Author Topic: Thank you for your card . . .  (Read 1712 times)

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jpcher

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Thank you for your card . . .
« on: October 02, 2013, 10:18:24 PM »
My parents recently sent DD#2 a card along with a monetary gift for her graduation/passing the boards from beauty school.

Talking to my mother today, she said that she received a wonderful e-mail TY for the card! from DD#2. Mom told me that it was full of information about how DD#2's job/life was going. Mom told me that my Father was very impressed and said "Wow, DD#2 sounds like an actual adult!" (Huge praise coming from my father ;D)

Then Mom asked me if DD#2 actually received the money that was included in the card because DD#2 didn't mention that at all. Mom even asked me if the envelope looked like it was tampered with.

I told Mom that I just put the envelope aside for DD#2, no it didn't look like it was tampered with, and No. DD#2 didn't share with me what the envelope included. (I have absolutely no problem with this. DD#2 shouldn't have to tell me what all her mail includes.)



My question concerns the "Thank you for your card" wording without mentioning the monetary gift that was included . . . was DD#2 actually rude for not mentioning the money? Or should the gift-giver assume that the TY note was for the card including the money?


I haven't talked to DD#2 about this, nor do I think that I should . . . unless you all think otherwise.

What is the best etiquette-wise way to handle this situation?


Yvaine

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Re: Thank you for your card . . .
« Reply #1 on: October 02, 2013, 10:48:42 PM »
Is it possible they forgot to put the money in?

She also may have felt awkward mentioning cash, but IMO it's not impossible that it simply wasn't there.

Erich L-ster

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Re: Thank you for your card . . .
« Reply #2 on: October 02, 2013, 10:49:45 PM »
I've always thanked for "the card" meaning that it includes the money. I don't mention the money specifically because I thought it was a bit crass (gauche?) to speak of money like that.

EllenS

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Re: Thank you for your card . . .
« Reply #3 on: October 02, 2013, 10:57:35 PM »
I usually say "thank you for your sweet/kind/thoughtful card and generous gift" or something to that effect. I also was taught that a TY note should mention the use or enjoyment of the gift, so in the case of $$ I might talk about what I am saving toward, or what I spent it on and how much I appreciate/enjoy it.

I don't think it was necessarily a faux-pas not to mention the $$, but for the sake of Grandma's peace of mind perhaps it would be helpful to ask DD2 about it, purely as a practical point.

Deetee

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Re: Thank you for your card . . .
« Reply #4 on: October 02, 2013, 11:02:12 PM »
And I thought I was the only person who would send cash in the mail. If it was cash, I think it's worth mentioning just to let the giver know that everything they planned to send made it there.

Only somewhat related, I remember one Christmas my husband's grandma sent both her grandsons sealed cards in a large envelope. Within the larger envelope was also one cheque addressed to my husband's brother. He wasn't there so his dad sent the cheque and envelope to him. I always wondered if there were a second cheque in the envelope. My husband got no cheque and it was extremely unlike his grandma to gift them differently. My guess was she realised she forgot a cheque, but forgot who it was for.

In that case we would have never connected the grandma. She was older and there was no reason to draw attention to any lapses.

Daydream

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Re: Thank you for your card . . .
« Reply #5 on: October 03, 2013, 12:43:35 AM »
I feel that "Thank you for the lovely card and gift" or even just "Thank you for the gift" (because the giver knows the card got there if the money did) are best.  Like your mother, if I received the thank you note she did, I would wonder if the card had been tampered with, or if I'd forgotten to include the money, as mentioned in an above post.

Of course, she should have asked your daughter this directly via email or phone.  You should not have been put in the middle since she is old enough to answer the question herself and since, as you said, you don't even know the answer.  But, since it's been done, I do think it would be good to casually mention to your daughter that her grandmother was concerned that the money might be missing. 

If she did receive it, she can send her an upbeat email like, "Hi, Grandma.  I heard you were wondering whether I'd received the money you and Grandpa sent in the card.  I did!  I'm sorry I forgot to mention it!  Thank you!" 

And, if it was missing, she can let her know that, too, and that she doesn't expect her to replace it (or send it for the first time). 

It was mentioned that it can be awkward or considered crass to mention receiving money, which is true, but it is considered perfectly polite to refer to it as a "gift." 

ETA: I do understand how your mother might have thought it was better to ask you, thinking you might know the answer.  She may have thought your daughter might feel like she was criticizing her if she asked her directly.
« Last Edit: October 03, 2013, 01:17:25 AM by Daydream »

flickan

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Re: Thank you for your card . . .
« Reply #6 on: October 03, 2013, 08:27:59 AM »
I feel that "Thank you for the lovely card and gift" or even just "Thank you for the gift" (because the giver knows the card got there if the money did) are best.

I agree 100%.

I would avoid mentioning money at all. I think that money as a gift should be referred to as "the gift".  "Thanks for the cash/check." is a bit vulgar.

z_squared82

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Re: Thank you for your card . . .
« Reply #7 on: October 03, 2013, 09:36:16 AM »
My mother taught me, that when there is cash, acknowledge that there was money and then say what you hope to do with it (save for something bigger, use it to see a movie, what have you). I'm sure she told me the reasoning behind this, but I don't remember it any more.

TootsNYC

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Re: Thank you for your card . . .
« Reply #8 on: October 03, 2013, 10:33:42 AM »
I've always thanked for "the card" meaning that it includes the money. I don't mention the money specifically because I thought it was a bit crass (gauche?) to speak of money like that.

I can see this being someone's fear. Or she forgot.

So I would say you should serve as your DD's source of "intelligence" (you know, spy stuff) and say, "Grandma loved getting your email, so did grandpa. He said it made you sound so grownup! Grandma also worried that since you didn't mention the money she'd put in the envelope, maybe it didn't get to you. If you got the money, you should probably let her know, and in the future, be sure to mention it to reassure her."

But in general, yes, I think people should mention the money. For precisely this reason. And, of course, so that people don't feel taken advantage of.

Hmmmmm

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Re: Thank you for your card . . .
« Reply #9 on: October 03, 2013, 10:50:57 AM »
I think a "thank you for your card, your gift was very generous" is always appropriate.

I can understand why your mom might have been concerned the money had dissapeared from the envelope.

Teenyweeny

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Re: Thank you for your card . . .
« Reply #10 on: October 03, 2013, 10:57:27 AM »
Whenever cards contained money, I was always told to say "Thanks for your generous gift, I will be using it to...".

So, for my wedding gifts, a lot of the thank you cards said something like:

Dear Sue,

Thank you so much for coming to our wedding and helping to make the day so special. We'd also like to thank you for your generous gift. We are going away on honeymoon to DESTINATION, and we'll use your gift to do ACTIVITY whilst we are there. Blah blah blah...

Love,

Teenyweeny & Wife



jaxsue

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Re: Thank you for your card . . .
« Reply #11 on: October 03, 2013, 04:12:39 PM »
My mother taught me, that when there is cash, acknowledge that there was money and then say what you hope to do with it (save for something bigger, use it to see a movie, what have you). I'm sure she told me the reasoning behind this, but I don't remember it any more.

This is what I was taught. We were told not to mention the amount, or that it was lots and lots of money (which is never was!), but something general like, "Thank you for the generous gift. I am saving up to buy a ________, and so it's greatly appreciated."