The dinner date that didn’t happen

[veronaz]

I think they both acted badly (him a little bit worse.)  But if she's still calling after Rick treated her like that, then she doesn't mind being treated like dirt (I know women like that.  They just want a man, any man.)  Both of them either dodge a bullet or deserve each other.

I know I'm being judgemental, I may be wrong since this is only one incident and my opinion may mean squat, but I've seen this situation too often in real life.

I think it’s a big stretch to say or even imply that Rick treated her like dirt.  Did he display some rude/PA behavior?  Yes. 

Also, unlike women who are so desperate for a man they put up with anything, she spoke up and in various ways expressed her displeasure.

[Emmy]

Honestly, I think she dodged a bullet more than he did. If it was the woman telling the story, I'd be telling her that Rick was a cad.

Rick blamed her for his mistake. Strike one.
Okay, he apologized. Ball one? 
Rick made light of her irritation to the waitress. Strike two.
Rick left the date to take a phone call. Strike three.
Rick asked for the check before informing her that he wanted to call it a night. Strike four.

I think Rick's talking to the waitress about his date's mood and then asking the waitress for the check to signal to his date that it was over were both quite PA and disrespectful.

This. Also, Rick was the one telling the story and I still felt a lot of sympathy for her. If I waited for almost an hour in the right place, was blamed by my "date" for being in the wrong place, had him belittle/call attention to my irritation in front of the waitress and then watched my date take a phone call while barely on the date (as it was just drinks that they had), I think I'd be ending it right there.

I think they both dodged a bullet and should go to grown-up school before dating again.

Add me on to this.  I mean his comment to the waitress would have made me so angry - it's like he was publicly calling her out and to me had the tone of "don't mind the little lady" to it.  On a date that was already not going great, getting up to take a phone call? I mean if ever there was a way to signal that he wasn't interested...  And then he arbitrarily calls for the check with no discussion - just as a courtesy mind you, he of course can leave whenever he wants, but you should do the polite dance before hand of "You know, I feel like this night just started off wrong and we haven't been clicking.  I think it's best if we call it a night...." and so on.

Pod x 1000

This is *his* version of the story and he looks horrible I would LOVE to hear HER version of the story.

What really soured the night was the woman's attitude and Rick's inconsideration.  If this woman was going to be sour all night, even after the apologies and her own part in the miscommunication (phone being off), it is unreasonable that she would expect Rick to want to spend much time with her.  If she couldn't get her emotions into check and be a pleasant dinner companion, she should have made her apologies and left early.

Hardly all night - more like 10  minutes.

How do you know it was only 10 minutes?  I still stand by my statement that if she couldn't be a pleasant dinner companion after he apologized, she should have made her excuses and left.  If she was angry at him for insisting he was right about the location, that is understandable, but again it seems better to make apologies and leave than to sulk about it.  I understand being ticked off for him being late, but her having her phone off was also part of the problem.

[veronaz]

but her having her phone off was also part of the problem.

Yes, a BIG part of the problem.  And on a first date.  Strange that she wasn't more conscientious about making sure her phone had enough juice.  He didn't know about her phone issues, and he did leave her a message.

[Yvaine]

but her having her phone off was also part of the problem.

Yes, a BIG part of the problem.  And on a first date.  Strange that she wasn't more conscientious about making sure her phone had enough juice.  He didn't know about her phone issues, and he did leave her a message.

Sharnita may have a point though. She may have run it down trying to entertain herself during the wait.

[gramma dishes]

Good grief!  They were supposed to have dinner together, not just drinks. 

He left her waiting for him in the correct place for three quarters of an hour and then tried to initially put the blame on her.  Yeah, he apologized - or so we're told - but I'm sure that was the briefest apology ever given.  Probably something like "Oops.  I just remembered.  We were supposed to meet at the bar!" followed by laughter as though she had no legitimate reason to be upset.  Problem is:  she did.

That he would abruptly call for the check before they'd even been brought menus would make me suspect that in fact he HAD possibly/probably called another girl and had left "our" date to go pick her up somewhere. 

Yeah, both behaved badly and I don't understand her later (supposed) reaction (I am keeping in mind that we're hearing Rick's version only), but between the two of them I'm firmly of the opinion that Rick's poor showing far exceeded his date's.  He frankly sounds like a complete jerk.

