Author Topic: How Much Responsibility Do We Have?  (Read 5658 times)

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bojo

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How Much Responsibility Do We Have?
« on: October 04, 2013, 03:46:01 PM »
I was surfing at Pinterest this morning. I was looking at an article on making your own wool dryer balls.


http://www.onegoodthingbyjillee.com/2012/09/save-time-money-and-energy-make-your-own-wool-dryer-balls.html

Pretty innocent, but a fight breaks out in the comment section.  I stopped reading at the kerfluffle over "affect" vs "effect."

My main question here is, how much should we alter our daily actions over the potential effect on someone else? And does relationship / proximity make a difference?

What I mean is if your spouse has allergy issues with scents, obviously you probably don't wear or even own cologne.

If the person who sits beside you on the bus has the same issue, do you stop *wearing your cologne?

*I am a assuming normal level of use. The people who bathe in their cologne and can be smelled long before they have entered or left a room should be publicly hanged. I think we can all agree on that.
« Last Edit: October 05, 2013, 04:24:11 AM by bojo »

Lynn2000

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Re: How Much Responsibility Do We Have?
« Reply #1 on: October 04, 2013, 04:11:29 PM »
I'm not 100% sure what you're asking. But I think in a very general sense, there is always a tug-of-war between what I want to do personally, and what I ought to do to be considerate of those around me. It can be difficult to navigate the middle path because it's hard to be objective about myself and my wants, and also because so many things are objectively hard to measure--like how much scent is "too much," per your example.

One thing I do is try to think about what other options people have in a given situation. If my spouse has serious scent issues, it's hard for them to escape the smells if I have anything scented in the house. Same with co-workers in an open office type of situation.

But someone I don't really know, who just sits beside me on the bus every day, can sit somewhere else if they don't like my scent. Unless, of course, there's a reason they can't sit somewhere else, like they're in a wheelchair and using one of the few wheelchair spots on the bus. In that case, if I became aware of their scent issue, I think it would be considerate of me to do something about it, either by changing my own seat, wearing less scent, or waiting until I got to my destination to apply the scent. But if it's someone who could sit anywhere, they can choose to move away from me, so I feel I have less obligation to bend to their preferences.
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Mental Magpie

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Re: How Much Responsibility Do We Have?
« Reply #2 on: October 04, 2013, 04:19:33 PM »
I'm not 100% sure what you're asking. But I think in a very general sense, there is always a tug-of-war between what I want to do personally, and what I ought to do to be considerate of those around me. It can be difficult to navigate the middle path because it's hard to be objective about myself and my wants, and also because so many things are objectively hard to measure--like how much scent is "too much," per your example.

One thing I do is try to think about what other options people have in a given situation. If my spouse has serious scent issues, it's hard for them to escape the smells if I have anything scented in the house. Same with co-workers in an open office type of situation.

But someone I don't really know, who just sits beside me on the bus every day, can sit somewhere else if they don't like my scent. Unless, of course, there's a reason they can't sit somewhere else, like they're in a wheelchair and using one of the few wheelchair spots on the bus. In that case, if I became aware of their scent issue, I think it would be considerate of me to do something about it, either by changing my own seat, wearing less scent, or waiting until I got to my destination to apply the scent. But if it's someone who could sit anywhere, they can choose to move away from me, so I feel I have less obligation to bend to their preferences.

Pod 100%.

I would like to add, though, too, that there is a difference between what is considerate and what is polite.  It isn't rude to not move away, but it would be pretty inconsiderate not to if there was a possible way to do so.
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Zilla

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Re: How Much Responsibility Do We Have?
« Reply #3 on: October 04, 2013, 04:21:20 PM »
Oooh boy, you really should search on google for this type of threads on if you should wear perfume within someone's known dislike.  It has become quite heated on here.  But I will bite.


I wear an oil type perfume so it's subtle.  You dab it on with a tiny wand. (BPAL heavenly)  You can't "smell" it unless you are in my personal bubble space.  And I think all perfume should be like this.  But unfortunately they aren't.


If you work or going to socialize with a person that has a known allergy/dislike, I think it's a very nice to wear your "lightest" scent and apply minimally.  And take precautions as to not be close to that person.  After all you are going out to socialize/work and have fun with friends/earn monies, perfume doesn't aid in any of that.  If the person still takes offense at the lightest of scents, then it's on them.  There needs to be a compromise.










