Author Topic: Field Trip drivers  (Read 11621 times)

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Poppea

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Re: Field Trip drivers
« Reply #90 on: October 09, 2013, 01:15:58 PM »
Then again, if she got the glare of death -before- she had a change to actually say anything to you, she was on the defensive. I would have been. The person glaring at me would really piss me off--they're leaving me no room to actually apologize--I get "attacked" before I've even opened my mouth.
     I've got more self-control than to act flippantly in return, simply because doing so only escalates things. But I subtract about 60% of the remorse when I'm treated like that.
    Actually, I'd be pissed if I got the glare of death -after- I apologized. Even more so, probably.

I think the glare of death is an incredibly rude thing, actually. In almost every situation. She was rude. But I think you were as well.

The truth is that your child was never in any danger. He was late, but he was perfectly safe. She was doing a favor to the daycare community by transporting your child. In return, perhaps she expected some flexibility, especially if they were late leaving.

I know that I would expect to be treated civilly. And glaring at me is not civil.

What an interesting assumption.

Well, actually, I wasn't assuming anything--that's why I used the word "if" -and- addressed the concept of getting the glare after an apology.

Even if the glare only came after her half-hearted apology, I have to confess: I don't think the "glare of death" is polite.

I have to agree with Toots.  This offense (even with the attitude) did not rise to the "glare of death". 

Roe

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Re: Field Trip drivers
« Reply #91 on: October 09, 2013, 01:31:03 PM »
Then again, if she got the glare of death -before- she had a change to actually say anything to you, she was on the defensive. I would have been. The person glaring at me would really piss me off--they're leaving me no room to actually apologize--I get "attacked" before I've even opened my mouth.
     I've got more self-control than to act flippantly in return, simply because doing so only escalates things. But I subtract about 60% of the remorse when I'm treated like that.
    Actually, I'd be pissed if I got the glare of death -after- I apologized. Even more so, probably.

I think the glare of death is an incredibly rude thing, actually. In almost every situation. She was rude. But I think you were as well.

The truth is that your child was never in any danger. He was late, but he was perfectly safe. She was doing a favor to the daycare community by transporting your child. In return, perhaps she expected some flexibility, especially if they were late leaving.

I know that I would expect to be treated civilly. And glaring at me is not civil.

What an interesting assumption.

Well, actually, I wasn't assuming anything--that's why I used the word "if" -and- addressed the concept of getting the glare after an apology.

Even if the glare only came after her half-hearted apology, I have to confess: I don't think the "glare of death" is polite.

I have to agree with Toots.  This offense (even with the attitude) did not rise to the "glare of death".


Maybe it doesn't rise to the level of the glare of death for you or Toots but for me, it definitely does! 

This lady took OP's son to a location that she didn't have permission to take him too, plus she was late, and on top of everything gave her attitude. Sorry but the OP is much kinder than a few people I know, who would've thrown in  a few choice words.  You don't take liberties with other people's children and expect to get a smile and a "no problem." 

And for those saying "It was only 10 mins"...10 minutes can seem like an eternity when you don't know where your child is!   

If the glare of death alone is enough to "piss" you off, then the fact that a person broke the rules and took your child somewhere they didn't have permission to take them should do more than "piss" you off.
« Last Edit: October 09, 2013, 01:38:27 PM by Roe »

TootsNYC

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Re: Field Trip drivers
« Reply #92 on: October 09, 2013, 01:32:29 PM »
I want to say, I can certainly understand the OP's annoyance, and I think there is a problem that needs to be solved for future trips.

I just don't like dirty looks. I think you can convey your displeasure through a simple lack of friendliness (especially in our culture).

Quote
You don't take liberties with other people's children and expect to get a smile and a "no problem." 

That's not what I think the OP should have done, at all. I did not in any way say that.
« Last Edit: October 09, 2013, 01:41:02 PM by TootsNYC »

Poppea

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Re: Field Trip drivers
« Reply #93 on: October 09, 2013, 01:58:34 PM »
I want to say, I can certainly understand the OP's annoyance, and I think there is a problem that needs to be solved for future trips.

I just don't like dirty looks. I think you can convey your displeasure through a simple lack of friendliness (especially in our culture).

Quote
You don't take liberties with other people's children and expect to get a smile and a "no problem." 

