Author Topic: S/O taking veggie food  (Read 4565 times)

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Yvaine

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Re: S/O taking veggie food
« Reply #30 on: October 02, 2013, 10:47:07 PM »
I don't think it's a super egregious offense to ask or anything, but I do think it's just a tad tricky to request a specific dish at a specific event.  Absolutely it's a compliment, but as a host I'd still like to decide when I serve which dish.  I got a ton of compliments on my jambalaya recently, but I'm not going to make it for Thanksgiving, and if someone asked me to, I would find it a strange thing to request.  (Not because of the food item itself, but because if I'm hosting an event I've likely already chosen the food, and I have a reason for the things I've chosen).  I wouldn't think twice about "oh man, that dish was delicious!  can you make it again someday/give me the recipe/teach me to make it" etc.  But "can you make it at your party next weekend?" goes just a bit too far for me.  Like I said, I don't think it's the worse offense ever and I'd either make it or politely decline and move on, but it's just not something I'd ask a host as a guest in their home.

But in a case where it's the recurrence of the same event, I don't think this really applies. The OP's friend didn't want a special Christmas dish at the Memorial Day barbecue, but at the next year's recurrence of the annual Christmas event.

kareng57

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Re: S/O taking veggie food
« Reply #31 on: October 02, 2013, 10:59:35 PM »
I do agree that she was rude to ask.  You had already planned your meal on the premise that she no longer had that dietary requirement.  So this would definitely be more work for you.

It would be different if it was a potluck, and she asked you to bring your "signature" dish as your contribution.  But that wasn't the case here.

kareng57

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Re: S/O taking veggie food
« Reply #32 on: October 02, 2013, 11:08:54 PM »
It was a dish that was on the menu prior.  When discussing dinner and knowing she is no longer vegetarian, I see her saying, "Oooh I know I am not vegetarian anymore, but are you still going to make that really delicious faux turkey dish?  It was so good!" 

This is not rude and in fact a compliment.  The OP was completely free to say, "Oh no I hadn't planned on it." but instead chose to do it.  Again not rude.

I agree with Zilla - this is a compliment.


I disagree.  I think that the guest is out-of-line for asking about this.  Unless there are special dietary concerns, you (general you, of course) get what the host is serving.

Hosting is pretty taxing for me these days.  If a guest asked, I'd probably agree to do it (and yes, I realize that I can say No) but that doesn't mean that I'd like it.

that_one_girl

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Re: S/O taking veggie food
« Reply #33 on: October 03, 2013, 08:45:01 PM »
If it was a dish that several of the guests would want to eat, I would go ahead and make it.

If Friend was probably the only one who would eat it, I wouldn't make it for that specific dinner, but I would probably invite her over for another dinner in the same month where I would make the dish she wanted :)

TootsNYC

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Re: S/O taking veggie food
« Reply #34 on: October 04, 2013, 12:17:35 PM »
Yeah, me too.

Because I get my jollies by cooking for other people who really like my food.

Drunken Housewife

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Re: S/O taking veggie food
« Reply #35 on: October 04, 2013, 12:30:05 PM »
Speaking as someone who loves to cook, I would never be offended if someone asked if I were going to make something they had loved eating at my house before.  I might or might not cook that dish depending upon my menu plans, but I'd be flattered that they liked that food I'd made so much.
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NyaChan

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Re: S/O taking veggie food
« Reply #36 on: October 04, 2013, 12:54:20 PM »
Speaking as someone who loves to cook, I would never be offended if someone asked if I were going to make something they had loved eating at my house before.  I might or might not cook that dish depending upon my menu plans, but I'd be flattered that they liked that food I'd made so much.

Yup! I'd also be glad for the heads up on what dish I could be sure they'll enjoy for the next time I'm hosting or contributing a dish.

What DID bug me though, was a "friend" walking in to see my food laden table and the first words out of her mouth were "Oh no! No bean salad??"  I mean seriously? I had spent all of Friday and Saturday making all that food in my tiny apartment kitchen - I was kind of hoping for an ooh, not an oh no  ;D

Zilla

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Re: S/O taking veggie food
« Reply #37 on: October 04, 2013, 01:20:50 PM »
Speaking as someone who loves to cook, I would never be offended if someone asked if I were going to make something they had loved eating at my house before.  I might or might not cook that dish depending upon my menu plans, but I'd be flattered that they liked that food I'd made so much.

Yup! I'd also be glad for the heads up on what dish I could be sure they'll enjoy for the next time I'm hosting or contributing a dish.

What DID bug me though, was a "friend" walking in to see my food laden table and the first words out of her mouth were "Oh no! No bean salad??"  I mean seriously? I had spent all of Friday and Saturday making all that food in my tiny apartment kitchen - I was kind of hoping for an ooh, not an oh no  ;D


Oh that would bug me so much too!  I don't mind way beforehand and not knowing the menu if they ask about a certain dish.

TootsNYC

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Re: S/O taking veggie food
« Reply #38 on: October 04, 2013, 01:32:16 PM »
Yeah, it's like her focus is on her, and what she wants, and not on you, and what you are giving her.

Too many people don't truly recognize hospitality as a gift. When they're receiving it, anyway.
(probably too many people don't properly regard gifts either, what with all the complaining they didn't like it)

I wonder--does that friend host other people very much?


