Author Topic: A sensitive issue.neighbors' 'passion'  (Read 4327 times)

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Daquiri40

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Re: A sensitive issue.neighbors' 'passion'
« Reply #15 on: October 09, 2013, 09:01:45 AM »
Neighbor, I know redecorating takes a long time.  Could you please not put up pictures on the wall at 1:00am?  Thanks!

Twik

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Re: A sensitive issue.neighbors' 'passion'
« Reply #16 on: October 09, 2013, 10:02:20 AM »
I'm not sure things are improved by approaching it as if the idea that you know what the noise represents is something terribly shocking. It'll end up like Basil Fawlty trying not to mention the War.

I'd just have DH say (since he spends some time with the male part of the couple), "You know, your headboard bangs against our bedroom wall sometimes, and keeps us awake. Could you maybe fix that somehow? Move the bed a bit?"

They have sex. Most couples do. It's not something to be terribly embarrassed over, other than that they're doing it in a way that's interfering with other people's sleep.
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WillyNilly

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Re: A sensitive issue.neighbors' 'passion'
« Reply #17 on: October 09, 2013, 11:51:14 AM »
Like many others, I think you can just be direct and ask him to move the bed away from the wall. You don't need to mention sex specifically, just the bed banging against the wall bit.

Please do not just bang on the wall - that is often (and I think justifiably) seen as retaliatory rudeness.

Zilla

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Re: A sensitive issue.neighbors' 'passion'
« Reply #18 on: October 09, 2013, 12:15:58 PM »
How can I deal with this? I was thinking about a note, because, as a woman, I can't imagine bringing it up to his face - something like "John, you may not be aware of this but your bed is very close to the wall we share. When you move around in it, it bangs against my wall, if you catch my drift. This could be remedied by moving your bed away from the wall. Next time we see each other, I will pretend I never sent this note. Agreed?"

Honestly, I love your note as-is.  It's clear, so there's no meaning lost in euphemisms. It shows understanding through humour. I think it's perfect.

I agree, I like the note as it is.  I think it's funny and to the point.


I like this too.


Or the pounding back.

veronaz

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Re: A sensitive issue.neighbors' 'passion'
« Reply #19 on: October 09, 2013, 12:20:06 PM »
Agree about not banging on the wall.
Even though banging on wall may not be meant as retaliatory, it can be interpreted as a “can you top this” challenge, like music wars (turning up music louder than the other person’s).

Sweet_Thang

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Re: A sensitive issue.neighbors' 'passion'
« Reply #20 on: October 09, 2013, 12:38:03 PM »
Oh so totally understand the OP's predicament!  In one apartment I lived in, the girl above me was a newlywed.  And let's just say that they were pretty active all the time.  I could not only hear them verbally, but she must have had an ancient metal bed or bed springs (Like my Gramma had ).  It was awful.

I left a can of WD-40 on her front porch with a note that she might want to check out those squeaks... 


sparksals

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Re: A sensitive issue.neighbors' 'passion'
« Reply #21 on: October 09, 2013, 01:39:39 PM »
Just a thought - if you can hear his bed banging on the wall, chances are he can hear yours.  It probably doesn't cross his mind you can hear him.  Honestly, I think this is one of those things you have to deal with living in shared wall housing.  I certainly don't think it is justified to ask him to move his room around.  You can probably ask him to pull the bed a bit from the wall, but if you hear the banging, you most likely will hear the 'other' sounds.  ;)
   

TootsNYC

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Re: A sensitive issue.neighbors' 'passion'
« Reply #22 on: October 09, 2013, 01:58:13 PM »
She's already said she isn't expecting to eliminate the "other" sounds.

And I'd guess that since she's focused on it, she'd be aware if her bed bangs against the wall at certain times.

oogyda

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Re: A sensitive issue.neighbors' 'passion'
« Reply #23 on: October 09, 2013, 04:47:40 PM »
She's already said she isn't expecting to eliminate the "other" sounds.

And I'd guess that since she's focused on it, she'd be aware if her bed bangs against the wall at certain times.

Hopefully, OP does not have her bed against the shared wall.  If the room allows for putting it elsewhere, that is.
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zyrs

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Re: A sensitive issue.neighbors' 'passion'
« Reply #24 on: October 10, 2013, 12:04:03 AM »
Oh so totally understand the OP's predicament!  In one apartment I lived in, the girl above me was a newlywed.  And let's just say that they were pretty active all the time.  I could not only hear them verbally, but she must have had an ancient metal bed or bed springs (Like my Gramma had ).  It was awful.

I left a can of WD-40 on her front porch with a note that she might want to check out those squeaks...

I had neighbors with a squeaky metal frame bed too.  I started wearing earplugs.  I wish I had thought of WD-40.

esposita

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Re: A sensitive issue.neighbors' 'passion'
« Reply #25 on: October 10, 2013, 12:23:25 AM »
Snarkyesposie would rearrange the bedroom furniture (so our bed was against the offending wall) and stage a fake scrabble game bright and early the next morning at 5am. Extra points when hubby whistles loudly on his way out the door to work.   ;D I know that's retaliatory rudeness and totally PA though... :P

camlan

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Re: A sensitive issue.neighbors' 'passion'
« Reply #26 on: October 10, 2013, 06:32:13 AM »
Just a thought - if you can hear his bed banging on the wall, chances are he can hear yours.  It probably doesn't cross his mind you can hear him.  Honestly, I think this is one of those things you have to deal with living in shared wall housing.  I certainly don't think it is justified to ask him to move his room around.  You can probably ask him to pull the bed a bit from the wall, but if you hear the banging, you most likely will hear the 'other' sounds.  ;)
 

Yes, you have to listen to other people's noise when you are in shared housing. But that doesn't mean that the other people have a license to make as much noise as they want.

This is what I call "optional" noise. It is something that can be controlled, unlike, say, a crying baby. The neighbor does not have to engage in this activity at this time in this place. It's noise that is loud enough to wake people out of a sound sleep at an hour when the average person is in bed sleeping. It's not the noise of someone coming home from a late shift--that's "non-optional" noise.

So I think the OP has the right to ask that noise near the bedroom be eliminated/reduced during the night. I'd go with, "Something in your apartment is making noise and waking us up between midnight and two a.m. several nights a week. Do you think you could do something to quiet that down?" Or, if the guy has one steady girlfriend, speak to her about it.
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