Guest Couple's Objectionable Parenting Manners

[VorFemme]

In all fairness, I know a kabillion women who are nursing or have nursed multiple babies, and I have never run into the "militant" or "in your face" type of person.  The vast majority of us just want to get our kids fed and go on with more interesting things.  As with many issues, it's a tiny fraction of the population that does things in a manner that is inviting a fight.  I also fed my babies where ever they needed to be fed with and without a cover, and never noticed anyone engaging in pearl-clutching, so I think the same is true on the other side of the equation.

If it wasn't bf-ing with this lady, it would have been religion, or politics, or the right way to make pot roast, or whatever.

Oh definitely.  I have a ton of friends who are parents and the only time I can remember anyone acting militant was when a friend of a friend posted something on Facebook about how the system was repressing her so she went and bought a baby boob hat for her baby to "show them."  Seriously...Google "baby boob hat."  That was the only time I ever remember seeing something like that, but it's interesting because it goes both ways too.

My sister is adamantly childfree and she LOVES to insult people who have children and basically insults their reasons for having children.  Unfortunately, I had to block her and gave her the cut direct for a whole slew of different reasons, but she was pretty much the only person on the other side of the spectrum who was militant like that.  Other then that, I have a few childfree friends who you would never know are childfree until you asked them.

The hats are sorta cute in an odd way (I think that almost all baby clothes are kinda cute because of their small size), made me think "what will they think of next?" (because I would never have ever thought of making a hat like that for a baby), and disturbingly "off" - when I looked at the picture of a baby wearing the hat while nursing. 

I suppose looking at the photo of the baby wearing one while nursing told me a lot about why I would never have thought about making a hat like that...because it just looked wrong...

[scotcat60]

Surely a changing mat is to protect the baby from whichever surface he/she is lying on, rather than to protect the surface. A towel under a child laid on your carpet protects the carpet, but also the child from any dirt on the carpet which is there however carefully you vacuum.

And if the child was teething, why did her mother not have a teething ring handy, rather than allow her to chew your coasters?

[bonyk]

Um, what were the coasters and the religious artifact made of?  What if baby gnawed off a piece and choked?  What if they have some sort of chemicals in them?

It seems to me mom values irritating the OP more than her DD's safety.  What a Nutter.  This is not a BF issue.  It's a 'what to do when crazy comes to dinner' issue.

[Danika]

Um, what were the coasters and the religious artifact made of?  What if baby gnawed off a piece and choked?  What if they have some sort of chemicals in them?

It seems to me mom values irritating the OP more than her DD's safety.  What a Nutter.  This is not a BF issue.  It's a 'what to do when crazy comes to dinner' issue.

I agree. I think the guest was trying to be antagonistic. She might be like that all the time (my cousin's wife is that way) or maybe she just doesn't want to be chummy with OP and her DH for some reason and is trying to get off to a bad start so they don't have to hang out more. I can't get inside the mind of antagonistic and rude people like that (luckily, even though I've tried many times, hoping to understand how they think). But I would avoid her like the plague in the future.

After years of being very passive, in the name of being polite, I've stopped allowing myself to feel very uncomfortable in my own home when someone boorish is being rude. In the moment, I would have stopped every transgression and said "Please, don't do that" or "Please, stop" and when she ended up being a martyr and getting defensive, I would have said "Well, it makes me uncomfortable. This is my home. I'm not ok with that action." I'm sure the guest would have gotten up in a huff and left and made a dramatic exit. Fine with me. Sad and uncomfortable for DH at work, but I don't like people disrespecting me or my family, especially in my own house.

[GlitterIsMyDrug]

I actually thought about this weekend when we had a brunch at our house. It's a very casual thing, happens about every other weekend, sometimes more sometimes less. People come and go as the please, bring people with them, lots of food, just kind of a chance for everyone to see each other and have some food.

