Author Topic: Team dinner question  (Read 5617 times)

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Idlewildstudios

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Team dinner question
« on: October 14, 2013, 12:04:29 PM »
My daughter is on a swim team.  She is a competitive swimmer and for the last five years has qualified for the large, multi-day end of the year event.  We live in smaller city A, meet is always held an 8 hour drive away ( for us in city A) in city B.  City B is quite a bit larger and has a lot more shopping and dining opportunities than city A.

Every year during the second day of competition the team gets together for an informal dinner at a national buffet chain.  We have always declined to attend.  Our reason, and it may be selfish, is that we are in city B for a limited time and we appreciate good food.  We use this time to try new restaurants that we would not otherwise be able to eat at.  It is a long 4-5 days, and we treat ourselves with a very nice, quiet meal each night.  The days are busy, hot and very noisy and crowded.  We've never said this to anyone in the team , just quietly declined to join in the team dinner.  We do make the official end of the year team potluck held a few weeks later.

Daughter just hit her teens and has been grumbling about missing this team dinner for a few years.  I understand her position, wantin to join her team for dinner, but we have stuck with our quiet family dinners elsewhere.  As a young person, I know she does not truly appreciate those dinners, wanting to be with her friends instead.

This year she wants us to just drop her off at the team dinnet( with money to pay of course) and leave her to eat with her friends while we go elsewhere.  She is responsible and I have no issues trusting her to eat with the team.  Still, would it be rude if us to do so?  We haven't really discussed it much yet, but it is important to her.  I'm kind of torn etiquette wise.  Enforce the family dinnet or let her have an evening with her team, minus her family.

susantoyota

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Re: Team dinner question
« Reply #1 on: October 14, 2013, 12:10:16 PM »
I think I'd drop her off at the team dinner and go elsewhere. I don't blame you for wanting some quiet time after a day at the swim meet, but this is important to her and a chance to socialize with her teammates. Besides, I'm sure the coach and the other parents who attend this dinner probably eat at their own table and not with the girls so they can have a little bit of quiet time ;D

ClaireC79

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Re: Team dinner question
« Reply #2 on: October 14, 2013, 12:11:32 PM »
I'd let her go

Deetee

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Re: Team dinner question
« Reply #3 on: October 14, 2013, 12:15:24 PM »
I can't see a single reason to not let her go. Can you explain why you wouldn't?

mich3554

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Re: Team dinner question
« Reply #4 on: October 14, 2013, 12:17:44 PM »
Why not let her go with her friends?  If she is old enough to handle things on her own, then there really isn't any reason.

It sounds like you are the one who appreciates the good dinners, but for some it is the company than the food that is more important to her.  She eats with you the rest of the time you are in the city anyway.

alice

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Re: Team dinner question
« Reply #5 on: October 14, 2013, 12:25:30 PM »
We have been part of team dinners for both my son and my daughter as well as hearing about them for the children of friends.  I have never been away at a meet or tournament where this is done, so your point of trying new things  is one that hasn't occurred to me previously.

The point of team dinners isn't really the food.  It is building team spirit.  By not letting your daughter attend, it is setting her apart from her team mates.  She is missing memories.  Please let her go and be part of the activity. 

Yvaine

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Re: Team dinner question
« Reply #6 on: October 14, 2013, 12:26:20 PM »
Let her go--I think this is a big team bonding opportunity. I doubt you're the only parents who don't go.

lowspark

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Re: Team dinner question
« Reply #7 on: October 14, 2013, 12:26:45 PM »
The team dinner is a family dinner, right? Although I completely understand the desire to eat at a different place since you are only in town a few days, I think that you need to just abandon that and all go to the dinner. It's a team thing.

Believe me, I hardly eat in chain restaurants in my own city much less when I'm visiting another locale. However, this is a case of building team solidarity, having social time with the team, and, for the parents, showing your support for the team and for your daughter being a member of the team.

My opinion, suck it up and go to the dinner. One meal every year is not that big of a deal. I think that you're doing a disservice to your daughter by not allowing her to go, and a disservice to the rest of the team and their families by not attending it yourselves.

