I admit, I get hyped up about this because of my family background (my parents dealt with infertility for a decade before adopting my brother and me) and because I have recently watched several close friends go through infertility. I am not yet married and have no plans to have biological children until I am, but just listening to my parents' and my friends' stories about infertility has shown me that it's more than a frustrating waiting process. When my parents were struggling, my mom told me she once had to bolt out of a baby shower for a friend so no one would see her break down in tears- she wanted to celebrate with her friend, but all that she could think was that she would probably never get to have a baby shower of her own. Just recently, a friend told me she couldn't log into her facebook account anymore because she couldn't handle seeing all her friends' ultrasound pictures and pregnancy announcements. Some might call this overdramatic, but I don't think it's safe to judge someone who is going through something we've never experienced.
Now, I'm not saying that the start of a new life isn't a miracle worth celebrating or that someone who is expecting should have to hide it, but, while people have the choice not to attend a baby shower or log into facebook, they should not have to answer questions about when they are going to have a baby or another baby, or who in a group will be the next to have a baby. Recently, I was in on a conversation with a large group of women from church, and two of them starting throwing jokes around about who was going to be pregnant next. I knew of at least one person in the group who is going through infertility right now, and she has confided to me how hard it is to listen to all the stork jokes and predictions about who will have the next baby, knowing it probably won't be her. After a few minutes, I decided to pull the one who was initiating the jokes aside and tell her gently, "I know you didn't know this, but there's at least one person here that is dealing with infertility right now. If you and Other Friend want to joke about this, can you please keep it private so she doesn't have to listen?"
She shocked me with her reaction, saying that if someone was jealous of her children it was their problem, and even saying that if someone didn't have children, that was God's plan and they should accept it (have I been reading my Bible wrong, or does the Bible say to mourn with those who mourn, not "tell one another to buck up and accept it?"). She even blamed this person- without knowing who it was- for not coming out and announcing her infertility. "How am I supposed to know not to talk about this kind of stuff if I don't know what's going on?" she said. (Right, the way you are acting right now shows that you are totally the kind of person that someone could trust with their deepest heartaches!- didn't say it out loud but sure thought it!)
Is this so hard of a concept for people to grasp? There are some topics that are sensitive and that should be discussed with caution in a group of people you don't know that well. You wouldn't joke about cancer, mental illness, drug addiction, or religion in front of strangers. Have serious discussions about such topics when the context is appropriate, maybe. Joke around about them with your close friends who you know won't be offended, probably. Laugh about them or bring them up unnecessarily in a group that included strangers?? I would hope not!! Shouldn't a sensitive topic like pregnancy be treated the same way, especially in a group of 20-30something women??