Author Topic: The dinner date that didn’t happen  (Read 6949 times)

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Hmmmmm

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Re: The dinner date that didnít happen
« Reply #30 on: October 07, 2013, 09:57:51 AM »
He ended the date abruptly and then ignores her phone calls for an explanation. (she doesn't sound "creepy" to me, she sounds pissed off - and rightly so).

He apologized to the waitress for his date's behavior in front of his date.

He stepped out on a date to take a phone call.

He told his date that she was in the wrong when she was absolutely correct.

He was annoyed that she was angry at having waited 45 minutes for him. (15 minutes is my cutoff time, so I think this was an excessive amount. I would be long gone).

She also acted badly by expressing her displeasure in an unproductive way, but he continued to act boorishly.

Yep, I completely agree with this.

Honestly, if I'd been left waiting for 45 minutes for a first date and I knew I was in the right place and the guy said "No, you wrong" I'd probably have ended the date right then.

Curious Cat

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Re: The dinner date that didnít happen
« Reply #31 on: October 07, 2013, 10:01:50 AM »
Honestly, I think she dodged a bullet more than he did. If it was the woman telling the story, I'd be telling her that Rick was a cad.

Rick blamed her for his mistake. Strike one.
Okay, he apologized. Ball one? 
Rick made light of her irritation to the waitress. Strike two.
Rick left the date to take a phone call. Strike three.
Rick asked for the check before informing her that he wanted to call it a night. Strike four.

I think Rick's talking to the waitress about his date's mood and then asking the waitress for the check to signal to his date that it was over were both quite PA and disrespectful.

This. Also, Rick was the one telling the story and I still felt a lot of sympathy for her. If I waited for almost an hour in the right place, was blamed by my "date" for being in the wrong place, had him belittle/call attention to my irritation in front of the waitress and then watched my date take a phone call while barely on the date (as it was just drinks that they had), I think I'd be ending it right there.

I think they both dodged a bullet and should go to grown-up school before dating again.

Add me on to this.  I mean his comment to the waitress would have made me so angry - it's like he was publicly calling her out and to me had the tone of "don't mind the little lady" to it.  On a date that was already not going great, getting up to take a phone call? I mean if ever there was a way to signal that he wasn't interested...  And then he arbitrarily calls for the check with no discussion - just as a courtesy mind you, he of course can leave whenever he wants, but you should do the polite dance before hand of "You know, I feel like this night just started off wrong and we haven't been clicking.  I think it's best if we call it a night...." and so on.

Pod x 1000

This is *his* version of the story and he looks horrible I would LOVE to hear HER version of the story.

What really soured the night was the woman's attitude and Rick's inconsideration.  If this woman was going to be sour all night, even after the apologies and her own part in the miscommunication (phone being off), it is unreasonable that she would expect Rick to want to spend much time with her.  If she couldn't get her emotions into check and be a pleasant dinner companion, she should have made her apologies and left early.
Hardly all night - more like 10  minutes.

Hillia

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Re: The dinner date that didnít happen
« Reply #32 on: October 07, 2013, 10:03:03 AM »
DH and I met online.  We decided that our first in person date would be a movie.  I arranged to meet him at the AMC movie theater in the shopping center at Broadway and Highway 1.  I was there at the appointed time, bought the tickets, and waited outside.  And waited.  And waited.  In August, in 110+ degree weather.  Neither of us had cell phones.  Finally, after probably 45  minutes, I went home, pretty ticked off.

At home, I got online, and he IM'd me, apologizing all over himself.  He was so sorry, and if I never wanted to talk to him again, he'd understand.  He swore there was no movie theater at Broadway and Hwy 1, he'd driven all over, there was nothing at all there.  Which I knew couldn't be right, because it was a huge shopping center with restaurants, stores, etc.

Eventually we figured it out...Hwy 1 made a loop around the city, and Broadway was one of the very few streets that ran all the way across it, east to west.  So while I'd been stewing at the theater on the west side, he'd been driving frantically around the empty lots on the east side.

Fortunately we were able to laugh it off, and our 'meet cute' story is how he stood me up on our first date!