Idlewildstudios

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Re: Team dinner question
« Reply #8 on: October 14, 2013, 12:28:35 PM »
I didn't know if was considered rude to drop off a kid at a family/team dinner and leave.  There are about 25-30 team kids who attend this meet, and parents and siblings are expected to be part if the dinner as well if possible. I don't know how many attend, as we have never attended, but I do know it is a large group.  I just didn't know if it would be odd to have DD be probably the only one without family at this dinner (she doesn't mind).

I'm already a bit of a black sheep for not being as involved as the the board members think I should be.  *DD had been on the team for a considerable length of time and I have expressed no interest in being a board member or a super volunteer.  I do contribute in other ways, just not as noticeable *

We always attended the official team dinner a few weeks later.  DD spends these 4-5 days almost exclusively with her teammates, so we were viewing our dinners as our family time during this event, time to be in a quiet place, eat and discuss the awesomeness of all the swimming.
« Last Edit: October 14, 2013, 12:31:43 PM by Idlewildstudios »

Yvaine

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Re: Team dinner question
« Reply #9 on: October 14, 2013, 12:30:41 PM »
I didn't know if was considered rude to drop off a kid at a family/team dinner and leave.  There are about 25-30 team kids who attend this meet, and parents and siblings are expected to be part if the dinner as well if possible. I don't know how many attend, as we have never attended, but I do know it is a large group.  I just didn't know if it would be odd to have DD be probably the only one without family at this dinner (she doesn't mind).

I'm already a bit of a black sheep for not being as involved as the the board members think I should be.  *DD had been on the team for a considerable length of time and I have expressed no interest in being a board member or a super volunteer.  I do contribute in other ways, just not as noticeable *

Oh, the parents are expected to be there? In that case I'd recommend going yourselves, as well, though I don't think it's as necessary to team spirit as your daughter going.

Eden

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Re: Team dinner question
« Reply #10 on: October 14, 2013, 12:31:17 PM »
I think because you are in the city due to your daughter's event, you should follow daughter's lead on the activity. I totally understand why she wants to attend the event with the rest of the team. I'd also understand if she wants her family there as well.

mich3554

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Re: Team dinner question
« Reply #11 on: October 14, 2013, 12:34:03 PM »
You wouldn't be in the city at all if it weren't for this event.  I think it's important that at the very least that your daughter attend her team dinner.  It would be nice if you and your family would too.

It's only one night out of several.

Hmmmmm

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Re: Team dinner question
« Reply #12 on: October 14, 2013, 12:35:45 PM »
If you are in City B for 3 nights, I'd go as a family to one of the team dinners, drop teen off to the other 2 and enjoy your opportunity to dine at more pleasing locations.

I feel for you. Swim meets are the longest days I ever spent and I love good food and dislike chain buffets. And since city B is an 8 hour drive it's understandable that you don't visit often other times a year. But for the kid's the funnest part of the multi-day meets was the evening socializing with other members.

MrTango

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Re: Team dinner question
« Reply #13 on: October 14, 2013, 12:40:49 PM »
I'd let her go.  In fact, I think preventing her from participating in this team activity is doing her and her team a disservice.

mspallaton

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Re: Team dinner question
« Reply #14 on: October 14, 2013, 12:40:59 PM »
I agree with other posters, but I would state things even a little stronger.  I think the rudest possible course of action here is to go the event and then not attend the dinner and not allow your daughter to attend it.

I grew up playing travel volleyball and I can be somewhat introverted at times so if my parents had allowed me the option of a nice quiet dinner over a team dinner I would've taken it.  HOWEVER - it isn't just about the feelings of one parents or one participant.  Teams do better when there is team unity and when the members care about each other and get to know each other. 

I doubt very highly that any of the other parents want to spend an evening in a noisy buffet, 8 hours away from their hometown, listening to the swim team members yell and be teenagers - but they do it because team bonding is important.

If you know that other parents aren't attending and your child is well behaved it may be acceptable to go to dinner without her and leave her with the team.  If all the parents are there, I think you're being rude for not showing up - regardless of whether you'd like a quiet dinner or not.  And most especially, I think not allowing your daughter to participate in a team activity that she wants to attend on a trip that is solely for the purpose of the team sport is particularly rude.  Not to mention unfair to your daughter who may be labeled as anti-social for not choosing to participate in team events outside of competition when it wasn't her actual choice to do so.