Author Topic: s/o food for vegetarians  (Read 3231 times)

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Zilla

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Re: s/o food for vegetarians
« Reply #15 on: October 17, 2013, 10:12:19 AM »
Only issue I see is that you are making it personal and isn't the stuff for the shower?  Why does it matter that your dh doesn't like coldcuts?  It's also pretty clear that this is a passive aggressive move on the person who assigned you the meat/cheese as you mentioned she thinks your choice to be vegetarian is silly. 


Instead I would leave off all the personal stuff and simply contact the person with the fruit/veggies and say, "Hey would you mind switching with me on the platters?  I much rather do veggies/fruits instead."  And let her decide.  She might want to keep the fruits/veggies for her own reasons though.  If that's the case you can either back out of the shower altogether or just go ahead and do the meat/cheese platter.  If there are leftovers, just offer them to others at the party.

Knitterly

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Re: s/o food for vegetarians
« Reply #16 on: October 17, 2013, 02:35:25 PM »
UPDATE:
On the advice of what seemed to be the majority, I quietly emailed Girl Two.  I didn't cite my vegetarianism but mentioned that I'd rather do fruits and vegetables.  "Because I am a vegetarian and this is what I eat" was unsaid, but it's sort of a subtext and doesn't really need to be said.

Since the trade involved her switching from her bringing two plates to only bringing one, she had no problems with it, for which I was very greatful.

I haven't mentioned it to Girl One.  We're going out shower shopping next week and I'll casually mention it to her as an aside.  "Oh, Girl Two and I decided to switch platters.  I'm doing the fruits and veggies and dips and Girl Two is doing the meats and cheese.  I've got all those dips and I'm already making the guacamole.  Do you want me to do a hot dip, too?"

I've decided to make it about the dips instead of about the veggies. 

To answer a few questions:
Why is it personal?  Well, cold cuts aren't something we buy normally... or ever.  I've never liked them.  I don't eat them.  When providing food for this sort of function, it is actually normal to ask the food providers to bring something they are good at making, enjoy making, or are known for making.  To that end, I was also asked to bring guacamole, as I make a killer guacamole.
Leftovers typically go home with the person who brings them.
Buying a premade plate is doable, but also at least twice the cost of putting a platter together yourself. 
It's not about not wanting to touch the meat - as I mentioned, I do handle meat to cook it for my husband.  But it is at least a little bit about deli meat vs meat from local farms. 

I wanted to know if I was being a bit special about not wanting to do this.  Maybe I am.  I still get the sense that maybe I am being a bit special about not wanting to do the meat tray, but I also am getting the sense that it's not rude to ask casually to switch off and do something else, as long as I don't make it all about the Big Bad Meat.

And someone suggested that maybe Girl One forgot.  Probably.  Since Two and I already made the agreement to change our plates, there isn't much One can say or do about it without coming across as very controlling.
One is a bit of a control freak and very very sensitive to any sort of criticism, perceived or real.

mspallaton

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Re: s/o food for vegetarians
« Reply #17 on: October 17, 2013, 03:24:56 PM »
While I was in the 'don't say anything camp' - I just wanted to say I think making it about the dips is a brilliant way to divert the conversation and get what you feel most comfortable with without making it obvious that you switched for personal reasons.

I was in the don't talk camp more from the standpoint of not letting the PA person know she got to you than out of any particular etiquette - given the subtle way you asked and the reasoning that you are able to provide this person - I think it will be hard for her to act like she got to you by being controlling.

The only other thing I would say is that I understand your concern about whether you're acting special, but I don't think you are.  Just like I asked what the harm in doing the meat plates was, I'd ask your friend what the harm in you switching would be?  Unless I've misunderstood, part of what makes someone a special snowflake is that they need things 'just so' without regard to the impact on the people around them.  Your switch does no harm at all so even if it seems silly to your friend, that's not really her concern.

Goosey

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Re: s/o food for vegetarians
« Reply #18 on: October 17, 2013, 03:29:15 PM »
I haven't mentioned it to Girl One. We're going out shower shopping next week and I'll casually mention it to her as an aside.  "Oh, Girl Two and I decided to switch platters.  I'm doing the fruits and veggies and dips and Girl Two is doing the meats and cheese.  I've got all those dips and I'm already making the guacamole.  Do you want me to do a hot dip, too?"