That's not what I think the OP should have done, at all. I did not in any way say that.

I would be pissed at the woman's attitude too.  But "glare of death".  Nope.  Not for 10 minutes tardiness. Not with another parent that you may be stuck with for the next 13 years.  Whose kid could become your kids BFF at some point.

Emmy

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Re: Field Trip drivers
« Reply #94 on: October 09, 2013, 02:28:00 PM »
I don't know what this woman was supposed to do. The field trip ran late, which presumably made her late for picking up her own kids, for which there can be penalties, or safety issues. So she has the choice to either stop and get them on the way, which it sounds like she did, or drive the school kids back, drop them off, then go back for her kids, making her possibly 20 minutes later in the other direction to get her own kids. Depending on how old they are could be stuck in the principal's office with some overzealous teacher calling the authorities because their parent hasn't picked them up (no cell phone coverage, so the mum couldn't be called herself to find out where she was) or, if they're older, may have been waiting outside the school gates on their own. I think she did the best she could in a difficult situation.

I agree with those who say if the OP wants that much control over a few minutes, she should drive the kids herself.

I think it is unfair that so many people are so harsh on the driver.  It sounds as if the trip lasted an hour late, which is not her fault.  Should she just leave her own kids waiting alone and confused for several minutes while she went back to the school?  Would anybody in her position honestly do that to their own children?  She tried to call the director, but I don't see what else she could have done besides leaving her own children to wait.  The problem wasn't caused by her time management issues, but the pre-school's time management.  I imagine that she would not have agreed to drive for the trip if she thought there was a chance the trip could run an hour late and interfere with her other kids getting out of school.  I can understand the OP being worried and a bit annoyed, but I do think it is surprising that she doesn't have any sympathy for this mom's situation. 

I do agree that the other mom should have made more of an effort to let another driver or somebody else know she needed to pick up her kids.  The other mom maybe could have left the field trip early if possible to get back to the school on time.  If it was me, I would be way more upset at the school for being an hour late than the other mom who was caught in the same situation.  I agree with the others that unless you want to make an enemy, you should talk to the school instead of the other mom.
« Last Edit: October 09, 2013, 02:42:38 PM by Emmy »

JoieGirl7

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Re: Field Trip drivers
« Reply #95 on: October 09, 2013, 02:32:40 PM »
Most everyone seems to br focusing on this mother being late but that is not really the problem here.  If that mother had not been late would she have feased up about the detour or would the OP have found out from her child?

You do not take another person's five year old anywhere other than where you have been given permission to go.  If this means picking up your own kids at school late then so be it.  You just simy do not do it.

And the school cannot give you permission to take someone else's child with you to pick up your kids.  Obviously, they can't because they have a rule against it.

Going on a field trip one is given very limited and structured permission for looking after the children in the class.  It only incudes driving back to the school and not anywhere else.  Not to your house, not to your children's school.  About the only place that is understandable would be the ER in the case of an emergency.  You should not even be stopping to gas up your car.

It shows very bad judgement on the part of this mother who did this and the school should take a much stronger approach in dealing with her.

What should the OP have done?  Assuming that the OP could get her emotions in check, which would have been hard for me, you tell the other mother "you should not have taken my child anywhere else but back here to the school."

And when other mother offered her excuses...

"It doesn't matter,  You didn't have permission to do what you did."

I think she got off easy only getting the glare of death.  Something needs to be said to her so that she recognizes the seriousness of her actions.  She may persist in thinking that it was no big deal, but it certainly was and she needs to not ever do that again.

It might be OK in some instances with older children who have some capacity and permission from their parents to make their own decisions, but never a five year old.

zainabzks

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Re: Field Trip drivers
« Reply #96 on: October 09, 2013, 02:33:01 PM »
Then she should have told someone before leaving with the OP's son. I would be very angry too if a parent did that to my child. School rules are there for a reason. Every field trip I go on, the teachers always reiterate and write it on a paper that we are to take the students directly to the venue and back to school with no detours.

Sharnita

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Re: Field Trip drivers
« Reply #97 on: October 09, 2013, 02:36:33 PM »
I think the non-preschool kids in the car probably would have tipped people off that she had made a nonscheduled stop, if she would have had to do it at all. If the school had been on time she might not have had to get her kids until after so maybe none of it would have happened.

