Author Topic: that doesn't mean what you think it does....odd resolution #30  (Read 9847 times)

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LadyL

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that doesn't mean what you think it does....odd resolution #30
« on: October 06, 2013, 08:40:37 PM »
While commenting on my SIL's facebook status, I noticed the icon of one of the people who posted above me. It is a picture of a little girl and has a banner on it that says "friends with benefits." Finding that strange, I clicked on the profile and realized that it is my stepmother's ex-husband's current wife, and the picture is of her granddaughter. I have met them a few times at family parties. I am debating contacting her and letting her know that the phrase "friends with benefits" usually has a sexual connotation (I'm guessing she's not aware). I know she has two daughters who are on facebook and would probably know the meaning of the phrase and could explain it to her so I'm wondering if I should let it be (maybe it's an in-joke of some sort?). What would you do? If you were to write a note, what would you say? I was thinking of sending a link to this definition: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=friends+with+benefits or this one  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Friends_with_benefits
« Last Edit: October 08, 2013, 02:34:11 PM by LadyL »

jayhawk

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Re: that doesn't mean what you think it does....
« Reply #1 on: October 06, 2013, 08:44:41 PM »
I think it would be a kindness to send her a private message and let her know.

sweetonsno

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Re: that doesn't mean what you think it does....
« Reply #2 on: October 06, 2013, 08:49:33 PM »
In this case, I would say something. It sounds like she doesn't know what it means. If the user was younger, though, I'd wonder whether she was posting a funny example of the term being misused, kind of like the people who post awkward mistranslations.

One Goat to Rule Them All

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Re: that doesn't mean what you think it does....
« Reply #3 on: October 06, 2013, 08:56:56 PM »
So this is your father's wife's exhusband's new wife's grandaughter? I know we're all six degrees of separation from Kevin Bacon, but I wouldn't facebook him to tell him he's wearing a bad shirt. I would let it go and let someone who has a closer relationship with them bring it up.

EllenS

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Re: that doesn't mean what you think it does....
« Reply #4 on: October 06, 2013, 09:15:02 PM »
I can't imagine any grandmother thinking a "joke" like that about a little girl was funny.  I would PM her.  She either may not be aware of the phrase, or may not be aware of the connotations of associating it with her minor grandchild's picture.

ETA: if she was doing it on purpose and did think it was funny, I would unfriend her immediately and not allow her contact with my kids.  Making children into objects accidentally =icky and awkward, embarrassing.  Making children into objects on purpose = immeasurably horrid.
« Last Edit: October 06, 2013, 09:17:43 PM by EllenS »
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Klea

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Re: that doesn't mean what you think it does....
« Reply #5 on: October 06, 2013, 10:24:55 PM »
It doesn't sound like you have a close relationship with this woman but even so, I would probably tell her.
It seems likely that she is unaware of the phrase's implications and apparently nobody else has noticed or thought to mention it to her. It would be a kindness to her, the little girl's parents and the little girl herself to bring it to her attention so that it can be removed (whether it means something alternative to her is IMO slightly irrelevant as Facebook is a public forum and it does come across as distasteful).


PastryGoddess

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Re: that doesn't mean what you think it does....
« Reply #6 on: October 06, 2013, 11:05:28 PM »
Reading that made me cringe.  Yeah you are about 10 degrees separated from her, but it really can't hurt to send her a PM explaining what that phrase means.  I would make it short and sweet to get your point across and get out of there.

Something like
"Hi, I saw your profile picture when you responded to SIL's post.  Not sure sure if you are aware of this, but "Friends with Benefits" is a widely known euphemism for adults having s*x without commitment."

I wouldn't go into detail about why its bad or even who you are. If she clicks on your name she'll see your friend list and know that you have mutual facebook friends.

BarensMom

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Re: that doesn't mean what you think it does....
« Reply #7 on: October 06, 2013, 11:23:45 PM »
I'm not sure why anyone would want to see their stepmother's ex-husband's current wife's comments, much less send a PM correcting them.  If not an inside joke, I'm sure that someone with a closer relationship will send the PM.  I would stay out of it.

Deetee

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Re: that doesn't mean what you think it does....
« Reply #8 on: October 07, 2013, 12:44:45 AM »
I would stay out of it. The relationship is so convoluted and possibly fraught, it becomes akin to running up to someone on the street and telling them they (or their kid) are wearing an inappropriate shirt.

There are a lot of other people to deliver the message. Back away.

PastryGoddess

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Re: that doesn't mean what you think it does....
« Reply #9 on: October 07, 2013, 01:22:25 AM »
I'm not sure why anyone would want to see their stepmother's ex-husband's current wife's comments, much less send a PM correcting them.  If not an inside joke, I'm sure that someone with a closer relationship will send the PM.  I would stay out of it.

I believe that the comment OP was referring to was on SIL's page.  I think OP saw the image while commenting on a post.

LifeOnPluto

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Re: that doesn't mean what you think it does....
« Reply #10 on: October 07, 2013, 01:33:06 AM »
If you had a closer relationship, I'd definitely say "send her a PM letting her know what the phrase means."

But because you don't know her that well, I'd personally stay out of it. I'm sure someone closer to her will eventually explain what it means.

Sebastienne

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Re: that doesn't mean what you think it does....
« Reply #11 on: October 07, 2013, 01:35:04 AM »
Yeah, I'd be inclined to say something. It's a distant connection, but it's also a terrible connotation to have with a picture of a little girl. And even if she did get upset, is there a meaningful family connection that would be damaged?

squeakers

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Re: that doesn't mean what you think it does....
« Reply #12 on: October 07, 2013, 01:41:10 AM »
Why not just message your SIL and ask her to tell the friend* what "FWB" really means.  She obviously has a closer connection to this person.

If you don't feel comfortable mentioning it to her (your SIL) then that's the sign to not say anything at all.



*Could not come up with an acronym worthy of typing ... not an FOAF (unless the last F is Family Member), not an inlaw/outlaw, SMEXHW just doesn't roll off the tongue.


eta: acronym was wrong
« Last Edit: October 08, 2013, 02:12:51 PM by squeakers »
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Psychopoesie

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Re: that doesn't mean what you think it does....
« Reply #13 on: October 07, 2013, 01:41:49 AM »
Yeah, I'd be inclined to say something. It's a distant connection, but it's also a terrible connotation to have with a picture of a little girl. And even if she did get upset, is there a meaningful family connection that would be damaged?

This.

flickan

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Re: that doesn't mean what you think it does....
« Reply #14 on: October 07, 2013, 06:52:06 AM »
I wouldn't say anything.

First of all, the relationship is tenuous at best.  And that can really backfire, ie, "how dare you assume I meant something so crass?"  People get flustered when they're embarrassed.

The other reason I wouldn't say anything is that all of her other closer friends who have noticed this have probably either stifled a laugh or rolled their eyes and maybe even a few *have* sent her private messages.  Or maybe they think it's funny or maybe they don't want to humiliate her or maybe they don't think anything of it at all.  Point is you know she probably doesn't know what it means and if no one closer is going to tell her I think blissful ignorance on her part is okay.