Author Topic: I am seething, but think I am mad at myself  (Read 4539 times)

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Goosey

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Re: I am seething, but think I am mad at myself
« Reply #30 on: October 16, 2013, 11:25:46 AM »
Just as we got behind them she started backing up and we had to yell so she would stop and not run over us.

The OP was behind the car when they started backing up. She didn't step behind the car as they were backing up. I fail to see how she could be to blame?

I do agree that pedestrians need to be aware when they're walking through a parking lot, but the person in the car needs to also make sure their way is clear before they take their foot off the brake and be vigilent while backing out. Back out slowly, continue to look both ways (over each shoulder). I've seen too many people whipping out of their spots.

gen xer

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Re: I am seething, but think I am mad at myself
« Reply #31 on: October 16, 2013, 11:33:43 AM »
From the OP: "I was scared and had just had a close call and said, "You need to look before you back out!"  I'm sure my fear and anger showed in my voice because I was pretty upset.  I can't move very fast and at 30 maybe I could have jumped out of the way but not at 73!  They would have hit us before we could get out of the way.  He said in a sarcastic voice, We SAID we were sorry!"  To tell the truth it seems like there was more to the exchange, but I cannot recall what, other than my walking off saying "Crimaee sakes!"  and him called after me, "Don't give yourself a heart attack!"

This is the part that I think was not productive, and that caused more drama without serving any purpose.  The passenger should not have engaged either, but there was nothing the driver or passenger could have done to go back in time 3 seconds and not have scared the OP.  Obviously they know they should have looked more carefully before backing out.  Berating the driver - and expecially the passenger who had no control over the vehicle - served no purpose other than to further upset everyone involved.


Actually trying to look at it in the best possible light, it was productive of the OP to show her anger.  It will mark that occasion more clearly in the driver's mind and hopefully in the future it will remind her to look back first as to not "anger" any other pedestrians.  It was a well earned repercussion for the driver in my mind.
I don't like drama or overreacting to things but I have to agree it is possible to let people off a little too easy.  Of course the driver wasn't intending to hit anyone but I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing to shake him up a little.  Not over the top like cursing him out or anything to undermine OP's credibility ( which over the top reactions usually do ) - but letting your fright show through may make them a little more cautious in the future.

Honestly if it were me I may not have been as angry if the driver had been genuinely apologetic  but the singsong, insincere sounding apology from the passenger no less would be infuriating.

Bijou

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Re: I am seething, but think I am mad at myself
« Reply #32 on: October 16, 2013, 11:59:47 AM »
If I read correctly, the "Sorr-ree!" Guy was a passenger and, therefore, he cannot be held responsible for the near-accident.  How-evah, his response did turn a near-miss into a painful moment for all involved.  (This may have been unintentional.  Often, it's the passenger who catches the heat for a driver's actions.  Tough place to be in.  Those of us who weren't there cannot judge his tone one way or the other.)

Parking lots are accidents waiting to happen (in my not-so-humble opinion), but we can't avoid 'em.  Best we can do is to keep that unpleasant reality in mind at all times.  Sometimes this involves shouting at a driver who's about to slam us ... and that often results in awkward social situations.
He was a passenger. 
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Zilla

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Re: I am seething, but think I am mad at myself
« Reply #33 on: October 16, 2013, 12:03:03 PM »
Quote
I don't like drama or overreacting to things but I have to agree it is possible to let people off a little too easy.  Of course the driver wasn't intending to hit anyone but I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing to shake him up a little.  Not over the top like cursing him out or anything to undermine OP's credibility ( which over the top reactions usually do ) - but letting your fright show through may make them a little more cautious in the future.Honestly if it were me I may not have been as angry if the driver had been genuinely apologetic  but the singsong, insincere sounding apology from the passenger no less would be infuriating.




Exactly.  Regarding below quote, OP said something after the sing song apology. 



Well, they could have given a sincere apology.



I absolutely agree.  However, berating the passenger is not likely to result in a sincere apology.  The OP cannot control the behavior of others, only of herself. 


m2kbug

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Re: I am seething, but think I am mad at myself
« Reply #34 on: October 16, 2013, 12:14:48 PM »
Well, they could have given a sincere apology.


I absolutely agree.  However, berating the passenger is not likely to result in a sincere apology.  The OP cannot control the behavior of others, only of herself.

What exactly is a sincere apology?  What would the be the criteria of what is considered a sincere enough apology for the OP or anyone in general, and how is the driver supposed to know the exact criteria of such an apology?  To what end would someone have to go through in order to display proper apology in some stranger's mind? 

Hollering out when she nearly got hit is not a problem.  If she were in a car, she would have honked her horn, but in this case she was on foot and used her voice and that's fine.  It's the continued exchange *after* the car stopped and the apology was expressed that created the problem and the drama.  For someone that expresses they wish to avoid conflict, they went about it the wrong way and actually invited it.  If you feel you need to "school" someone else and their behaviors, you also need to accept the consequences, some of which may be rather unpleasant, which is exactly what happened.  If the OP just went along her way once the danger was removed, the following exchange and bicker-fest never would have happened.

