Author Topic: A sensitive issue.neighbors' 'passion'  (Read 4473 times)

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Cebollita

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A sensitive issue.neighbors' 'passion'
« on: October 08, 2013, 07:29:16 PM »
I don't know if this has been addressed, and I swear this is not a joke post. I live in a rowhouse.  My neighbor's front bedroom shares a wall with my bedroom. He's a young guy, in his early 30s, and got a new girlfriend. They are very enthusiastic about each other, to put it lightly.

I really don't know how to put this without being blunt, so: their late at night passion sessions are keeping me awake. It sounds like someone is pounding on the wall with a hammer. I can hear the vocalizations, but can drown those out by putting a fan on. The banging on the wall is not something I can stop from waking me up. 1AM in the morning, when I have to get up for work the next day - it's becoming a problem.

I think if he just moved the bed away from our shared wall, on the other side of the room, or at least a foot away, that would be a solution. However, although we are friends with this guy, enough to go to his barbecues and have him over to our backyard parties, we're not close close friends.

How can I deal with this? I was thinking about a note, because, as a woman, I can't imagine bringing it up to his face - something like "John, you may not be aware of this but your bed is very close to the wall we share. When you move around in it, it bangs against my wall, if you catch my drift. This could be remedied by moving your bed away from the wall. Next time we see each other, I will pretend I never sent this note. Agreed?

Alternatively, maybe my husband could say something  man-to-man...they often have a beer together on the porch. But my husband is British so not very 'up front' about sensitive matters.

Any advice GRATEFULLY received!

nuit93

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Re: A sensitive issue.neighbors' 'passion'
« Reply #1 on: October 08, 2013, 07:32:17 PM »
I've had neighbors like this.  I found that pounding back on the wall got the message across quickly.

Cebollita

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Re: A sensitive issue.neighbors' 'passion'
« Reply #2 on: October 08, 2013, 07:35:40 PM »

If I didn't know him, or was in a rental I would pound on the wall. But because we are casual friends, and we'll live next door to each other a long time (we both moved in in the last few years, and bought our houses), I don't want to seem agressive.

Onyx_TKD

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Re: A sensitive issue.neighbors' 'passion'
« Reply #3 on: October 08, 2013, 07:50:20 PM »
Why not just address the problem--the banging against your wall--without mentioning or alluding to the presumed cause?

"Hi Neighbor,
Something in your front room [details to clearly identify where in the house] seems to be knocking against our shared wall at night. The noise is fairly loud and wakes us up. Could you please try to figure out what's knocking and place it where it won't touch the wall? Thank you!"

zyrs

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Re: A sensitive issue.neighbors' 'passion'
« Reply #4 on: October 08, 2013, 08:12:38 PM »
I remember an old "Newlywed Game" celebrity episode I watched years ago.  The question was: "What was the most embarrassing thing to happen to you on your honeymoon?"

One celebrity couple answered:  The morning after our wedding night, we found a note slipped under our hotel room door.  It read; 'Please remove your headboard from the wall.'

doodlemor

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Re: A sensitive issue.neighbors' 'passion'
« Reply #5 on: October 08, 2013, 08:38:36 PM »
Why not just address the problem--the banging against your wall--without mentioning or alluding to the presumed cause?

"Hi Neighbor,
Something in your front room [details to clearly identify where in the house] seems to be knocking against our shared wall at night. The noise is fairly loud and wakes us up. Could you please try to figure out what's knocking banging and place it where it won't touch the wall? Thank you!"

I like this - couldn't resist putting a double entendre in there.

bonyk

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Re: A sensitive issue.neighbors' 'passion'
« Reply #6 on: October 08, 2013, 08:52:01 PM »
Since you're casual friends, I think you can say, "Hey, neighbor, can you do me a favor and move your bed a few inches away from the wall?". He'll get the message without you having to spell it out.

Minmom3

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Re: A sensitive issue.neighbors' 'passion'
« Reply #7 on: October 08, 2013, 10:05:58 PM »
Better still, move it off the common wall entirely.  Some bed frame are lose and wobbly enough that they will easily flex enough to STILL bang on the wall during sex.  DD#2 had a boyfriend with a bed like that, and she put some foam between the top of the frame and the wall, and he got mad because he didn't want to be "one of those people" but she pointed out that the foam would help them NOT be one of those people, and it was already embarrassing to her.  Moving the bed away from that particular wall entirely would go a long way to solving that problem, even if it makes the bedroom awkward to walk around in.  Well worth it, IMO.

