Author Topic: Funeral and the cut direct  (Read 1291 times)

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Rose

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Funeral and the cut direct
« on: October 10, 2013, 12:39:17 PM »
Several years ago my family was close friends with another family.  One of the members of the other family did something truly horrendous.  We gave the entire family the cut direct as they acted as if the horrendous action was okay.

I will be going to the funeral of a mutual friend of both families next week.  The cut direct family is bound to be there.  I do not want anything to do with the cut direct family, but also do not want them to cause any scenes at the funeral of an old friend. 

Should I just be civil, say hello and walk away?  What to do? Thanks.

WillyNilly

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Re: Funeral and the cut direct
« Reply #1 on: October 10, 2013, 12:46:41 PM »
Certainly there is nothing wrong with being civil, saying hello and walking away, its a perfectly polite thing to do.
But its also ok to not say anything unless one of them approaches you first. And its ok to discreetly position yourself across the room from them at all times, etc. If one of them does approach you, just either give a quick one word answer, politely and excuse yourself, or even just a polite nod, and excuse yourself.

Hmmmmm

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Re: Funeral and the cut direct
« Reply #2 on: October 10, 2013, 12:47:21 PM »
Don't approach them or a group they are in. If they approach you give a short "Hello. Excuse me I need to speak with X." and walk away.

veronaz

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Re: Funeral and the cut direct
« Reply #3 on: October 10, 2013, 12:56:44 PM »
Don't approach them or a group they are in. If they approach you give a short "Hello. Excuse me I need to speak with X." and walk away.

This.

spookycatlady

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Re: Funeral and the cut direct
« Reply #4 on: October 10, 2013, 12:57:35 PM »
My husband and his brother, Tim were estranged--cut direct on both sides for about 7 years.  The first time they saw eachother was at a mutual friend's funeral.  Tim pointedly ignored my husband and my husband respected that while the Tim was there.  Tim left early.  My husband was uncharacteristically diplomatic when people asked about the awkwardness.  "We don't speak.  We'll get over it or we won't," and then he bean dipped like a champion.

The cut direct is so very awkward for bystanders, but if you need to hold your ground, hold it.  Both Tim and my husband were there to show support to the family of the mutual friend and were able to do so.  You won't be able to predict their behaviour, so manage your own.  Keep a low profile at the service, pay your respects to the family of your departed friend and exit quietly.  You don't have to engage.

If your cut family attempts to enage, you don't. They don't exist.  Again, exit quietly.  This is why it's the etiquett nuclear bomb.  If you engage in any way, that is a peace overture.

The circumstances of my husband and Tim are obviously quite different and after that funeral, they have mended the fences between them.  They have a closer relationship now than they did as children, to the shock of all.

(I would only confess this here on an anonymous internet forum... I only ever got my husband's side of the story and I think he was definitely the Wrong One in that dispute.  I admire Tim for forgiving him.  And my husband for finally admitting fault.)


Rose

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Re: Funeral and the cut direct
« Reply #5 on: October 10, 2013, 01:28:01 PM »
Thank you all very much.  I know I will not cause any problems, I'd just hate to see anything mar the memorial of a wonderful person.