Author Topic: The dinner date that didn’t happen  (Read 6989 times)

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jaxsue

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Re: The dinner date that didn’t happen
« Reply #75 on: October 07, 2013, 02:26:36 PM »
Or if he'd looked around a bit more. He saw her after 45 mins.; he didn't look well enough to see her before that? (Or her, looking as well.)

ITA. I've been in the position of waiting for someone at a restaurant. I look around to see if they're in another place like the lobby, the bar, or already sitting down.

Yvaine

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Re: The dinner date that didn’t happen
« Reply #76 on: October 07, 2013, 02:28:23 PM »

See, to me it seemed like she didn't have time to move on before he stuck his foot in his mouth one more time.

She waited 45 minutes for a guy who, when they finally met up, blamed her for the mix up. They sat down and ordered a drink and he immediately makes a PA apology to the waitress because she wasn't friendly enough for him. Then, after she waited 45 minutes for him, she sits there - alone and waiting again - while he takes a phone call. Then he comes back, she cracks a "joke" (which was PA since it seemed to be to both kind of a comment on him leaving the date and a comment on the amount of time and attention that he was paying her - his date - during this time) and he ends their date without explanation or discussion - before she even got to order dinner (presumably hungry since it was a dinner date that was almost an hour late). And he doesn't have the decency to tell HER that he's ending it, instead he addresses the waitress. That must have been humiliating to be stood up, disrespected and then "dumped" like that.

And this all happened in the length of time it took her to get a drink and the waitress to inquire about their dinner order. And during that time, he stepped out for a few minutes.

So, it's not like she was holding onto anger for an excessive amount of time, he just kept adding to the pile during a really short amount of time.


 Perfect summary of events.  She may not have behaved perfectly, but I doubt I could have either given what he threw at her to deal with. 

She was not only "dumped", but he made a point of doing it in front of the waitress instead of playing by Big Boy rules and letting her know first that he thought they should just end their evening together right then.

Come to think of it, both the "apology" for her grumpiness and the ending of the date were theater performed for the waitress. If I were her, I might wonder if he was trying to pick her up!  >:D

jaxsue

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Re: The dinner date that didn’t happen
« Reply #77 on: October 07, 2013, 02:29:16 PM »
Neither party is completely blameless, IMO. But if I were the woman and a guy acted like this, I'd kiss him goodbye, too. FTR, though, I'd have looked elsewhere before giving up, especially if my phone is dead (although I am super vigilant about that). And, I would not contact him again. It reeks of desperation.

WillyNilly

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Re: The dinner date that didn’t happen
« Reply #78 on: October 07, 2013, 02:33:52 PM »
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and finally spotten him in the entrace of the restaurant, in the lobby.
Correct.  He had gotten a table and came looking for her a few times.

So he didn't even wait for her somewhere easy for her to spot him? He got a table and sat while she stood around the hotel lobby for 45 minutes?

This guy keeps getting worse and worse.

mich3554

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Re: The dinner date that didn’t happen
« Reply #79 on: October 07, 2013, 02:36:00 PM »
Sorry, I think that the onus is on Rick with this.  Her response is from his screw ups.

He stood her up (or so she thought since HE was the one who got the location screwed up).  Told her that she was wrong, then realized she wasn't.  And taking a phone call while you are with someone else on a date is flat out rude.  If it really was necessary, then he should have made his excuses rather than just walking away. 


Yvaine

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Re: The dinner date that didn’t happen
« Reply #80 on: October 07, 2013, 02:36:30 PM »
...
Quote
and finally spotten him in the entrace of the restaurant, in the lobby.
Correct.  He had gotten a table and came looking for her a few times.

So he didn't even wait for her somewhere easy for her to spot him? He got a table and sat while she stood around the hotel lobby for 45 minutes?

This guy keeps getting worse and worse.

Yeah, it sounds like he was in the wrong place even if he'd been right about where they were supposed to meet--he wasn't in either the place he thought he'd said or in the place he'd actually said.

SlitherHiss

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Re: The dinner date that didn’t happen
« Reply #81 on: October 07, 2013, 02:39:54 PM »
...
Quote
and finally spotten him in the entrace of the restaurant, in the lobby.
Correct.  He had gotten a table and came looking for her a few times.

