Well, I've been in the following position:
- Wedding in a religious house that I don't believe in or follow.
- Minister went on (AND ON AND ON) about the traditional family roles, it was tempered a bit with commentary on how both roles are deserving of respect, but the husband was the head of the family etc. I don't generally agree with this, and certainly don't live it within my own marriage (aside from mutual respect of our various contributions).
- I knew the HC in no way intended to live the way the minister was speaking.
Actually, I know it might not be very kind of me, but I didn't really expect the marriage to last regardless of where/how it was performed, I never saw them as that compatible in the first place, but she was my friend, so I attended and supported her in what she wanted to do. Who was I to refuse to attend or do other social bomb-dropping things? Maybe there's some aspect to their PRIVATE relationship that I'm not privvy to. I attended the ceremony, smiled, sent good-thoughts, attended the reception and fully participated, and gave a generous gift.
I don't have a lot of sympathy for HC's who get married by a minister they don't know well or don't expect what's going to be said at their wedding, and then are unhappy about it. We took everything that was said in our wedding very seriously, because we thought it was a very solemn occasion, and we wanted to be able to live up to ALL of it. We knew/wrote the whole script, and selecting an officiant was agonized over more than any other vendor! But, that's what was important to us, and we don't hold everyone to that standard.
There was no mention of god in our atheist wedding, and I didn't alert my exceedingly religious relatives to the fact before hand, so although I had thought about how dramatic it might be if they all enmasse got up and left, I didn't really think it would happen, and not a single one did. I figure I can do my family and friends the same favor.