Field Trip drivers

[Poppea]

Most everyone seems to br focusing on this mother being late but that is not really the problem here.  If that mother had not been late would she have feased up about the detour or would the OP have found out from her child?

You do not take another person's five year old anywhere other than where you have been given permission to go.  If this means picking up your own kids at school late then so be it.  You just simy do not do it.

And the school cannot give you permission to take someone else's child with you to pick up your kids.  Obviously, they can't because they have a rule against it.

Going on a field trip one is given very limited and structured permission for looking after the children in the class.  It only incudes driving back to the school and not anywhere else.  Not to your house, not to your children's school.  About the only place that is understandable would be the ER in the case of an emergency.  You should not even be stopping to gas up your car.

It shows very bad judgement on the part of this mother who did this and the school should take a much stronger approach in dealing with her.

What should the OP have done?  Assuming that the OP could get her emotions in check, which would have been hard for me, you tell the other mother "you should not have taken my child anywhere else but back here to the school."

And when other mother offered her excuses...

"It doesn't matter,  You didn't have permission to do what you did."

I think she got off easy only getting the glare of death.  Something needs to be said to her so that she recognizes the seriousness of her actions.  She may persist in thinking that it was no big deal, but it certainly was and she needs to not ever do that again.

It might be OK in some instances with older children who have some capacity and permission from their parents to make their own decisions, but never a five year old.

Really?  What if the light goes on? 

[NyaChan]

Emmy - she could have called her own kids' school to tell them that she was running late.  And yes, I know some places have consequences for that, but that's just one of the things that I think people have to learn to accept will happen on occasion when you live in the world with other people.

People keep saying this, but the OP has already stated that mobile phone coverage in her area is woeful. Maybe she couldn't. And since she was already late due to the pre-school's irresponsibility in running the activity late, what was she supposed to do - take more time trying to find a payphone and make herself even later so people could complain even more?

My understanding is that cell phone coverage for the principal was bad, not that the mom was unable to make calls - clearly she could if she managed to leave a message at the preschool.

[Poppea]

I don't think it is fair to say that unless you volunteer that you aren't allowed to expect other volunteers to follow the rules set down by the school. Whether or not the OP volunteers doesn't matter. The rules were that a driver may not make any stops but had to go straight to the pre-school. The driver broke those rules. It doesn't matter if we think that the rules should have been bent for her circumstances - the rules are there for a reason.

If you don't volunteer you really have no way of knowing what is going on with your child.  If ten minutes is going to upset you then you should be driving your own child.  The OPs child was never in an unsafe position. 

[Outdoor Girl]

I wouldn't have said anything to the tardy Mom.  And she would have gotten a glare from me.  Not so much a death glare but a 'I'm am clenching my teeth and biting my tongue to avoid saying anything I shouldn't' glare.  Getting the 'apology' she gave?  Then she'd get the death glare.  Or a tongue lashing.  Or both.

OP, I think you did the correct thing in talking to the director.  And in future, if you or your husband are unable to drive, I think it is perfectly reasonable to let them know that you do not want your child in Ms. Tardy's vehicle and if they are unable to arrange that, let you know so that you may make alternate arrangements.

[NyaChan]

I don't think it is fair to say that unless you volunteer that you aren't allowed to expect other volunteers to follow the rules set down by the school. Whether or not the OP volunteers doesn't matter. The rules were that a driver may not make any stops but had to go straight to the pre-school. The driver broke those rules. It doesn't matter if we think that the rules should have been bent for her circumstances - the rules are there for a reason.

If you don't volunteer you really have no way of knowing what is going on with your child.  If ten minutes is going to upset you then you should be driving your own child.  The OPs child was never in an unsafe position.

I get what people are saying, but if someone tells me that the school has arranged for my hypothetical child to go somewhere and come straight back and I give them permission to do that, I expect them to follow through.  I don't see why they get to go back on what they've promised me just because I wasn't present on that trip to object in the moment. 

[JoieGirl7]

Most everyone seems to br focusing on this mother being late but that is not really the problem here.  If that mother had not been late would she have feased up about the detour or would the OP have found out from her child?

You do not take another person's five year old anywhere other than where you have been given permission to go.  If this means picking up your own kids at school late then so be it.  You just simy do not do it.

And the school cannot give you permission to take someone else's child with you to pick up your kids.  Obviously, they can't because they have a rule against it.

Going on a field trip one is given very limited and structured permission for looking after the children in the class.  It only incudes driving back to the school and not anywhere else.  Not to your house, not to your children's school.  About the only place that is understandable would be the ER in the case of an emergency.  You should not even be stopping to gas up your car.

It shows very bad judgement on the part of this mother who did this and the school should take a much stronger approach in dealing with her.

