Author Topic: The dinner date that didn’t happen  (Read 8394 times)

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veronaz

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The dinner date that didn’t happen
« on: October 06, 2013, 11:16:52 PM »
Long-time friends had me over for dinner recently. Their son (late 30s), who I’ve known since he was in jr high school, was also there.  I’ll call him Rick.  He lives in another city, but was in town for job-related reasons.  He was telling us about a blind date he had the other night that went sour.

Rick said he’d been emailing and talking on the phone to a woman who he connected with via an online dating site a month or two ago.  They exchanged quite a bit of information, also pictures.  They made a date to meet in person (for the first time) at a nice hotel for dinner. 

For whatever reason, there was a mix-up in communication about where they were supposed to meet.   Rick he had told her to meet him at the entrance to the restaurant.  He waited, and waited, and checked the lobby, called her cell and left a msg, and after about 45 minutes he saw her standing there.  They shook hands, and Rick says although he found her attractive, she was ticked off and made no effort to hide it.  “I’ve been standing here for almost an hour, you said meet you in the bar, and the bar is closed.”  Rick says he was taken aback, told her she was supposed to meet him at the entrance to the restaurant, and that he had left her a message.  She said her phone petered out, and that she was about to leave when she saw him.

So…..they sat down, and he suddenly remembered she was right………...he had told her to meet at the bar.  Rick apologized.  Waitress came and Rick’s date was terse as she ordered a drink.  Rick said to waitress “Don’t be offended, she’s mad at ME.”  (awkward)

After a few minutes of chitchat, his cell phone rang and he stepped away to take an important business call.  When he returned to the table, his date asked if he had been trying to arrange a backup date.  ??? :o  Rick said he was so uncomfortable that he just wanted the night to end, so when waitress came to take dinner order he said he asked for the check (for the drinks).  Date dropped her jaw.   Rick said “It was nice meeting you” and walked her to the door.

Apparently she recharged her phone battery because she called him twice late that night (he didn’t pick up)………tearful messages asking “what went wrong?”  ::) Rick said he’s done and has no intention of rehashing the evening with her or seeing her again.

Well, I have my own opinion. 
Forty-five minutes is a long time to wait for someone to show up, especially for a first date.  She probably thought she'd been stood up, but she should have made sure her phone was charged.
Based on what Rick said, he was turned off at her reaction to the initial mix-up, but also the question about a “backup” date, and the way his date had been rude to an innocent waitress/server.  Then……..those tearful messages.  The initial mix-up was Rick’s fault, but he did apologize.  The woman continued to pout.

Obviously it wasn’t meant to be, but I think Rick dodged a bullet.  What say you?
« Last Edit: October 06, 2013, 11:19:27 PM by veronaz »

BarensMom

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Re: The dinner date that didnít happen
« Reply #1 on: October 06, 2013, 11:26:09 PM »
He dodged a 20-round magazine's worth. 

Promise

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Re: The dinner date that didnít happen
« Reply #2 on: October 06, 2013, 11:28:39 PM »
The whole situation certainly is a tale of how not to behave when trying to make a good first impression. Rick didn't make note of where he said to meet. The girl didn't have a charged phone (what if he had a flat tire or got sick?). While 45 minutes can be frustrating it's not outrageously long. Once he made his apology, she should have been gracious and given the date a chance. We all make mistakes. Others will make mistakes with us that cause us annoyance. How we handle our emotions in that moment is a good indication of our character and self-control. She showed her true colors. I agree that he dodged a bullet. He, on the other hand shouldn't have taken a business call while on a date. The phone should have been off.

Yvaine

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Re: The dinner date that didnít happen
« Reply #3 on: October 06, 2013, 11:29:26 PM »
I don't think he behaved very well either. He was wrong in the initial communication about the meeting place, and while she should have had her phone charged, he should have met her where they'd agreed; I mean, how did people ever manage to meet up for dates before cell phones? Then, I think his "she's mad at me" thing to the waitress was kind of presumptuous and I think he should have allowed her, as an adult, to manage her own restaurant manners; if he thought she was rude, he could certainly file it away as a reason not to go out with her again, but he's talking about her like she's a kid or not really there, kwim? And then he took a phone call during the date...

Her later behavior was kind of weird, over the top for a first date that went badly, but I don't think I can cast her as the only etiquette sinner here. If I were him, I wouldn't date her again--and if I were her, I wouldn't date him again either.

(Addendum to the phone call thing: a better way to handle the business call, if it were truly inevitable, would be to explain to her at the beginning of the date that he might get a business call, or at least tell her what it was when it came in, or scheduling the date when he wasn't expecting a business call.)
« Last Edit: October 06, 2013, 11:32:16 PM by Yvaine »

Klea

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Re: The dinner date that didnít happen
« Reply #4 on: October 06, 2013, 11:47:27 PM »
I can see how it would be frustrating to wait for a date for 45 minutes. And it would bother me if when we did finally meet up the other person (incorrectly) insisted that we were due to meet elsewhere. BUT, I also would have made sure my phone was fully-charged and switched on because mix-ups happen and could potentially be avoided.

