Author Topic: How to say, “You already got your payment/thank you.” Updt #103!  (Read 23025 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Rusty

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 161
Re: How to say, “You already got your payment/thank you.”
« Reply #30 on: October 14, 2013, 10:16:47 PM »

Did they actually stay at your home the whole period or did they just come and go.  Not that it makes a difference in relation to the wine, but I would be furious if they just came in, saw to cat/mail/litter tray, grabbed expensive bottle of wine and left. 

I'd just send a thank you note, mentioning that you had intended to take them out to dinner, but the $300 bottle of wine consumed was probably over-compensation.


magician5

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3462
Re: How to say, “You already got your payment/thank you.”
« Reply #31 on: October 14, 2013, 10:25:09 PM »
First, be sure they drank it. Did they also get rid of the bottle? Might someone else have taken it?

"Thanks for cat-sitting. Do you happen to know what happened to this bottle of wine?"

If they confess, be more careful to delineate their rights/duties next time, and let it drop ... write it off to experience. If they don't admit drinking it, you need to re-evaluate seeing them at all, ever again.
There is no 'way to peace.' Peace is the way.

RingTailedLemur

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2847
  • Rudeness is a small person's imitation of power.
Re: How to say, “You already got your payment/thank you.”
« Reply #32 on: October 15, 2013, 03:22:10 AM »
I'd tell them directly what the wine was, how much it cost and probably ask for reimbursement.

I wouldn't ask "do you know what happened to this wine?" because that seems a bit PA to me.  Either they say yes (and then you have to do as I suggested above anyway) or they say no (which would leave me fuming and might also lead to further awkwardness).

hannahmollysmom

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1288
Re: How to say, “You already got your payment/thank you.”
« Reply #33 on: October 15, 2013, 04:16:59 AM »
First of all, telling someone to make themselves at home, does not mean help yourself to the liquor cabinet or the wine collection. It means, feel free to relax in our home.

2nd: I am not a wine connoisseur, I like my wine, but have no knowledge of fancy, expensive wines. But, I would never help myself to another's wine cabinet as I know some can be quite pricey. 

So, PA me, would probably send them a thank you card for watching your cat, and gathering your mail, and add that "I'm glad you were able to enjoy the "fancy" wine that we were saving for our anniversary." No?

I guess I'm just assuming the offending party was oblivious, didn't know better, and I would never ask them to do it again.

Another Sarah

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 293
Re: How to say, “You already got your payment/thank you.”
« Reply #34 on: October 15, 2013, 04:50:37 AM »
How close are you to these people OP?
Because in your post you refer to them as a friend and his girlfriend, not a work colleague and his girlfriend and by the very nature of the request for them to look after your pets I'm betting you're closer than nodding aquaintances, so the question becomes how do you tell a friend they have upset you?

I also think you are building resentment in yourself because you seem to see your choices as "don't tell them about it" or "start a massive fight"

I think passive aggressive responses "like by the way I hope you enjoyed that $300 bottle of wine" are overly confrontational and "do you know what happened to that bottle of wine" sound like you are accusing them of stealing it, but there is another option, to say "friend, look I'm really glad you did me that favour and I know I said make yourselves at home, but you drank a $300 bottle of wine that we got as an anniversary present and were saving, which I'm quite upset about."
I would also ask them to replace it, but as you said you weren't going to I think leaving it open is better as a sincere apology might be all that you need to get over your (understandable) anger.

If I was clueless enough to do something like this it would only be an accident, and if one of my friends did it, I would assume the same because I don't hang around with people I consider selfish takers. So if I did something like this by accident, I would appreciate being made aware of it so I could replace the bottle or make reparations to the friendship.

Honestly I think you are doing your friends a disservice by not giving them the chance to make it right.
By hanging on to it yourself, you can imagine all sorts of selfish/evil motives for it and let it drive a wedge between you and this friend, who as I type this, probably has no idea that they've upset you.

sweetonsno

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1376
Re: How to say, “You already got your payment/thank you.”
« Reply #35 on: October 15, 2013, 05:11:42 AM »
I agree that saying "make yourself at home" or "help yourself to food or drink if you'd like" can be dangerous. Did your DH handle most of the arrangements? Any possibility that he may have given the guy permission to drink wine? While your DH obviously wouldn't have expressly offered your anniversary wine, he may not have thought to say "except this one." It might not occur to someone that a wine wrapped in tissue paper was wrapped in tissue paper because it was expensive. I don't always take my wine out of the brown paper bags before I store it.

I think it boils down to whether or not one of you implicitly or explicitly offered wine. If you did not give permission to drink the stuff in your house, or you asked him to not touch it, then you can and should ask him to replace the wine. If either your or your husband implicitly or explicitly told him that he was welcome to food and beverage (especially the wine), I think you need to chalk this up to a learning experience and in the future either tell people if anything in particular is off-limits/set aside a few that they CAN enjoy. (You could also hide the stuff that you don't want consumed if it's not too many bottles. "My "wine cellar" is under the dresser in my second bedroom. It's all wrapped in blankets, so they'd really need to be digging around to find it.)

perpetua

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1946
Re: How to say, “You already got your payment/thank you.”
« Reply #36 on: October 15, 2013, 06:01:35 AM »
OK, this is a tricky one. Firstly, some people really do know zero about wine. I don't. I don't have a clue what Opus One is (apart from a Tommy Dorsey band number; that I *do* know). It could have been an innocent mistake in that respect tied in with the 'make yourself at home' offer, and while it's a bit on the cheeky side, they may well not have known what they were drinking.

