General Etiquette > Techno-quette

Father posting wedding registry information on facebook

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Library Dragon:

--- Quote from: katycoo on October 07, 2013, 10:42:56 PM ---I think it totally depends on the individual circumstance.

If a number of congregation members had been asking I do't think its that bad to post the info on the church page.  Also the way it was worded doesn't sound like it carried expectation.

--- End quote ---

Agreed.  IMO it seems to be in response to multiple questions about the registry.  Rather than having the pastor or church secretary having to deal with this question instead of their actual work it probably seemed easier to share the info with everyone twice (personal and church FB).


--- Quote from: Renee on October 07, 2013, 09:23:16 PM ---I found the posting(s) "odd" for a number of reasons.  A father posting where his daughter is registered for wedding gifts?  (mother of the bride is alive and well, married to the father, also on Facebook)   A father posting it on his own Facebook page and the church Facebook page?

--- End quote ---

Am I understanding you here? You think it would more acceptable for a mother to do this but have a problem specifically because the father did it and there is a mother in the picture (alive, has Facebook, etc)?

--- Quote from: Renee on October 07, 2013, 09:23:16 PM ---Wedding invitations have not been sent out, nor have any "save the date" type announcements been made.

--- End quote ---

How do you know? Perhaps you just weren't invited.
But even if you do know... usually invite aren't sent out until 6-10 weeks before the wedding so if its still months off, there is not reason for invites to have been sent. As for StDs - many people don't send them at all, many others only only send StDs to family.

But ultimately I think the whole issue boils down to this:

--- Quote from: Renee on October 07, 2013, 09:23:16 PM ---"Some have asked about Barbara and Bob wedding registry..."

--- End quote ---

People are asking for this information. Its not an unsolicited posting.

Not sure the minister should have posted personal info on the church fb page.

Ministers have a fair bit of positional power so, even without intending it, it may put some social pressure on people to buy wedding gifts. Sort of like the boss posting something on the work bulletin.

Putting it on a personal fb page is fine, because it sort of separates it out from the father's role as a minister. Can't really understand the issue about father vs mother posting info.

May depend on the church. I'm guessing based on OP raising the issue that church members aren't usually posting this sort of info on the fb site for their own family weddings.

As to the issue of no invitations or save the dates being sent out, I'm wondering if the OP is suggesting that releasing registry info to the congregation at large, many of whom may not be invited to the wedding, could come off as a bit gift grabby. Perhaps OP could clarify?

I agree with Gramma Dishes. Firstly a pastor is in a position of authority and posting this on the church's official page may feel like pressure to some, regardless of the intent. Secondly, how many times have we said that registry information should be 'pull' information? The fact that some (even many) people have asked doesn't make it okay to push the information onto every single personal and professional facebook friend. He could just have easily PMed the people who asked. Thirdly, unless they are planning to invite every single person on both facebook pages to the wedding then I think it's pretty tacky to tell them about the registry unless they, personally, have asked. Although I personally wouldn't get all up in arms over this I think it is definitely not good etiquette.

The mother/father thing is not relevant in modern society so no issue there.

Welcome to eHell.

I find it odd the information was posted before invitations went out but maybe there is already showers being held.

I find it inappopriate that he posted on both his personal and church FB page.

I'm kind of "iffy" on posting on his own FB page. That would be based on how he normally used FB and the number of friends who would have access to the information. I think a PM to those who had requested the info would be a much better option. Or just posting a "Daughter's wedding website is up for those interested. Here's the link."

I don't find it odd at all that a Dad is as involved in the wedding as the mother. But my husband has been as active a father as I've been as a mother so we don't delieniate between mommy and daddy roles.


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