When he realised his mistake, he apologised and that was her cue to let it go and try and make the best of the evening. Instead she chose to maintain a sulky attitude and be rude to an innocent waitress. That said, Rick's comment to the waitress was unnecessary and probably hit a nerve, and taking a call would have came across as rude. Her accusation seems a bit silly but I can see why she might assume that he was uninterested in their date. Her later calls and messages DO seem melodramatic and indicative of an over-emotional personality in general.

It is probably for the best that Rick has decided not to pursue this woman as their personalities do not seem suited to each other and that was evident from their date. Rather than just ignoring her though, I think it would be better form for Rick to at least let her know that he doesn't want to see her again.

shhh its me

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Re: The dinner date that didnít happen
« Reply #5 on: October 06, 2013, 11:57:21 PM »
I don't think he behaved very well either. He was wrong in the initial communication about the meeting place, and while she should have had her phone charged, he should have met her where they'd agreed; I mean, how did people ever manage to meet up for dates before cell phones? Then, I think his "she's mad at me" thing to the waitress was kind of presumptuous and I think he should have allowed her, as an adult, to manage her own restaurant manners; if he thought she was rude, he could certainly file it away as a reason not to go out with her again, but he's talking about her like she's a kid or not really there, kwim? And then he took a phone call during the date...

Her later behavior was kind of weird, over the top for a first date that went badly, but I don't think I can cast her as the only etiquette sinner here. If I were him, I wouldn't date her again--and if I were her, I wouldn't date him again either.

(Addendum to the phone call thing: a better way to handle the business call, if it were truly inevitable, would be to explain to her at the beginning of the date that he might get a business call, or at least tell her what it was when it came in, or scheduling the date when he wasn't expecting a business call.)

POD .
I'd add he should have told his date the date was over before he told the waitress. 

The "so are you arranging a back up date?" was either poorly delivery quip or a slightly paranoid accusation.

I think the only think parts were she may have been rude is if she was rude to the waitress, being terse is not nice but I wouldn't call it rude unless she was absolutely hissing at her.  Not charging her phone wasn't rude either, it was impractical.  Calling afterwords was weird and more then a little sad but  I don't think "why dont you like me ?" is rude its reallly uncomfortable.

StarFaerie

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Re: The dinner date that didnít happen
« Reply #6 on: October 06, 2013, 11:58:35 PM »
The paranoia about the phone call would be the end of it for me. If she's like that on a first date, how jealous would she be in a real relationship.

*inviteseller

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Re: The dinner date that didnít happen
« Reply #7 on: October 07, 2013, 12:09:47 AM »
I have had some wonky first dates..I let the little things slide and try to salvage the night.  He realized his mistake and apologized, but he did try to call her..her phone wasn't charged so he gets a pass on that.  His comment to the waitress was probably a nervous reaction to her behavior (Anyone that treats service people like dirt is a major turn off).  I think his deciding to end the date was a smart idea as there was no salvaging it and her behavior after..the crying repeated phone messages?  Wow, she sounds truly clingy and needy and he didn't just dodge a bullet..he dodged a missile!

veronaz

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Re: The dinner date that didn’t happen
« Reply #8 on: October 07, 2013, 12:13:45 AM »
Being a person who doesn't like loose ends I might have emailed (after getting the two messages) "We're not a good match.  Best wishes."  But that might invite more communication from her asking for explanations.

One other thing:  I meant to ask him...........didn't think about it..........but if they had been having a great time would he have taken the call or let it go to vm?  I got the feeling the call was not expected, and he walked to the restaurant lobby to get away from the situation for a few minutes.
« Last Edit: October 07, 2013, 12:18:11 AM by veronaz »

doodlemor

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Re: The dinner date that didnít happen
« Reply #9 on: October 07, 2013, 12:15:28 AM »
I think that she could have made a big joke of it, and that they could have continued the evening.  Stuff happens.

This woman was T.r.o.u.b.l.e., and he is well rid of her.  Her maltreatment of the waitress is a huge indication of what kind of person that she is.

sweetonsno

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Re: The dinner date that didnít happen
« Reply #10 on: October 07, 2013, 12:17:02 AM »
Honestly, I think she dodged a bullet more than he did. If it was the woman telling the story, I'd be telling her that Rick was a cad.

Rick blamed her for his mistake. Strike one.
Okay, he apologized. Ball one? 
Rick made light of her irritation to the waitress. Strike two.
Rick left the date to take a phone call. Strike three.
Rick asked for the check before informing her that he wanted to call it a night. Strike four.

