Author Topic: How Much Responsibility Do We Have?  (Read 6081 times)

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Mental Magpie

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Re: How Much Responsibility Do We Have?
« Reply #15 on: October 05, 2013, 04:55:12 PM »
I look at it this way: If you know your perfume makes someone else's day worse, why wear it?  Just because you think you're more important than they are?  Not having perfume on doesn't hurt you in any way.  But wearing it does have the potential to hurt other people.  So leave it off, unless you're at home and know your family members appreciate the smell.

Sure, if I know it makes it worse and they've approached me politely and requested I not wear it, but I'm not going to not wear it just in the case that I maybe will run into someone who cannot tolerate it.
The problem with choosing the lesser of two evils is that you're still choosing evil.

EllenS

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Re: How Much Responsibility Do We Have?
« Reply #16 on: October 05, 2013, 05:53:52 PM »
Aside from generally accepted "Bad Citizenship" aka littering, drunk driving, peeing in the subway, I think the level of responsibility correlates to the level of relationship.

Someone in my house gets first priority, and if I cannot accommodate their needs (actual needs, not every preference) we will have a hard time living together.

Someone I work closely with, or go to school with, and see every day (such as officemate, class instructor/student, etc.) gets slightly less but still a certain level of change/accomodation in order to keep our relationship going in a constructive way.

Someone I see regularly but not necessarily sharing space - coworker in the same building, neighbor, church or schoolmate, acquaintance I only see at parties - there is no reason to change daily habits, but I might plan ahead if I know I will see them. If I don't know when/where I will see them, no way to plan for anything.  The neighbor mentioned on the blog thread, who was running a commercial laundry operation and caused hardship for the sensitive neighbor - that was unfortunate, but unless the business was being illegally operated she had no obligation to change her ways to accomodate the sensitive neighbor.  Might have been nice, but expecting the whole world to conform to unusual requirements is unreasonable.

Our responsibility to the general public and the world at large is generally covered by laws and basic rules of etiquette.  As long as you are lawful and polite according to accepted standards, (don't clip your nails in public!  Don't wear so much scent that people outside your personal space can smell you!) then making up new rules in unnecessary.

Miss Unleaded

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Re: How Much Responsibility Do We Have?
« Reply #17 on: October 05, 2013, 06:12:38 PM »
Oh that thread would make a perfect scenario for SockPuppetTheatre!

http://sockpuppettheatre.com/

On topic:  The woman who complained about the fabric softener was completely unreasonable and rude.

Mental Magpie

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Re: How Much Responsibility Do We Have?
« Reply #18 on: October 05, 2013, 07:12:09 PM »
Aside from generally accepted "Bad Citizenship" aka littering, drunk driving, peeing in the subway, I think the level of responsibility correlates to the level of relationship.

Someone in my house gets first priority, and if I cannot accommodate their needs (actual needs, not every preference) we will have a hard time living together.

Someone I work closely with, or go to school with, and see every day (such as officemate, class instructor/student, etc.) gets slightly less but still a certain level of change/accomodation in order to keep our relationship going in a constructive way.

Someone I see regularly but not necessarily sharing space - coworker in the same building, neighbor, church or schoolmate, acquaintance I only see at parties - there is no reason to change daily habits, but I might plan ahead if I know I will see them. If I don't know when/where I will see them, no way to plan for anything.  The neighbor mentioned on the blog thread, who was running a commercial laundry operation and caused hardship for the sensitive neighbor - that was unfortunate, but unless the business was being illegally operated she had no obligation to change her ways to accomodate the sensitive neighbor.  Might have been nice, but expecting the whole world to conform to unusual requirements is unreasonable.

Our responsibility to the general public and the world at large is generally covered by laws and basic rules of etiquette.  As long as you are lawful and polite according to accepted standards, (don't clip your nails in public!  Don't wear so much scent that people outside your personal space can smell you!) then making up new rules in unnecessary.

