Author Topic: Friend lost job....should I say anything?  (Read 1818 times)

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veronaz

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Friend lost job....should I say anything?
« on: October 10, 2013, 11:29:23 AM »
My niece’s grandmother (on her mother’s side) and I used to be close friends, then we drifted (for no particular reason……changes in both our lives).  We haven’t seen each other in a few years, but always exchange birthday wishes and usually also touch base sometime during the holidays.

I was recently talking to niece (who is in her early 20s) and I asked how her grandma was doing.  Niece said that grandma lost her job a couple of months ago.  She had been with the company 12 yrs. and always seemed very happy there.

“Grandma doesn’t know if it was a firing or a layoff, but they gave some story about reorganizing and let her go.  She decided it was time to retire anyway.”

I just said “Oh, that’s a surprise.  Sorry to hear it.”

My question:  Her (grandma’s) birthday is coming up.  I was thinking of sending a card like we usually do.  But should I enclose a note or maybe call her and say “sorry about the job loss”….?  It sounds like she’s doing fine, and I don’t want grandma to think niece and I have been gossiping about her.  So, maybe mentioning the job loss isn’t a good idea?

KarenK

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Re: Friend lost job....should I say anything?
« Reply #1 on: October 10, 2013, 11:39:25 AM »
I think sending the card is okay, but I would not mention the job loss. She may seem to be okay, but it still may sting a bit. Don't bum her out on her birthday.

NyaChan

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Re: Friend lost job....should I say anything?
« Reply #2 on: October 10, 2013, 11:51:52 AM »
I'd focus on the birthday and not mention the job. 

TootsNYC

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Re: Friend lost job....should I say anything?
« Reply #3 on: October 10, 2013, 11:53:52 AM »
I think you can say "I heard you've retired--big change! I hope this next phase of life is rewarding."


katycoo

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Re: Friend lost job....should I say anything?
« Reply #4 on: October 10, 2013, 09:29:48 PM »
If you want to reach out to say "sorry to hear, are you ok?" then i'd call her.

DaDancingPsych

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Re: Friend lost job....should I say anything?
« Reply #5 on: October 11, 2013, 12:47:35 PM »
I think you can say "I heard you've retired--big change! I hope this next phase of life is rewarding."

If you say anything, say this. She may be trying to focus on the positives of the situation and not appreciate someone dwelling in the negative.

If you weren't sending a birthday card, I would have advised you to send a "thinking of you" card that doesn't mention the change at all. It shows support and friendship, but doesn't need a reason.

If you want to really show friendship (and I don't think etiquette requires it at all), you may want to consider a phone call or email or some form of communication that encourages a response. I might open with something like "I bumped into niece, which made me think of you. Just wanted to see how you were doing." Then let her bring the topic up... or not.

Bijou

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Re: Friend lost job....should I say anything?
« Reply #6 on: October 12, 2013, 02:43:28 PM »
I wouldn't say anything at all about the job, because...
It may be a sensitive issue (and would be none of my business, anyway, and could come across as fishing for information). 
If she wanted to tell you about it she could have.
She may not appreciate her granddaughter sharing her private business with someone else, which could open a can of worms between them. 
« Last Edit: October 12, 2013, 02:45:54 PM by Bijou »
I've never knitted anything I could recognize when it was finished.  Actually, I've never finished anything, much to my family's relief.

gramma dishes

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Re: Friend lost job....should I say anything?
« Reply #7 on: October 12, 2013, 03:42:39 PM »
I would send the birthday card (if that's usual and customary for you to do), but I would not mention the job loss.

As others have said, she may feel that that's none of your business and would be upset with Niece for having told you.  She may also have been (or felt that she had been) fired, not 'laid off' and that might be embarrassing and she may REALLY not want to talk about it or even have people know about it. 

But I do think it's sweet that you want to send her a card and that you like her enough to be genuinely concerned for her.

veronaz

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Re: Friend lost job....should I say anything?
« Reply #8 on: October 12, 2013, 04:53:49 PM »
I appreciate all the feedback.  I still have about a week to decide what to do, but I'll probaby just send a birthday card.