I think Rick's talking to the waitress about his date's mood and then asking the waitress for the check to signal to his date that it was over were both quite PA and disrespectful.

Deetee

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Re: The dinner date that didnít happen
« Reply #11 on: October 07, 2013, 12:39:43 AM »
Honestly, I think she dodged a bullet more than he did. If it was the woman telling the story, I'd be telling her that Rick was a cad.

Rick blamed her for his mistake. Strike one.
Okay, he apologized. Ball one? 
Rick made light of her irritation to the waitress. Strike two.
Rick left the date to take a phone call. Strike three.
Rick asked for the check before informing her that he wanted to call it a night. Strike four.

I think Rick's talking to the waitress about his date's mood and then asking the waitress for the check to signal to his date that it was over were both quite PA and disrespectful.

This. Also, Rick was the one telling the story and I still felt a lot of sympathy for her. If I waited for almost an hour in the right place, was blamed by my "date" for being in the wrong place, had him belittle/call attention to my irritation in front of the waitress and then watched my date take a phone call while barely on the date (as it was just drinks that they had), I think I'd be ending it right there.

I think they both dodged a bullet and should go to grown-up school before dating again.

zyrs

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Re: The dinner date that didnít happen
« Reply #12 on: October 07, 2013, 01:05:02 AM »
I think they both dodged a bullet.  Neither of them gave a stellar first impression, for reasons that other posters have mentioned.

In answer to:

I mean, how did people ever manage to meet up for dates before cell phones?

I can't speak for everyone else, but I handled meeting up on a first date by making a special note to myself of where we had decided to meet and what time.  I made sure I knew the venue's phone number so if I were held up I could call and have the woman I was meeting paged or given a message.  I tend to arrive about 15 minutes early for everything, so I would arrive 15 minutes early for the date.


LifeOnPluto

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Re: The dinner date that didnít happen
« Reply #13 on: October 07, 2013, 01:42:59 AM »
Honestly, I think she dodged a bullet more than he did. If it was the woman telling the story, I'd be telling her that Rick was a cad.

Rick blamed her for his mistake. Strike one.
Okay, he apologized. Ball one? 
Rick made light of her irritation to the waitress. Strike two.
Rick left the date to take a phone call. Strike three.
Rick asked for the check before informing her that he wanted to call it a night. Strike four.

I think Rick's talking to the waitress about his date's mood and then asking the waitress for the check to signal to his date that it was over were both quite PA and disrespectful.

This. Also, Rick was the one telling the story and I still felt a lot of sympathy for her. If I waited for almost an hour in the right place, was blamed by my "date" for being in the wrong place, had him belittle/call attention to my irritation in front of the waitress and then watched my date take a phone call while barely on the date (as it was just drinks that they had), I think I'd be ending it right there.

I think they both dodged a bullet and should go to grown-up school before dating again.

I agree with this. The woman wasn't perfect herself, but I still felt sorry for her. In fact, I'm surprised she actually waited 45 minutes by herself near a closed bar. That must have been rather uncomfortable.

And I agree with the PP who said that Rick should have told her first that the date was over.

The paranoia about the phone call would be the end of it for me. If she's like that on a first date, how jealous would she be in a real relationship.

I'm wondering if her comment about him arranging a "back up date" was a lame attempt at a joke that fell flat?

NyaChan

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Re: The dinner date that didnít happen
« Reply #14 on: October 07, 2013, 01:45:48 AM »
Honestly, I think she dodged a bullet more than he did. If it was the woman telling the story, I'd be telling her that Rick was a cad.

Rick blamed her for his mistake. Strike one.
Okay, he apologized. Ball one? 
Rick made light of her irritation to the waitress. Strike two.
Rick left the date to take a phone call. Strike three.
Rick asked for the check before informing her that he wanted to call it a night. Strike four.

I think Rick's talking to the waitress about his date's mood and then asking the waitress for the check to signal to his date that it was over were both quite PA and disrespectful.

This. Also, Rick was the one telling the story and I still felt a lot of sympathy for her. If I waited for almost an hour in the right place, was blamed by my "date" for being in the wrong place, had him belittle/call attention to my irritation in front of the waitress and then watched my date take a phone call while barely on the date (as it was just drinks that they had), I think I'd be ending it right there.

I think they both dodged a bullet and should go to grown-up school before dating again.

Add me on to this.  I mean his comment to the waitress would have made me so angry - it's like he was publicly calling her out and to me had the tone of "don't mind the little lady" to it.  On a date that was already not going great, getting up to take a phone call? I mean if ever there was a way to signal that he wasn't interested...  And then he arbitrarily calls for the check with no discussion - just as a courtesy mind you, he of course can leave whenever he wants, but you should do the polite dance before hand of "You know, I feel like this night just started off wrong and we haven't been clicking.  I think it's best if we call it a night...." and so on.