NyaChan

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Re: S/O taking veggie food
« Reply #39 on: October 04, 2013, 02:14:06 PM »
Yeah, it's like her focus is on her, and what she wants, and not on you, and what you are giving her.

Too many people don't truly recognize hospitality as a gift. When they're receiving it, anyway.
(probably too many people don't properly regard gifts either, what with all the complaining they didn't like it)

I wonder--does that friend host other people very much?

Nope.  I once went to her house and spent two hours with her while she sipped wine and offered me and her other visitor not so much as a glass of water.  This is the girl who had messed with Jenny and Todd's ring and I dropped all contact with her after graduation.  She has since managed to alienate my closest friend from school as well which trust me, takes some effort.

sparksals

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Re: S/O taking veggie food
« Reply #40 on: October 04, 2013, 11:36:21 PM »
I think you're spinning this is the absolute worse possible way. And by spinning, I mean you're reeeeeaaallly stretching to find an insult here. So, I don't think we'll see eye-to-eye on this.

As another said, this isn't a negative comment on your hosting. It's a compliment to your dish. You're choosing to make a friend into a bad person instead of accepting a compliment and making a decision. That's much ruder in my books than anything in the OP.

It is not a negative comment to ones hosting, but it puts the hostess in an awkward position.  I would be put out if I planned a menu and was asked to make something else.  Thanksgiving is coming up and I plan my menu ahead.  I have it ready and shopping list prepared.    It is extra work for me if I had no plans for the dish as the request would make me feel obligated to make it.

TootsNYC

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Re: S/O taking veggie food
« Reply #41 on: October 05, 2013, 10:56:27 AM »
And maybe the thing EtiquetteHell can help us with is to encourage us to NOT feel that we have to make that dish.

We can say, "Oh, I hadn't planned on it," and not make it. We can say, "Oh, you like that? I'll have to see," and then not make it.

With the encouragement of one another, maybe we can get more tothe point where we say,  if only to ourselves, "I'm glad they really like that dish, but I'm not a restaurant, so I'm not going to make it."

Another Sarah

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Re: S/O taking veggie food
« Reply #42 on: October 07, 2013, 07:39:26 AM »
Can you point to where it's rude to ask about a dish with a hostess?  I see that it's not rude to ask well before the dinner party about a dish.  I just saw one on a Emily Post reference.  But nowhere do I see it's rude to ask.  You also make it sound like they are rejecting the menu out of hand.  When in this specific scenario the friend was asking if the OP is going to still continue to make it.  She wasn't changing anything and in fact simply asking if the dish was going to still be made.

This is a good point actually- another poster said I must've been a bit bothered or I wouldn't have asked the question and this post has helped me put my finger on what bothered me - actually she knew I wasn't going to make that dish and asked me to change my mind.

I love it when people ask me for something I've made them before, but they ask if it's going to be there and while I wasn't offended, I think it did come off a bit presumptuous in the way she did it.

And maybe the thing EtiquetteHell can help us with is to encourage us to NOT feel that we have to make that dish.

We can say, "Oh, I hadn't planned on it," and not make it. We can say, "Oh, you like that? I'll have to see," and then not make it.

With the encouragement of one another, maybe we can get more tothe point where we say,  if only to ourselves, "I'm glad they really like that dish, but I'm not a restaurant, so I'm not going to make it."

This is a great point - I see no reason not to accommodate someone if you don't mind doing so, but there's nothing wrong with saying no either. That's something I need to practise!!!

Hmmmmm

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Re: S/O taking veggie food
« Reply #43 on: October 07, 2013, 10:00:53 AM »
Can you point to where it's rude to ask about a dish with a hostess?  I see that it's not rude to ask well before the dinner party about a dish.  I just saw one on a Emily Post reference.  But nowhere do I see it's rude to ask.  You also make it sound like they are rejecting the menu out of hand.  When in this specific scenario the friend was asking if the OP is going to still continue to make it.  She wasn't changing anything and in fact simply asking if the dish was going to still be made.

This is a good point actually- another poster said I must've been a bit bothered or I wouldn't have asked the question and this post has helped me put my finger on what bothered me - actually she knew I wasn't going to make that dish and asked me to change my mind.I love it when people ask me for something I've made them before, but they ask if it's going to be there and while I wasn't offended, I think it did come off a bit presumptuous in the way she did it.

And maybe the thing EtiquetteHell can help us with is to encourage us to NOT feel that we have to make that dish.

We can say, "Oh, I hadn't planned on it," and not make it. We can say, "Oh, you like that? I'll have to see," and then not make it.

With the encouragement of one another, maybe we can get more tothe point where we say,  if only to ourselves, "I'm glad they really like that dish, but I'm not a restaurant, so I'm not going to make it."

This is a great point - I see no reason not to accommodate someone if you don't mind doing so, but there's nothing wrong with saying no either. That's something I need to practise!!!

The fact that she knew you had your meal menu set and was asking for a modification puts a completely different spin on this for me. For immediate family, yeah that get to widdle me into making their favorites, but they are theonly ones.

Allyson

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Re: S/O taking veggie food
« Reply #44 on: October 07, 2013, 12:32:59 PM »
As someone who hates cooking but loves eating (:D) I would never make that request, unless asked "anything special you want?" or something. That said, I think it's definitely a compliment, not an insult!