[veronaz]

Sharnita may have a point though. She may have run it down trying to entertain herself during the wait.

And she may have dropped it, left it at home, or in her car, or used up power talking to someone else.  We don't know.  The point is that she wasn't accessible via phone, and he attempted to reach her.

[lowspark]

but her having her phone off was also part of the problem.

Yes, a BIG part of the problem.  And on a first date.  Strange that she wasn't more conscientious about making sure her phone had enough juice.  He didn't know about her phone issues, and he did leave her a message.

Sharnita may have a point though. She may have run it down trying to entertain herself during the wait.

If that was the case, I would have thought that she would at least try to contact him before her battery ran out.

[Outdoor Girl]

I put the blame squarely on both sets of shoulders, here.  Rick was in the wrong for not getting the meeting location - that he set - correct.  I also wouldn't have appreciated his comment to the server; in his shoes, I would have just upped her tip a bit.  He should have explained that he was required to take work calls. I also wouldn't have appreciated his cutting the date short without saying something about it.

The phone thing, I kind of excuse.  I don't have a cell phone of my own; only a work one.  So I probably wouldn't even have given Rick my cell number.  But if I had, you can be darn sure my phone was fully charged.  However, she didn't put her best foot forward by chewing him out immediately upon meeting him and her attitude toward the server.  The comment after he took the phone call and the two voice mails afterwards?  Yikes.

If he was apologetic, I would have given Rick a second chance and bit back my irritation at his mistake.  But if I were Rick?  She would not have gotten a second chance.

[Yvaine]

Sharnita may have a point though. She may have run it down trying to entertain herself during the wait.

And she may have dropped it, left it at home, or in her car, or used up power talking to someone else.  We don't know.  The point is that she wasn't accessible via phone, and he attempted to reach her.

We know from your post that it "petered out" rather than that she just didn't have it. Petered out tells me it either ran out of battery power or that she couldn't get signal in the bar (which I hadn't even thought of before this moment).

[veronaz]

I think many/most of us are familiar with the movie Fatal Attraction.  Remember the scene where Glenn Close drops off a cassette tape at Michael Douglas’ office, and he listens to it in the car?  First “I love you, please tell me what went wrong” then “Who do you think you are, you @$*!&”?!

Well, according to Rick that’s what her messages reminded him of.
 

[Yvaine]

I think many/most of us are familiar with the movie Fatal Attraction.  Remember the scene where Glenn Close drops off a cassette tape at Michael Douglas’ office, and he listens to it in the car?  First “I love you, please tell me what went wrong” then “Who do you think you are, you @$*!&”?!

Well, according to Rick that’s what her messages reminded him of.
 

It feels to me like you're not getting the responses you wanted about how horrible she was, so you're upping the ante on her craziness. And hey, maybe she is crazy! But your friend was still a lousy date, and comes across as one even in his own spin.

[Sharnita]

I think many/most of us are familiar with the movie Fatal Attraction.  Remember the scene where Glenn Close drops off a cassette tape at Michael Douglas’ office, and he listens to it in the car?  First “I love you, please tell me what went wrong” then “Who do you think you are, you @$*!&”?!

Well, according to Rick that’s what her messages reminded him of.
 

It feels to me like you're not getting the responses you wanted about how horrible she was, so you're upping the ante on her craziness. And hey, maybe she is crazy! But your friend was still a lousy date, and comes across as one even in his own spin.

I agree.  And the calls might have been a  lot more about why he seemed to blame her - for being in the right spot, to the waitress, etc.  Even looking at it through his lens he comes off as pretty hostile toward her.

[veronaz]

Yvaine, I'm not sure what you think I wanted, but it's a bit rude to imply that I'm manipulating by embellishing things.  Maybe this thread isn't for you or similar thinking people.

btw, I already said I felt he was rude and PA. 

[Yvaine]

Yvaine, I'm not sure what you think I wanted, but it's a bit rude to imply that I'm manipulating by embellishing things.  Maybe this thread isn't for you.

It's a discussion forum; you're not always going to get agreement. I don't think you're lying; just that you're comparing it to something scary that you weren't comparing it to before.

[veronaz]

Actually, I'm aware that it's a discussion forum and that agreement is not the goal.

I commented about (what I felt was) the creepy vms way back.  I have no need to try to make them sound scarier to "up the ante".

So, we disagree.  Oh, well.