Anyways one of my friends has a 6 month old son, and another has a 3 week old daughter. Well the mom of the 6 month old breastfeeds and the mom of the 3 week old doesn't (or only does sometimes, I'm not totally sure as it isn't my kid or my boobs). So 6 month old, Max, needs to nurse. Mom takes Max, heads to the living room, settles into a chair and does her thing. She's nursed him plenty of times at our place and this is an old hat to her now. Mom of 3 week old, Ellie, finds that Ellie also needs something to eat, so gets out a bottle, sits on the couch on the feeds Ellie. The moms chat, Max's mom gives Ellie's moms some new mom tips/tricks/what have you. Now Max's mom doesn't use a nursing cover. Max tends to pull on them and toss them off and she finds it easier to just get it done without having to fuss with the cover (she used to use covers until he decided they were play toys). Well we have a new person at brunch (ugh, I feel I'll be making an entire post about her), and she's been pretty upset about just about everything so far. Then she happens on the feeding moms. She's offended. Greatly offended. And tells Max's mom "You're just doing that to prove a point. You need to cover up. Really, you know he's gonna get hungry, don't come! Or at least pump that stuff. I hate when people try to prove a point" then to Ellie's mom "You're doing it right". Max's mom (who is one of the classiest people I know) says "Darling, if I wanted to prove a point I would've climbed on top of the table, taken off my top and made a true show of it" and then returns to nursing. Ellie's mom was laughing so hard Ellie's dad had to take over the feeding for fear she'd drop Ellie.

I couldn't help but think, I'd love to lock New Person and OP's dinner guest in a room together. Bet that'd make an excellent reality show. Also, perhaps next time OP's dinner guest will climb on top of the table!

[lisen]

Um, what were the coasters and the religious artifact made of?  What if baby gnawed off a piece and choked?  What if they have some sort of chemicals in them?

It seems to me mom values irritating the OP more than her DD's safety.  What a Nutter.  This is not a BF issue.  It's a 'what to do when crazy comes to dinner' issue.

I don't think that the above (especially the bold text) is fair. I would never let someone harm a child in my home, and as a former nanny, I know what to look out for. I don't have kids, but I've known a lot of children in my day. The child was sitting on the table, but the parents (usually the father) had an arm around her waist at all times. What I didn't appreciate was that she was flailing her arms, kicking her feet, etc. and was splashing soup onto my floors, curtains, etc. If I had thought she would fall off the table, I would not have permitted that to happen. In the same vein, my coasters are made of slate (probably cool to sore gums). I am not going to name the religious artefact, but it did not have small parts and was made of wood. There was no danger to the child.

However, just because something is safe does not mean it is courteous. I do not think it is appropriate to go into the homes of virtual strangers and expose yourself, interrupt and correct people, expose their property to unnecessary damages, and act offended when it is suggested that you should stop. This has nothing to do with breast feeding. In this case, breast feeding was the pretext for a guest to harangue her host about her pet subject, and I, like most people, do not enjoy being lectured, corrected, and belittled in my own home.

[cheyne]

OP, you were far more polite than I would have been.

[EllenS]

This has nothing to do with breast feeding. In this case, breast feeding was the pretext for a guest to harangue her host about her pet subject, and I, like most people, do not enjoy being lectured, corrected, and belittled in my own home.

You nailed it. With people like this, if she didn't have a child it would be politics, or food ethics, or how you dispose of your trash, or religion, or what neighborhood you live in, or what kind of car you drive.

Some people just live to be contrary and argumentative.

[mmswm]

Surely a changing mat is to protect the baby from whichever surface he/she is lying on, rather than to protect the surface. A towel under a child laid on your carpet protects the carpet, but also the child from any dirt on the carpet which is there however carefully you vacuum.

And if the child was teething, why did her mother not have a teething ring handy, rather than allow her to chew your coasters?

This was my thought as well.  No matter how well you clean your floors, people still walk on them.  You don't know what got tracked in on the bottom of people's shoes in the time between the last vacuuming and when it was time to change the baby. While the chance is remote, I wouldn't want to expose my babies' private parts to potential infection by not using at least a towel under them.

As for the breastfeeding obnoxiousness, this is the kind of woman who prevents breastfeeding in public from being more socially acceptable.

