Etiquette and your spouse

[Twik]

That's a good point. And the same with the food. They're wasted either way, if I'm not enjoying them.

Exactly. It's not like the food will magically hop a jet to a famine zone if you try to eat it when you don't want it. All you'll end up with is extra calories for no enjoyment, which is a lousy arrangement.

[Lynn2000]

That's a good point. And the same with the food. They're wasted either way, if I'm not enjoying them.

Exactly. It's not like the food will magically hop a jet to a famine zone if you try to eat it when you don't want it. All you'll end up with is extra calories for no enjoyment, which is a lousy arrangement.

And, I think it's not wasted, if it prompts someone to have a good conversation with their spouse about buying/not buying certain things for them. I like TootsNYC's wording on that subject.

I'm reminded of the time my dad brought me a piece of furniture for my tiny apartment. I don't know what he was thinking. I literally had no room for it unless it stood in the middle of the kitchen or something. And, it was something really nice that I really wanted in a general sense. So I was a bit angry that he was offering me something I wanted that realistically I couldn't accept, and guilty that I was going to disappoint him by turning it down, and disappointed myself that I couldn't have it, and lots of other things. I said, "Oh, this is so great. It's so beautiful. I can't accept it, though. I don't have anywhere to put it. Thank you for thinking of me." Kind of alternating between thanking him for the idea, and emphasizing that it wasn't going to work and I wasn't going to accept it (as it would have been a massive inconvenience for me to deal with). It never left his truck. I don't know what happened to it. I figured that was his problem to deal with, for getting this thing without consulting me first. But I tried to focus on the intent behind the gift, even if it wasn't well thought out. (And I did at one point ask if he had any thoughts about where it would go, in case he had seen some space that I was overlooking, but he didn't.)

[Danika]

Lynn2000, I'm going to remember your furniture story. I would have done the same thing and worded it the same way. What's good about that scenario is that it just wouldn't work. There was no "try" around it. You just couldn't use it. Versus the flowers or food where I guilt myself into "well, I could consume them or surround myself with them." The whole point is enjoyment though.

[TootsNYC]

So enjoy the parts that are enjoyable, and forgive the parts that aren't.

And later, clue him in, with lots of love and appreciation.

[Wordgeek]

Insofar as this is an etiquette issue, it has been adequately addressed.