Author Topic: that doesn't mean what you think it does....odd resolution #30  (Read 9762 times)

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Twik

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Re: that doesn't mean what you think it does....
« Reply #15 on: October 07, 2013, 09:54:18 AM »
I'm trying to figure out what she was trying to say in the first place. It's a benefit to have a friendship with someone with a child?

Normally I would say nothing, but when it implies a sexual relationship with a child, I think I might drop a note.
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gorplady

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Re: that doesn't mean what you think it does....
« Reply #16 on: October 07, 2013, 11:30:56 AM »
I would mind your own business.

staceym

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Re: that doesn't mean what you think it does....
« Reply #17 on: October 07, 2013, 11:35:35 AM »
I'm trying to figure out what she was trying to say in the first place. It's a benefit to have a friendship with someone with a child?

thank you

I've been trying to figure out what she was trying to say too

Kiwichick

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Re: that doesn't mean what you think it does....
« Reply #18 on: October 07, 2013, 01:45:36 PM »
It would be rude to assume a (apparently) complete stranger has no idea what one interpretation of her profile picture is.

I would leave it alone.

jmarvellous

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Re: that doesn't mean what you think it does....
« Reply #19 on: October 07, 2013, 02:30:56 PM »
I agree with the many people who would leave it alone unless there's a personal relationship here you didn't care to mention.
If she's your friend in real life, mention it, but be very careful. It's easy to sound like you're accusing someone of being a predator or of being out-of-touch when you're actually trying to help them out.

Salvage3

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Re: that doesn't mean what you think it does....
« Reply #20 on: October 07, 2013, 03:13:09 PM »
I totally agree with Squeakers.  Apparently, SIL and this person have some connection --ask or suggest to her that she provide the information.

VorFemme

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Re: that doesn't mean what you think it does....
« Reply #21 on: October 07, 2013, 03:40:32 PM »
While commenting on my SIL's facebook status, I noticed the icon of one of the people who posted above me. It is a picture of a little girl and has a banner on it that says "friends with benefits." Finding that strange, I clicked on the profile and realized that it is my stepmother's ex-husband's current wife, and the picture is of her granddaughter. I have met them a few times at family parties. I am debating contacting her and letting her know that the phrase "friends with benefits" usually has a sexual connotation (I'm guessing she's not aware). I know she has two daughters who are on facebook and would probably know the meaning of the phrase and could explain it to her so I'm wondering if I should let it be (maybe it's an in-joke of some sort?). What would you do? If you were to write a note, what would you say? I was thinking of sending a link to this definition: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=friends+with+benefits or this one  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Friends_with_benefits

Somebody on the family group linked to Not Always Working had her mother say the same thing - she told her mom that she did NOT want to hear about her sex life.  Sending the link to that story might get the point across without being quite as blatant...although that is still blunt, it is sharing a story about how the younger generation's slang confuses the older generations.....

(edited to add)

Sorry about the poor phrasing - my keyboard was giving me fits and I planned to edit this when I got home.  It just took longer to get home and get to the computer than I thought that it would.

http://notalwaysrelated.com/mom-makes-a-beneficial-discovery/27441 - Mom thinks FWB means "friends who ALSO do date type things but not as potential romantic partners - platonic friends of opposite genders with a lot in common".  Her YOUNGER generation child (gender not mentioned) makes a comment that gives Mom pause when she realizes that what she had said in "YOUNGER generation speak" wasn't what she meant to communicate in HER terms.

Kind of a "things that sound dirty but aren't" situation with Mom because she didn't realize that it really was meant to sound dirty...

And the woman in the post #1 may have the same take on the meaning of the word.  She may be using it to mean platonic friends or even being best friends, not realizing the "extra dimension" of meaning (Scrabble partners without commitment) that the current usage is meant to convey.

I know that to some people, it is inconceivable that their meaning doesn't come through their choice of words perfectly...because they know exactly what they meant and they don't or won't realize that another meaning is possible...

Which is why sometimes you have to decide if it is more embarrassing to let them keep using the term they are using or tell them a more correct term.  Besties or BFFs instead of FWB, for example, in this situation.
« Last Edit: October 08, 2013, 08:57:15 AM by VorFemme »
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Surianne

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Re: that doesn't mean what you think it does....
« Reply #22 on: October 07, 2013, 04:11:46 PM »
I think you mean well but I'd probably go with leaving it alone...someone closer to her will likely mention it, and it will be less embarrassing for her.  (Once she finds out what the term means, knowing that friends-of-friends saw it could make her feel pretty foolish.)

hobish

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Re: that doesn't mean what you think it does....
« Reply #23 on: October 07, 2013, 05:26:08 PM »
While commenting on my SIL's facebook status, I noticed the icon of one of the people who posted above me. It is a picture of a little girl and has a banner on it that says "friends with benefits." Finding that strange, I clicked on the profile and realized that it is my stepmother's ex-husband's current wife, and the picture is of her granddaughter. I have met them a few times at family parties. I am debating contacting her and letting her know that the phrase "friends with benefits" usually has a sexual connotation (I'm guessing she's not aware). I know she has two daughters who are on facebook and would probably know the meaning of the phrase and could explain it to her so I'm wondering if I should let it be (maybe it's an in-joke of some sort?). What would you do? If you were to write a note, what would you say? I was thinking of sending a link to this definition: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=friends+with+benefits or this one  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Friends_with_benefits

Somebody on the family group linked to Not Always Working had her mother say the same thing - she told her mom that she did NOT want to hear about her sex life.  Sending the link to that story might get the point across without being quite as blatant...although that is still blunt, it is sharing a story about how the younger generation's slang confuses the older generations.....