So he didn't even wait for her somewhere easy for her to spot him? He got a table and sat while she stood around the hotel lobby for 45 minutes?

This guy keeps getting worse and worse.

Yeah, it sounds like he was in the wrong place even if he'd been right about where they were supposed to meet--he wasn't in either the place he thought he'd said or in the place he'd actually said.

What a peach. His trying to play the victim after the fact is just icing on the cake.

veronaz

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Re: The dinner date that didn’t happen
« Reply #82 on: October 07, 2013, 02:40:37 PM »
Neither party is completely blameless, IMO. But if I were the woman and a guy acted like this, I'd kiss him goodbye, too. FTR, though, I'd have looked elsewhere before giving up, especially if my phone is dead (although I am super vigilant about that). And, I would not contact him again. It reeks of desperation.

(bolded) maybe figuratively.  :)


jaxsue

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Re: The dinner date that didn’t happen
« Reply #83 on: October 07, 2013, 02:41:52 PM »
Neither party is completely blameless, IMO. But if I were the woman and a guy acted like this, I'd kiss him goodbye, too. FTR, though, I'd have looked elsewhere before giving up, especially if my phone is dead (although I am super vigilant about that). And, I would not contact him again. It reeks of desperation.

(bolded) maybe figuratively.  :)

 :)

DavidH

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Re: The dinner date that didn’t happen
« Reply #84 on: October 07, 2013, 02:52:24 PM »
I think they both dodged a bullet. 

"Rick he had told her to meet him at the entrance to the restaurant.  He waited, and waited, and checked the lobby, called her cell and left a msg, and after about 45 minutes he saw her standing there.  ... she was ticked off and made no effort to hide it.  Rick says he was taken aback, told her she was supposed to meet him at the entrance to the restaurant, and that he had left her a message.  She said her phone petered out, and that she was about to leave when she saw him."

The mix up about where to meet sounds like a true mistake.  Once she found the bar was closed, it should have been obvious that something was wrong and that would have been the time to call and find out what happened.  I suppose her phone could have petered out as she was making that call, making it no ones fault.  He presumably thought he was in the right place, but kept looking around and called her but go her voice-mail.  I get why she was upset, but it just sounds like a series of mixups.  If she was playing on here phone and ran down the battery as has been suggested, then it's bad judgement at best to be waiting for your date outside a closed bar and rather than calling, use all the charge in your phone for other things. 

"So…..they sat down, and he suddenly remembered she was right………...he had told her to meet at the bar.  Rick apologized."  Better to have remembered earlier, but I'm not sure why apologizing at this point is bad. 

"Waitress came and Rick's date was terse as she ordered a drink.  Rick said to waitress “Don’t be offended, she's mad at ME.”  (awkward)"  He should have kept his mouth shut unless she was amazingly rude to the waitress.

"After a few minutes of chitchat, his cell phone rang and he stepped away to take an important business call.  When he returned to the table, his date asked if he had been trying to arrange a backup date.  ??? :o

If he just got up without explanation, it's definitely rude.  On the other hand, he may have said excuse me, this is work and I have to take the call, we just don't know.  Her comment at the end is either a really awkward joke or suggests she is done with him anyway.  I can't think of a clearer signal that this date is a disaster than being accused of taking time out to set up a backup date.

"Rick said he was so uncomfortable that he just wanted the night to end, so when waitress came to take dinner order he said he asked for the check (for the drinks).  Date dropped her jaw.   Rick said “It was nice meeting you” and walked her to the door."  He should have told his date first, but I can see why he wasn't up for staying for dinner.

"Apparently she recharged her phone battery because she called him twice late that night (he didn't pick up)………tearful messages asking “what went wrong?”  ::)" This to me says he dodged a bullet.  How could she not know what went wrong?  Tearful messages, suggests she has some issues and would be very clingy at best. 

lowspark

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Re: The dinner date that didn’t happen
« Reply #85 on: October 07, 2013, 02:56:26 PM »
I didn't say this before but like others, I'm baffled that either one of them waited 45 minutes. I probably would have given up after 30 minutes at the most. But in the meantime, I would definitely have walked around looking for him multiple times and asked at the hostess stand.