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veronaz

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Re: The dinner date that didnít happen
« Reply #33 on: October 07, 2013, 10:04:07 AM »
Rick made an honest mistake when he told her he'd meet her by the entrance instead of the bar.  When he insisted he said he'd meet her by the entrance, he still honestly thought that was what he had said.

Does Rick normally do things like forgetting what he said? Does he go around work insisting, "But I sent you the Jones file last week! Why haven't you processed ... oh, wait, here it is on my desk."

Rick is the son of friends.  Although I know him and have been around him in a few social situations (several times with his former girlfriend) , I donít know how he handles situations at his job.

I think the speculations about how he handles a mixup at his job could also be applied to the woman he had the date with.  (Does she get angry when someone is late or when there is a miscommunication about the location of a meeting, does she take it out on other people, and does she leave emotional /demanding voicemails?)

I just donít know.

lowspark

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Re: The dinner date that didnít happen
« Reply #34 on: October 07, 2013, 10:07:24 AM »
Itís interesting how we sometimes look at things a bit differently after getting feedback.  Of course, thatís what forums like this are all about.

Sure, I (we) are hearing the story from Rickís perspective.  He said when she kind of went off on him in the lobby when they first saw each other, he felt like he was being scolded, that it lessened the attraction he felt, and that he also felt this was indicative of her personality.  I can understand that.

As far as the remark to the waitress, I donít know what his date said but Rick said she was terse/snotty, the waitress looked at him dumbfounded, and his remark was to let her know she didnít do anything wrong.

When he stepped away to take a phone call, I might have suspected he was talking to another woman but I certainly wouldnít have said it or questioned him.  It is possible she was trying to make a joke, but if so, it bombed.

I do feel he could have ended it better ("We're not clicking; let's call it a night.")

The two vm messages later that night cross over into pathetic, creepy territory (imo).  He said the first was sadÖÖ.ĒWhat went wrong?Ē and the second (a couple hrs later) was tearful but at the same time had a tone of ďWho do you think you are?  I asked a simple question ďWhat went wrong?Ē Iím trying to be the bigger person and you donít even have the decency to call me back?Ē  Yikes.

After reading the OP, I kinda wasn't sure whose side I was on. They both sounded like they'd goofed. But after reading this update, I'm firmly on Rick's side, although yes, he did misbehave as well.

The first item I bolded, that she went off on him in at their first moment of meeting, that is just a stupid thing to do on her part. No matter how annoyed she was, it's just not the way to start off a first date. It was a mistake on his part, for sure, but had her phone been charged, the whole thing would have been avoided. She needed to (internally) take at least some responsibility for the long wait, and then squelch her anger for the sake of at least trying to recover from the frustration that they clearly were both feeling.

I just gotta think that she set the tone for the evening right at that moment and that sealed the deal. Rick was already put off and her further behavior was just a reinforcement of the mood that clearly wasn't going to get better.

On my second bolded item, if the waitress did indeed give Rick a dumbfounded look, that's gotta say something about how rude the date was.

And on my third bolded item, eek. She sounds like she has had a lot of dates go wrong and can't figure out why. She's lost her self respect and that probably explains why she doesn't respect others.

Rick did a lot of things wrong, but his date did things that were worse.
His first mistake was getting the place wrong - bad, but forgivable.
Her first mistake was scolding him about it - bad in a way that can easily ruin a date, but if done on a first date, I'd say it's almost impossible to recover from it.

Twik

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Re: The dinner date that didnít happen
« Reply #35 on: October 07, 2013, 10:10:02 AM »
Actually, now I think about it, my brother was like this in his early years (and that was before cell phones). Meeting him anywhere was guaranteed to turn into some sort of sitcom madness. It taught me to be VERY specific about making plans to meet ("Now, it's the Keg restaurant on Elm Street. At 6 pm. Not the Keg on 6th Street at Elm o'clock. Please repeat it back, so I'm sure you heard me.")

And yes, it did lead to him losing a girlfriend.
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lowspark

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Re: The dinner date that didnít happen
« Reply #36 on: October 07, 2013, 10:11:32 AM »
Honestly, if I'd been left waiting for 45 minutes for a first date and I knew I was in the right place and the guy said "No, you wrong" I'd probably have ended the date right then.

