Author Topic: S/O taking veggie food  (Read 4563 times)

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Another Sarah

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S/O taking veggie food
« on: October 02, 2013, 06:59:01 AM »
The question about taking meat eaters taking veggie food from a buffet reminds me of a question I had

I throw a party for my friends each year where I cook christmas dinner for everyone.
Last year one of my friends stopped being vegetarian in the summer, but during the run up to the dinner asked me if I would still make her the alternative to turkey at the dinner because she really likes the alternative choice.
I didn't actually mind doing it but it does add a layer of complexity to the cooking times etc and I can't help feeling it's a bit SS to request a special dish when she no longer had the dietary requirement. Was she rude to ask, knowing that it would make cooking more complicated?
While I've been happy to cook the veggie alternative for her in the past and I always make the vast majority of side dishes veggie - i.e. butter not goose fat on the roast potatoes, both meat stuffing and veggie stuffing, veggie gravy etc, I do think it changes matters if it's a preference, not a requirement. Am I being unfair?

Teenyweeny

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Re: S/O taking veggie food
« Reply #1 on: October 02, 2013, 07:31:55 AM »
If it's a preference, I think it's rude. After all, I might prefer mashed potatoes to boiled potatoes. I wouldn't ask the host to mash me some potatoes! It's personal hospitality, not a restaurant!

Hospitality means (IMO) making sure that guests will have enough food that they will be able to eat. Obviously, that's a minimum, it's great when everybody enjoys the food too! But guests don't get to change the menu to a food they would like better, as long as they can actually eat what's in front of them then they should be satisfied.



camlan

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Re: S/O taking veggie food
« Reply #2 on: October 02, 2013, 07:36:19 AM »
She wasn't rude to ask, but you wouldn't be rude to say "no," either, now that she is no longer vegetarian.

If it's just too much work, maybe you could tell her that, and that your menu is already planned. Possibly, if you feel very generous, offer to have her over at a different time, when you will make the requested dish.
Nothing is impossible, the word itself says, “I’m possible!” –Audrey Hepburn

TootsNYC

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Re: S/O taking veggie food
« Reply #3 on: October 02, 2013, 08:49:49 AM »
I've had people ask me to make a certain dish for a party because they like it. Usually that's couples with the idea that they like the way *I* make it, so that makes it a compliment at its core.

So I don't think it's rude. I think it *could* be rude in the way it's asked. Suggestion, fine.

But remember that what she's doing is essentially asking a favor. She's not ordering your around, she's asking a favor.

Adn as with ALL favors, you get to decide if it's too much to grant.

Isisnin

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Re: S/O taking veggie food
« Reply #4 on: October 02, 2013, 08:56:02 AM »
She wasn't rude to ask.  Particularly among friends, who tend to be more casual with each other, to as something like "could you make my favorite please?  (I'd throw in "pretty, pretty please?" if I was asking. LOL!).

I also agree with Camlan that you wouldn't have been rude to say no. 

If it's not one for you secret recipes, you could give her the recipe.  Or, as Camlan suggested have her over for a dinner of the recipe, but the two of you make it together.  Could be her birthday gift from you!

White Lotus

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Re: S/O taking veggie food
« Reply #5 on: October 02, 2013, 10:24:21 AM »
Give her the recipe and ask her to bring it.  There may be be others looking forward to this dish, too.  Our veg dressing casserole and veg gravy go pretty well, even after people realize they are taking seconds of the (normally disdained on principle) veg food.

Hmmmmm

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Re: S/O taking veggie food
« Reply #6 on: October 02, 2013, 10:58:23 AM »
She wasn't rude to ask, but you wouldn't be rude to say "no," either, now that she is no longer vegetarian.

If it's just too much work, maybe you could tell her that, and that your menu is already planned. Possibly, if you feel very generous, offer to have her over at a different time, when you will make the requested dish.
I agree with this. You could have said "Oh, I wasn't planning on having it on the menu this year." and just left it.

I would only see her asking rude if it was something that no one else at your dinner would eat and she was aware that she was the only one who would enjoy it.

Another Sarah

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Re: S/O taking veggie food
« Reply #7 on: October 02, 2013, 12:35:42 PM »
Thanks everyone, like I say, I really didn't mind making it, I raised the question more because it was very clearly as a veggie alternative to the turkey and the implication was that she wasn't going to even try the turkey. But I'll take it as a compliment to my veggie cooking!!

snowdragon

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Re: S/O taking veggie food
« Reply #8 on: October 02, 2013, 12:38:51 PM »
I think rude and SS. 'I dropped my eating restriction, but when you host me you still need to provide for it." is rude.

I would have said no- holidays have enough to do for the host, with out someone expecting that non-existent good restrictions will be catered to. 