ETA - k =/= g....
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TootsNYC

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Re: A sensitive issue.neighbors' 'passion'
« Reply #8 on: October 08, 2013, 10:09:05 PM »
I go for having your husband write him a note asking him to move the bed so it can't bang into the wall.

Surianne

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Re: A sensitive issue.neighbors' 'passion'
« Reply #9 on: October 08, 2013, 10:25:04 PM »
How can I deal with this? I was thinking about a note, because, as a woman, I can't imagine bringing it up to his face - something like "John, you may not be aware of this but your bed is very close to the wall we share. When you move around in it, it bangs against my wall, if you catch my drift. This could be remedied by moving your bed away from the wall. Next time we see each other, I will pretend I never sent this note. Agreed?"

Honestly, I love your note as-is.  It's clear, so there's no meaning lost in euphemisms. It shows understanding through humour. I think it's perfect.

MommyPenguin

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Re: A sensitive issue.neighbors' 'passion'
« Reply #10 on: October 08, 2013, 11:11:01 PM »
How can I deal with this? I was thinking about a note, because, as a woman, I can't imagine bringing it up to his face - something like "John, you may not be aware of this but your bed is very close to the wall we share. When you move around in it, it bangs against my wall, if you catch my drift. This could be remedied by moving your bed away from the wall. Next time we see each other, I will pretend I never sent this note. Agreed?"

Honestly, I love your note as-is.  It's clear, so there's no meaning lost in euphemisms. It shows understanding through humour. I think it's perfect.

I agree, I like the note as it is.  I think it's funny and to the point.

Psychopoesie

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Re: A sensitive issue.neighbors' 'passion'
« Reply #11 on: October 09, 2013, 05:03:55 AM »
How can I deal with this? I was thinking about a note, because, as a woman, I can't imagine bringing it up to his face - something like "John, you may not be aware of this but your bed is very close to the wall we share. When you move around in it, it bangs against my wall, if you catch my drift. This could be remedied by moving your bed away from the wall. Next time we see each other, I will pretend I never sent this note. Agreed?"

Honestly, I love your note as-is.  It's clear, so there's no meaning lost in euphemisms. It shows understanding through humour. I think it's perfect.

I agree, I like the note as it is.  I think it's funny and to the point.

Excellent note. Thinking of stealing the words for the next time this happens (new tenants about to move in next door any day now).

 :)

ETA. Tenants, not tennants - I've been watching too much Doctor Who, obviously. ;)
« Last Edit: October 09, 2013, 05:53:32 AM by Psychopoesie »

perpetua

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Re: A sensitive issue.neighbors' 'passion'
« Reply #12 on: October 09, 2013, 05:33:35 AM »
OP, I feel your pain. I have a similar problem with my upstairs neighbour. I live in the least noise insulated conversion in the world and since it's the floor the noise is travelling through and he's obviously unable to levitate his bed off it (although how cool would that be!) I'm not sure what can be done about it and I don't want to embarrass him by pointing out something that has no solution. It wakes me every time and it really does get old.

I like the 'let's pretend I never sent this' approach, I think that's short and to the point and not too cutesy or embarrassing.

English1

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Re: A sensitive issue.neighbors' 'passion'
« Reply #13 on: October 09, 2013, 07:45:58 AM »
I'm not sure I would give husband an out on this just because he is British. Yes, we can be a bit reserved in some ways, but generally we have a very dirty sense of humour and are not put out about discussing the filthiest stuff with our mates! Scrabble is one area we are not terribly reserved in, on the whole. If he can't think of a funny way to drop the hint to the neighbour, I want to confiscate his British passport!

oogyda

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Re: A sensitive issue.neighbors' 'passion'
« Reply #14 on: October 09, 2013, 08:06:08 AM »
I have actually been in this situation.  We were newlyweds, living in an apartment.  The very first time I met the neighbor we shared a bedroom wall with, she (very nicely, but bluntly) told me we might want to move our bed away from the shared wall because they could hear our activities. 

Sure, I was embarrassed, but I appreciated the notice and the bed got moved that very day.  I got over the embarrassment and we became good friends. 

Just tell him. 

edited because I was typing faster than I was thinking
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