I wouldn't mention it.

If she did it on purpose, it's an opening for her to be critical. If she didn't do it on purpose, she's not going to care.


WillyNilly

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Re: s/o food for vegetarians
« Reply #19 on: October 17, 2013, 03:33:04 PM »
I haven't mentioned it to Girl One. We're going out shower shopping next week and I'll casually mention it to her as an aside.  "Oh, Girl Two and I decided to switch platters.  I'm doing the fruits and veggies and dips and Girl Two is doing the meats and cheese.  I've got all those dips and I'm already making the guacamole.  Do you want me to do a hot dip, too?"

I wouldn't mention it.

If she did it on purpose, it's an opening for her to be critical. If she didn't do it on purpose, she's not going to care.

I agree. No need to bring it up. the food is covered, thats all that matters. you can still talk about your guacamole and ask about doing a hot dip, but why even mention switching the platters?

sweetonsno

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Re: s/o food for vegetarians
« Reply #20 on: October 18, 2013, 12:52:40 AM »
I agree that there's no need to bring it up. If Girl One gets wind of it and makes a fuss or brings it up at the shower (she won't), go with your dips reasoning. No worries at all. I agree that it was a brilliant idea.

While I do agree that one it would make sense to bring a dish that someone is known for, I'm not sure that occurs to people when it comes to finger foods. The hostess probably figured you'd all just be picking up a pre-made tray or two rather than making it all by hand.

Zilla

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Re: s/o food for vegetarians
« Reply #21 on: October 18, 2013, 09:24:57 AM »
I agree that there's no need to bring it up. If Girl One gets wind of it and makes a fuss or brings it up at the shower (she won't), go with your dips reasoning. No worries at all. I agree that it was a brilliant idea.

While I do agree that one it would make sense to bring a dish that someone is known for, I'm not sure that occurs to people when it comes to finger foods. The hostess probably figured you'd all just be picking up a pre-made tray or two rather than making it all by hand.

If she does bring it up for any reason, point blank tell her, "I asked to switched and she did.  What is the issue?"  Let her tell you why she is bringing it up. I hope she doesn't as that would be immature and quite petty since she does know you are vegetarian.  I think you are safe to say at that point if she grumbles more, "I know you don't agree with my dietary choices, but please let's not discuss them at all.  What I eat is my business, agree?"

jpcher

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Re: s/o food for vegetarians
« Reply #22 on: October 20, 2013, 02:51:44 PM »
UPDATE:
On the advice of what seemed to be the majority, I quietly emailed Girl Two.  I didn't cite my vegetarianism but mentioned that I'd rather do fruits and vegetables.  "Because I am a vegetarian and this is what I eat" was unsaid, but it's sort of a subtext and doesn't really need to be said.

(snip)

I wanted to know if I was being a bit special about not wanting to do this.  Maybe I am.  I still get the sense that maybe I am being a bit special about not wanting to do the meat tray, but I also am getting the sense that it's not rude to ask casually to switch off and do something else, as long as I don't make it all about the Big Bad Meat.

Isn't e-hell wonderful for these types of questions? ;D Posters gave you great advice and you handled the situation in a very polite and graceful manner.

I'm not sure if it's necessary to bring up the switch as to who's bringing what because all the requested foods will be covered. What does it matter who brings what?

However, mentioning it before hand is a nicety to Girl One so that there aren't any surprises at the actual function. Making the switch being about the dips is a GREAT! move. Especially asking if a hot dip would work with her menu plans. Brilliant! ;D

A very artfully constructed bean-dip, in my mind. ;D (no pun intended ;))




As far as "being a bit special about not wanting to do this?" Absolutely NOT! Simply because of the way you handled the situation.*

If you stomped your feet and said "I don't waaaannnna!" "You can't maaake me!" "I'm taking my toys and going home!" . . . That would make you an SS. But you didn't do that. So no SS-ehell for you! ;D



