OP again- We are not the only family not attending, so I have no worries there. I slso totally get the whole parents are a drag vibe, she's at that age and we try to respect that.
Yes it is technically a team sport but it is all individual events. We are there for 3 full days, though this year it may increase to 4. We attend all other team functions. The main team dinner is held a few weeks after this event.
This particular dinner is simply a casual get together of team families, none of which we are close to. It is mostly made up of the core board member families and there will be pressure on me, as the mom of a senior time swimmer to accept board duties, which I do not want for several reasons.
Because of the time and distance involved, this is our one time a year we get away as a family, so it is our vacation. She swims year around and any leave time is saved for the two or so away meets she qualifies for each year. Maybe we are wrong to treat it as a vacation too, but to support her, that's what we've had to do.
I think we may just let her attend without us. The opinion seems to be that that would be okay. Honestly, even if DH and I went, she would sit as far away from us as possible.