I would like to pod this, too.
The problem with choosing the lesser of two evils is that you're still choosing evil.

something.new.every.day

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Re: How Much Responsibility Do We Have?
« Reply #19 on: October 05, 2013, 07:51:42 PM »
It's too bad the message was not conveyed more nicely.  I think there is a way to suggest that people use more natural, eco-friendly options without putting them on the defensive.  Wouldn't it have been better for the first poster (and other readers) to leave the post with a tiny seed planted to try something different (using just the dryer balls or adding vinegar, essential oils, etc.)? Instead, she was put on the defensive--and that's no way to change anyone's mind. 

Anyway, I like the dryer ball idea!  May try it myself.  It took our sheets forever to dry the other day because they kept getting twisted and tangled.  Seems that this could help.


ShadowLady

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Re: How Much Responsibility Do We Have?
« Reply #20 on: October 05, 2013, 08:18:24 PM »
I have a problem with a lot of perfumes, mostly floral based scents.  It tends to set off my asthma, giving me breathing issues.  My husband reacts badly to most scents also, they tend to cause him to get migraines from them.  So most of our household product are 'unscented'.  It is also why we tend to sit in the balcony at church with the organist, away from the heavily scented women of the congregation.

But we also have scented candles for the bathroom.  We can usually tolerate food-based scents, vanilla, apple, cherry, stuff like that. 

I consider it my own responsibility to deal with the scents from people at work.  Yes, I may clap my sleeve covered hand over my nose and mouth, and say "allergies" as I move quickly away, but I try to do so politely.

Sophia

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Re: How Much Responsibility Do We Have?
« Reply #21 on: October 05, 2013, 10:08:39 PM »
I wonder if these would bang as much as the plastic ones.  I couldn't tolerate the noise of the plastic ones. 

bojo

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Re: How Much Responsibility Do We Have?
« Reply #22 on: October 06, 2013, 02:23:46 PM »
I wonder if these would bang as much as the plastic ones.  I couldn't tolerate the noise of the plastic ones.

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White Lotus

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Re: How Much Responsibility Do We Have?
« Reply #23 on: October 06, 2013, 08:00:37 PM »
I like actual perfume but I dislike "scented" products, air fresheners, candles and the like because the scents are not pure, are often cheap chemical imitations. They do not smell good and they compound to smell overwhelmingly worse.  Why does everything have to be scented?  Then put six assorted fake scents on a single person (shampoo, hair stuff, detergent, fabric softener, soap, lotion) and THEN cologne or something on top of that and the result is just not good.  No wonder people are bothered!  Not only do I not care for them, some of them make me ill  (those fake cinnamon scented pine cones they sell at every blasted grocery store around here nauseate me for two and a half months every year).  I seek out unscented soaps, detergents and cosmetic products so that my actual perfume is the only scent I wear.  "Clean" is a wonderful scent on sheets, towels and clothes. I suggest that if people stick to real fragrances and avoid all the fake carp, and only stick to a single scent, a number of people might find their problems with "perfume" vanish.  I will accommodate serious allergies or even preferences if I know about them, within reasonable limits.  The old "your right to swing your fist ends where my nose begins" seems to apply here.

kherbert05

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Re: How Much Responsibility Do We Have?
« Reply #24 on: October 06, 2013, 10:53:14 PM »
I like actual perfume but I dislike "scented" products, air fresheners, candles and the like because the scents are not pure, are often cheap chemical imitations. They do not smell good and they compound to smell overwhelmingly worse.  Why does everything have to be scented?  Then put six assorted fake scents on a single person (shampoo, hair stuff, detergent, fabric softener, soap, lotion) and THEN cologne or something on top of that and the result is just not good.  No wonder people are bothered!  Not only do I not care for them, some of them make me ill  (those fake cinnamon scented pine cones they sell at every blasted grocery store around here nauseate me for two and a half months every year).  I seek out unscented soaps, detergents and cosmetic products so that my actual perfume is the only scent I wear.  "Clean" is a wonderful scent on sheets, towels and clothes. I suggest that if people stick to real fragrances and avoid all the fake carp, and only stick to a single scent, a number of people might find their problems with "perfume" vanish.  I will accommodate serious allergies or even preferences if I know about them, within reasonable limits.  The old "your right to swing your fist ends where my nose begins" seems to apply here.
Do you mean those fire starter ones? I went to the manager and explained that I couldn't come back to my regular grocery store until the either had a safe entrance with out them or the season was over, because they were triggering asthma attacks. He said he would talk to the people above him. They must have gotten other complaints because they are stored outside between the two main doors and are easy to avoid the last few years.
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Redwing