And yeah, while there is no social obligation to have a cell phone available at all times, in this day and age, I think it's pretty much expected in addition to just being good sense.

There's no question that they both messed up. But again, her behavior both before, during and after what there was of the date makes her seem really desperate to me, which, over and above his or her conduct, makes me think that he was better off without her.

If a guy ended a date in this manner, would you call him to ask what went wrong? She's trying to figure out what she did wrong... so either he didn't behave nearly as badly as it sounds to us, or she is really hard up.

Twik

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Re: The dinner date that didn’t happen
« Reply #86 on: October 07, 2013, 02:58:28 PM »
Btw contrary to what someone said, Rick did not “walk out” and leave her sitting there to eat alone.  As stated before he paid for the drinks and walked her to the door of the hotel.

So, exactly how was she supposed to get something to eat that night? Honestly, I would tell him "walk yourself out, I'm ordering some food here."
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Yvaine

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Re: The dinner date that didn’t happen
« Reply #87 on: October 07, 2013, 02:59:43 PM »
I didn't say this before but like others, I'm baffled that either one of them waited 45 minutes. I probably would have given up after 30 minutes at the most. But in the meantime, I would definitely have walked around looking for him multiple times and asked at the hostess stand.

And yeah, while there is no social obligation to have a cell phone available at all times, in this day and age, I think it's pretty much expected in addition to just being good sense.

There's no question that they both messed up. But again, her behavior both before, during and after what there was of the date makes her seem really desperate to me, which, over and above his or her conduct, makes me think that he was better off without her.

If a guy ended a date in this manner, would you call him to ask what went wrong? She's trying to figure out what she did wrong... so either he didn't behave nearly as badly as it sounds to us, or she is really hard up.

I'm reading her "what went wrong" as more of a "double-u tee eff" than a "what did I do wrong?". They'd been communicating online for a month, and then when they finally meet, all this happens. I wouldn't do it myself--I'd write him off--but I don't think it means he's an angel or she's desperate, necessarily.

DavidH

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Re: The dinner date that didn’t happen
« Reply #88 on: October 07, 2013, 03:02:33 PM »

Posted by: Twik
« on: Today at 02:58:28 PM » Insert Quote
Quote from: veronaz on Today at 02:03:59 PM
Btw contrary to what someone said, Rick did not “walk out” and leave her sitting there to eat alone.  As stated before he paid for the drinks and walked her to the door of the hotel.

So, exactly how was she supposed to get something to eat that night? Honestly, I would tell him "walk yourself out, I'm ordering some food here."

But this is because you are much too self possessed either to wait 45 minutes outside a closed bar or to make two tearful phone calls after the date wondering what happened. 

veronaz

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Re: The dinner date that didn’t happen
« Reply #89 on: October 07, 2013, 03:10:25 PM »
Btw contrary to what someone said, Rick did not “walk out” and leave her sitting there to eat alone.  As stated before he paid for the drinks and walked her to the door of the hotel.



So, exactly how was she supposed to get something to eat that night? Honestly, I would tell him "walk yourself out, I'm ordering some food here."

Sure, she had the option of ordering, eating, and paying for her own food after he left.  Or, get something on the way home or fix something at home.   When he said "I'll walk you out" she could have stayed.  But she choose not to - he went his way and she went hers.  but imo food/hunger wasn't her main concern. 

Just to clarify – I heard all this last Tuesday.  The incident happened a week ago Sunday.  The hotel has a sports bar which apparently closes earlier on Sundays.  Rick said they were supposed to meet at 8, but by the time they sat down together it was 9PM.  I don’t know the layout of that hotel lobby, but was told the bar was on the first floor and the restaurant is on the second floor (which might explain why he didn’t see her standing outside the bar).   He decided to go to the first floor and look around.

It also occurred to me that after 15-20 minutes she might have gone to a payphone and called him to try to find out what was going on.  (I say this because emergencies, car breakdowns, accidents do happen.)
« Last Edit: October 07, 2013, 03:32:14 PM by veronaz »