Secondly, asking someone to come by your place every day for 10 days is a BIG ask, especially if these people have busy working lives themselves. As a comparison, I use a local  petsitting service and pay them £10 ($16 at current exchange rate) per visit to do exactly the same thing - feed, water, bring the mail in - and in the case of your friends it's something they also have to find time to do on top of all their other chores/errands/work for that day. "Dinner and a movie", as per your OP, does not seem like anywhere near adequate recompense for the level of favour your friends are doing you.

Given the combination of these two things, I'd let it go and chalk it up to experience.
« Last Edit: October 15, 2013, 06:06:26 AM by perpetua »

aussie_chick

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 355
Re: How to say, “You already got your payment/thank you.”
« Reply #37 on: October 15, 2013, 07:05:14 AM »
How close are you to these people OP?
Because in your post you refer to them as a friend and his girlfriend, not a work colleague and his girlfriend and by the very nature of the request for them to look after your pets I'm betting you're closer than nodding aquaintances, so the question becomes how do you tell a friend they have upset you?

I also think you are building resentment in yourself because you seem to see your choices as "don't tell them about it" or "start a massive fight"

I think passive aggressive responses "like by the way I hope you enjoyed that $300 bottle of wine" are overly confrontational and "do you know what happened to that bottle of wine" sound like you are accusing them of stealing it, but there is another option, to say "friend, look I'm really glad you did me that favour and I know I said make yourselves at home, but you drank a $300 bottle of wine that we got as an anniversary present and were saving, which I'm quite upset about."
I would also ask them to replace it, but as you said you weren't going to I think leaving it open is better as a sincere apology might be all that you need to get over your (understandable) anger.

If I was clueless enough to do something like this it would only be an accident, and if one of my friends did it, I would assume the same because I don't hang around with people I consider selfish takers. So if I did something like this by accident, I would appreciate being made aware of it so I could replace the bottle or make reparations to the friendship.

Honestly I think you are doing your friends a disservice by not giving them the chance to make it right.
By hanging on to it yourself, you can imagine all sorts of selfish/evil motives for it and let it drive a wedge between you and this friend, who as I type this, probably has no idea that they've upset you.

I agree with this wholeheartedly.
They are probably completely clueless.
Trying to put myself in their position...
I've done a favour to a friend while they went away. They're now back and I haven't heard from them, not even a text to say "thanks for feeding the cat". These friends are ungrateful and I won't do anything for them again!
They have no idea they've done anything wrong.
I am all for you asking them if they happened to drink x bottle of wine while they were there. If they say they did, simply tell them that bottle was extra special to you and your DH and you were saving it for a special occasion as you can't afford bottles of wine like that generally.
Hopefully they will be full of apologies and offer to replace it - which if you are bothered by the situation you should accept graciously.

If they deny drinking it - well that's a whole other story - providing you're absolutely sure they did.

TootsNYC

  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 30506
Re: How to say, “You already got your payment/thank you.”
« Reply #38 on: October 15, 2013, 09:19:43 AM »
Quote
It doesn't take much to put a Post-it on one bottle of wine. 

Well, except that I tucked that bottle of wine in the back of the wine cabinet months ago. And when I'm getting ready now to go on a trip, I'm not going to remember that. In order to do so, I'd have to go through the entire house looking for stuff I don't want them to touch.

I think the tissue wrapping paper is enough of a clue. To me this is the equivalent of borrowing clothes when you're housesitting, or something.

Oh, and I do NOT think there is any excuse or that they truly need to be educated on those sorts of nonverbal clues. I think that telling them, "I'm guessing you didn't realize but the fact that it was wrapped in tissue paper means it was supposed to have been off limits" is a non-direct way of staying, "you shouldn't have unwrapped that bottle at all."


OK, maybe maybe they didn't realize that and are truly clueless, entitled people with absolutely no sense of boundaries. So this saves face for everybody--they get an education, a chance to say, "oh my goodness! I'm so sorry."




WillyNilly

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 7490
  • Mmmmm, food
    • The World as I Taste It
Re: How to say, “You already got your payment/thank you.”
« Reply #39 on: October 15, 2013, 09:32:58 AM »
I definitely think they were clueless.
I know a bit about wine - I enjoy wine, I've taken a few wine courses (ranging from $20 classes with 100 other people and only 4 tastes of wine, to $300 per person courses that did food pairings), I've done winery tours, I've done tasting menus at upscale restaurants and added the wine option, etc. And I had never heard of Opus One before this thread. I've tasted a few $200+ wines in my life, but never on my own dime, its simply so far out of my range its just not on my radar at all. I usually cap out at $75 for wine and even that is only very very occasional, usually wine for me is $50 or less in a restaurant and $20 or less for home. I would assume the majority of folks don't just casually have uber expensive wine brands memorized.