[Ciarrai]

Um, what were the coasters and the religious artifact made of?  What if baby gnawed off a piece and choked?  What if they have some sort of chemicals in them?

It seems to me mom values irritating the OP more than her DD's safety.  What a Nutter.  This is not a BF issue.  It's a 'what to do when crazy comes to dinner' issue.

I don't think that the above (especially the bold text) is fair. I would never let someone harm a child in my home, and as a former nanny, I know what to look out for. I don't have kids, but I've known a lot of children in my day. The child was sitting on the table, but the parents (usually the father) had an arm around her waist at all times. What I didn't appreciate was that she was flailing her arms, kicking her feet, etc. and was splashing soup onto my floors, curtains, etc. If I had thought she would fall off the table, I would not have permitted that to happen. In the same vein, my coasters are made of slate (probably cool to sore gums). I am not going to name the religious artefact, but it did not have small parts and was made of wood. There was no danger to the child.

However, just because something is safe does not mean it is courteous. I do not think it is appropriate to go into the homes of virtual strangers and expose yourself, interrupt and correct people, expose their property to unnecessary damages, and act offended when it is suggested that you should stop. This has nothing to do with breast feeding. In this case, breast feeding was the pretext for a guest to harangue her host about her pet subject, and I, like most people, do not enjoy being lectured, corrected, and belittled in my own home.

I read bonyk's post differently. I read it as saying that the mom was more set on irritating you than she was concerned about her baby's safety, not that you weren't concerned about the baby's safety.

Maybe I misread?

[JeanFromBNA]

Um, what were the coasters and the religious artifact made of?  What if baby gnawed off a piece and choked?  What if they have some sort of chemicals in them?

It seems to me mom values irritating the OP more than her DD's safety.  What a Nutter.  This is not a BF issue.  It's a 'what to do when crazy comes to dinner' issue.

I don't think that the above (especially the bold text) is fair. I would never let someone harm a child in my home, and as a former nanny, I know what to look out for. I don't have kids, but I've known a lot of children in my day. The child was sitting on the table, but the parents (usually the father) had an arm around her waist at all times. What I didn't appreciate was that she was flailing her arms, kicking her feet, etc. and was splashing soup onto my floors, curtains, etc. If I had thought she would fall off the table, I would not have permitted that to happen. In the same vein, my coasters are made of slate (probably cool to sore gums). I am not going to name the religious artefact, but it did not have small parts and was made of wood. There was no danger to the child.

However, just because something is safe does not mean it is courteous. I do not think it is appropriate to go into the homes of virtual strangers and expose yourself, interrupt and correct people, expose their property to unnecessary damages, and act offended when it is suggested that you should stop. This has nothing to do with breast feeding. In this case, breast feeding was the pretext for a guest to harangue her host about her pet subject, and I, like most people, do not enjoy being lectured, corrected, and belittled in my own home.

I read bonyk's post differently. I read it as saying that the mom was more set on irritating you than she was concerned about her baby's safety, not that you weren't concerned about the baby's safety.

Maybe I misread?

That's how I read it too.

[bonyk]

Um, what were the coasters and the religious artifact made of?  What if baby gnawed off a piece and choked?  What if they have some sort of chemicals in them?

It seems to me mom values irritating the OP more than her DD's safety.  What a Nutter.  This is not a BF issue.  It's a 'what to do when crazy comes to dinner' issue.

I don't think that the above (especially the bold text) is fair. I would never let someone harm a child in my home, and as a former nanny, I know what to look out for. I don't have kids, but I've known a lot of children in my day. The child was sitting on the table, but the parents (usually the father) had an arm around her waist at all times. What I didn't appreciate was that she was flailing her arms, kicking her feet, etc. and was splashing soup onto my floors, curtains, etc. If I had thought she would fall off the table, I would not have permitted that to happen. In the same vein, my coasters are made of slate (probably cool to sore gums). I am not going to name the religious artefact, but it did not have small parts and was made of wood. There was no danger to the child.