Even after saying what I said above, I agree with this. But it's one thing to end the date and a whole other thing to scold the guy over it. If you want to end the date, fine, it's over. But if you intend to go on with it, then it's time to put anger aside and make the best of things. The start of a first date is not the time to voice anger. Slight annoyance, ok. But then you smile and say, oh well, these things happen, and you then need to behave as if everything had gone as planned.

Two Ravens

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Re: The dinner date that didnít happen
« Reply #37 on: October 07, 2013, 10:22:09 AM »
As far as the remark to the waitress, I donít know what his date said but Rick said she was terse/snotty, the waitress looked at him dumbfounded, and his remark was to let her know she didnít do anything wrong.

How terse/snotty can you be merely ordering a drink that would cause the waitress to be dumbfounded?

However, I agree with the other posters that apologizing to the waitress in front of me would have infuriated me.

blahblahblah

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Re: The dinner date that didnít happen
« Reply #38 on: October 07, 2013, 10:24:37 AM »
Quote
I mean his comment to the waitress would have made me so angry - it's like he was publicly calling her out and to me had the tone of "don't mind the little lady" to it.  
This. It's so incredibly passive-aggressive, too - if you want to call me out, have the cojones to call ME out instead of snarking about it to the waitress.

TootsNYC

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Re: The dinner date that didnít happen
« Reply #39 on: October 07, 2013, 10:24:48 AM »

In answer to:

I mean, how did people ever manage to meet up for dates before cell phones?

I can't speak for everyone else, but I handled meeting up on a first date by making a special note to myself of where we had decided to meet and what time.  I made sure I knew the venue's phone number so if I were held up I could call and have the woman I was meeting paged or given a message.  I tend to arrive about 15 minutes early for everything, so I would arrive 15 minutes early for the date.

Or, after 10 minutes or so, they would scope out the entire restaurant/area instead of just standing in one spot hoping the person would materialize. She wasn't that far away!

Honestly, if I'd been left waiting for 45 minutes for a first date and I knew I was in the right place and the guy said "No, you wrong" I'd probably have ended the date right then.

Even after saying what I said above, I agree with this. But it's one thing to end the date and a whole other thing to scold the guy over it. If you want to end the date, fine, it's over. But if you intend to go on with it, then it's time to put anger aside and make the best of things. The start of a first date is not the time to voice anger. Slight annoyance, ok. But then you smile and say, oh well, these things happen, and you then need to behave as if everything had gone as planned.


I wonder if his saying "no, we were supposed to meet THERE!" was really a defensive response to an attack. He might have been quite ready to say, "I'm so sorry, if I misunderstood," but if she goes on the offensive, a lot of people are going to defend themselves first without thinking that hard later.
I do agree with this! I think one reason my husband married me is that his car broke down on the middle of the highway, and I was nice about it. He kept marveling that I wasn't mad, that I wasn't berating him, that I was cheerful about walking 1.5 miles to the rest stop that was fortunately nearby and cheerfully chatting the 1 hour that it took for his friends to get to us. And that I took a train back to the city at the end of the weekend while he stayed to get his alternator replaced.

I do think that how someone handles something like this is very indicative of what they'll be like when they *do* know you well and are more likely to take you for granted.


veronaz

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Re: The dinner date that didnít happen
« Reply #40 on: October 07, 2013, 10:26:26 AM »
Re: the voicemails she left, one would think that unless she is completely clueless she has got to KNOW ďwhat went wrongĒ. 

Sharnita

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Re: The dinner date that didnít happen
« Reply #41 on: October 07, 2013, 10:27:07 AM »
The question migh better be - how does she react at work when other people are late or wrong and then blame her for the mistake? If she is hurt, upset and eben wonders if it might indicate more serious problems beneath the surface, I can't say that I'd blame her.

Hmmmmm

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Re: The dinner date that didnít happen
« Reply #42 on: October 07, 2013, 10:35:44 AM »

In answer to:

I mean, how did people ever manage to meet up for dates before cell phones?