What should the OP have done?  Assuming that the OP could get her emotions in check, which would have been hard for me, you tell the other mother "you should not have taken my child anywhere else but back here to the school."

And when other mother offered her excuses...

"It doesn't matter,  You didn't have permission to do what you did."

I think she got off easy only getting the glare of death.  Something needs to be said to her so that she recognizes the seriousness of her actions.  She may persist in thinking that it was no big deal, but it certainly was and she needs to not ever do that again.

It might be OK in some instances with older children who have some capacity and permission from their parents to make their own decisions, but never a five year old.

Really?  What if the light goes on?

You gas it up before you go.  Isn't that common sense?

[Poppea]

OP - I'm curious, could you post a copy of the rules for the drivers at your preschool?  I've never been given any type of rules when I've driven kids for scouts.

[JoieGirl7]

You do not take another person's five year old anywhere other than where you have been given permission to go.  If this means picking up your own kids at school late then so be it.  You just simy do not do it.

We don't know how old the other children are.  If they are 6 & 7, and too young to be left unsupervised for 30 minutes while the mother takes back the kids from the field trip, then the other mother may not have had much of a choice.

If her children are at school they are not unsupervised so that doesn't matter.  And besides that is her problem, no the OP and not the school even though the activity ran a little late.  It doesn't excuse taking someone else's child somewhere you have no permission to take them.

[Poppea]

Most everyone seems to br focusing on this mother being late but that is not really the problem here.  If that mother had not been late would she have feased up about the detour or would the OP have found out from her child?

You do not take another person's five year old anywhere other than where you have been given permission to go.  If this means picking up your own kids at school late then so be it.  You just simy do not do it.

And the school cannot give you permission to take someone else's child with you to pick up your kids.  Obviously, they can't because they have a rule against it.

Going on a field trip one is given very limited and structured permission for looking after the children in the class.  It only incudes driving back to the school and not anywhere else.  Not to your house, not to your children's school.  About the only place that is understandable would be the ER in the case of an emergency.  You should not even be stopping to gas up your car.

It shows very bad judgement on the part of this mother who did this and the school should take a much stronger approach in dealing with her.

What should the OP have done?  Assuming that the OP could get her emotions in check, which would have been hard for me, you tell the other mother "you should not have taken my child anywhere else but back here to the school."

And when other mother offered her excuses...

"It doesn't matter,  You didn't have permission to do what you did."

I think she got off easy only getting the glare of death.  Something needs to be said to her so that she recognizes the seriousness of her actions.  She may persist in thinking that it was no big deal, but it certainly was and she needs to not ever do that again.

It might be OK in some instances with older children who have some capacity and permission from their parents to make their own decisions, but never a five year old.

Really?  What if the light goes on?

You gas it up before you go.  Isn't that common sense?

Unless your husband drives it the evening before, or you think you are going to do it in the morning but are running late.  Stuff happens. Volunteers are not employees.

[wolfie]

I don't think it is fair to say that unless you volunteer that you aren't allowed to expect other volunteers to follow the rules set down by the school. Whether or not the OP volunteers doesn't matter. The rules were that a driver may not make any stops but had to go straight to the pre-school. The driver broke those rules. It doesn't matter if we think that the rules should have been bent for her circumstances - the rules are there for a reason.

If you don't volunteer you really have no way of knowing what is going on with your child.  If ten minutes is going to upset you then you should be driving your own child.  The OPs child was never in an unsafe position.

None of that matters. The driver still broke the rules. She was not allowed to take someone else's child anywhere but straight back to the pre-k. The fact that nothing happened doesn't change that the rules were broken and that the rules are in place for a reason. We aren't allowed to randomly break rules because it is easier for us if we did that.

[Poppea]

I don't think it is fair to say that unless you volunteer that you aren't allowed to expect other volunteers to follow the rules set down by the school. Whether or not the OP volunteers doesn't matter. The rules were that a driver may not make any stops but had to go straight to the pre-school. The driver broke those rules. It doesn't matter if we think that the rules should have been bent for her circumstances - the rules are there for a reason.

If you don't volunteer you really have no way of knowing what is going on with your child.  If ten minutes is going to upset you then you should be driving your own child.  The OPs child was never in an unsafe position.

I get what people are saying, but if someone tells me that the school has arranged for my hypothetical child to go somewhere and come straight back and I give them permission to do that, I expect them to follow through.  I don't see why they get to go back on what they've promised me just because I wasn't present on that trip to object in the moment.

Well that is exactly what did happen.  If she wants to prevent it she needs to be there. 

[Poppea]

You do not take another person's five year old anywhere other than where you have been given permission to go.  If this means picking up your own kids at school late then so be it.  You just simy do not do it.

We don't know how old the other children are.  If they are 6 & 7, and too young to be left unsupervised for 30 minutes while the mother takes back the kids from the field trip, then the other mother may not have had much of a choice.