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Re: How Much Responsibility Do We Have?
« Reply #25 on: October 07, 2013, 11:36:27 AM »
Oh that thread would make a perfect scenario for SockPuppetTheatre!

http://sockpuppettheatre.com/



Oh, thank you for this!

spookycatlady

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Re: How Much Responsibility Do We Have?
« Reply #26 on: October 07, 2013, 12:10:23 PM »
I have a pretty severe scent sensitivity.   Before I discovered my manners and the fact that I can only control myself, I got into a loud, ill-advised and horribly rude (90% wrong on my side) altercation at work where I tried to control someone else's use of perfume.

I learned from this though.  If I move into a workplace where someone is abusing the scents, I start with mentioning the sensititivy to the wearer.  In order for me to have a reaction, one has to be wearing enough product that it will waft through the room, or linger upon one's exit.  If it continues after my "it's me, not you, but would you mind?" conversation, I will mention it to my manager and advise them that if I have a reaction and may need to leave. I've left the workplace twice in two different offices for people using perfume that caused an extreme reaction. 

Every other situation: the bus, airplanes, department stores, general public = none of my business.  I suffer in silence. Triggers and allergens are a part of life and I'm lucky enough that my reactions aren't life threatening. 

In other words, my sensitivity = my problem. 

The only reason I address it at work is because there's no easy way for me to clear my lungs quickly in a controlled environment and prolonged exposure can knock me out with a migraine for days.

My absolute favourite (ironic) thing that happened: directly underneat the "no scents makes sense" sign in the bathroom was a can of Wizard air freshener.  Which is one of the worst triggers for me.  I didn't say anything, but someone must have because it disappeared within two days and a tersely worded email came down from senior management about respecting the health and safety of one's co-workers. 

Everyone assumed I was the one who made the big stink (har har).


fountainof

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Re: How Much Responsibility Do We Have?
« Reply #27 on: October 07, 2013, 12:13:15 PM »
I think it would be hard to away from all scents as products are scented to cover up their natural not nice smells.  For example, unscented antiperspirant smells chemically, it doesn't smell like nothing.  I guess you could add natural smells to things but even that won't work as we have found out here some people are sensitive to the smell of Banana. 

Kaire

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Re: How Much Responsibility Do We Have?
« Reply #28 on: October 07, 2013, 12:50:08 PM »
While I've never thought about it, primarily because I love the smell of dryer exhaust, I cannot fathom being annoyed by a neighbor's vent scent.  That reply was completely over the top to me.

To me, having issues with the scent from my neighbor's dryer vent would be equal to being a vegetarian and being offended with scent of my neighbor grilling steak, inconvenient to the person with the dislike of it, but their problem.

blarg314

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Re: How Much Responsibility Do We Have?
« Reply #29 on: October 07, 2013, 10:12:51 PM »
I think it would be hard to away from all scents as products are scented to cover up their natural not nice smells.  For example, unscented antiperspirant smells chemically, it doesn't smell like nothing.  I guess you could add natural smells to things but even that won't work as we have found out here some people are sensitive to the smell of Banana.

As an aside - when it comes to cosmetics, there is a difference between "unscented" and "fragrance free". The latter has no chemicals added to change its scent. The former quite often has chemicals added to mask the scents of the various ingredients.