Bijou

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Re: I am seething, but think I am mad at myself
« Reply #35 on: October 16, 2013, 12:31:36 PM »
Thank you all for your responses.  They really give me food for thought, from trying to stop beating myself up, to being more careful  myself. 
It seemed, from the guys initial response, that this was a no big deal blip on their screen, while on mine there were visions of ambulances with screaming sirens, hospital gowns, traction, casts and worse.  I do like the idea of just walking away, but it wasn't in the cards yesterday, while my husband never mentioned it at all except to say the name of our friend who actually was backed over by someone. I should have remembered that before going in back of the car.  Eye contact with the driver is what I'm going for in the future.
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wx4caster

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Re: I am seething, but think I am mad at myself
« Reply #36 on: October 16, 2013, 12:54:59 PM »


I think you are wrong.  There have been many times that I have looked left, right and behind me before pulling out.  In that few seconds, I have had it happen where someone did walk up as I was backing out.   I was paying attention.  I looked each way and back again.  How long am I supposed to do this?  Forever?   

According to the cop who had to come when I was backed into in a parking lot (luckily I was in a car so no body damage although the car had a nice huge dent) yes - you are supposed to do this for as long as you are backing out.

You are supposed to be looking in the direction the vehicle is moving.
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RingTailedLemur

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Re: I am seething, but think I am mad at myself
« Reply #37 on: October 16, 2013, 02:37:18 PM »
Well, they could have given a sincere apology.


I absolutely agree.  However, berating the passenger is not likely to result in a sincere apology.  The OP cannot control the behavior of others, only of herself.

What exactly is a sincere apology?  What would the be the criteria of what is considered a sincere enough apology for the OP or anyone in general, and how is the driver supposed to know the exact criteria of such an apology?  To what end would someone have to go through in order to display proper apology in some stranger's mind? 


IMO, a sincere apology is one that is said in a calm and serious tone, not sung at me like it's all a big laugh.

Bijou

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Re: I am seething, but think I am mad at myself
« Reply #38 on: October 16, 2013, 02:38:22 PM »
Bijou I think your reaction was perfectly understandable and justifiable, and I don't think you handled it badly it all.  You were very nearly hit by the car and obviously got a terrible fright. The lack of concern by the occupants of the car would have incensed me and I'm not sure I would have handled it as well as you did.

I agree with the previous posters that said drivers are supposed to keep looking as they back out.  People in a hurry or kids may suddenly appear where they weren't a second ago, but clearly that wasn't the case in this situation. The OP didn't just appear out of nowhere, and she was right behind them when the car started to back out. 

I can relate to the situation as I have been involved in two very similar incidents, in the first one, I was nearly run over by a delivery van backing into a pedestrian path, I was so shocked I could barely move, and said to the driver that he nearly gave me a heart attack, and he said I'd nearly given him one :o  I was in no state to make a comeback to that and was in shock for the rest of the day.

More recently I witnessed an elderly lady with a walking stick very nearly get hit by a car backing out, the female driver was wearing a wide brimmed hat and absolutely did not look.  We were approaching the side of the car so we had full view of her and the pedestrian.  I ran the few steps to the car to shout out stop.  She never said sorry either, her only comment was ..it's a hire car.. as if that somehow explained it.  I'm sure she probably meant she wasn't familiar with the car, but really that is no excuse.

Bijou, I hope you are feeling a little better now, don't beat yourself up.

Thank you.  I am trying to not be so self judging.  It sure is hard sometimes. 
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TurtleDove

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Re: I am seething, but think I am mad at myself
« Reply #39 on: October 16, 2013, 02:48:33 PM »
Well, they could have given a sincere apology.


I absolutely agree.  However, berating the passenger is not likely to result in a sincere apology.  The OP cannot control the behavior of others, only of herself.

What exactly is a sincere apology?  What would the be the criteria of what is considered a sincere enough apology for the OP or anyone in general, and how is the driver supposed to know the exact criteria of such an apology?  To what end would someone have to go through in order to display proper apology in some stranger's mind? 


IMO, a sincere apology is one that is said in a calm and serious tone, not sung at me like it's all a big laugh.

I think the point is that "what is sincere" will not be the same for all people (some people giggle when nervous and it is not indicative of a lack of sincerity, for example), and more importantly, nothing the OP does is likely to elicit what she considers a "sincere apology" from the driver.  Sometimes I think we need to accept we won't get what we want and move on.  Here, I think the OP's continued investment into the situation created more drama and did nothing to alleviate her anxiety over the situation.

RingTailedLemur

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Re: I am seething, but think I am mad at myself
« Reply #40 on: October 16, 2013, 02:51:14 PM »
I think the OP deserves a break.  She reacted from fear and held the correct person accountable for their actions.