« Last Edit: October 04, 2013, 04:23:28 PM by Zilla »

VorFemme

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Re: How Much Responsibility Do We Have?
« Reply #4 on: October 04, 2013, 09:03:23 PM »
I had an instructor in my forties (new career field requiring training) who was allergic to colognes and perfumes.  The students were asked to STOP wearing colognes, perfumes, after shave, and heavily scented deodorants.

I switched to matching soap and matching talcum powder (where it would help the odor issues) - never noticed her having a problem when she was close to me - and there were a couple of people who were called out while we were in training.  I think it was fabric softener or a really heavy scent from their laundry soap.  Some of those things advertise that they keep your laundry smelling "fresher" for days - which means that they have a long lasting effect - too long for someone with allergies!
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snowdragon

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Re: How Much Responsibility Do We Have?
« Reply #5 on: October 04, 2013, 10:49:15 PM »
 I don't use perfume- ever. I wash my hair at night and usually don't leave til between 3 - 5 pm ( so 15 to 18 hours later) my deodorant is unscented. And I have still had someone complain and try to tell me that my toothpaste was bothering her - at a baseball game, out doors.

I do all of the above because I know so many people have scent allergies and/or sensitivities. I am not giving up my toothpaste....sorry I draw the line at compliance there.

When I worked in a church we had one family with a child who was allergic to peanuts, they wanted a completely peanut free congregation and staff. It did not happen and until Kherbert tells me that my shampoo from a walk through on Friday ( I wore gloves in the school,parish hall and church so that if there was any peanut oil on my hands I would not affect the child ) could cause anyone problems on Sunday - I am not going to stop using my favourite shampoo for the one and one one that they demanded.

I will accommodate somethings, but at some point people just have to realize the world will go on around them and accommodate themselves, when it becomes intrusive or overly expensive - well, the rest of the world has rights too.

Piratelvr1121

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Re: How Much Responsibility Do We Have?
« Reply #6 on: October 04, 2013, 11:14:30 PM »
I wear a light perfume as well, it's called "Inis Energy of the Sea" and I've never had anyone complain or tell me it gives them a headache.  I've also read online reviews with people saying that while most fragrances give them a headache, Inis does not.

The only time I've gotten compliments on it was shortly after I sprayed it on and had walked past someone, or one woman was downwind of me and said "Did I just smell the beach?" (we're 3 hours from the coast and that's just what Inis is meant to suggest, a day by the beach)
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

Surianne

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Re: How Much Responsibility Do We Have?
« Reply #7 on: October 04, 2013, 11:28:51 PM »
I look at it this way: If you know your perfume makes someone else's day worse, why wear it?  Just because you think you're more important than they are?  Not having perfume on doesn't hurt you in any way.  But wearing it does have the potential to hurt other people.  So leave it off, unless you're at home and know your family members appreciate the smell.

Erich L-ster

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Re: How Much Responsibility Do We Have?
« Reply #8 on: October 04, 2013, 11:43:55 PM »
The link doesn't work for me. What was the argument about the dryer balls?

And yes it's rude to overdose on scents but I would never change my shampoo or deodorant to unscented. The scent is faint enough that you'd have to stick your nose in my hair or my armpit to get the scent and I'd really rather not have people sticking their nose on me anyway.

blarg314

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Re: How Much Responsibility Do We Have?
« Reply #9 on: October 05, 2013, 12:15:03 AM »

I think it depends on several factors.

How much of a problem is it for the afflicted person - convenience, comfort, or safety? How much of an imposition is it to other people? How controllable is it?

Take scents for an example.

Having a workplace policy of no perfume/cologne for general comfort is reasonable, I think - wearing perfume is a minor, optional thing, and many people dislike scents, even when it isn't a health issue. Plus, people are often really bad at judging how strong their own scent use is.

Asking people not to wear scent as a special case because someone in the office has allergy issues is also reasonable.

Asking people in an office to go completely scent free is much more unreasonable, because of the sheer prevalence of scented products and the fact that this also extends to people who share accommodation with the coworkers - we're talking changing your soap, shampoo, conditioner, deodorant, moisturizer, sunscreen, laundry detergent, fabric softener, hand sanitizer, acne cream, etc. That is no longer a minor change to accommodate someone, *and* it extends into their home life as well as work behaviour.