*There is nothing wrong with taking a firm stance on your beliefs/habits/chosen way of life/whatever so long as you do it politely. Which you are. Kudos to you! ;D


perpetua

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Re: s/o food for vegetarians
« Reply #23 on: October 20, 2013, 04:53:09 PM »
I don't think you're at all special for not wanting to do it, but I must admit I'm not understanding your reasoning, which I suppose doesn't matter, but still :)

I would have thought the purpose of preparing food for a party is that the food is eaten at the party. If you get leftovers, then that's a bonus, but it shouldn't be banked on. You're not making this food for you and/or your family, so their likes/dislikes shouldn't really come into it. I would probably understand your request more, actually, if you'd cited the fact that you don't want to prepare meat, rather than 'but my husband doesn't like coldcuts'.

It did sound like a bit of a PA move on the part of Girl 1, though. Glad it all got worked out.

m2kbug

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Re: s/o food for vegetarians
« Reply #24 on: October 20, 2013, 06:03:28 PM »
I can understand the thought of providing food you can actually use.  I'm usually taking home my own leftovers, which usually there's not a lot, but it would be nice if it's something I will actually use.  I could just leave it with the host or ask if anyone else would like to take them, since we won't eat it.  I have one family member that will regularly cancel, so I never plan on bringing any food items that can't be stored or that won't be eaten by me or my family, so this is something I consider as well, and I would like to provide a dish that I, myself, can eat at the party. 

Knitterly

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Re: s/o food for vegetarians
« Reply #25 on: October 20, 2013, 07:05:19 PM »
I can understand the thought of providing food you can actually use.  I'm usually taking home my own leftovers, which usually there's not a lot, but it would be nice if it's something I will actually use.  I could just leave it with the host or ask if anyone else would like to take them, since we won't eat it.  I have one family member that will regularly cancel, so I never plan on bringing any food items that can't be stored or that won't be eaten by me or my family, so this is something I consider as well, and I would like to provide a dish that I, myself, can eat at the party.

This is it, too.  I would probably have a similar reaction if I were asked to bring something I was allergic to.  I have very few allergies and it's pretty easy for me to bring something I can also enjoy.  But being asked to bring only two things with one of those two being something I won't eat or enjoy kind of bugs me a little bit.

I am very relieved to know there is no special snowflakeness here.  :)

lowspark

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Re: s/o food for vegetarians
« Reply #26 on: October 21, 2013, 08:46:18 AM »
I have to give credit to Knitterly for cooking meat for her family. Cooking something I don't want to eat (for whatever reason) is something I generally won't do. So the fact that she will prepare meat for her family, in the course of taking care of them, doesn't necessarily extend to doing the same for others, including for a party.

I don't think you're at all special for not wanting to do it, but I must admit I'm not understanding your reasoning, which I suppose doesn't matter, but still :)

I would have thought the purpose of preparing food for a party is that the food is eaten at the party. If you get leftovers, then that's a bonus, but it shouldn't be banked on. You're not making this food for you and/or your family, so their likes/dislikes shouldn't really come into it. I would probably understand your request more, actually, if you'd cited the fact that you don't want to prepare meat, rather than 'but my husband doesn't like coldcuts'.

It did sound like a bit of a PA move on the part of Girl 1, though. Glad it all got worked out.

Regarding the bolded above, when I have a party I never ever ever make "just the right amount". I make more than I anticipate needing. I plan for leftovers. I would be horrified to run out of something at a party I was hosting because it would indicate that people didn't get enough. So I definitely want the leftovers to be something I (or as in Knitterly's case, my family) would be happy eating later.

Plus the aforementioned issue of being able to eat the very food you brought, which is pretty important in my opinion.

Lynn2000

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Re: s/o food for vegetarians
« Reply #27 on: October 21, 2013, 10:53:36 AM »
Yeah, I don't think it's "special" to want to switch trays, for any reason really, as long as you're polite about making the request and willing to take no for an answer. Personally I would rather have done a cheese and fruit tray, because I like eating those things more than meat and veggies (though I eat them all). Even if there were just "leftovers" in the sense of I bought too much initially, I'd rather have cheese and fruit leftovers. So I would ask the other person if we could switch around a bit, and if she was cool with that, and all the food got to the party on time, why should it bother anyone else?
~Lynn2000