The dinner date that didn’t happen

[WillyNilly]

Even with all the updates, i think Rick was way worse in this story then the date. And considering we've only heard Rick's side of the story I think that says a lot.

I'm not saying the woman comes out looking great, she doesn't, but she is the one I'm sympathetic too... and I bet her side of the story would tell a wee bit differently.

Rick was just rude and inconsiderate on top of passive aggressive on top of I don't even know but its not like he did one good thing here. Well no ok, he did one good thing, he tried calling. Every other action on his part was a bad choice.

He set the place to meet - a closed bar. Bad choice.
He forgot the place meet. Bad choice.
He blamed his date for his screw up. Bad choice. (Even if he apologized later, did he apologize for all three screw ups thus far or did he just acknowledge his fault and try to move on?)
He took it upon himself to apologize on behalf of his date's 'terse" tone. Bad choice. (And really the waitress probably looked at him dumbfounded not because she wanted an explanation, but because she took the woman's order first so she then, looked to Rick to take his order, not to get an explanation. How the waitress' face looked really shouldn't have mattered.)
He took a phone call, straight up walking away from the table, without explanation, only minutes into the date. Bad choice. (Even if he had to take it, he could have as he saw the number and answered, said to her "I'm so sorry, its my boss, it must be an emergency.")
He abruptly ended the date without letting his date know he would be doing so. Bad choice. (She's now still hungry an hour after having expected to eat with only a cocktail in her stomach? Poor woman!)
He did not return her call (even via email) once he got home after reneging on is offer to take her dinner. Bad choice.

Yeah Rick is not coming across good in any one of his actions as far as I can see. And he continues the bad choices by retelling the story a though he was the injured party!

[gen xer]

Rick wasn't stellar....but it seems to me that woman was gambling on him being so apologetic that he would kiss her butt all evening trying to make up for his mistakes.   Seems to have backfired on her.  If she acknowledges that it was a mixup she should have dropped it and moved on. 

A first date is tenuous at best and neither of them put their best foot forward....but she's the one who comes off worse in my opinion - huffy, high maintenance and suspicious.

[Daydream]

This is *his* version of the story and he looks horrible I would LOVE to hear HER version of the story.

This is what I was thinking.  He was probably trying to make himself look as good as possible when telling what happened, so what might he have really been like?

OP, if you remember their reaction and don't mind sharing it, I'm curious as to what Rick's parents said when he told his story.  Was it more like, "Oh, Schnookums, that woman is nuts!  45 minutes is nothing.  Any woman should be happy to wait 45 hours for you and then be condescended to..." or "Well, son, it doesn't sound like you were very pleasant either..."?

As an acquaintance and guest, I think I might just make vague noises and beandip.  But I always wonder if more people who are closer to the person, like parents, told them the truth about their behavior, if they'd at least try to change.

[Twik]

The calls don't make her look good, but it doesn't make Rick look any better to say, "A sensible woman should have washed her hands of him."

Willynilly brings up one point - he didn't meet her just for drinks, but for supper. Then, when he gets peeved, he walks out, leaving her either to go home or to order supper all alone. That's not very nice. He should have gritted his teeth and stuck it out until after eating. Who knows, with some food in her, she might have relaxed and started to be civil.

[Sootikin]

but her having her phone off was also part of the problem.

Yes, a BIG part of the problem.  And on a first date.  Strange that she wasn't more conscientious about making sure her phone had enough juice.  He didn't know about her phone issues, and he did leave her a message.

It was only a big part of the problem because Rick mucked up.  She had no reason to have her phone with her, she was in the right place at the right time and if he'd bothered to remember where they were meeting he would be too.

[TootsNYC]

Or if he'd looked around a bit more. He saw her after 45 mins.; he didn't look well enough to see her before that? (Or her, looking as well.)

[Hmmmmm]

but her having her phone off was also part of the problem.

Yes, a BIG part of the problem.  And on a first date.  Strange that she wasn't more conscientious about making sure her phone had enough juice.  He didn't know about her phone issues, and he did leave her a message.

There is no socail obligation to have a cell phone available at all times. If he had been where he was supposed to be, then there was no need.

[Goosey]

Rick wasn't stellar....but it seems to me that woman was gambling on him being so apologetic that he would kiss her butt all evening trying to make up for his mistakes.   Seems to have backfired on her.  If she acknowledges that it was a mixup she should have dropped it and moved on. 

See, to me it seemed like she didn't have time to move on before he stuck his foot in his mouth one more time.

She waited 45 minutes for a guy who, when they finally met up, blamed her for the mix up. They sat down and ordered a drink and he immediately makes a PA apology to the waitress because she wasn't friendly enough for him. Then, after she waited 45 minutes for him, she sits there - alone and waiting again - while he takes a phone call. Then he comes back, she cracks a "joke" (which was PA since it seemed to be to both kind of a comment on him leaving the date and a comment on the amount of time and attention that he was paying her - his date - during this time) and he ends their date without explanation or discussion - before she even got to order dinner (presumably hungry since it was a dinner date that was almost an hour late). And he doesn't have the decency to tell HER that he's ending it, instead he addresses the waitress. That must have been humiliating to be stood up, disrespected and then "dumped" like that.

And this all happened in the length of time it took her to get a drink and the waitress to inquire about their dinner order. And during that time, he stepped out for a few minutes.

