Who's going to have a baby next???

[LadyL]

I agree that it is not a necessary or positive conversation. It reinforces the norm that everyone wants children and can have children and wants to talk about it. I don't think that's a good norm to uphold. The planet is already overpopulated. Maybe we need a PR campaign for the childfree, that their situation is as or more "natural" than having a family (in the sense of what is good for nature).

At the risk of skirting a controversial topic let me just say that this totally undermines the point of keeping the comments to oneself.  It does not matter what is commonly viewed as normal or natural.  It's private personal business and although I don't think most people mean any harm by it I agree with those who say it's better not to say anything at all.

We childless folks don't need better PR we just need to be left alone.  No woman should have to justify anything or be forced to engage in that kind of speculation.  The less said on the topic the better.

I don't think we disagree. I agree it's not an appropriate topic, and the PR comment was tongue in cheek- but if there were an ad campaign the slogan would probably be "Procreating- a private decision" or something .

[TootsNYC]

speaking as someone who has kids, i sort of resent the idea that the only thing interesting about me is whether I have children or not.

I just think it's the most boring and intrusive topic of conversation. And I *have* kids.

[nuit93]

speaking as someone who has kids, i sort of resent the idea that the only thing interesting about me is whether I have children or not.

I just think it's the most boring and intrusive topic of conversation. And I *have* kids.

I don't have kids and don't want them, but that's an excellent point!  I know it's treated as an almost-universal thing, but there are so many other interesting things going on in the average person's life that have nothing to do with their kids.  Why not talk about those?

[TootsNYC]

well, the kids I *have* may be the most interesting thing in my life.

But my potential kids aren't.

I don't mind people talking about the *actual* kids--after all, that's a real, concrete thing, and it's one of the most absorbing things in my life. My kids occupy a great deal of my mind. I can talk about them, or about parenting, in many different aspects, all of which are vastly interesting to me, and some of which I can make interesting to other people even! (that's a skill, let me tell you!)

But kids I don't even have yet? Gimme a break!

*That* is the topic of conversation that makes me feel as though I, personally, am not worth anything except as a broodmare, that my value is only in my potential to reproduce.

[EllenS]

Gee, whizz. Who knew? I had no idea that a bunch of women - with whom, according to OP, she has already discussed her feelings and hopes about having children engaging in silly, idle chatter was such a politically charged subject.

I usually just assume that people who joke like that are like those kids in school who go around asking everyone, "what grade did you get on the test?"  They mostly just want an excuse to talk about themselves.

[Arrynne]

I've dealt with infertility.  I just get up and leave if the conversation bugs me. It's not a taboo subject, so I don't ask people to stop.   I've skipped baby showers when I couldn't deal with it.  Now that I have my son (adopted), I'm happy to throw baby showers for people that are close to me.  But there are still times when a pregnancy announcement hurts like heck.

I also really, really, really, really hate the trite "It's not God's plan."  Saying that doesn't make anything better. It just makes me want to strangle someone.  Equally high on my list is "God only gives you as much as you can handle."  When you pair this statement with the "You can't do this alone. Hand over your worries to God." statements, you can really see how much of a line it is.  God has given me more than I can handle many, many times, and he's carried me though it.