Author Topic: Baby #2 - Need wording on a 2nd Shower Request  (Read 1458 times)

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Roses

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Baby #2 - Need wording on a 2nd Shower Request
« on: October 10, 2013, 01:59:49 PM »
E-Hellions - I need urgent help on wording. 

Have a friend who is having baby number 2.  I co-hosted a baby shower for the first one and am now being asked if I want to co-host for the second.  Any suggestions on how I can both gently decline and also let the co-host know this is an etiquette no-no?  Pretty sure she's just not aware...

ETA:  Also aware it could be rude to let her know it's not acceptable; in which case I'll just decline both assistance and attendance.  Suggestions appreciated.
« Last Edit: October 10, 2013, 02:04:37 PM by Roses »

cwm

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Re: Baby #2 - Need wording on a 2nd Shower Request
« Reply #1 on: October 10, 2013, 02:06:42 PM »
"Friend, I'm honored you would ask me, but it would be weird to me to host a second shower, they're usually only for first babies. I'd love to host an announcement party for you, though."

I'd rather be told upfront that what I was doing wasn't okay, as long as it's presented in a kind way. And this gives her an out, if she still wants a party you're offering to co-host the party itself.

Eden

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Re: Baby #2 - Need wording on a 2nd Shower Request
« Reply #2 on: October 10, 2013, 02:08:13 PM »
Could you just really casually say, "Oh, thanks for asking. I don't think showers are really done after the first baby. But thanks anyway."

Lynn2000

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Re: Baby #2 - Need wording on a 2nd Shower Request
« Reply #3 on: October 10, 2013, 02:23:00 PM »
Maybe something like, "Oh, I didn't think showers were really done after the first baby." (slight wording change from Eden that I think softens it) Or, "Are they done after the first baby? I didn't think so." And see how Friend responds--it's becoming more common, I think, for people to have them if the baby is a different gender, one parent is different, etc., and some of those reasons I personally find better than others, so that would influence the rest of the conversation for me. Though I would still end with, "Oh, it sounds fun, but I don't think I'll be able to help this time."

Not sure if Friend herself asked you to host, or some third party. If it's a third party, you could be a bit more forceful in how you turned it down. Something like, "Oh, I didn't think they were done after the first baby, I wonder if having a second one would rub some potential guests the wrong way?" Because to me the problem is, if people get invited who don't think it's a good idea, it could reflect badly on Friend and/or the hosts, and they should at least be aware of that possible pitfall.
~Lynn2000

heartmug

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Re: Baby #2 - Need wording on a 2nd Shower Request
« Reply #4 on: October 10, 2013, 02:39:37 PM »
I agree with Lynn.  Something along the lines of "I have always heard showers are not done for 2nd babies."

Could you guide her toward a sprinkle?  That is what we called it when my sister was having her 2nd baby.  Since it was a boy, and she had a girl first, we met at a restaurant, treated her to a meal, and all gave her boy outfits.  It was sisters, the 2 grandmothers, sisters-in-law, and her 2 best friends.
One option in a tug of war with someone is just to drop the rope.

Roses

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Re: Baby #2 - Need wording on a 2nd Shower Request
« Reply #5 on: October 10, 2013, 03:57:59 PM »
Thanks everyone for the helpful responses...

I basically went with the wording suggested by Lynn, which then opened up a more open conversation where I was able to suggest perhaps a "Meet the Baby" couples party after the birth.  I think that's the direction they will end up going...

Thanks again for all the great responses.

Bluenomi

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Re: Baby #2 - Need wording on a 2nd Shower Request
« Reply #6 on: October 10, 2013, 08:38:48 PM »
Someone asked me about a shower for the twins (babies 2 and 3) and I just said I don't really need one since I had one for DD and have plenty of things still. I hoped that would be enough to get out of having one without saying that you don't do showers for second babies. 

So they organised me a surprise shower  :P

Hopefully your co-host won't try that option!