Did she actually think Not Always Working was about sex, or was she making a dig at the poster’s sex life?  ???
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VorFemme

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Re: that doesn't mean what you think it does....
« Reply #24 on: October 07, 2013, 07:57:26 PM »
While commenting on my SIL's facebook status, I noticed the icon of one of the people who posted above me. It is a picture of a little girl and has a banner on it that says "friends with benefits." Finding that strange, I clicked on the profile and realized that it is my stepmother's ex-husband's current wife, and the picture is of her granddaughter. I have met them a few times at family parties. I am debating contacting her and letting her know that the phrase "friends with benefits" usually has a sexual connotation (I'm guessing she's not aware). I know she has two daughters who are on facebook and would probably know the meaning of the phrase and could explain it to her so I'm wondering if I should let it be (maybe it's an in-joke of some sort?). What would you do? If you were to write a note, what would you say? I was thinking of sending a link to this definition: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=friends+with+benefits or this one  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Friends_with_benefits

Somebody on the family group linked to Not Always Working had her mother say the same thing - she told her mom that she did NOT want to hear about her sex life.  Sending the link to that story might get the point across without being quite as blatant...although that is still blunt, it is sharing a story about how the younger generation's slang confuses the older generations.....

Did she actually think Not Always Working was about sex, or was she making a dig at the poster’s sex life?  ???


Nope - I was saying that passing along that anecdote about what the YOUNGER generation means by FWB to compare to what the Woman on Facebook thinks it means and thinks that she is using it to mean.  If she has a grandchild, she is NOT a member of the Younger generation - unless compared to someone with great grandkids, I suppose.

Sorry - the device I was using earlier kept trying to slide off my lap while typing - I gave up trying to edit it & just hit post.  Then it turned out to be MUCH later before I got back on the website. 

Think of the often used quote from The Princess Bride -  "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." - only with "term" or "phrase" in place of "word".

I still remember someone using "timely" as a synonym for "time consuming" and wondering why the person she was talking to just got more & more confused during the conversation...

 
« Last Edit: October 08, 2013, 08:53:26 AM by VorFemme »
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Teenyweeny

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Re: that doesn't mean what you think it does....
« Reply #25 on: October 08, 2013, 08:20:46 AM »
I imagine that the woman in question thinks that 'friends with benefits' means extra-special friends, sort of like BFF.

I would definitely tell her!



Arila

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Re: that doesn't mean what you think it does....
« Reply #26 on: October 08, 2013, 01:37:33 PM »
I'm for telling the poor woman,  just as I would hope that anyone (even strangers) would tell me that my skirt was tucked into my underwear in the back or my fly was down. Don't let me walk around all day until I get home wnd my husband does it because he's "close" to me.

I also think the message would have potentially MORE impact coming from a friend of friend, because Now its not just a cute / funny Inside joke, relative strangers are reading / judging it .

EllenS

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Re: that doesn't mean what you think it does....
« Reply #27 on: October 08, 2013, 01:52:41 PM »
I'm for telling the poor woman,  just as I would hope that anyone (even strangers) would tell me that my skirt was tucked into my underwear in the back or my fly was down. Don't let me walk around all day until I get home wnd my husband does it because he's "close" to me.


POD.  And as someone who actually HAS had her skirt tucked into her pantyhose, I feel this metaphor even more acutely!

LadyL

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Re: that doesn't mean what you think it does....
« Reply #28 on: October 08, 2013, 01:55:28 PM »
I decided to take the middle road and let SIL know that I noticed the user photo, that I didn't think her stepmom in law knew what it meant, and that I didn't contact her directly because I worried it would come off wrong (this woman is not really known for being the even keeled type - and is very protective of her granddaughter, who she is helping raise as her daughter had her as a teen mom - so I think the concerns about her having a defensive knee-jerk reaction if I messaged her were spot on).

Luci

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Re: that doesn't mean what you think it does....
« Reply #29 on: October 08, 2013, 02:23:11 PM »
I would have left it alone because by the time I saw it, I am pretty sure someone a lot closer to her would have seen it and taken care of it.

A friend a few years older than I am sent a note on Facebook to another friend about the loss of a loved one, basically, "I am sad for you. LOL!", thinking that meant "lots of love", which it did many years ago. Oops.

Older people do know often what some things mean. It is kind of offensive to me that people think they are putting something over on me. I either look it up or ask, as you may have noticed. If it comes up with someone really close, I will mention it, but I never laugh behind her back about the situation, as some do. (Not in this thread, however.)