That said, if I were to drink a wine I didn't recognize while pet sitting, I'd just google it on my phone. I wouldn't really think anything of drinking a bottle of Yellow Tail, or even Coppola if the wine collection was in that general range, but anything I didn't recognize, yup, google.

In my home, I have said to people cat sitting "make yourself at home. Help yourself to the wine and liquor except the Johnny Blue and the La Veuve Clicquot" as those are the only two I really am not keen to lose." I don't bother with a post-it, I just know those are my two special ones.

TeraNova15

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 314
  • I aim to misbehave.
Re: How to say, “You already got your payment/thank you.”
« Reply #40 on: October 15, 2013, 09:46:28 AM »
Holy crud!

Helping youself to a little Barefoot or Yellowtail sitting out on the wine rack is one thing. To go digging in the back of a person's wine collection and take the one wrapped bottle is something else entirely.

I don't understand the people who want to give this couple the benefit of the doubt. My guess is that they actually know a bit about wine, why else go rooting in the back instead of taking something readily accessable. But even if they are "innocent" about the value of the wine, they sure as heck need to be educated so they don't make the same "mistake" in the future.

Ultimately, they stole from you, as surely as if they had raided your jewlery cabinet or taken a small electronic. OP you are taking this much better than I would. I would flat out flip my lid.

lowspark

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3861
Re: How to say, “You already got your payment/thank you.”
« Reply #41 on: October 15, 2013, 09:49:57 AM »
Maybe I'm weird, but the whole idea of drinking someone else's liquor, any of their liquor, in a situation like that seems off to me. You're there to take care of the cat and take in the mail. Period. That does not involve drinking. If you take up the offer to spend the night, you bring your own consumables.

Would you go in the freezer and defrost a chicken and get out pots and pans and fix yourself a complete meal? I doubt it. "Make yourself at home" doesn't actually mean to partake of anything and everything in the house. It just means make yourself comfortable. A bag of potato chips out of the pantry? Sure. A can of coke? Ok. Liquor? Not so much.

I'm with the people who say that they've been paid I wouldn't give them anything else.
As for whether to say something, that totally depends on your/your husband's comfort level in doing so. If you feel ok about saying something, then yeah, "Just to let you know, the bottle of wine we had wrapped up and hidden away was a very expensive bottle we were saving for our anniversary."

By the way, if they were able to find that bottle, ya gotta wonder if they snooped through your entire house. Kinda creepy.

VorFemme

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 12787
  • Strolls with scissors! Too tired to run today!
Re: How to say, “You already got your payment/thank you.”
« Reply #42 on: October 15, 2013, 09:58:31 AM »
We usually have neighbor's kids come over to do the cat sitting or put the cat into a kennel (summer vacation sometimes means that the usual pet sitter is also out of town).  So having a teenager who walked over to take care of the cat & get the mail but then decided to get into our alcohol would be a legal as well as an etiquette mess. 

The only time we've hired someone "of adult age", the price of gas went up a lot while we were gone and their price went up because they had to spend so much more than expected to get back & forth to our house.  Apparently she hadn't checked where we lived and how much of a drive it would be before taking the job & agreeing to a price.  It turned out to be a longer drive than she planned on top of the gas price going up.

Which is why we went back to hiring a local teenager, in walking distance or leaving the cat in the local kennel. 

We don't drink much any more - so there isn't much of anything in the wet bar except dusty glasses!
Let sleeping dragons be.......morning breath......need I say more?

flickan

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 192
Re: How to say, “You already got your payment/thank you.”
« Reply #43 on: October 15, 2013, 09:59:52 AM »
This is something I would end a friendship over.

Liquor is serious business.  It represents a huge investment for some people.  Would these people pop open a tin of caviar or help themselves to a piece of frozen wedding cake from your wedding?

One one hand, cat sitting is a huge trust-- I don't even have anyone I trust to look after mine for more than a night-- but on the other, an expensive bottle of wine?  NO.

Furthermore they are supposed to be housesitting, not having happy hour.

This is the equivalent of taking someone out to a birthday dinner and they order 3 filet mignons with a side of lobster tails.  Yes, you agreed to treat them to a meal, not to be robbed.

TamJamB

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1572
Re: How to say, “You already got your payment/thank you.”
« Reply #44 on: October 15, 2013, 10:22:01 AM »
To me, "Make yourself at home," means exactly that - treat my home as if it were your own.  If I had someone housesitting, I would be perfectly happy for them to eat or drink anything in the place.  I wouldn't expect them to go into my personal drawers (any more than I want my husband or kids in there), but anything in the kitchen or bathrooms would be free game to a housesitter to whom I have said "make yourself at home."

If there were any exceptions (and I can't think of anything I've ever had in my house that would be an exception), I would mention them upfront.  "Make yourself at home -- except please don't drink the Courvoisier L'Essence de Courvoisier; it cost $3,000 and we're saving it for our Golden wedding."