I can't speak for everyone else, but I handled meeting up on a first date by making a special note to myself of where we had decided to meet and what time.  I made sure I knew the venue's phone number so if I were held up I could call and have the woman I was meeting paged or given a message.  I tend to arrive about 15 minutes early for everything, so I would arrive 15 minutes early for the date.

Or, after 10 minutes or so, they would scope out the entire restaurant/area instead of just standing in one spot hoping the person would materialize. She wasn't that far away!

Honestly, if I'd been left waiting for 45 minutes for a first date and I knew I was in the right place and the guy said "No, you wrong" I'd probably have ended the date right then.

Even after saying what I said above, I agree with this. But it's one thing to end the date and a whole other thing to scold the guy over it. If you want to end the date, fine, it's over. But if you intend to go on with it, then it's time to put anger aside and make the best of things. The start of a first date is not the time to voice anger. Slight annoyance, ok. But then you smile and say, oh well, these things happen, and you then need to behave as if everything had gone as planned.


I wonder if his saying "no, we were supposed to meet THERE!" was really a defensive response to an attack. He might have been quite ready to say, "I'm so sorry, if I misunderstood," but if she goes on the offensive, a lot of people are going to defend themselves first without thinking that hard later.
I do agree with this! I think one reason my husband married me is that his car broke down on the middle of the highway, and I was nice about it. He kept marveling that I wasn't mad, that I wasn't berating him, that I was cheerful about walking 1.5 miles to the rest stop that was fortunately nearby and cheerfully chatting the 1 hour that it took for his friends to get to us. And that I took a train back to the city at the end of the weekend while he stayed to get his alternator replaced.

I do think that how someone handles something like this is very indicative of what they'll be like when they *do* know you well and are more likely to take you for granted.

But I your DH wasn't trying to blame you for a mix up and wouldn't have been taken aback most likely if you had been a little upset about his being late.

From reading this part of the OP, I think when Rick approached her in the lobby his mind set was she was in the wrong so why is she upset and the fact that any hint of anger immediately changed his perception of her makes me think he's looking for someone that is alway ammiable. Even when telling the story, it doesn't sound like he phrase it as "I was such a dounce I gave her the wrong location and left her staning around for 45 minutes" it was a miscoummunication for some reason". While I know we are reading what the OP wrote, I'm assuming she relayed it similarly to the way Rick told the story to her.

For whatever reason, there was a mix-up in communication about where they were supposed to meet.   Rick he had told her to meet him at the entrance to the restaurant.  He waited, and waited, and checked the lobby, called her cell and left a msg, and after about 45 minutes he saw her standing there.  They shook hands, and Rick says although he found her attractive, she was ticked off and made no effort to hide it.  ďIíve been standing here for almost an hour, you said meet you in the bar, and the bar is closed.Ē  Rick says he was taken aback, told her she was supposed to meet him at the entrance to the restaurant, and that he had left her a message.  She said her phone petered out, and that she was about to leave when she saw him.

rose red

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Re: The dinner date that didnít happen
« Reply #43 on: October 07, 2013, 10:40:07 AM »
I think they both acted badly (him a little bit worse.)  But if she's still calling after Rick treated her like that, then she doesn't mind being treated like dirt (I know women like that.  They just want a man, any man.)  Both of them either dodge a bullet or deserve each other.

I know I'm being judgemental, I may be wrong since this is only one incident and my opinion may mean squat, but I've seen this situation too often in real life.

blahblahblah

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Re: The dinner date that didnít happen
« Reply #44 on: October 07, 2013, 10:42:16 AM »
Just wondering, how did Rick apologize when he realized that he had indeed been mistaken about where to meet up? Because I've been in similar situations where the person blamed me for getting something wrong when it was really their fault, and when they realized their error, their reaction was just a, "Lol oops, my bad." They were (mildly) sorry for being wrong, but didn't care about blaming me for it. When you falsely accuse me of being the screw-up, you'd better show some genuine contrition instead of just laughing it off. (I don't need you to grovel or anything.)

False accusations are my personal bugbear. I screw up enough on my own, thank you very much, I'm not going to take the blame for stuff I didn't actually do!
« Last Edit: October 07, 2013, 10:44:27 AM by blahblahblah »