However, just because something is safe does not mean it is courteous. I do not think it is appropriate to go into the homes of virtual strangers and expose yourself, interrupt and correct people, expose their property to unnecessary damages, and act offended when it is suggested that you should stop. This has nothing to do with breast feeding. In this case, breast feeding was the pretext for a guest to harangue her host about her pet subject, and I, like most people, do not enjoy being lectured, corrected, and belittled in my own home.

I read bonyk's post differently. I read it as saying that the mom was more set on irritating you than she was concerned about her baby's safety, not that you weren't concerned about the baby's safety.

Maybe I misread?

That's how I read it too.

That's definitely what I meant.

[lisen]

Um, what were the coasters and the religious artifact made of?  What if baby gnawed off a piece and choked?  What if they have some sort of chemicals in them?

It seems to me mom values irritating the OP more than her DD's safety.  What a Nutter.  This is not a BF issue.  It's a 'what to do when crazy comes to dinner' issue.

I don't think that the above (especially the bold text) is fair. I would never let someone harm a child in my home, and as a former nanny, I know what to look out for. I don't have kids, but I've known a lot of children in my day. The child was sitting on the table, but the parents (usually the father) had an arm around her waist at all times. What I didn't appreciate was that she was flailing her arms, kicking her feet, etc. and was splashing soup onto my floors, curtains, etc. If I had thought she would fall off the table, I would not have permitted that to happen. In the same vein, my coasters are made of slate (probably cool to sore gums). I am not going to name the religious artefact, but it did not have small parts and was made of wood. There was no danger to the child.

However, just because something is safe does not mean it is courteous. I do not think it is appropriate to go into the homes of virtual strangers and expose yourself, interrupt and correct people, expose their property to unnecessary damages, and act offended when it is suggested that you should stop. This has nothing to do with breast feeding. In this case, breast feeding was the pretext for a guest to harangue her host about her pet subject, and I, like most people, do not enjoy being lectured, corrected, and belittled in my own home.

I read bonyk's post differently. I read it as saying that the mom was more set on irritating you than she was concerned about her baby's safety, not that you weren't concerned about the baby's safety.

Maybe I misread?

That's how I read it too.

That's definitely what I meant.

Sorry, I'm ESL and I misread your post! I mean no offense. Mea culpa.

[bonyk]

Um, what were the coasters and the religious artifact made of?  What if baby gnawed off a piece and choked?  What if they have some sort of chemicals in them?

It seems to me mom values irritating the OP more than her DD's safety.  What a Nutter.  This is not a BF issue.  It's a 'what to do when crazy comes to dinner' issue.

I don't think that the above (especially the bold text) is fair. I would never let someone harm a child in my home, and as a former nanny, I know what to look out for. I don't have kids, but I've known a lot of children in my day. The child was sitting on the table, but the parents (usually the father) had an arm around her waist at all times. What I didn't appreciate was that she was flailing her arms, kicking her feet, etc. and was splashing soup onto my floors, curtains, etc. If I had thought she would fall off the table, I would not have permitted that to happen. In the same vein, my coasters are made of slate (probably cool to sore gums). I am not going to name the religious artefact, but it did not have small parts and was made of wood. There was no danger to the child.

However, just because something is safe does not mean it is courteous. I do not think it is appropriate to go into the homes of virtual strangers and expose yourself, interrupt and correct people, expose their property to unnecessary damages, and act offended when it is suggested that you should stop. This has nothing to do with breast feeding. In this case, breast feeding was the pretext for a guest to harangue her host about her pet subject, and I, like most people, do not enjoy being lectured, corrected, and belittled in my own home.

I read bonyk's post differently. I read it as saying that the mom was more set on irritating you than she was concerned about her baby's safety, not that you weren't concerned about the baby's safety.

Maybe I misread?

That's how I read it too.

That's definitely what I meant.

Sorry, I'm ESL and I misread your post! I mean no offense. Mea culpa.

No prob! 

[scotcat60]

"Darling, if I wanted to prove a point I would've climbed on top of the table, taken off my top and made a true show of it" and then returns to nursing.

Now that's a reply to remember!