picky in *which* meats or meat combinations they like, that they'd rather have cheese if it isn't the right meat.  So the cheese seems to go first.

I remember my daughter being invited to a birthday party.  They'd invited a ton of kids and ordered 10 pizzas.  My daughter is *very* picky about pizza and really only likes cheese.  So, of course, you can guess that there were 9 pepperoni and 1 cheese pizza.  8 slices of cheese pizza, and Emily was 9th in line, so the first kid not to have a choice.  She looked like she was going to cry, although she bucked up and picked off the pepperoni to eat what she could.

BarensMom

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Re: S/0 taking food for kids: taking food for vegetarians
« Reply #133 on: October 02, 2013, 08:33:05 PM »
I learned very quickly about the law of vegetarian take-out:  If faced with a meat option and a vegetarian option, the meat eaters will take the veggie option every time, especially when there is a lower quantity of the veggie option.

Story:  I ordered food for a meeting involving Big Boss, a client (compatriot of Boss), and several underlings.  The meeting coordinator specified a meat lasagne, with a four-serving veggie lasagne for Big Boss and those underlings who were also vegetarian.  Food arrives, is placed into the meeting room, and all's well in the EOC world.  Post-meeting, Big Boss comes into my office to ask that in future, any meetings involving him and his compatriot(s) have only vegetarian food.  The underlings got to the food first and gobbled up the vegetarian lasagne, leaving only salad and bread for Big Boss and client.

Therefore, in spite of grumblings from meat-eaters, only vegetarian food was ordered for any meeting involving Big Boss, client company, or if more than 2 of the co-workers involved were compatriots of Boss.

Hmmmmm

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Re: S/0 taking food for kids: taking food for vegetarians
« Reply #134 on: October 02, 2013, 08:40:50 PM »
Off topic
I think the cheese only pizza being a preference might be a regional thing. In my experience, cheese pizza is usually left. I used to order 40 pizzas for an annual neighborhood swim team party. 10 each pepperoni, cheese, veggie combo, and a pepperoni, sausage mushroom, olive. After 2 years I learned to cut the cheese down to 6 and up the meat/veg combo.

At my kids bday parties the one cheese pizza I order would be eaten by a couple of kids and always the most left over, which was fine with me because I like cheese. Actually I remember a mom and I talking that neither of us had a cheese only pizza till we were moms. Our families never ordered them. And I grew up in a family who only ate meat twice a week in the summers.