Zilla

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Re: S/O taking veggie food
« Reply #9 on: October 02, 2013, 12:43:53 PM »
I think rude and SS. 'I dropped my eating restriction, but when you host me you still need to provide for it." is rude.

I would have said no- holidays have enough to do for the host, with out someone expecting that non-existent good restrictions will be catered to.


Wow, you must have very entitled friends to give you this reaction.  I choose to think it was a huge compliment to the OP's cooking that even though she changed her style of eating, she still wants what the OP has made for her in the past.  It's a very reasonable question, and especially how she asked.  You did see that she asked if OP was still going to make it and not a demand for the OP to make it.

NyaChan

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Re: S/O taking veggie food
« Reply #10 on: October 02, 2013, 12:58:12 PM »
I think it is usually rude to ask the host to make another main dish when there is no reason why one can't eat what the host originally intended to serve, so basically just out of personal preference.  I would not, for example, ask a friend who is making lasagna for a party to please make me her well-loved spaghetti instead because I'm really craving it. 

However, this is a friend who you are presumably close to and this is a holiday dinner where people have strong feelings about what constitutes traditional food, so I think that in this case it was not rude for her to have floated the possibility.  Nor would it have been rude for you to say that it was too much trouble for you to make.

StuffedGrapeLeaves

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Re: S/O taking veggie food
« Reply #11 on: October 02, 2013, 01:10:12 PM »
I think it is usually rude to ask the host to make another main dish when there is no reason why one can't eat what the host originally intended to serve, so basically just out of personal preference.  I would not, for example, ask a friend who is making lasagna for a party to please make me her well-loved spaghetti instead because I'm really craving it. 

However, this is a friend who you are presumably close to and this is a holiday dinner where people have strong feelings about what constitutes traditional food, so I think that in this case it was not rude for her to have floated the possibility.  Nor would it have been rude for you to say that it was too much trouble for you to make.

I actually feel the other way.  Because it's a holiday dinner and it's already traditionally more complicated than a regular dinner, I would feel bad asking the host to make me something special.  It doesn't make this particular guest rude and the OP also wouldn't be rude for declining, but personally I would not ask my host to do this when she is already hosting a holiday dinner.

Goosey

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Re: S/O taking veggie food
« Reply #12 on: October 02, 2013, 01:11:28 PM »
I think rude and SS. 'I dropped my eating restriction, but when you host me you still need to provide for it." is rude.

I would have said no- holidays have enough to do for the host, with out someone expecting that non-existent good restrictions will be catered to.

That's not at all what happened. She didn't tell the OP she "needed" to do anything.

She asked if the OP could continue to provide a dish she had previously that the friend looked forward to. The OP had the choice to say no and it's a friend, so I don't see the big deal in asking.

snowdragon

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Re: S/O taking veggie food
« Reply #13 on: October 02, 2013, 01:16:39 PM »
I think rude and SS. 'I dropped my eating restriction, but when you host me you still need to provide for it." is rude.

I would have said no- holidays have enough to do for the host, with out someone expecting that non-existent good restrictions will be catered to.

That's not at all what happened. She didn't tell the OP she "needed" to do anything.

She asked if the OP could continue to provide a dish she had previously that the friend looked forward to. The OP had the choice to say no and it's a friend, so I don't see the big deal in asking.

 She's asking for a preference that she no longer adheres to still be catered to that equals rude. The host sets the menu not the guests.  Even the 'asking" is rude, as afar as I am concerned, and to ask something that even the OP says is going to make things more complicated, all the more rude.
 

Goosey

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Re: S/O taking veggie food
« Reply #14 on: October 02, 2013, 01:19:56 PM »
I think rude and SS. 'I dropped my eating restriction, but when you host me you still need to provide for it." is rude.

I would have said no- holidays have enough to do for the host, with out someone expecting that non-existent good restrictions will be catered to.

That's not at all what happened. She didn't tell the OP she "needed" to do anything.

She asked if the OP could continue to provide a dish she had previously that the friend looked forward to. The OP had the choice to say no and it's a friend, so I don't see the big deal in asking.

She's asking for a preference that she no longer adheres to still be catered to that equals rude. The host sets the menu not the guests.  Even the 'asking" is rude, as afar as I am concerned, and to ask something that even the OP says is going to make things more complicated, all the more rude.

No, she's asking if the OP can make something she'd made previously that she really liked. It has nothing to do with her former vegetarianism and everything to do with looking forward to a dish. The OP could say no and she didn't, so obviously it doesn't complicate things so much that it's a huge imposition. It was up to the OP to determine if the imposition would be too much to do this favor for her friend and she made that determination. And the OP and this person are friends who have shared this holiday together in the past. That makes things more casual.