If her children are at school they are not unsupervised so that doesn't matter.  And besides that is her problem, no the OP and not the school even though the activity ran a little late.  It doesn't excuse taking someone else's child somewhere you have no permission to take them.

You are right, it was the drivers problem and she solved it.  I don't blame her for putting her childrens' welfare above another parents. 

[wolfie]

I don't think it is fair to say that unless you volunteer that you aren't allowed to expect other volunteers to follow the rules set down by the school. Whether or not the OP volunteers doesn't matter. The rules were that a driver may not make any stops but had to go straight to the pre-school. The driver broke those rules. It doesn't matter if we think that the rules should have been bent for her circumstances - the rules are there for a reason.

If you don't volunteer you really have no way of knowing what is going on with your child.  If ten minutes is going to upset you then you should be driving your own child.  The OPs child was never in an unsafe position.

I get what people are saying, but if someone tells me that the school has arranged for my hypothetical child to go somewhere and come straight back and I give them permission to do that, I expect them to follow through.  I don't see why they get to go back on what they've promised me just because I wasn't present on that trip to object in the moment.

Well that is exactly what did happen.  If she wants to prevent it she needs to be there.

I think that the school needs to step in here and do something too. It really shouldn't be on parents to ensure that school rules are followed. I know it happened. I just disagree that it was an acceptable thing to happen and that the school shouldn't do something to ensure it doesn't happen again in the future.

[Poppea]

I don't think it is fair to say that unless you volunteer that you aren't allowed to expect other volunteers to follow the rules set down by the school. Whether or not the OP volunteers doesn't matter. The rules were that a driver may not make any stops but had to go straight to the pre-school. The driver broke those rules. It doesn't matter if we think that the rules should have been bent for her circumstances - the rules are there for a reason.

If you don't volunteer you really have no way of knowing what is going on with your child.  If ten minutes is going to upset you then you should be driving your own child.  The OPs child was never in an unsafe position.

I get what people are saying, but if someone tells me that the school has arranged for my hypothetical child to go somewhere and come straight back and I give them permission to do that, I expect them to follow through.  I don't see why they get to go back on what they've promised me just because I wasn't present on that trip to object in the moment.

Well that is exactly what did happen.  If she wants to prevent it she needs to be there.

I think that the school needs to step in here and do something too. It really shouldn't be on parents to ensure that school rules are followed. I know it happened. I just disagree that it was an acceptable thing to happen and that the school shouldn't do something to ensure it doesn't happen again in the future.

The rules were there for a reason.  I'm not saying its acceptable.  But stuff happens and if volunteers are driving they are also going to make judgement calls.  The school should make sure it doesn't happen again.  But one way the OP can ensure that she doesn't worry like this again is to drive her own child.  Even if Mrs Tardy is forbidden from driving OPs son again, the next mother may have an different issue come up. 

[wolfie]

I don't think it is fair to say that unless you volunteer that you aren't allowed to expect other volunteers to follow the rules set down by the school. Whether or not the OP volunteers doesn't matter. The rules were that a driver may not make any stops but had to go straight to the pre-school. The driver broke those rules. It doesn't matter if we think that the rules should have been bent for her circumstances - the rules are there for a reason.

If you don't volunteer you really have no way of knowing what is going on with your child.  If ten minutes is going to upset you then you should be driving your own child.  The OPs child was never in an unsafe position.

I get what people are saying, but if someone tells me that the school has arranged for my hypothetical child to go somewhere and come straight back and I give them permission to do that, I expect them to follow through.  I don't see why they get to go back on what they've promised me just because I wasn't present on that trip to object in the moment.

Well that is exactly what did happen.  If she wants to prevent it she needs to be there.

I think that the school needs to step in here and do something too. It really shouldn't be on parents to ensure that school rules are followed. I know it happened. I just disagree that it was an acceptable thing to happen and that the school shouldn't do something to ensure it doesn't happen again in the future.

The rules were there for a reason.  I'm not saying its acceptable.  But stuff happens and if volunteers are driving they are also going to make judgement calls.  The school should make sure it doesn't happen again.  But one way the OP can ensure that she doesn't worry like this again is to drive her own child.  Even if Mrs Tardy is forbidden from driving OPs son again, the next mother may have an different issue come up.

And if the OP can't drive then she is SOL and should just be happy her son made it back in one piece? I think there are more options then "put up with whatever happens and be grateful" and "do it all yourself". The school should be having a reminder to drivers that this is not permitted and if it happens whoever is doing the driving will not be allowed to do it again and/or that field trips will be cancelled if they can't rely on their volunteers to follow the rules. Volunteers who aren't following rules are doing more damage then good and shouldn't be allowed to continue to undermine the school.