Expecting people on the bus to not wear scents is unrealistic because you don't have any control over their behaviour, or way to enforce it.


bojo

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Re: How Much Responsibility Do We Have?
« Reply #10 on: October 05, 2013, 04:33:27 AM »
The link doesn't work for me. What was the argument about the dryer balls?

And yes it's rude to overdose on scents but I would never change my shampoo or deodorant to unscented. The scent is faint enough that you'd have to stick your nose in my hair or my armpit to get the scent and I'd really rather not have people sticking their nose on me anyway.

Sorry about the link. I provided it in the OP.

The article was about making your own wool felted dryer balls. One hapless soul asked if she could dip the balls in fabric softener for freshness. She was taken to task for wanting to use fabric softener because it caused this person problems. As a random stranger living an indeterminate distance from one is wont to do.  And the comments went downhill from there.

But it got me wondering, how far do we take making accommodations for people, and at what point do we stand our ground and expect the other person to deal with their own stuff?

Someone mentioned a child and a peanut allergy. These can be life threatening. Obviously, we don't insist on having our  PBJ and the kidlet be damned.  What is the balance?

Audrey Quest

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Re: How Much Responsibility Do We Have?
« Reply #11 on: October 05, 2013, 05:20:02 AM »
Wow!  That was some thread and though it was very interesting I must confess that i couldnt stop thinking about Saturday Night Live's skit about Schweddy Balls!   >:D

squeakers

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Re: How Much Responsibility Do We Have?
« Reply #12 on: October 05, 2013, 05:39:41 AM »
I don't use perfume- ever. I wash my hair at night and usually don't leave til between 3 - 5 pm ( so 15 to 18 hours later) my deodorant is unscented. And I have still had someone complain and try to tell me that my toothpaste was bothering her - at a baseball game, out doors.

I do all of the above because I know so many people have scent allergies and/or sensitivities. I am not giving up my toothpaste....sorry I draw the line at compliance there.

When I worked in a church we had one family with a child who was allergic to peanuts, they wanted a completely peanut free congregation and staff. It did not happen and until Kherbert tells me that my shampoo from a walk through on Friday ( I wore gloves in the school,parish hall and church so that if there was any peanut oil on my hands I would not affect the child ) could cause anyone problems on Sunday - I am not going to stop using my favourite shampoo for the one and one one that they demanded.

I will accommodate somethings, but at some point people just have to realize the world will go on around them and accommodate themselves, when it becomes intrusive or overly expensive - well, the rest of the world has rights too.

Depends on just how allergic people are.  Some people might be allergic to your very skin flakes.

Unfortunately I don't live my life to accommodate the least denominator.

Someone in my sphere that I have been made aware of? i will do my best to stop using/eating stuff.

Someone the odds of me being in their daily sphere but they shop at the same store I do so our sphere's overlap? I might try to help out.


And then I will forget.  Because that is life.

And then those who can be affected by my forgetting have to take that responsibility onto themselves.
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Piratelvr1121

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Re: How Much Responsibility Do We Have?
« Reply #13 on: October 05, 2013, 08:13:35 AM »
The link doesn't work for me. What was the argument about the dryer balls?

And yes it's rude to overdose on scents but I would never change my shampoo or deodorant to unscented. The scent is faint enough that you'd have to stick your nose in my hair or my armpit to get the scent and I'd really rather not have people sticking their nose on me anyway.

Sorry about the link. I provided it in the OP.

The article was about making your own wool felted dryer balls. One hapless soul asked if she could dip the balls in fabric softener for freshness. She was taken to task for wanting to use fabric softener because it caused this person problems. As a random stranger living an indeterminate distance from one is wont to do.  And the comments went downhill from there.

Wait, so hapless soul brings this up and someone who possibly will never come in contact with her in either of their lives is taking her to task for using something that could cause her problems?
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

Sophia

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Re: How Much Responsibility Do We Have?
« Reply #14 on: October 05, 2013, 08:56:38 AM »
Well, to be fair, the person who posted the article wasn't being beaten up.  It was the person that wanted to extend the idea by adding fabric softener or Sauve conditioner to the balls. 
That is one of those arguments that I just back away from because no one in the argument was polite and sane.  The person that wanted to put chemicals in the balls implied that those that don't use chemicals have clothes that smell like mildew.  The one that didn't want the chemicals said that the dryer exhaust would cause her problems.