So, it's not like she was holding onto anger for an excessive amount of time, he just kept adding to the pile during a really short amount of time.

[Judah]

Rick wasn't stellar....but it seems to me that woman was gambling on him being so apologetic that he would kiss her butt all evening trying to make up for his mistakes.   Seems to have backfired on her.  If she acknowledges that it was a mixup she should have dropped it and moved on. 

See, to me it seemed like she didn't have time to move on before he stuck his foot in his mouth one more time.

She waited 45 minutes for a guy who, when they finally met up, blamed her for the mix up. They sat down and ordered a drink and he immediately makes a PA apology to the waitress because she wasn't friendly enough for him. Then, after she waited 45 minutes for him, she sits there - alone and waiting again - while he takes a phone call. Then he comes back, she cracks a "joke" and he ends their date without explanation or discussion - as another poster said, before she even got to order dinner (presumably hungry since it was a dinner date that was almost an hour late). And he doesn't have the decency to tell HER that he's ending it, instead he addresses the waitress. That must have been humiliating to be stood up, disrespected and then "dumped" like that.

And this all happened in the length of time it took her to get a drink and the waitress to inquire about their dinner order. And during that time, he stepped out for a few minutes.

So, it's not like she was holding onto anger for an excessive amount of time, he just kept adding to the pile during a really short amount of time.

This so much. The only mistake that she made that I can see is that she actually waited 45 minutes. If I had waited that long, was blamed for the mix-up, was patronized, was left alone so he could take a call, and wasn't given the time to cool my jets before *he* decided *he'd* had enough...well, I don't know what I'd do because I wouldn't have waited that long to start with.

[WillyNilly]

but her having her phone off was also part of the problem.

Yes, a BIG part of the problem.  And on a first date.  Strange that she wasn't more conscientious about making sure her phone had enough juice.  He didn't know about her phone issues, and he did leave her a message.

There is no socail obligation to have a cell phone available at all times. If he had been where he was supposed to be, then there was no need.

I agree.
And its not like its all that uncommon for someone to have their phone on "silent" or even to just flat out not hear it ring when its in a purse. And sometimes phones don't immediately show there is a VM, plenty of phones/plans/random occurrences have resulted in a person not getting a VM right away. Not to mention it could have been a sketchy reception area.

[AlansGirl]

Others have already commented on the rudeness of the parties but I have to say I find it very weird that she waited for 45 minutes in a closed bar for her date.  After 15 - 20 minutes or so, wouldn't you have a look around for him?

[SlitherHiss]

Others have already commented on the rudeness of the parties but I have to say I find it very weird that she waited for 45 minutes in a closed bar for her date.  After 15 - 20 minutes or so, wouldn't you have a look around for him?

Per the OP's original post, she wasn't in the bar; the bar (which was in the restaurant) was closed, so she waited around that area, looking for him, and finally spotten him in the entrace of the restaurant, in the lobby.

[veronaz]

OP, if you remember their reaction and don't mind sharing it, I'm curious as to what Rick's parents said when he told his story.  Was it more like, "Oh, Schnookums, that woman is nuts!  45 minutes is nothing.  Any woman should be happy to wait 45 hours for you and then be condescended to..." or "Well, son, it doesn't sound like you were very pleasant either..."?

@ Daydream, to answer your question:

Rick’s Dad felt he should have gone thru with the actual dinner.  Maybe things would have smoothed out, maybe not.

Rick’s Mom kind of rolled her eyes (she had heard some of the story earlier).  She said that she’s surprised the woman waited 45 minutes.

Btw contrary to what someone said, Rick did not “walk out” and leave her sitting there to eat alone.  As stated before he paid for the drinks and walked her to the door of the hotel.

I might have ended it (politely) after he took the phone call even though he said it was just a few minutes.

and finally spotten him in the entrace of the restaurant, in the lobby.

Correct.  He had gotten a table and came looking for her a few times.

[Sharnita]

Just a few.minutes added on to 45 is pretty darn close to an hour (assuming his numbers are accurate)

[gramma dishes]

See, to me it seemed like she didn't have time to move on before he stuck his foot in his mouth one more time.

She waited 45 minutes for a guy who, when they finally met up, blamed her for the mix up. They sat down and ordered a drink and he immediately makes a PA apology to the waitress because she wasn't friendly enough for him. Then, after she waited 45 minutes for him, she sits there - alone and waiting again - while he takes a phone call. Then he comes back, she cracks a "joke" (which was PA since it seemed to be to both kind of a comment on him leaving the date and a comment on the amount of time and attention that he was paying her - his date - during this time) and he ends their date without explanation or discussion - before she even got to order dinner (presumably hungry since it was a dinner date that was almost an hour late). And he doesn't have the decency to tell HER that he's ending it, instead he addresses the waitress. That must have been humiliating to be stood up, disrespected and then "dumped" like that.

And this all happened in the length of time it took her to get a drink and the waitress to inquire about their dinner order. And during that time, he stepped out for a few minutes.

So, it's not like she was holding onto anger for an excessive amount of time, he just kept adding to the pile during a really short amount of time.

 Perfect summary of events.  She may not have behaved perfectly, but I doubt I could have either given what he threw at her to deal with. 

She was not only "dumped", but he made a point of doing it in front of the waitress instead of playing by Big Boy rules and letting her know first that he thought they should just end their evening together right then.