This is a situation I was in quite a few years ago and wondered if I handled it right? Or if my then partner was right?
A woman I'd worked with briefly got back in touch with me - call her E - and we went to lunch a few times. She was very 'flakey' and had some problems (kept losing jobs all the time, was generally just a bit 'off' in her behaviour both when I'd worked with her and when we met, but seemed harmless enough). I was single at the time and she introduced me to a man she'd just met (T), and we started dating :-). On my second date with T I told him that although I knew E she wasn't a close friend (E gave him the impression we were best buddies) and although I liked her I didn't want to get any closer as she had too many issues.Things got serious between T and I. She had been in a very unhappy marriage (again lots of issues) and she then told us they'd separated but still shared house, and she started seeing another man, X. All four of us would go out maybe once or twice a month.
What happened a few months later
I got a phone call one Sunday morning from her furious husband demanding to know where she was, very nasty and threatening, when I said I had no idea where she was he said he'd call the police and I'd be in trouble as I was the last person to have seen her alive! Told him to do what he liked at put phone down. Piecing everything together it was clear she'd not been separated at all, she was having an affair, and was telling husband she was staying at my house every time she went off with X and using me as an alibi without my knowledge. She had never been to my house at all. I then was harrassed by husband over several days, very abusive phone calls, he also had my name and address and my son's name and kept saying 'I'll come round to see you, and see your son' in a threatening way. I ended up having to get the police involved but once they spoke to him he left me alone. Policeman came to see me and asked how good a friend E was to me, told him harldy knew her, he then advised me to have nothing to do with her in future as they were well known to police, constant drama/fights/violence etc. E called me a few days later and apologised, said her husband had found her address book to get my number and details. I told her that I felt sorry for her situation but I did not want any further contact with her.
T thought I was wrong. That this was a woman who hadn't meant to cause me trouble (T never accepted I had any real reason to be scared of E's husband, which I was) and she needed help and he kept talking about Christian forgiveness.
T did keep talking to E, and I was persuaded to meet up with them all one more time. I was not happy about it but it seemed to satisfy T and there was no more contact between us all after that.
Was I rude to do the cut direct on someone who was clearly unstable and had problems, probably needed help?
(P.S. T is now an ex)