Father posting wedding registry information on facebook

[Renee]

Hi -- this is my first time posting anything; so please be gentle ... I'm not sure if I am just being an old "cranky-pants" or if this situation is "odd".   

Background:  My family and I attend a small church (100+- regular members).  The minister recently posted on his personal Facebook page and the church Facebook page:   "Some have asked about Barbara and Bob wedding registry. Here is a link to their wedding website and it has registry links".  Barbara is his daughter and Bob the fiancée.  I found the posting(s) "odd" for a number of reasons.  A father posting where his daughter is registered for wedding gifts?  (mother of the bride is alive and well, married to the father, also on Facebook)   A father posting it on his own Facebook page and the church Facebook page? (seems odd for a minister to use Facebook for personal wedding information about his daughter).   Wedding invitations have not been sent out, nor have any "save the date" type announcements been made.

Thoughts?   Am I just an old-fashioned cranky-pants or is it okay for a father to post daughter's wedding registry information on Facebook?  And is it okay for a minister to post this same information on the church Facebook?

[Sharnita]

I wouldn't do it on the church site but have no idea why being the father instead of the mother would make a difference on personal fb.

I can also see where the question might arise with a shower before invites went out. StD are yhings some people never send out.

I don't know that I'd say you are crankypants but your views come off as a bit sexist.

[lady_disdain]

I am not sure I understood your point - is the problem that the parents of the bride are posting registry information or that the father (instead of the mother) is posting the information?

[gramma dishes]

Given that some people are kind of "afraid" of the pastors of their church, I think in this particular case maybe it actually does make a difference.  I think some people will feel pressured to purchase a gift off the registry, even if they're not even specifically  invited to the upcoming wedding!

I think it was in poor taste. 

[katycoo]

I think it totally depends on the individual circumstance.

If a number of congregation members had been asking I do't think its that bad to post the info on the church page.  Also the way it was worded doesn't sound like it carried expectation.

[Library Dragon]

I think it totally depends on the individual circumstance.

If a number of congregation members had been asking I do't think its that bad to post the info on the church page.  Also the way it was worded doesn't sound like it carried expectation.

Agreed.  IMO it seems to be in response to multiple questions about the registry.  Rather than having the pastor or church secretary having to deal with this question instead of their actual work it probably seemed easier to share the info with everyone twice (personal and church FB).

[WillyNilly]

I found the posting(s) "odd" for a number of reasons.  A father posting where his daughter is registered for wedding gifts?  (mother of the bride is alive and well, married to the father, also on Facebook)   A father posting it on his own Facebook page and the church Facebook page?

Am I understanding you here? You think it would more acceptable for a mother to do this but have a problem specifically because the father did it and there is a mother in the picture (alive, has Facebook, etc)?

Wedding invitations have not been sent out, nor have any "save the date" type announcements been made.

How do you know? Perhaps you just weren't invited.
But even if you do know... usually invite aren't sent out until 6-10 weeks before the wedding so if its still months off, there is not reason for invites to have been sent. As for StDs - many people don't send them at all, many others only only send StDs to family.

But ultimately I think the whole issue boils down to this:

"Some have asked about Barbara and Bob wedding registry..."

People are asking for this information. Its not an unsolicited posting.

[Psychopoesie]

Not sure the minister should have posted personal info on the church fb page.

Ministers have a fair bit of positional power so, even without intending it, it may put some social pressure on people to buy wedding gifts. Sort of like the boss posting something on the work bulletin.

Putting it on a personal fb page is fine, because it sort of separates it out from the father's role as a minister. Can't really understand the issue about father vs mother posting info.

May depend on the church. I'm guessing based on OP raising the issue that church members aren't usually posting this sort of info on the fb site for their own family weddings.

As to the issue of no invitations or save the dates being sent out, I'm wondering if the OP is suggesting that releasing registry info to the congregation at large, many of whom may not be invited to the wedding, could come off as a bit gift grabby. Perhaps OP could clarify?

[Iris]

I agree with Gramma Dishes. Firstly a pastor is in a position of authority and posting this on the church's official page may feel like pressure to some, regardless of the intent. Secondly, how many times have we said that registry information should be 'pull' information? The fact that some (even many) people have asked doesn't make it okay to push the information onto every single personal and professional facebook friend. He could just have easily PMed the people who asked. Thirdly, unless they are planning to invite every single person on both facebook pages to the wedding then I think it's pretty tacky to tell them about the registry unless they, personally, have asked. Although I personally wouldn't get all up in arms over this I think it is definitely not good etiquette.

The mother/father thing is not relevant in modern society so no issue there.

[Hmmmmm]

Welcome to eHell.

I find it odd the information was posted before invitations went out but maybe there is already showers being held.

I find it inappopriate that he posted on both his personal and church FB page.

I'm kind of "iffy" on posting on his own FB page. That would be based on how he normally used FB and the number of friends who would have access to the information. I think a PM to those who had requested the info would be a much better option. Or just posting a "Daughter's wedding website is up for those interested. Here's the link."

I don't find it odd at all that a Dad is as involved in the wedding as the mother. But my husband has been as active a father as I've been as a mother so we don't delieniate between mommy and daddy roles.

[lowspark]

The only thing I find to be a bit off is that he posted this to the church website. As PPs have guessed, I too think he (and possibly his secretary) have been asked multiple times where the couple are registered and he is just hoping that posting it will help alleviate all the inquiries.

You say the church has 100+/- members. That sounds small enough that it's possible everyone will be invited to the wedding. It also sounds small enough that the minister probably knows everyone (at least by face) who attends. In other words, it sounds like it has the feel of being an intimate family-like environment. If that's the case, then I'd give the minister the benefit of the doubt on this one. It might be a that everyone's asking because they want to give gifts and the relationship among the members and the minister is somewhat casual.

Now, if I'm wrong about this and the minister is more aloof and only a select few members will be invited to the wedding, then yeah, it's a faux pas.

[Zilla]

I see nothing wrong with it on his own personal page as that's his to do whatever he wants with it.  I do think it's not right to post it on the Church's page.  If there are people asking on the church side and aren't "friends" with him on his own page, he needs to send them a PM giving the info.


As for why him and not the Mother.  What am I missing?  Why is it okay for the Mother but not the Father?

[Betelnut]

It was extremely unprofessional to post it to the church's FB. 

[auntmeegs]

It was extremely unprofessional to post it to the church's FB.

I agree.  I think it was fine for him to put that info on his own personal page but to put it on the Church's page was a bit much. 

[hobish]

Given that some people are kind of "afraid" of the pastors of their church, I think in this particular case maybe it actually does make a difference.  I think some people will feel pressured to purchase a gift off the registry, even if they're not even specifically  invited to the upcoming wedding!

I think it was in poor taste.

I agree.