BeagleMommy

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Re: Field Trip drivers
« Reply #98 on: October 09, 2013, 02:36:44 PM »
OP, I'm not going to get into any "what if" situations.  I believe you don't need to say anything to the woman who was driving.  It is acceptable for you to say to the director or teacher "I don't want my child traveling with Mrs. Jones due to an issue that occured last time.  If DH or I are not available to drive, please make sure my child is with someone other than Mrs. Jones.  If that is not possible, please let me know and I'll make other arrangements."

It may be time for the school to revise their field trip policies.

turnip

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Re: Field Trip drivers
« Reply #99 on: October 09, 2013, 02:39:20 PM »
You do not take another person's five year old anywhere other than where you have been given permission to go.  If this means picking up your own kids at school late then so be it.  You just simy do not do it.

We don't know how old the other children are.  If they are 6 & 7, and too young to be left unsupervised for 30 minutes while the mother takes back the kids from the field trip, then the other mother may not have had much of a choice.

TootsNYC

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Re: Field Trip drivers
« Reply #100 on: October 09, 2013, 02:58:33 PM »

You do not take another person's five year old anywhere other than where you have been given permission to go.  If this means picking up your own kids at school late then so be it.  You just simply do not do it.


Depending on the ages of the other mom's kids, their *actual* safety (If they would have been old enough to be left standing outside, or left to walk home on their own) and their *actual* emotional comfort (if they were worried about where their mom was--I remember imagining that my mother had decided to abandon me) might have been genuinely at risk.

The OP's child was completely safe. He was probably also completely happy and entertained, etc. He was never at actual risk.


I sympathize with the OP--truly, I do. I understand why she was upset.

I don't think this mother should have volunteered to drive if she had any afternoon deadline (which she did).

I think the preschool needs to pay closer attention to the situations of those parents who become "authorized drivers" for trips, and reject any who have other commitments like picking up their own kids from school. They need to *not* say, "Oh, we should be back by that time."

I think the preschool needs to create better webs of communication. What if this woman *had* run into automobile difficulty--a fender bender, a flat tire, etc.? She needed numbers of several people that she could call.

I think the OP is perfectly within all bounds of etiquette to pursue these points with the preschool, using this unhappy experience as her leverage.
  I hope she does, because this was not an ideal situation at all.

As for her original question, what to say to the mom: The OP has already glared at her, so the mom knows the OP is unhappy about the situation and blames her for [as the other mom would see it] "not sacrificing her own children for the OP's son."  What else is there that the OP wants to communicate?


wolfie

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Re: Field Trip drivers
« Reply #101 on: October 09, 2013, 03:02:35 PM »
I don't think it is fair to say that unless you volunteer that you aren't allowed to expect other volunteers to follow the rules set down by the school. Whether or not the OP volunteers doesn't matter. The rules were that a driver may not make any stops but had to go straight to the pre-school. The driver broke those rules. It doesn't matter if we think that the rules should have been bent for her circumstances - the rules are there for a reason.

NyaChan

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Re: Field Trip drivers
« Reply #102 on: October 09, 2013, 03:04:23 PM »
Emmy - she could have called her own kids' school to tell them that she was running late.  And yes, I know some places have consequences for that, but that's just one of the things that I think people have to learn to accept will happen on occasion when you live in the world with other people.

Roe

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Re: Field Trip drivers
« Reply #103 on: October 09, 2013, 03:07:01 PM »

You do not take another person's five year old anywhere other than where you have been given permission to go.  If this means picking up your own kids at school late then so be it.  You just simply do not do it.




The OP's child was completely safe. He was probably also completely happy and entertained, etc. He was never at actual risk.

For 10 mins, the OP did not know that to be the case.

perpetua

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Re: Field Trip drivers
« Reply #104 on: October 09, 2013, 03:07:54 PM »
Emmy - she could have called her own kids' school to tell them that she was running late.  And yes, I know some places have consequences for that, but that's just one of the things that I think people have to learn to accept will happen on occasion when you live in the world with other people.

People keep saying this, but the OP has already stated that mobile phone coverage in her area is woeful. Maybe she couldn't. And since she was already late due to the pre-school's irresponsibility in running the activity late, what was she supposed to do - take more time trying to find a payphone and make herself even later so people could complain even more?